Metropolitan Gala Red Carpet, Part 3

Posted on May 03, 2011

Are you still, with us, brave minions? There’s still a TON of dresses to rip, so don’t falter now!  People are counting on you. Our country is counting on you. Or your country is, depending where you are. Anyway, the point it, there is no day off when you’re a bitch. Remember that.

Beyonce in Emilio Pucci

That’s all way too much. We fully support the idea of attendants at the Met Gala bringing it as best they can and working more out-there looks, but it’s just too much, kittens. She reminds us of an Elvis-on-velvet painting. One that’s having trouble breathing. Seriously, could that thing be any tighter? Her boobs and head look like they’re about to pop off.

Brooklyn Decker in Michael Kors

It’s kind of striking in its simplicity and the color suits her. We don’t love it, but it’s a good look for her.

Claire Danes and Hugh Dancy in Calvin Klein

It’s pretty, but boring. Together, they’re more than the sum of their parts. They’re each other’s best accessory.

Daphne Guinness in Alexander McQueen

God bless this woman. You know, if Barbara Hershey had worn this all through Black Swan, we would have liked that movie a lot more.

Demi Moore in Prabal Gurung and Philip Treacy Hat

What did we say about the hats? A bunch of celebs were dying to be at the Royal Wedding, so now we’re going to have to put up with them swanning about the red carpet like they’re at Ascot with the Queen. The dress looks good, though.

Elizabeth Banks in Tommy Hilfiger

On paper, this would be boring; especially since so many women seem to have defaulted to this dress for the night. But it really suits her. She looks fantastic. Great hair and makeup.

Emily Browning  in Marc Jacobs and Max Irons

It’s a bit too prim and understated for the event. And her purse doesn’t go with it. He could wear those pants as footie pajamas, the hem is so long on them.

Evan Rachel Wood in Gucci

Very pretty, if surprisingly understated. Then again, she’s been toning it down considerably lately. This is all perhaps a bit too close to costume-y since she decided to go for 1940s hair. We think a more modern hairstyle would have kicked this up a notch.

Fergie in Marchesa

The hell? Why is Fergie dressed like she’s there to get married? Was she confused? Is this some sort of post-Royal Wedding Fever breakdown? Did she spend the evening randomly telling men that she pledges her troth to them?

You know, we can almost believe she did.

Freida Pinto in Chanel

It’s cute, but we can’t help thinking it would look better as a simple halter. The sleeves detract from the simple wit of the dress.

Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen in Alexander McQueen

They’re gigantic, beautiful people so she requires a gigantic, beautiful dress.

Janelle Monae in Chanel

It’s kind of beyond our bitchery, being a costume and all. We’re a bit tired of the look, but she dressed it up well enough. The pants don’t fit that well, it seems.

Jennifer Hudson in Vera Wang

We like the top half and the color’s great on her, but we’re not all that crazy about the “look at my crinolines” skirt.

Jessica Alba in Ralph Lauren

Jesus Christ, could you lighten the hell up just once?

Your dress looks pageant-y.

Jessica Szohr in Topshop

Kittens, we are BESIDE OURSELVES over this whole Topshop thing. There’s a time and a place for Topshop (presumably), but the Met Gala is NOT it. Sorry. Any Topshop dress is going to look like crap standing next to dresses worth thousands, if not tens of thousands of dollars. In addition, a cocktail dress is inappropriate and those shoes are ugly. They really need to hire us as the style bouncers, because we would have met her at the door and told her to get back in her limo.

Kerry Washington in Escada

It’s an absolutely  gorgeous color on her, but we would have liked it a lot more without so much skin showing on the sides. A little too Miami for the Met Gala. That some mighty pink lipstick.

Leighton Meester in Louis Vuitton

Everything here looks like it hurts.

Liv Tyler in Givenchy

It’s definitely one of the most talked-about dresses of the night, so brava on that one, dear. We like it. It’s a little crazy, sure. But to us, that’s the point. It has a uniquely beautiful, dream-like quality to it.

Maggie Grace

She’s making that dress look prettier than it is. It all gets a little complicated and lingerie-like on her torso. One or two too many elements. Still, it keeps it from being boring.

Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr in Marchesa

Enh. Too short and a little too bridal in tone.

Rosario Dawson in Diane von Furstenberg

You have to admit, she was born to wear that dress.

Rosie Huntington-Whiteley in Burberry Prorsum

Looks cheap and flammable.

Sofia Vergara in Carolina Herrera

We weren’t at all crazy about this botanical-print-inspired collection when it came out, but we have to admit, this looks great on her. It’s nice to see her showing off her curves without going too va-va-voom, like she normally does.

Solange Knowles in Dries Van Noten


[Photo Credit: getty, wireimage]

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