2014 WHCA Gala Red Carpet Rundown

Darlings, once again America’s news media reveal themselves to be the opportunistic, shallow whores we all know and love, as they came out for D.C. Nerd Prom en masse. But let’s ignore them and just pay attention to the celebrities they’re so desperate to be pictured with. Journalists should sit at their desks and do shit instead of pose on red carpets. We’re old fashioned. Sue us.

Quick n’ dirty-style:

Jessica Simpson in Carolina Herrera
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It’s a really lovely dress. Everything going on north of the neck is a collection of poor styling choices to go with it. It’s Carolina Freaking Herrera. Not the time for honky-tonk head.

Julianna Margulies in Vintage Jean Dessès
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Underwhelming and disappointing.

Kristen Bell in Dolce&Gabbana
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The midnight blue looks great on her, but this is pure bridesmaid.

Diane Lane
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 Yuck.

Julia Louis-Dreyfus in Antonio Berardi
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 Yawn.

Taylor Schilling in Zuhair Murad
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 Surprisingly pretty and slightly interesting. We say “surprisingly” because the girl hasn’t had the most praise-worthy of red carpet histories. This stands out nicely and suits her while still being conservatively appropriate. Not loving the hair at all, though.

Darby Stanchfield in Alberta Ferretti
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 Serving up “Midsummer Night’s Dream” realness. It’s not a hundred percent to our tastes, but if we walked into that room – and if seating wasn’t already heavily fought over and pre-assigned – we’d scan the crowd and say, “Let’s go sit next to the one dressed like a wood nymph. She looks like the only interesting person in the room.”

[Photo Credit: Walter McBride/INFphoto.com , Getty Images]

• Red Carpet
• Red Carpet Rundown
• WHCD