Pairs Division: Pinault and Hayek

Poodles, isn’t it time we started focusing on the very rich, as well as the famous? Don’t the very rich deserve a little time in the sun? Don’t the very rich deserve our bitchery? Well, no. You know why? The very rich are boring as hell. They only become interesting when they start having sex with celebrities. Celebrities are magical and contact with their genitals will make even the dullest person exciting.
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Francois-Henri Pinault and Salma Hayek attend the ‘Il Mondo Vi Appartiene’ dinner in Venice, Italy. Salma Hayek is wearing a Gucci dress.

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HE: Looks like a very wealthy businessman in a very expensive suit. Seriously, what’s to criticize? He looks fine; he looks like he’s supposed to look. Score: 9/10

SHE: Looks like a trophy wife. Maybe that’s not fair considering she’s only 3 or 4 years younger than him and “trophy wife” tends to imply a greater divide, but she looks so polished and perfectly put together in that “I’m here to support Big Daddy Black Card my husband, who is so much more important than I am.”  Objectively, we think she looks pretty, but the whole getup makes her look like a Mexican Cindy McCain, which, admittedly, is a deliciously ironic picture to paint, but let’s not go there. Everything is pretty and looks great on her, but the fact that everything matches exactly takes her into Barbie/political wife territory and we have to take a few points off for that. Score: 7.5/10. Maybe a contrasting jacket or purse next time, mkay? And zhuzh up the hair a bit, hon. It’s looking a bit like an oil slick up there.

Combined score: 8.25/10. Despite our bitchery, we think they make a striking couple. We just wish she hadn’t defaulted to the “CEO’s wifey” uniform.

[Photo Credit: getty, wireimage]

• Gucci
• Pairs Division
• Salma Hayek