RuPaul’s Drag Race: That Bitch Stole My Muthafu–

Posted on May 06, 2014

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We wish we could say this was an exciting, entertaining hour of television. But man, it was kinda dull and limp, no? “Flaccid” is the word du jour.

 

 

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We’re not sure what it was, but there didn’t seem to be much spark to the proceedings. There was no real villain this year – at least not anymore. And there’s no real breakout, fighting-on-the-internet-because-you-love-her-so-muchOMG fan favorite, either. You’ve got four polished, talented, distinct queens in the final. The latina comic, the big glamorous white girl, the Australian blonde glamorous white  girl, and the trashy-glamourous latina girl. Okay, maybe they aren’t so distinct. No villain and not enough diversity in the finalists? Always makes for a limp finale. We’ve blogged more seasons of reality TV competitions than anyone would think is healthy and we’re telling you: that one’s a Universal Law of Reality (Television).

 

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Oooooh, girl. You made a gown out of your snuggie.

 

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Is it us or is it not weird that we didn’t see the final edits of any of their videos? We just saw the shooting-of portions. It made it pretty impossible to decide whether or not Ru’s decision made sense, which of course makes us think that was deliberate. We knew and Ru knew whose turn it was to go home this week.

 

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Adore looks stunning on the runway, and her whole bit about being the street-level drag queen, as opposed to the over-polished ones that make up the other finalists, is so setting her up for the win that we … nope. We’re not gonna make predictions. We could easily be wrong. All we’ll say is that Ru did trashy street drag when she was young and we strongly suspect she sees a whole lot of herself in Adore. Her performances? Fine. She’s gotten more polished all around, right down to her Miss America-level speech about being the relatable one.

 

 

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All the girls gave highly polished and much expected Miss America-style speeches this week, save Courtney, bless her lightly self-involved heart, who didn’t even bother. We have to admit, she’s got the pretty-girl schtick down, including the self-involved yet above-it-all highly cultivated air, but it can get a bit annoying. She really does look gorgeous on the runway, even if the look isn’t particularly jaw-dropping. Then again, have we seen many jaw-dropping looks this season? A few. Not enough.

Her performances were just okay. Energetic, but not particularly funny. Comedy’s not her forte.

 

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Credit where it’s due, her faux-faint when Michelle complimented her was pretty hilarious, though. She’s an all-around star, but we’re not sure Ru’s in love with her.

 

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Darienne’s also got a ton of star quality to her. No, really. Her sourness and too-sharp tongue obscure it to us, but you tape that boy’s tits together and put that face and hair on her and she really becomes something. In fact, that may have been what Darienne represented this season: the transformational aspect of good drag. Slightly sour middle aged queen becomes the sparkliest, fiercest glamour girl under the right conditions.

To be fair – and this is probably why there seemed to be a flashing red bullseye on his back for several episodes now – she has no range in her looks whatsoever. And honestly, we don’t think her size has anything to do with it. Everything she wears is custom-made and she’s corseted in all of them. There’s no reason for her to look like your office manager, who got dolled up for a night out. She could have and should have pushed the envelope far more in her looks.

 

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But there was also the hard-to-ignore fact that Darienne has some performing chops to her. She can be quite funny herself and she’s really thrown herself into the acting scenes when given a chance. She can’t dance or sing, but she’s a glamour girl who can do comedy and act. That’s why she’s been here so long.

 

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Honestly, we felt like Bianca was being set up for the win just as much as Adore was. They both suddenly sprung these articulated story arcs that felt pretty much hand-delivered to them. “Okay, you’re gonna talk about how you’re the relatable one and you’re gonna talk about how you’ve gone on a journey of self discovery that melted your cold heart.” It’s just too too, darlings. We’ve been around the reality TV block.

We also saw some cracks in the Bianca persona that seemed suspiciously well-timed. Her rapid-fire schtick is all about covering her own insecurities instead of about calling other people out. Not that we blame her for this; just that this all feels very put together. Like a good outfit. Which she is not wearing here – and let’s just say it: she hasn’t worn many all season. Serviceable looks, all of them. At best. Extremely well made, but almost as samey-same and limited as Darienne’s. It’s her major weakness. It’s really her only one. That, and the same face walking out each week. Just like Darienne.

Then again, none of the final four switched up their face makeup all that much. Ben was the last one standing with that talent.

Anyway, we’re rambling, but her performances were as excellent as expected and she really did come off charming this week. It’s down to her and Adore. Courtney’s just some pretty window dressing. We all know it.

 

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Honestly, her work looked just as good as anyone else’s this week. And the lip synch edit was so choppy we suspect it was because she clearly blew everyone away again. To our way of thinking, she’s clearly the 4th-rated of the top four. It’s just that the show had to do some brisk throat clearing and hand waving in order to send her home this week. “Darienne, you killed it once again. Now sashay away.”

But you bitches were happy to see her go, we know.

 

 

 

 

[Stills: tomandlorenzo.com]

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