Project Runway: Let’s Start at the Very Beginning

Posted on July 25, 2014

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Aaaaand we’re back. Back to a world of free Champagne, dubious product placement (Mary Kay? Some refrigerator? RED FREAKING ROBIN?!?!?!). And…

 

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…flamboyant attention-seekers with weird hair and…

 

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…weepy messes who probably shouldn’t be here.

 

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“Fan favorites” that no fan seems to remember, and of course, the one thing no Project Runway is complete without…

 

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…bitchy queens with horrible taste, questionable skills, and no good reason to be acting so much better than everyone else. It’s all here, darlings. Right where you left it.

 

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Julie Bowen is a lady who likes it when the camera’s on her, that’s for sure. She was kind of irritating, to be honest. We sensed Nina wanting to stab her, although it’s possible that’s our heroine worship coming into play. Zac was his usual bitchy self and Heidi liked everything with the potential of showing of her ladyparts.

 

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There was very little in the way of drama, however. That’s to be expected, since there are too damn many designers in the game for any of them to start any real trouble. We have no doubt these bitches will all get their chance to shine down the line. For now, let’s get straight to judging them, shall we?

 

Sandhya
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So congratulations to Sandhya! You’re lucky the judges started smoking their crack early this season!

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To be fair, Lorenzo really likes this one and was rooting for it to win. Tom thinks whatever value the design might have had was completely obliterated by those ridiculous shoulder treatments. But it is an interesting look, to be sure. It’s rare to see such a thing on a Project Runway runway. Lorenzo thinks that it fits the brief perfectly because it’s something you could place inside a larger collection where it wouldn’t stand out as weird so much as a statement on the part of the designer. Of course it’s possible the judges chose this one for the win simply because everything else was so boring.

We like Sandhya, though. Like the judges, we think she’s got a lot of potential.

 

 

Alexander
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Alexander seems to think he’s a lot edgier than this design implies. Granted, the kitchen curtain fabric was never going to make a chic garment, but that collar treatment is terrible. Take it away and there’s no design there at all.

 

Amanda
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OhmiGOD was she ever annoying last night. We hope she goes early this season because the overcompensation is going to get really irritating really fast. We get it, Amanda. You’ve learned your lesson and you’re totally going to stand up for yourself, or whatever.

On the other hand, she did put out a sharp look. Those pants are pretty great and the fit is almost perfect.

 

 

Angela
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Angela distinguished herself by being The One Who Cries Almost Immediately, which is never a good place to be, because you’ve pretty much hung a sign on your back that says “I’m histrionic and I can’t handle any of this.” Expect further meltdowns.

We like the pants, though. They’re not perfectly fitted, but they’re interesting in a “I’m probably not wearing any underwear” kind of way. The top’s pretty awful, though.

 

 

Carrie
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This is Long Blue (and Sometimes Pink or Purple) Hair’s entry and we’re really digging it. Every other entry using this fabric couldn’t overcome the cheapness of it, but she managed to make this look very high end and edgy. One to watch.

 

 

Char
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Right now, Char’s our favorite. She seems to have a refreshingly no-bullshit approach to the proceedings. We’re not loving how this looks, but when we try to picture it rendered in much more fabulous fabrics, we think it has potential. But the proportions are way off, to our eyes.

 

Emily
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This was Short Blue Hair’s entry and it’s completely wack.

 

 

fäde
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fäde wins for being the most pretentious of this lot, but we have to admit, we were surprised both by how much we like this and how interesting a garment it is. He may actually be one to watch.

 

 

Hernan
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A huge nothing of a dress.

 

 

Kini
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HORRIBLE.  The jacket had some interest to it, but the dress is totally Becky Home Ec-y.

 

Korina
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Korina has the potential to be a hilariously entertaining bitch character. Credit where it’s due: even as she was ragging on Sandhya’s design, she was quite aware that the judges could turn around and give it the win. In other words, she knows well how this game is played and how arbitrary some of the judging decisions can be.

As for this, it’s got the potential to be chic, but the fit and the proportions are way off. It probably would have looked better rendered in a much more expensive fabric.

 

 

Kristine
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Utterly forgettable. Questionable taste issues.

 

 

Mitchell
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This is horrifyingly bad, saved only by the fact that the Heidi has terrible taste. It helped that he worked like crazy to present himself as a “character.” The only thing that might redeem Jorts McFlipFlops is his clear unwillingness to play the bitch all the way. He tried to, but in the end he wound up helping the contestant he was bad-mouthing, which indicates that he may simmer down once he realizes that playing a character will only get you so far in this competition.

 

 

Samantha
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Who?

This is not bad, but it’s kind of bland and forgettable.

 

Sean
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We’d probably be a bit more impressed with this look if Sean himself hadn’t over-talked it. It’s good; it’s just not quite as edgy or out-of-the-box as he implied. Fairly impressive sewing skills – and a talent for making cheap fabric look more expensive (which is a very useful talent to have on Project Runway.

 

Jefferson
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And it’s Auf Wiedersehen to poor Jefferson, who has to live with being the first one to go, which is always kind of embarrassing. We figure the judges were right to make this choice. Not that there weren’t equally bad things on that runway (The Mitchell’s The Romper was pretty The Terrible, for instance), but he made the mistake of giving the judges the impression he had no confidence in his work and no idea why they had any issues with it. Sure, they may have overstated their disgust a bit, but Nina was right to point out how totally unworkable these proportions are.

 

EDITED TO ADD: Darlings, we’ll be appearing on the DEREK & ROMAINE SHOW on SiriusXM OutQ 106 at 8:20 pm EDT.  Kittens are encouraged to call in and chat with us about all things Project Runway (or whatever else you want to unload on): 866-305-6887.  For those who don’t subscribe to Sirius, a free online trial is available at www.siriusxm.com/outqoffer.

 

[Photo Credit: Barbara Nitke/Lifetime – Stills: tomandlorenzo.com]

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