Joaquin Phoenix, Vanessa Kirby and Rooney Mara at the NAPOLEON Paris Premiere

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Joaquin’s looking crazy, Vanessa’s looking like a cosmetics ad, and Rooney looks like a robot. Red carpets are back, baby. The trio came out in their best(?) style efforts for the Paris premiere of Napoleon.

Joaquin Phoenix in Stella McCartney
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Years of covering him have left our expectations somewhere near the earth’s molten core, but we still winced at that hem length. You can only pull off highwaters if the suit is impeccably fitted. We feel we don’t have to point out that this one is not. It’s also boring.

Vanessa Kirby in Alexander McQueen
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She tends toward gowns so classic in style that they veer right up to the line of being basic and generic, which is why we always think she looks like a beauty product ad. She’s all face. And more power to her, because she’s very good at serving face, but red carpets are full-body affairs, so it’s nice to see her trying a gown with some dazzle and interest to it. We’re always suckers for a good black-and-gold look and this one looks fantastic on her.

Rooney Mara in Dolce & Gabbana
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We have returned to Depressed Robot mode and boy, is it long past time to retire that one. We’d never suggest she go all fluffy and frivolous with her style, and she doesn’t seem like the type to chase trends (she’d die before succumbing to Barbiecore), but surely there are more interesting, flattering, and photogenic ways to hit the red carpet than this.

[Photo Credit: Olivier Borde, Sony PIctures Entertainment France – Video Credit: Sony Pictures Entertainment/YouTube]

• Alexander McQueen
• Apple TV+
• Dolce& Gabbana
• Joaquin Phoenix
• Movie Premiere
• Napoleon
• Red Carpet
• Rooney Mara
• Sony Pictures
• Stella McCartney
• Vanessa Kirby