2011 FiFi Awards

Posted on May 26, 2011

Darlings, the stars came out last night to attend the 2011 FiFi Awards at Damrosch Park, Lincoln Center in New York City. What the hell are the FiFi Awards? How the hell should we know?  Come judge with us.

Fergie in BCBG Max Azria Atelier

If we were handing out report cards (and we hope someday to build our bitchy empire to the point where we will be required to stand at the end of every red carpet openly scoring the participants), then we would write a note that says “Shows marked improvement.” Our only real issue is the way this fits her bust. That is to say, it doesn’t.

Halle Berry in Halston Spring 2011

Oh, Halle Bear, no. We were so hoping this wasn’t the route you were going to go heading in to your late 40s, but it appears that, yes, “I’m still totally fuckable” is the message you want to send with your clothes. And it’s true, you ARE totally fuckable. But when the dresses get tighter and the cutouts more revealing, the message slowly turns from “I’m still fuckable” to “I DESPERATELY NEED you to think I’m still fuckable.” And honey? That’s not fabulous.

Mary J. Blige

Oh Mary J. Blige we love you get up. Thank God there’s someone out there who knows what a diva is and how she’s supposed to look.

Paz de la Huerta

Her secondary sexual characteristics are firmly in place and behind closed doors; she looks to have bathed in the past week; and she didn’t opt for Hershey’s syrup as a lip gloss, so we can’t get all that upset that she doesn’t know what a hairbrush is. Baby steps.

[Photo Credit: getty, wireimage, style.com]

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  • http://twitter.com/yup_lester lester

    Frank O’Hara reference! Score!

    • http://www.tomandorenzo.com Tom and Lorenzo

      We are going to use that every time we mention Mary J. because it just works so well.

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Sarah-Lang/616938996 Sarah Lang

        Yes, that made my day! Let’s hope you never have to use the title of that poem in connection with Ms. Blige

  • Anonymous

    I understand your point about Halle but…. DAMN!!!  If you can, sometimes you should.  The number of woman, any age, that can look that good in that dress is slim.  I say, go for it!  Why does Fergies face always look so pained, like she is constipated?  And that Paz woman, ugh.  Her hair and make up team (if they even exist) should be fired.  Or flogged.

    • Anonymous

      What hair and make up team do you speak of? I would say I wear more make up than that and I don’t wear any!

  • Anonymous

    when I see Paz I keep thinking how unfair life is that she has that body (shape) and I have mine.    

    • Mariah J

      If it makes you feel any better that dress gives her a pooch and makes her hips look gigantic.

      • Anonymous

        Thanks but only a little ;o)    I’d still take her abdomen

  • Valerie Owens

    Laughing my ass off over your Paz de la Huerta comments. Pure literary gold, guys!

  • Anonymous

    I dunno, I think Halle looks just fine.  The dress is actually quite discreet and isn’t any more tight fitting than Mary J’s dress.  It drapes almost like a sarong.  Is that so wrong?

    …See what I did there? Heh.  

  • Judy_J

    Halle looks like she’s channeling the character she played in the Flintstones movie.  And what can I say about poor Paz….girl always looks f ‘d up.  A bit of makeup would have been a nice touch.  And that dress is just too tight; not flattering at all.

    • http://profiles.google.com/bre.snodgrass Breanna Snodgrass

      I thought the same thing. Totally forgot she was in the Flinstones until seeing that pic. And then it all came back to me…

  • Anonymous

    My point exactly, Halle needs some serious help. It doesn’t matter what her age is she is pretty, but can not dress to save her life!  Aunt Mary looks Amazing.

  • Lee Houck

    Look at you fierce Frank O’Hara homage bitches.  Wurrk.

  • Anonymous

    Dear Paz de la Huerta (whoever you are)

    It seems that you lost a fight with your comb. Please keep in mind that God made hairbands for a reason. Perfect the ponytail. It could well be your best friend.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1451670904 Claire McBride

    I think Paz needs a cup of coffee.  She looks lifeless in the eyes and face.

    • margaret meyers

      Maybe her handler’s promised her a little a something if she showed up and behaved, so she has showed up and is sulkily behaving until she gets her reward.

  • Anonymous

    Halle is reminding me of her old Flintstones movie costume

    • Anonymous

      This is exactly what I thought when I saw her!

  • http://pleasewelcomeyourjudges.com/ Brian @ PWYJudges

    I think Halle wore that dress when she was in the Flintstones movie.

  • Anonymous

    Mary J. wins by a long shot. Very sexy and classy.
    Hallie’s dress looks like it belonged to (was it ) Lisa Hartman, who use to wear all those belly gowns back in the 80′s.(?)
    Fergie . Do not love. And she always gives weird face on the red carpet.
    Paz. I do love. Something about the complete lack of eyemake-up. Very charming. 

    • MilaXX

       Part of Fergie’s RC face is from her years on meth. Sadly the face is permanently jacked up.

  • Anonymous

    OMG, Mary J! She’s totally fabulous and she always leave me speechless.

    I have an inexplicable affection for Fergie. Even when she looks insane I give her a thumbs up. Today I need extra thumbs, because I think she looks great.

    I’m on the fence about Halle. It does seem a bit desperate. On the other hand, She looks amazing in that dress. If you got it, flaunt it, I guess?

  • Alina Valero

    that dress halle berry is in reminds me of when she was in that flintstones movie about 2 decades ago. she looks like a glammed up cave woman with the one shoulder and uneven hemline (hankerchief? i don’t know how to describe it. but it’s not good.)

  • Anonymous

    When I saw that picture of Halle, I actually said out loud, “come on.” We know!! Agree, it’s a serious case of Trying Too Hard.

    Mary J looks amazing. 

    Why does Paz always look like she just lifted her face up out of someone’s genitals?

    • Anonymous

      OMG!  That comment about Paz is priceless.

  • Anonymous

    Mary J. Blige should serve as a lesson about tattoos on your arms when you want to dress up.  Ick.  Otherwise, her fabulosity is indisputable.  I am going to google this de la Huerta woman and find out why she is so sad.  Maybe it’s because she lost all of her grooming supplies.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_EYYAY25W7VS5BYCOCTK62SSUBI tw125

    I am so sick of Mary’s hair. The blonde hair is not nor has it ever been flattering, nor is the obvious weave/wig.  She’d look so much younger and classier if she’d go with a natural color and less plastic looking hair.  The dress is just okay. 

    I have mixed feelings about Halle. I’m more of a “wear what looks good on you” as opposed to “dress your age” person.  (In other words, I’d never tell Tina Turner to stop wearing miniskirts because of her age. If she’s still got the legs then she should wear them.) The dress looks good on Halle but it’s a bit tacky.  I think it’s the combination of the bared midriff with the split up the front.  Maybe the Fifi Awards are supposed to be a bit tacky, in which case she fits right in with the other three on this page, but if not then she should have rethought this dress.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Katherine-Lavender/553350310 Katherine Lavender

    That’s not a dress with cut-outs, that’s a cut-out that unfortunately needed a dress. If the cut-out could exist without the host dress, it would.

  • Anonymous

    Fergie looks so pretty when she tones down the makeup.

    Halle, Wilma and Betty are waiting outside for you, with lead pipes.

    Mary J. Blige looks great from a distance. The closeups are a little scary, though.

    Paz now needs to back down on the self tanner/bronzer combo she’s got going. Like you say, baby steps.

  • http://twitter.com/Space_Kitty Space_Kitty

    Fergie should really keep the gays that did her hair & makeup, the more natural look really works for her.  Halle is, as always, utterly gorgeous but that dress is really more appropriate for a private affair.  Ahem.  Go Mary, but it would be refreshing to see a more natural hair color.  Paz?  I just can’t.  I feel like giving her attention will only encourage her.

    Have I mentioned that TLo make the internet worth visiting?

  • Laura Goulding

    That dress on Halle is HOT; you guys are haters! Oh and I’m glad to see that Paz has switched from booze to valium & elephant tranquilizer cocktails. 

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_RK5MAF2VNT32ULNYFIXDANTEC4 Terence

    Why does Paz always look like Amy Poehler in the crackhouse scene from Wet Hot American Summer?

  • Stacy Wallace

    If Halle had worn that dress like the runway model I think she would have looked great.  Just the slight difference in how much abdomen was actually shown (no belly button!!!) would have made all the difference.

    http://www.gettyimages.com/Search/Search.aspx?contractUrl=2&language=en-US&family=editorial&assetType=image&ep=3&p=halle+berry+fifi+award

  • http://profiles.google.com/bre.snodgrass Breanna Snodgrass

    What does Paz have against wearing a bit of makeup to these fancy shindigs? Some mascara and a flattering lip color would do WONDERS. I always get the sense that something is off with her coloring…she’s so…tan…and her lips are so…invisible.

  • MilaXX

    Poor Fergie. I like the dress, but as you mentioned she needs better coverage on the top. I also hate the bag with the dress. I like the idea of a color contrast, but I don’t like that bag.

    Halle as usual looks amazing, but borderline hoochie.

    My only complaint with Mary’s look is that it’s a tad too tight across her midsection

    Paz is still bringing the crazy, only this time with neutral lips.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=66100189 Joslyn Bloomfield

    Halle is the Olympics of fabulous. Why does anyone else even come out to these things when she’s on the guest list?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jessica-TallGirl-Freeman/1043623567 Jessica TallGirl Freeman

    Fergie finally made herself classy.  I just want to yank up the dress a little so her boobs dont’ sit so awkwardly in it, it looks like if she would just wear it where it should be then it would fit.  Mary J is working the dress, but she needs to let go of the blond hair, and the bangs.  

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_PFPESDH4EDCW3UEDVNWWSHB4XQ Michaela T.

    Halle’s dress is kinda hysterical if you consider her break-out role… in Flintstones :)

  • Anonymous

    I think the FiFis are for perfume. Couldn’t swear to it.
    Fergie looks like she should be gracing the prow of a ship.

  • Paula Knight

    So, I had to wiki Paz de la Huerta to find out who she is and honestly….I still don’t know who she is.  What I do know is that I have no idea why this person refuses eyeliner, especially since she so desperately needs it. 

  • Anonymous

    Fergie and Halle should actually swap dresses.

  • http://twitter.com/Naddy_Lite Nadege

    @eva_baby I defnitely appreciate your humor!

  • Anonymous

    I still haven’t really figured out who Paz de la Huerta is but I think right now I love her for not even pretending she’s in a good mood.

    Halle Berry’s outfit’s out, but, damn, she looks stunning in it. I’m thinking she’s doing early promo for starring in a revival of Peter Pan.

  • Jeremy Howard Beck

    Thank god there’s SOMEONE out there who knows how to deploy Frank O’Hara at just the right moment!

  • Anonymous

    I agree with everything you guys said, so it feels like you’re hitting it out of the park with wit & style from here in the cheap seats.

    I do think Mary J looks better when she’s not so blonde, but that’s a quibble.

  • Anonymous

    Oh Halle!
    There should be a rule: Never show your belly button on the red carpet. She may have pulled off this dress if the mid-section cut-out area was smaller and there was no slit up in front. But these two accents turned this look Fredrick’s of Hollywood gown.

  • Anonymous

    I cannot imagine what goes thru a stylist’s substitute for a brain that they would take a woman in a gown as elegant as Fergie’s and think that bedhead hair is an appropriate accessory.
    And Paz didn’t just forget the brush, she forgot the shampoo as well.

  • Anonymous

    fergie looks ok for fergie.

    berry almost pulls it off – loving the diagonal metal thing – but that cutout is just too tacky.

    bliges gown has a nice shape and fit, but i dont love the colour and the neckline looks oddly wrinkled.

    paz’ dress is terrible, and while i generally like minimal make-up, it really doesnt work here.

  • Anonymous

    God bless Mary Blige.  When she dresses up, she brings it.

    Someone please slap Paz and expose her to the real world.

  • http://vhanna26.typepad.com Vera

    Just because she can, doesn’t mean she should. Of course Halle is way gorgeous, but tacky is not the way to go.

    Fergie looks as if she having difficulty breathing. Her dress is pretty and gives some her some needed softness, but it’s way too tight on the girls.

    Mary J is looking good.

    Despite the hair and fit of the dress, this is a step up for the Paz.

  • Lisa

    Halle, hon… you can look fuckable without looking tacky.  No likey.  She’s normally so gorgeous and stylish – she should know better!

    Now Mary J on the other hand – Flawless!  Just nothing to not love!

  • Anonymous

    I LIKED Halle’s dress thingie. I don’t think she looks desperate. I think she looks just fine and what the birth certificate says is irrelevant. Fergie’s dress is an icky color, like a tube of cake decorating icing in “petal yellow.” And yes it doesn’t fit on top. But she’s so pretty. And Paz looks really unhealthy, but her dress is fun. Funny, the only one who doesn’t catch my eye is the one you two praised. Boring. 

  • Anonymous

    Fergie looks like she’s holding her breath and is in pain.

    Halle has a rocket body but I hate the dress.  If it didn’t have that piece of gold on it and the bottom half was straight across knee level I would like it more.

    Mary looks fabu but I hate her tatoos.  They make her look like a trucker in a dress.

    Paz is attractive but not photogenic.  Some people take bad pictures all the time which is unfortunate for her given the business she’s in.

    Oh, and what’s the Frank O’Hara reference? I know he’s a poet but I’m not too familar with him to get the reference.

  • Anonymous

    Just because you CAN, doesn’t mean you SHOULD. The reason Halle shouldn’t wear that dress is because it shows EVERYTHING. It cheapens the look. Show the midriff OR your legs OR your shoulders. Not AND. Let’s face it- she would look good in a couple of band aids. In this- she just looks cheap.

  • http://tinybuttons.tumblr.com Breanna

    Damn, Mary J. looks AMAZING!

  • Anonymous

    Fergie look is soft and feminine for a change,Mary J Blige looks like a true diva,Halle Berry is truly beautiful and sexy as hell…she just needs to add class to her outfits,maybe its a cry for help.

  • Anonymous

    Paz, girl, bare face is not the look for you.

  • http://twitter.com/MarieanneDH MarieanneDH

    “Hello, I’m Fergie and these are my breasts.”

    Halle actually looks trashy there!  I never thought it possible.  MJB needs to give her lessons on how a grown woman should dress.

  • http://www.deathbywhippedcream.com/ Addis R. Pérez

    Who the hell IS Paz de la Huerta?! #clueless

  • Anonymous

    Disagree on Halle.  Not many women, any age, who can wear hair that short and a dress that revealing and still look like a million dollars. 

    Color looks good on Fergie, but her hair looks a mess.

  • Anonymous

    Is Halle staring in The Flintstone Sluts? Mary J. rocks.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_IU4E7UYJAUNMODVBAMTM3VJTAQ Cynthia

    FYI to you non-perfumistas out there, the Fifis are the Oscars of the perfume world and the pictured women won awards in various categories, though questionable ones if you really are serious about perfume, e.g., Halle Berry won the Elizabeth Taylor Fragrance Celebrity of the Year. Celebrity fragrances are to perfumistas what, well, Dress Barn is to y’all.

  • Anonymous

    Mary J. takes the prize. I give Halle Berry a big pass because SHE LOOKS FANTASTIC in that dress.

  • http://www.facebook.com/pietrassmith Susan Pietras Smith

    Fifis are for fragrance.