Olivia Munn in Alexander McQueen at the Vanity Fair Oscar Party

Posted on March 04, 2014

Liv, ALL THE CREDIT IN THE WORLD for not going the conventional and safe route tonight, hon. You are a standout in a sea of conventionality.

 

 

 

Olivia-Munn-Alexander-McQueen-Oscars-2014-Vanity-Fair-Party-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (1)Olivia Munn attends the 2014 Vanity Fair Oscar Party held at Sunset Plaza in West Hollywood, California in Alexander McQueen.

Olivia-Munn-Alexander-McQueen-Oscars-2014-Vanity-Fair-Party-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (2)

Olivia-Munn-Alexander-McQueen-Oscars-2014-Vanity-Fair-Party-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (3)

Olivia-Munn-Alexander-McQueen-Oscars-2014-Vanity-Fair-Party-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (4)

Olivia-Munn-Alexander-McQueen-Oscars-2014-Vanity-Fair-Party-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (5)

Olivia-Munn-Alexander-McQueen-Oscars-2014-Vanity-Fair-Party-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (6)

And your sci-fi tit harness is fabulous.

Fuck normal. A working girl’s gotta do what she has to to stand out. You should’ve gone the full Princess Leia cinnamon bun hair, just for the hell of it.

 

 

[Photo Credit: Juan Rico/FAMEFLYNET PICTURES, Pascal Le Segretain/Getty Images]

And if you’re loving our Oscars red carpet bitchery, you might consider checking out our new book, darling! “A hilarious critique of celebrity culture,” they called it! We’re proud. And shameless. 

 

    • Akemi

      Wait, where are her boobs? If only they stood out more in that dress…

      • scoobynacks

        Maybe she thought Seth MacFarlane was hosting again and wanted to be in this year’s segment of “We Saw Your Boobs.”

    • Jen

      that’s painful to just look at.

      • Dam_Angel

        That’s the worse underwire bra I have ever seen.

    • Carleenml

      Wow. That is some kind of ugly.

      • Rhonda Shore

        It’s very “Game of Thrones” looking.

    • MK03

      Yes, we get it, Olivia. You have boobs.

    • WendyD

      I want her to lose the belt. It seems way unnecessary with everything else that is going on.

      • Sarah

        Hm. I would have argued that the titty truss was unnecessary, but to each their own ;)

        • zenobar

          I just choked on my lunch a little at “titty truss”…Man, the jokes just write themselves for this dress, don’t they?

          • Sarah

            Hell yes they do! You pretty much can’t frame your boobs like you wish you were Barbarella without taking commentary down to a 3rd grade level.

            • Lucía Gavello

              First thing I saw was a bejeweled soda ring and now I’m thinking about poor dead dolphins.

            • littlemac8

              Now that, my friend, is very, very funny!

            • demidaemon

              So, these are poor dead boobies?

            • Lucía Gavello

              Exactly, I feel like Greenpeace should be doing something.

            • demidaemon

              SAVE THE BOOBIES! SAVE THE BOOBIES!

      • marlie

        I didn’t even notice the belt because my eyes kept being drawn to her chest.

        • formerlyAnon

          Well then. Mission accomplished, yes?

          *sigh*

    • Glam Dixie

      I love everything about that top except the boob circles. They take it from visually interesting straight to odd looking.

      • Sobaika

        So true. I think I would have loved this if it didn’t encircle the tits and venture underboob.

        • fursa_saida

          My feelings exactly.

    • Noah

      I’m feeling sympathy pains in the boobs I don’t have.

    • Blair Sylvester

      That face though! I mean the makeup looks terrible not her face itself

      • 3boysful

        I think she has really pretty features, but her MUA clearly has it out for her.

        • Blair Sylvester

          Yeah I agree with the pretty features that why I wanted to clarify. I mean I notice the face more than the tit harness which surprised me. Maybe it was a calculated thing but sweetie the better solution is to hire a new MUA

      • kimmeister

        I was thinking this makeup, while underdone for the event, is 1,000x better than usual.

    • http://www.youtube.com/user/TheOctocornNetwork International Model

      I, for one, do not embrace the new Playtex Cross Your Heart bra.

      • Kathy

        Hah! Nor do I want it to embrace me.

    • Jessica Freeman

      I don’t ever want to look at a dress again and think “tit cups”

    • KT

      Holy shit. I am clutching my boobs in fear. Don’t worry my dears, I will never do that to you!

    • Derrick Austin

      Someone ship this off to Michelle Visage.

      • d4divine

        YES!!!!!

      • Glam Dixie

        I cannot begin to picture how this would work since her boobs are enormous and the visual I’m getting is scaring me. And possibly scarring me. Stoppit.

        • demidaemon

          This might actually work on her as the harness will be unable to fully circle her boobs so it would have to lay flat, thus improving the design. Maybe.

    • Sarah

      That is the best fitting sci-fi tit harness I’ve ever seen.

    • @Biting Panda

      No honey. No. We don’t treat our friends this way. We are kind to our friends. We are supportive and tender.
      Also, what has she done to her facial situation? She looks….different. There’s something with the eyes….

      • Sobaika

        She hasn’t changed that much because her makeup is still atrocious.

        • @Biting Panda

          girl lives for her peach tones

        • marlie

          Is she still doing it herself?

          • Alyssa

            Last I read…yes, and she’s proud of it.

      • http://www.snoskred.org/ Snoskred

        I have thought this for a long time.. If you ever watched Seinfeld, there was an episode where they thought a woman was a “two face” – From Wikipedia – “This episode also popularized the concept of a “two-face”: someone who looks attractive sometimes and looks bad at other times, depending on exterior conditions, such as lighting.”

        Olivia Munn is the only living example of that concept that I know of. I cannot name any other person who regularly shows two totally different faces depending on lighting, makeup, and other conditions. Possibly solar flares, or the Aurora Borealis, or the local tide times.. who knows. But it is – as the episode showed – a very scary thing!

        This is one of the times she is looking great, but if you compare it to one of the times she looked not great, you would certainly think work has been done or something is different.. :)

        If I were her, I would find out exactly what lighting works for me, and then insist it be deployed.. well, everywhere I go. :)

    • lexilexi

      It looks like a perfectly sedate white goddess type gown.. she looked at it and said… it needs “something”… I’ll throw this harness on.
      Wow. Just wow.

    • TAGinMO

      She’s a couple of well-deployed Sharpie marks away from that ‘Women With Eyes On Their Breasts’ skit from ’90s Saturday Night Live. Can’t unsee.

    • Laura Renee

      Hahaha, I’m so glad you covered this one. And yes, I look at it and just think it’s some sci-fi harness meant to cradle eggs. It’s a shame, the dress looks gorgeous but it’s almost impossible to notice. I guess she went the right route with keeping clean face and hair…what’s the point of competing?

    • jw_ny

      nobody can complain that she needs more bust support! ;)

    • SayWhaaatNow

      I actually snorted out loud when I scrolled down and saw her videogame boob armor. What else should we have expected?

      • smh4748

        That was my reaction too! Totally cracked up. It’s a hilarious dress. Whether or not she was going for hilarious, I have no idea, but if so, she achieved it.

    • Dandesun

      A bejewelled boob brace? Sign me up! My ladies need to feel fabulous in their gilded cage!

    • B_C_J

      Expensive & vulgar. All it does is demand attention drawn to her breasts.

      • marlie

        I wouldn’t have necessarily called it vulgar, but you have a point considering I saw the dress and quickly hid the screen on my computer at work. It’s certainly not inappropriate, but I don’t think anyone needs to see BOOBS on my screen.

    • ballerinawithagun

      Saw the thumbnail and thought that it would look fabulous. But just fabulously weird. She is at the wrong convention.

    • ShaoLinKitten

      This dress exemplifies why Olivia Munn is close to the top of my Irrational Celebrity Hate List.

      • GillianHolroyd

        She does seem a bit clueless.

    • Jennifer Peters-Ahnberg

      The latest in restraints: formal boob cuffs.

    • schadenfreudelicious

      Yikes, I would have preferred to see her BF Joel Kinnaman…

      • jw_ny

        they’d be Robocop and Roboboobs… XD

        • schadenfreudelicious

          you win the internet today!

    • Tapetum

      I guess her boobs are near-sighted? Because it looks like she got spectacles for them.

      • zenobar

        Actually I think they’re more of a bifocal.

      • leahpapa

        Looks like she borrowed them from Dame Edna. But, honestly, her makeup looks fresh and lovely, which is not always the case, and at least she’s wearing something head-turning. I’ll take this over safe and generic any day of the week and twice on Sunday.

        • demidaemon

          Personally, I think her make-up makes her look washed out.

    • BayTampaBay

      Looks like shit! It would have worked in the “harness” would have gone down to her a waist like a peek-a-boo bustier.

    • Fisher&SonsFuneralHome

      I’d like to see this on someone with smaller breasts, like Selena Gomez. The harness looks I’ll fitting here.

    • zenobar

      Olivia Munn attends the 2014 Vanity Fair Oscar Party held at Sunset Plaza in West Hollywood, California in Otto von Titzling.

      • marlie

        “Otto von Titzling.” I almost spit my lunch out.

    • KinoEye

      Were her boobs threatening to escape?

      • Alyssa

        At least she wasn’t fondling them to ensure they don’t, ala Miley!

    • your face

      Do they bite or something? That’s the only conceivable reason for a muzzle.

    • http://victoriapavlova.com Victoria Pavlova

      Boob cage.

    • YourBaloneyDontGotNoSecondName

      Crack is my favorite drug. I just love this so much!

    • decormaven

      The hairstyle is all wrong for the dress. I don’t think she’s committed to the look. This needed a fierce attitude to sell it, and that is not displayed here.

      • zenobar

        I think if you’re going to commit to this dress, you need crazy big hair – the kind that requires setting with orange juice cans.

      • filmcricket

        YES. This would be 1000x better if she were actually selling it.

    • sagecreek

      Way too Star Trek for me.

    • Cee Layton

      Kind of a subdued Barbarella.

    • htdp1

      Christina Hendrix was giving her the side eye all night long #jealous she got it 1st.

      • Stefanie Argudo Mackenzie

        My thoughts exactly…

    • http://batman-news.com boweryboy

      That’s one crazy bra. I can see why she wore it over the dress.

    • thecitysleeps

      The person who designed this dress knows shit about women tbh.

      • http://batman-news.com boweryboy

        Which is funny because a woman (Sarah Burton) designed it. Regardless of her long standing relationship with Lee McQueen himself, I’m not loving what’s she’s doing for the McQueen label.

        • marlie

          There are some huge hits, but way more misses. And nothing even approaching the uniqueness and inventiveness of Lee’s designs. His were always a work of art.

          • http://batman-news.com boweryboy

            See, I feel the other way around. There a huge misses with some hits.

            • marlie

              I think we’re saying the same thing. ;)

            • http://batman-news.com boweryboy

              We are, but I don’t think the hits are huge.

          • kimmeister

            I first read that are “there are some huge tits.” LOL.

            • demidaemon

              Well, considering the outfit, I can see why you misread that.

        • thecitysleeps

          Well, clearly she never tried to wear this herself or is a crazy maniac. I believe no woman would ever want to have their boobs look like that in a dress. It looks hideous being worn by a world class beauty let alone ‘real life’ women.

          Ahhh, McQueen, miss the man.

    • MilaXX

      This looks like cosplay. Give her a sword.

    • BitterOldQueen

      HA, I have cleverly trapped your boobs in my clever boob-trap device! You’re in my power now–bwah ha ha!

    • Lex

      She looks ridiculous. The dress is costume-y and frankly, she isn’t sexy enough to pull it off in my opinion. Also, what is up with that same facial expression in every picture she takes? She always looks like she is straining to take a dump– it’s not a good “sexy pout” face but maybe it’s just me :)

    • Gatto Nero

      “Sci-fi tit harness.”
      You made my week!

    • MoHub

      Bill Thiess would be proud.

    • colleenjanel

      On the other hand, I think Liza really could have benefited from a similar tit harness.

    • Pamdela

      Her expression overall is a bit tentative, like “So, this is cool, right? This is fashion, right?” So the rule is, if you see that expression in the mirror, the answer is, “No dear.” It takes someone bolder to pull this off credibly. As our uncles would say, bag it up and send it to Rihanna or Steffi.

      • marlie

        This dress needs an “I DARE you to say something about my boob harness” attitude.

      • butterflysunita

        I agree. Her facial expression says: “I don’t know why my boobs are in a harness either.”

    • DaveUWSNYC

      Tits on toast…silverware included.

    • marlie

      That boob harness detail is… interesting. The dress is boring/basic enough, so it needs something to add some interest, but I don’t know if this is the way to go. Maybe remove the part UNDER the bust?

      • Sarah

        Yeah, the underneath is what is taking it to Xena territory. If it was more white on the underside of the straps (to go with the body of the dress) and it just attached to the top of the bodice, I think it would be cool.

        • demidaemon

          I read it as more Athena in bondage, but I can see the Xena in it.

    • Victoria Anzalone

      Eww.

    • Kirstin McAulay

      Well… brassiere’s for larger breasts are nicknamed ‘Over the Shoulder Boulder Holders’ sometimes…. but that isn’t a design suggestion!

    • LeelaST

      All she needs is a whip.

    • GeoDiva

      This dress works better on flatter women. Otherwise she is in a bad 60′s space movie.

    • Wendi126

      Brundleboobs

    • http://www.domesticdisturbia.com/ Christi Wampler

      That is the exact effect a nursing bra gives with the cups down right before you get the milk bags flowing. So, yea, not a fan.

    • YousmelllikeAnnaWintour

      No, absolutely not. No to the hair, no to the makeup and ESPECIALLY NO to the boob handcuffs!!!

    • Jaeda Laurez

      Nawl. It looks like the plastic holders on a six-pack.

      • Imasewsure

        And she has to make sure that it doesn’t make it in to the sewer system after the party. No self-respecting CA sea lion wants to be caught sporting that bedazzled six pack holder!

    • Alyssa

      Girl…a dress like this requires confidence to be worn. You must own that dominatrix tit-harness, not look scared and unsure!

    • ChristyDee1

      I don’t know, the alignment of the boob harness seems off and looks slapped on to a generic Grecian gown. Disappointing. Nice try though.

      • bitchybitchybitchy

        The tit cage does look as if it was a last minute graft onto the gown-as if it went through the Star Trek transformer.

    • Joan

      I can’t believe she walked out the door wearing this…

    • VicD

      Girl, this is Lady Gaga’s dress.

    • the_valkyrie

      To be honest, too distracted by her gorgeous face

    • DagnyReardon

      Maybe she’s trying out for the remake of Xena Warrior Princess.

    • Trickytrisha

      That dress requires a bit more effort in the hair and makeup department. You know, to complete the ’30s Flash Gordon princess look.

    • Danielle

      How can anyone possibly wear this with a straight face?

    • samo_samo

      “Tit harness” – I said those *exact* words even before I scrolled and read “sci-fi tit harness”. I truly am a Bitter Kitten.

    • HobbitGirl

      No. My boobs, they hurt just thinking about this dress.

    • bingo

      am I the only one who is getting “shibari” vibes here?

      • formerlyAnon

        A lot of us are way too . . . provincial to have ever actually seen shibari.

    • crash1212

      This coulda been all sorts of win if she’d only put some effort into the hair and makeup. She just never gets it right.

    • Danielle

      I AM CRACKING UP

    • MzzPants

      It’s not a harness. It’s a ‘place hands here’ sign.

    • Stubenville

      Shouldn’t the harness be safety orange?

    • lobsterlen

      Olivia was there to receive the Heidi Klum Mein Titten fashion award.

    • Tracy_Flick

      I think it’s more Star Trek than Star Wars.

    • Ashleigh

      “Tit harness”! awesome. If that’s not the epitome of “over the shoulder boulder holder” I don’t know what is!

    • NDC_IPCentral

      Bedazzled bustenhalter. I sense a certain level of “err, dunno…” in her expression.

    • jilly_d

      oy.

    • formerlyAnon

      Oh lord. Sweetie. You look like a comic book character. You look like a 15 year old’s fantasy.

      I . . . oh forget it. I’m old. I’m feeling sorry for you when it is statistically more likely you got the desired mileage out of this than that my sympathy is required. Go with god, love.

      • demidaemon

        That part about the 15 year old fantasy…I think that’s her goal every time she steps out, even though I saw her quoted in some interview as not knowing what her style was. Well, it shows.

    • cocohall

      It looks like she just wandered of the set of some cheap sword and sandals movie where she plays the exiled queen of the desert or some such nonsense. Honey, good job getting all the women in the room to rev their Bitch Engines. Because this is a dress that says I’m coming for you man – he will not be able to resist my tits offered up in their own boulder holders.

    • Bill Craven

      Girl, you’re a long way from the playa at Burning Man (of course, on the playa at Burning Man you wouldn’t be wearing your living room curtains under the harness).

    • calimon

      Wonder Boobs!

    • Madam Von Sassypants

      Pretty sure I can replicate this with duct tape, a fistful of rhinestones, and a sheet. CHALLENGE ACCEPTED, SELF.

    • suzq

      Seeing as though it’s a McQueen, I would have loved a hip harness to balance the shoulder harness out. As it is, it looks like she tossed some sort of bedazzled S&M device over a prom dress. Definitely a “do me” or maybe an “un-do me” dress!

    • webslice33

      the top is so damn ugly i can’t bear to look…

    • matildarf

      I like the top, think if would look good as complicated straps, get rid of the part under the boobs!

    • Cassidy Olsen

      I can’t sign off on a boob harness, no matter how sparkly. If it had somehow extended to her waist and not cut across (and through) her chest so much it may have worked, but as-is it’s laughable.

    • Jacqueline Wessel

      Serving up Amazon warrior realness.

    • Andrea

      Girl needs a MUA more than a tit harness.

    • joything

      I have been so ready for a sci-fi tit harness to appear in a fashionable place.

    • dschubba

      Mission accomplished, I guess.

    • mickiemonkey

      I so wish she had a sparkly sword in her hands.

    • janierainie

      All I can think of is “over the shoulder boulder holder” . Some stupid name for a bra in grade school.

    • SophieCollier

      Hilarious!

    • quiltrx

      Honey, no. Ship this off to Steffi, who has JUST the wig for it.
      And no better way to make sure everyone looks at your headlights than to put bezels around them.

    • Stacey Red

      The look on her face says she sure as heck doesn’t want to be there.

    • http://armchairauthor.wordpress.com/ LesYeuxHiboux

      She has soda can rings around her tits. If they were the correct size rings, I might be on board. As is…

    • MsC

      THE BOOB SHACKLE

    • icm

      That bedazzled boob brace should have received a best supporting nomination of some sort.

    • MyFavoriteColorIsGlitter

      Pointing and laughing so hard right now

    • katiessh

      seriously? it looks like she’s wearing a boob shield. hate it.

    • supri_supri

      She’s not quite graduated to McQueen yet. Her face, expression, and hair all say “oh wait a sec, I just got out of the shower “

    • demidaemon

      Boob ouchies.

    • St. Ace

      Um, her make-up looks better? Not that anyone can see BECAUSE HOLY COW YOUR UDDERS.

    • Cindy Bartlett Zigler

      leftover costume from the Pompeii film shoot?? just no….

    • Joanna

      I just find it really charming that she’s not so caked with makeup and we can see her freckles.

    • Kent Roby

      It will take a long time to erase the mammary, I mean “memory”, of this look.

    • http://www.lippsisters.com/ Deborah Lipp

      Boob Warrior from Planet Rhinestone.

    • StillGary

      Madonna so wishes she had this dress!

    • Shawn EH

      It’s like the plastic holding a six-pack together got trapped around her neck during a swim.

    • Ginmaru

      Over the shoulder boulder holder. shades of 6th grade haunting me.

    • AnneElliot

      BWAHAHA!!!!!!!

      But I do love the freckles.

    • Clash D

      Tit harness, indeed. Reminds me of that “Release The Kraken!” moment from Clash of the Titans.

    • peachy

      nice new sparkly display case for the girls…. rock it, gurl. but i must say, she looks just miiiiserable!