Pairs Division: Cruz and Bardem

Posted on June 28, 2011

Spain’s hottest couple hits the street, secure in the knowledge that everyone who sees them will want to have sex with at least one of them. Also, looking like they just had sex themselves.

PinPenelope Cruz and Javier Bardem have been honored on Madrid’s Walk of Fame. Penelope Cruz wears a dress by Roksanda Ilincic.


PinRoksanda Ilincic Fall 2011 Collection




Look at those shit-eating grins and half-lidded eyes. Look at the way she’s pressing her whole body against his whenever they’re next to each other. The sweat has barely dried on their backs, we’re telling you.

SHE: Doesn’t even look all that great from a style perspective, but that is some hot earth mother realness she’s serving up there. Sexy as all hell? Yes. But the hair’s a mess, the makeup’s minimal, and that’s not the best-looking dress we’ve ever seen. Still, the point could be made that looking good is about working with what you got and she’s got a whole lot of do-me going on. Score: 7.5/10. If she wasn’t so hot she would have scored below a 5.

HE: Well… ditto, we guess. Not a bad outfit, of course. And he also has the do-me going on, but let’s face it: any guy could wear this. Any guy has. Score: 7.5/10.

Sure, we’d love to be a Spanish fly on their bedroom wall, and there’s something to be said about love being the best accessory (or at least lust), but we have standards here at T Lo Style Ministries International and these two lustbirds clearly only gave themselves enough time to gargle and throw on whatever clothes were scattered on the floor before the limo arrived. Spanish kittens? A bit of advice. Schedule your no-doubt marathon fuck sessions around your public appearances and professional obligations, giving yourselves more than 3 minutes to get ready, mkay?

[Photo Credit: AFP, Getty,]

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