RZP: Fashion Solves Everything

Posted on October 05, 2011

Thank God we’re back to actual styling after last week’s ill-advised attempts to make Rodger seem interesting. For our money, you don’t even need events like the Oscars to make Rachel’s world look interesting. Just give her a rack of clothes and a table loaded with accessories and we’re good to go.

Rachel, because she’s “like, super-pregnant,” can’t find just the right outfit to make her look like a hooker wearing Chanel, which is apparently the goal. She informs Rodger that getting dressed used to take her ten minutes. His 5 straight minutes of derisive, incredulous laughter at this rewriting of history must have been cut out by the editors. Rachel is pissed because Page Six is reporting that former bestie and current mortal enemy Brad is styling her client Demi Moore for the Oscar parties. On her way to a styling shoot, she delves into the deepest parts of her soul and reveals her inner torment to Marisa: “It’s like, oh my God.”

Joey spends a few minutes badmouthing Brad to Jeremiah, who doesn’t seem smart enough to realize that it’s only a matter of time before Joey starts doing the same thing to him behind his back. If there’s any doubt about which young, skinny gay will always remain in Rachel’s orbit no matter what, the scene where Jordan shows Joey Anne Hathaway’s Oscar dresses pretty much sealed the deal. Without even trying, and as far as we can tell, completely without any self-awareness, Joey pretty much mimics Rachel exactly. His comments, verbatim:

“I can’t even handle it.”
“It is so out of control.”
“It’s like the most magnificent thing in person. It’s, like, everything.”
“It’s so insane.”
“She’s going to be like a bionic diva in person.”
“It’s so you I can’t even get over it.”
“It’s maje.”
“She’s gonna look so major.”

We are, like, so totally going to vomit at the major amount of ass-kissing this kid does at the drop of a hat. It’s like, so majorly gross.

Rachel walks into the styling shoot for retailer Lindex, looks at the sad racks of clothes with 15 items on them, and styles 40 looks without ever looking up from her phone. Say what you will about her, she definitely knows what she’s doing.

She comes home and crankily tells Rodger within the space of 3 minutes that she needs “an hour” to herself, “a couple of hours” to herself, and “three hours to herself.” Rodger leaves her alone for 40 minutes. They discuss how overworked she is and how she’s going to have to slow down. Rachel is in full agreement with Rodger that the baby is totally changing her priorities. Rodger, not knowing how to quit when he’s ahead, offers up the possibility that she might not even want to go to Fashion Week once the baby arrives. Rachel says in alarm “I’m bringing him with me!” and throws Rodger out of the room.

As Oscar day approaches, everyone on Team Zoe blows things way out of proportion. “This is a big moment in Oscar history and Anne history and fashion history,” says Rachel. “This is going to go down in history!” shrieks Mandana. “Yeah, history or whatever,” says Pamela. “Do you mind if I steal some of these clothes?”

That night, Rodger and Rachel get dressed to go out to a Tom Ford event. Rodger compliments Rachel in the incredibly tacky way that he knows is going to please her: “Honey, you don’t even look pregnant!’

It’s finally Oscar day, “the sickest day of my career,” says Rachel, and she’s feeling upbeat and happy for the first time in days. The styling goes off without a hitch (look here, if you don’t believe us) and Rachel settles in with her slaves (“It’s like sitting down with an artist who just painted a painting!” gushes Jeremiah, glassy-eyed) to watch the proceedings on TV. Rodger gives her a Range Rover as a gift and she gives him a bike. Everyone else wisely declines to comment on this. “Life doesn’t get much better than this,” says Rachel, in her pristine, pre-baby house. We find ourselves looking forward to the prospect of colic, projectile vomiting, and infant diarrhea invading their world in the days to come.

[Photo Credit: Bravotv.com]

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  • sweetlilvoice

    Anne did look totally fab that night and she did all the work at the Oscars. Remember when Kirk Douglas talked about how hot she was? Dirty old man!

  • sweetlilvoice

    Anne did look totally fab that night and she did all the work at the Oscars. Remember when Kirk Douglas talked about how hot she was? Dirty old man!

  • http://profiles.google.com/misslauraschultz Laura Schultz

    But…. there was almost no styling at all…. I was disappointed we didn’t get more into the Anne Hathaway styling, which really, by the way, was “maje.”

    I’m surprised you didn’t dig into the ridiculous Roger “I thought I was going to be alone on Oscar Day” BS drama. 

    • iCouture

      I was wondering about this too, but then I figured either Anne or the powers-that-be at the Oscars wouldn’t allow the cameras backstage to film.  Getting to see her styling Anne would have been sooo oh my god!

    • http://profiles.google.com/buddhadecat Sasha DeCat

      Even though Rachel’s clients Demi Moore, Liv Tyler, Molly Sims, Johnny Weir, & Kate Hudson have all appeared being styled by Rachel on the show over the last 3 season, Anne Hathaway has never been shown on this show — I guess she’s too A-list for Bravo to afford her appearance fees. Cameron Diaz hasn’t appeared either — again, probably too A-list to do it.

      • Anonymous

        No, Anne was on last season. 

      • Mary McClelland

        Yeah “Annie” as BRad called her was on last season and she seemed to love him and was pretty indifferent to Rachel. I was shocked that she didn’t ditch Rachel for Brad when he went out on his own. 

  • http://profiles.google.com/misslauraschultz Laura Schultz

    But…. there was almost no styling at all…. I was disappointed we didn’t get more into the Anne Hathaway styling, which really, by the way, was “maje.”

    I’m surprised you didn’t dig into the ridiculous Roger “I thought I was going to be alone on Oscar Day” BS drama. 

  • MilaXX

    I enjoyed this episode because like her or not Anne looked great for the Oscars and it made sense to focus and episode or 2 on the work involved in making her looks so good.

  • Anonymous

    I was a little surprised when RZ said she was going to “my room”. Don’t couples, unless they have separate bedrooms, usually refer to it as “our” room? 

  • Anonymous

    I was a little surprised when RZ said she was going to “my room”. Don’t couples, unless they have separate bedrooms, usually refer to it as “our” room? 

    • Anonymous

      In our house, the bedroom is “my” room.  The living room (with the the giant flat scree, PS3, and computer) is his room, lol!

    • Mary McClelland

      Everything in Rachel’s orbit belongs to her. Others are irrelevant. Like when she walked into her office where Pamela was sitting after just having flown cross country to help her and Rachel didn’t acknowledge her for at least 5 minutes and then proceeded to unload on Pammie all about her and her oscars and her career and her pregnancy and her life. I just, ew. Rachel is just ew. And I really hope it is a largely “made for TV” persona. 

  • Anonymous

    God. No one can amplify the point that there is no there there better than TLo.  I no longer watch this text-language festival, but I get the full flavor of each episode so perfectly from this blog. All of the enjoyment, none of the pain.

    “We find ourselves looking forward to the prospect of colic, projectile vomiting, and infant diarrhea invading their world in the days to come.” Oh my god, me so too!

  • Anonymous

    God. No one can amplify the point that there is no there there better than TLo.  I no longer watch this text-language festival, but I get the full flavor of each episode so perfectly from this blog. All of the enjoyment, none of the pain.

    “We find ourselves looking forward to the prospect of colic, projectile vomiting, and infant diarrhea invading their world in the days to come.” Oh my god, me so too!

  • Anonymous

    Better episode and classically awesome TLo entertainment.

  • http://profiles.google.com/misslauraschultz Laura Schultz

    TLo I hope you’re going to review the Chris March show as well? I was contemplating giving up Rachel Zoe in favor of the much more entertaining Mad Fashion after last night….

  • http://twitter.com/susanpcollier Susan Collier

    Thank you so much, TLo, for throwing yourself on this grenade every week. We love you!

  • Anonymous

    Never ever stop blogging this show.  And never ever take it seriously.

    You just made my rainy day better.

  • Anonymous

    I loved that RZ went on and on about how she didn’t want to give the Brad thing any of her attention yet the first 20 minutes of the show was about that topic alone.  Goddamn, let it go already.  It’s so petty.

  • http://www.facebook.com/aaronfrey9 Aaron Frey

    I can see Rachel pulling an Edina once the baby arrives, “Lacroix! Baby spew! Lacroix! Baby spew!”

  • Anonymous

    Rachel does know what she’s doing when it comes to clothes and the close-up of Anne’s Oscar dresses was worth tuning in for all by itself.  The detail was so much easier to see and just blew me away.  That medieval Givenchy was bu-na-nas. 

    And I can’t believe you left out Joey’s comment about Rachel’s love of gilver.  That was hilarious. 

    Rodger seems to be having major adjustment problems about not having his own profession anymore.  He seemed like less of a douche back in the first season when he was working elsewhere. Now, he’s just a full-on tool most of the time. 

  • Anonymous

    I just feel so sorry for that baby.  The poor thing. 

  • Warmheartedgirl Seattle

    “We find ourselves looking forward to the prospect of colic, projectile vomiting, and infant diarrhea invading their world in the days to come.”   Oh, don’t we all!!  ;)

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1332400077 Albert Paris

    I still can’t wait for the day that Rodger comes out of the closet and tells everyone he’s fucking Joey. I mean he already sounds like Rachel!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1017585103 Kanani Fong

    Can someone tell me why they rent?  I’m just curious. Is there some kind of special “tax break” for Hollywood minor celebs to do this –or are they really too poor to buy the house they really want?