Reneé Rapp on Love, Sex, Music and More for COSMOPOLITAN Magazine

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Reneé Rapp is so back. The very online actor and pop star is out with a new single, LEAVE ME ALONE, from her second studio album, BITE ME. But after making a name for herself on THE SEX LIVES OF COLLEGE GIRLS and with her debut album, SNOW ANGEL, fame feels entirely different this time. In her interview for COSMOPOLITAN’s latest digital cover story, Reneé opens up about sex, love and so much more—sharing everything from what it was like writing her highly anticipated new album to the importance of creating a queer community with people she trusts and from why she’s okay with sometimes being the villain to being really in love with her girlfriend, Towa Bird.

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On how being in a healthy relationship impacted her new music: “Honestly, I was concerned when I started dating my girlfriend, which is such an intense self-sabotage. I was always under the impression that I had to be miserable to make good music. But I don’t think you have to torture yourself in order to make something good. Some of the most talented artists in the entire world have been in healthy and happy relationships. I’ve had more good days than I’ve ever had in my life [in this relationship], and I feel like I’ve made music that’s better than anything I’ve ever made.”

On the possibility that the best art comes from the thoughts that make you think, I’m a terrible person for thinking that:  “It’s diabolical. There are lines in ‘Leave Me Alone,’ when we were writing it, I was like, ‘Thank f-cking god we wrote this because this feels cathartic. I feel so happy to be talking my sh-t.’ But then a month later, I was like, ‘Oh, I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.’ Then I realized that it’s not actually that f-cking deep. There’s a meme of a girl going to sleep and she’s like, ‘How I feel going to sleep knowing I said what I said, and I meant that sh-t.’ That’s exactly how I feel.”

On why it’s sometimes okay to be the villain in someone else’s story: “My girlfriend and I talk about this all the time because she’s much more of a pacifist than I am. She’s much more, Let things go, let people do what they’re going to do. I am very protective over people—over my friends, over my family, over myself. I have been devilishly gone after in the last couple years of my life. I’m not going to act like it doesn’t bother me if it does. Anger and frustration are not something to be ashamed of. In men, they’re embraced as this thing that’s hot and sexy and dangerous. But for us, it’s like, ‘Oh, she needs to get her sh-t together and she needs to be classy.’”

On relationship with girlfriend Towa Bird: “She’s my best friend. I worship her. I love talking to her, and I also just love watching her talk. There’s something so special about watching the person you are deeply enamored with talk about something they find interesting that has nothing to do with you. Which is rare, because I think I’m the center of everyone’s world and especially hers—and I am, clock it—but hearing her talk about streaming her sh-t [on Twitch], she’s just such a little freak. She’s this hot, sexy, intimidating thing, but I know a side of her that’s such a weirdo. Every now and again, we’ll look at each other and we’ll be like, ‘Oh, it makes so much sense that we were ugly kids, but we’re not now.’ You know what I mean?”

On her advice for finding love: “Don’t date a musician and don’t date an actor. I’m always telling my girlfriend, ‘You’ve chosen the worst possible partner, by the way.’”

On what made her feel good about going public with Towa: “I didn’t feel like she was using me at all. My friends have come up to me with other partners and been like, ‘Hey, just so you know, this person does not care about you in the slightest and is using you for your house, your friends, your job, your connections, your everything.’ Every other serious relationship I have been in, that has been the story. I used to think it was really annoying when celebrities would talk about how hard it is to feel that way. Like, ‘Cry yourself a f-cking river, you have the most access in the world.’ And that is true, but I do get it now.”

On overthinking in past relationships: “Those times I was overthinking in relationships were because I was with people I didn’t like, but I was trying to make it work because I liked to keep myself miserable. There’s such a big difference when you are with someone who gives you basic human decency. And also, my girlfriend is just really hot. I don’t need to overthink it. She’s gorgeous. You know how you know you’re with the wrong person? When you’re two inches away from their face, and you’re looking at them and you’re really scared and grossed out. I thought that was just me with everyone. No, it turns out that I just didn’t like those people! When you’re with someone who is not making you miserable, what a difference it makes!”

On how having a group of queer friends impacted her sexual identity and emotional health: “I have the tightest group of friends in the entire world. We’re together at least two days out of every weekend. We were just all together at our house, and we were crying—all of us being like, ‘This is so cool.’ We have this intersectional group of bitches at the house playing Rage Cage on a Sunday for no reason.”

“Straight people don’t exist to me. I see one and I’m like, ‘What the f-ck are you doing here?’ It’s just made my life so fulfilled and so happy. I like my personal life more than I like my work life. And I’ve never had that experience. Not once before this.”

“Mine and Towa’s house is the lesbian frat house….I’m around people who I actually enjoy and who are funny and who are really pretty. And I’m like, ‘Wait, this is the most myself I’ve ever felt.’”

“Nothing matters to me more in the world than being with that group of friends. It’s changed my life.”

 On the advice she has for young queer readers: “Find your community. Whether that community is online and thousands of miles away from you or two towns over or in someone who really lifts you up beyond a way you could do for yourself. Your community will do the best it can to keep you safe. This extends so much further past gay and trans people.”

“Really rely on people around you who are maybe more comfortable or less at risk than you are. We kind of have a pact among certain friends of mine that’s like, ‘I can take a way bigger blow than you can. Let me do that sh-t.’ I’m not going to let my friend who exists in a trans body go out and put themselves at risk because they immediately have a way bigger target on their back. There is such a dire need for protection, and the government is not going to give that to you. No one here is going to give that to you but the people you can trust.”

[Photo Credit: Rona Liana Ahdout for Cosmopolitan Magazine]

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