RuPaul’s Drag Race: Blood on the Catwalk!

Posted on March 09, 2010

Oh, bitches. We SO would have won a gift-wrapping contest. Lorenzo is famous among friends and family for his paper-pleating techniques. We were sorely disappointed with these queens because most of the entries looked like something an 8-year-old put together. Decidedly unfabulous.

Although we’ll give Raven credit. It was sloppy, but thematically appropriate.

Of course all good feeling evaporated when Raven later tried to claim she looked 22. Bitch, please.

And we really liked the idea of a professional makeup artist giving them tips, especially when so much of what he said mirrored what we’ve been saying all along: Pandora needs more glam, Morgan is too harsh, and Tyra doesn’t look as elegant as she should.

What they really need to do is have a makeup artist come in and give them makeovers. That would be fun to see.

The bridal challenge was a fabulous idea and should have been a lot more fun than it was. Unfortunately, we’re at late stages in the competition and the claws were out in a big damn way, making this challenge not as light-hearted as it could have been. They should have done it earlier in the competition when they were at least pretending to get along.

And we are SO OVER Tyra’s nastiness. There’s fun reality show bitchiness and then there’s just the tiresome kind that’s no fun to watch. Pulling that garment rack in front of the fabric so the other queens couldn’t get to it just wasn’t a cool thing to do. It bordered on cheating, frankly.

It’s a little depressing because she gets nastier and more self-absorbed every week and she’s almost guaranteed to be a finalist if not the winner just because she’s so pretty. We were rooting for her at least a little bit but now we want to see the bitch go down. We’re full-on Pandora and Jujubee supporters now.

Before we get to the dresses, let’s give it up for Martha Wash, who is a GODDESS to any queen over the age of 35. Her voice has pretty much provided the soundtrack to every Pride event in the world for going-on 30 years.

We love Sahara (she’s such a sweetie out of drag) but she doesn’t always make the best choices. Going the ballerina route was just odd and those ballet slippers only worked as a joke because she looked like a gay duck whenever she wasn’t en pointe.

It pains us to say this, but she really is head and shoulders above the rest, at least when it comes to her stage persona. She’s the prettiest by far and her sourness disappears when she’s on stage. We really hope the judges get a taste of the shit she’s been pulling off-stage, otherwise, we’re afraid she’s going to win the whole thing.

We thought the punk styling for the groom was a clever idea. We didn’t love the wedding dress but we didn’t hate it as much as the judges seemed to. And there was a major improvement in her makeup.

She had the best picture, the best styling, and the best walk on the runway, hands down. Nice to see her bringing it like we knew she could.

Her wedding portrait was adorable. We don’t know why the judges were so hung up on that fan detail. Hello? She’s a drag queen! We expect the over-the-top and the tacky.

Boring as hell. And she’s going to wind up getting thrown out on her ass if she doesn’t get over her Tyra hatred. That blowup on the catwalk didn’t make her look good to the judges even if it was justified.

Also kind of boring. Oh Jujubee, rise up. We won’t be able to stand it if the only Asian queen in the group goes home. Find your inner dragon lady.

Okay, on the one hand, we agree that the dress was boring. On the other hand, we thought the hair and makeup was the best we’d seen yet from her. While it was cute that she did demure on the runway, she really needs to be tapping into her comedy skills, because she’s miles ahead of the other girls on that front.

The inevitable catwalk smack talk came and it was kind of anti-climactic. Tatianna shouldn’t have brought it up unless she was sure she was going to get backup from the other girls. Jujubee backed her up and Pandora kindasorta seemed to agree, but when Raven and Morgan failed to join in, it just made Tatianna look bad.

And so, the pretty bitch wins once again. Boo.

And shockingly, Morgan got sent home. We honestly never saw that one coming, right up to the last minute. We were convinced it was Sahara’s turn. Don’t get us wrong, Morgan was never our choice for a winner (terrible walk, bad attitude, harsh makeup), but we assumed that the judges loved her.



    Please review our Community Guidelines before posting a comment. Thank you!