Jennifer Aniston made a little trip to Sephora so she can flog her new fragrance wearing Vivienne Westwood. We should all judge her.
All apologies to Miss Hillary Swank, but as soon as we saw this picture we shouted “CLOSE THE VOTING! WE GOT A LIVE ONE HERE!” We like to pretend we’re old-timey newspaper editors. “Get me copy, baby!”
Anyway, the point is, we saw our gal Jen wearing this and knew we immediately had to turn her over to our precious unborn fawns.
Long-time minions know that Jen has come in for quite a bit of T Lo bitchery over the years because she’s so frustrating. She’s pretty; she’s got a great body; she’s one of the biggest stars in the world; she could wear practically anything she wants and she always goes out in sequined bath towels or colorless little sleeveless dresses. Now, we’ll grant you that this dress hardly qualifies as some sort of shocking new turn of events in Jen’s red carpet fortunes. This is, after all, still the Aniston uniform: strapless cocktail dress with naked shoes. But darlings! Color! Glorious, rich color! This is HUGE! We feel that Jen should be commended. We’re all about positive reinforcement here at T Lo International.
Of course, there ARE complaints and we’re just the queen to make them. The fit is great on this thing, but the weird drape on the front gives her a crotch bulge. Then there’s the tit window, although to be fair, we don’t really mind it. It’s at least something interesting. We wish it didn’t look so much like a pair of deflated lips, though. Also: naked shoes. Jen, we know you like them, but the combination of 0% bodyfat and standing for any length of time while being in your 40s means your feet always look TORTURED. We’re not saying you should cover them up, but maybe it’s time to do more than just strapping a sole to your foot. Also also: Hair. We think the ladies of the entertainment industry are going to need to resort to rioting in the streets of Beverly Hills in order to shine a light on the problem of lazy celebrity hairstylists and their efforts to convince everyone that sloppy, unstyled hair is so very chichi. Burn their little salons down, ladies. Demand diva hair and strike down any skinny queen who won’t give it to you, we say.
IN! Jen’s in COLOR, y’all! Shut the front door and fuck the haters!
OUT! A bath towel is a bath towel is a bath towel!
Minion Opinion on Hillary Swank’s Swanky pants? IN.
[Photo Credit: getty, wireimage]