The Ladies of “Orange is the New Black” at the Kiehl’s Nolita Grand Opening

Posted on July 11, 2014

Okay, ladies. Uzo won the purse-off. You might as well go home now.

 

Selenis-Leyva-Laverne-Cox-Uzo Aduba-Kiehl-Nolita-Opening-Orange-New-Black-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (1)“Orange is the New Black” stars Selenis Leyva, Laverne Cox and Uzo Aduba attend the Kiehl’s Nolita grand opening in New York City.

Apparently, she’s heading out camping for the weekend or something.

Let’s judge their efforts, shall we?

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This is pretty great, actually, from the earrings down to the … well, the knees, because we don’t much like the yellow platform pumps. That’s definitely her style of dress. She should buy ten in different colors.

 

 

Selenis-Leyva-Laverne-Cox-Uzo Aduba-Kiehl-Nolita-Opening-Orange-New-Black-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (3)

 

Laverne, we loveya honey, but this is looking pretty streetwalker to us. That’s a whole lot of boob and leg for an Emmy nominee. It’s time to let go of the tacky drag aesthetic.

 

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It’s a shame. Every single thing except the purse is working here, so what’s the one part she’s showing off the most? Granted, even if she wasn’t posing to show it off, it would still overwhelm the outfit.

 

 

 

 

 

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

    • Glam Dixie

      That’s not a purse it’s a diaper bag and Laverne please retire that wig and add at least 2 inches to your hem. Selenis wins, she looks fab.

    • Reine Bron

      I just burst out laughing when I saw the purse

      • sweetlilvoice

        It appears to be the length of my entire upper body. That is one big purse! And why does everyone have their feet crossed as if they need to pee? I have never posed like that in a photo.

      • FuhUgh

        I kinda love that purse, but I am 9 feet tall. So it’s the right proportion for me.

      • prisma

        I think I’d love the purse if it were the size of a change purse.

    • Julie Chase

      Oh Laverne, you are way too gorgeous for that crying for attention dress.

      Selenis looks amazing and Uzo looks wonderful in that shade of blue.

    • Mothra

      She is clearly carrying all of Taylor Swift’s gym stuff in that bag.

      • FuhUgh

        Somebody has to …

    • schadenfreudelicious

      Uzo looks like a carpetbagger with that purse..Laverne needs to lose the boob/waist cage and bandage dresses she seems to favour, she is far too gorgeous to be dressing like that…Selenis FTW

    • Terri Terri

      It’s like she has a friend with an Etsy store or something.

    • another_laura

      I have sooo much goodwill to spend on Laverne, but she is wearing it away. That is a tacky-ass dress. Time to get classy, girlfriend.

      • bitchybitchybitchy

        That color is beautiful on Laverne-it just needs to be in a classier dress.

    • Latin Buddy

      To be fair, this is as bad as Taylor Swifts Empty Bag Tour.

      • Thomas

        It’s kind of fabulous in that maybe you could hide a sombrero in it though.

    • gabbilevy

      i guess I can get what Laverne is doing… as M2F she’s trying to emphasize the F all she can. But she’s gorgeous and well-known (and respected!) enough now that I hope she’ll move away from the body con dresses every time. She’s gorgeous, but she’s hitting us over the head with it.

      And come to think of it, she’d look great in a similar dress to the one Selenis is wearing.

      • sweetlilvoice

        I agree with you–it’s the classic “my body is now different” syndrome. This is most often seen on girls who were formally overweight and are now very thin. Is there a comment in the show where her wife says “You look like Miley Cyrus?” I think Laverne is just in a trashy teen girl phase now. It happens to all of us.

        • marlie

          Jennifer Hudson and Christina Aguilera went through that phase after they’d each lost a lot of weight. As have half of the women in Hollywood after they’ve had a baby. If this is the case, I hope Lavern gets over it soon.

        • butterflysunita

          Yes! There’s a scene where Sophia buys a trashy skirt and top and models the outfit for her wife–and the wife tells her she looks like Miley Cyrus. Then the wife pulls an elegant purple dress out of the closet and Sophia looks amazing in it.

          • lamamu

            That was such a lovely and moving scene.

    • Noah

      Laverne really needs to move away from the Mariah Carey-esque looks. They don’t even work for Mariah Carey anymore.

      • marlie

        Truer words have never been spoken.

      • Thomas

        I don’t think they ever worked for Mariah.

        • Noah

          Touché.

    • teensmom99

      I’d say Selenis looks fab even with the shoes. That dress can handle those shoes. And I love Uzo and her outfit and just wish it was unobstructed.Just hit me that as a big woman, Laverne might feel that if it’s not skin-tight, then she looks fat. I realize that even a beautifully proportioned large woman runs that risk–but I think a good stylist could give this Emmy nominee a hand.

    • Missy

      Later on, Uzo is going to go nanny for some plucky British children and pull a full-on lamp, vanity mirror, potted plant, and tape measure out of that carpetbag.

      • Danielle

        Practically perfect in every way!

      • http://vispreeve.tumblr.com/ Den Milano

        And the bag doesn’t even have to be magic – it can fit everything.

    • Alyssa

      I love the dress Selenis is wearing. I was thinking the trendy bright yellow pump would look better, the yellow she has is too dull. Perhaps Uzo’s bag is like Mary Poppins’…she can pull anyhting out of it!

      • Missy

        Great minds. My first thought was Mary Poppins, too!

      • MilaXX

        I think the shoes she has on would be okay if they didn’t have the Minnie Mouse platform

    • marlie

      I love Selenis’ look. That dress is great, and her hair is great, and I like her makeup except for the neon pink lipstick. Uzo’s purse is ridiculous. And while major, major congratulations are in order for Laverne, that dress needs to be a good 4-6 inches longer in order to NOT look “hoochie.” Also, I generally hate straps and necklines that accentuate the bust like that. Finally, while we know she has a bangin’ figure, Laverne almost always needs to go up a size, especially in bandage-style dresses. You should not be able to see the indentation of her panty line in the front.

    • butterflysunita

      I love Selenis Leyva’s dress–it’s so flattering and the pattern is beautiful. She looks great.

      • Violentcello

        It’s gorgeous. It reminds me of a bunch of Polaroids scattered across a desk.

    • Anna

      Off topic: I want to see Tay Tay with that purse on her Summer 2014 Workout Tour.

      On topic: I love the print on Selenis’s dress, she looks great and honestly the pumps don’t bother me as much as silly putty shoes. Oh, Laverne…no.

    • hughman

      Huge is the New Bag

      • L’Anne

        I like big purse and I cannot lie. You other ladies can’t deny, when a gal walks in with huge puffed orange clutch you get sprung!

        BABY GOT PURSE.

        Thank you, Sir MixALot.

    • http://tvblogster.blogspot.com Boop

      Did someone tell them to do the right leg cross pose? Love them. Yes, Laverne could use a new style, but love these ladies.

    • Denise Rambo

      If I tried to stand with one leg crossed over the other like that, I’d fall down when I tried to start walking. It’s the most unnatural look and everyone does it. Is it a REQUIREMENT or something?

      • marlie

        It’s supposed to make you look slimmer in photos, I think. I’d fall on my ass too.

      • alyce1213

        The ‘gotta pee’ pose is probably my major bugaboo in RC photos. As Marlie said, it’s “supposed to” make you look slimmer, but it really doesn’t. It looks awkward and stupid. The most flattering pose is one foot ahead of the other, slightly obscuring the back leg, but not crossing over it.

        • Carleenml

          exactly. I thought the model pose was one foot forward/drop your hip/turn a bit. I don’t know where “have to pee” got into the game.

      • Imasewsure

        My mom used to do that when she was trying to show us her new outfits. I think she had one modeling class once and that was what she retained…

      • MilaXX

        The theory used to be it’s the most slimming way to pose for pictures and it’s better than the wonder woman pose. On some ladies it looks good, on others it’s “I gotta pee.”

    • Dan_In_NYC

      You know her friend made that bag.

      • Denise Rambo

        I think she made it in Crafts Class at Litchfield.

    • Mary Elizabeth Poytinger Baume

      I just want to give it up for the ladies of color to be featured in all their divine glory.

    • Danielle

      Laverne’s boobs are ON POINT.

    • Sarah

      Laverne has got to let the bandage dress go. We know you are stacked, lady – let’s see something ELSE. I love Ms. Leyva’s dress – it is super cool. I shall not speak of the banana feet.

    • WinterSantiaga

      Selenis looks amazing! And I wonder wether Laverne just wants to stay true to her personal style or if she really has trouble getting a good stylist and designers to dress her. Because it makes no sense to me why any designer/stylist wouldn’t want their name attached to her wearing something fabulous!

    • http://heartprintandstyle.com/ Vivi N

      Look. I love me a big, roomy purse but even I am appalled at the size of that thing Uzo is clutching.

      Personal note: It’s so weird for me to type ‘Uzo’ on this site because I automatically think of my brother who bears the same name. Times a-changin’!

    • Gatto Nero

      Laverne needs to choose: boobs or legs.
      Uzo should leave the baguettes and small pets at home.
      Second the verdict on the yellow platforms.
      Otherwise, they look fabulous. So nice to see them not in their prison duds.

    • cocohall

      Did Uzo have some sort of wardrobe malfunction? The way she is deploying that bag, you’d think she realized too late that her pants were giving her serious camel toe. I wonder if it even IS her bag? Maybe some assistant handed to her once they realized they had a “situation” to deal with. Because the bag doesn’t even remotely go with what she is wearing, and seriously, you could pack for a weekend getaway it is so huge. Does anyone know when Miss Laverne transitioned? I’m just thinking that she is mentally still in her “teen years” with her new body and is gravitating towards the body con dresses the same way the girls at my local high school do. Selenis looks great. I love her on season 2 of OITNB.

    • Imasewsure

      I’m sure the purse is either her company or her best friend’s company and that is why she is pushing it so hard. Too bad it’s ugly because she looks great

    • MilaXX

      Selenis and Laverne need to switch dresses cause that ain’t enough dress on a tall drink of water like Laverne. Uzo’s bag is ginormous, but I kinda dig it. I want to go with a yellow sundress I have.

      • Sarah

        Yeah, I really like it too. I just wish it was about a third the size.

    • decormaven

      Can we start a Kickstarter fund to get Laverne a top stylist, someone who can really pull in top-shelf looks? Because as much as I applaud Uzo’s performance in OITNB, I so want Laverne to have the best shot at the Emmy. I want her to have Lupita-level choices of outfits.

    • http://foodycat.blogspot.co.uk/ Alicia

      If I had legs like Laverne’s, I would wear the hell out of bandage dresses. But that corset cage bit does not work with the dress at all. 1/2 size larger, 2″ longer, no corset-thingy, and a new wig, and I’ll let her keep the boob frames.

    • http://www.lippsisters.com/ Deborah Lipp

      I want Selenis’s dress for ME ME ME.

    • jilly_d

      Fug bag or not, Uzo looks pretty good here. I love her on the show and after reading an article with an AMAZING sound but from her about not changing her name for Hollywood, my respect for her has skyrocketed. Classy, that one.

    • snarkykitten

      I want Selenis’s dress, but with black instead of white. I think I saw it featured in a copy of Nylon I was flipping through. She makes it sing. Much better than the pouty faced model, that’s for sure!

      As for Laverne’s…um…it’s a pretty color??

    • robin-m

      It’s just so thrilling to see them all in something other than orange or tan. Selenis’ dress is my favorite, but they all look happy and proud — which they should be.

    • http://victoriapavlova.com Victoria Pavlova

      A pizza purse!

    • bitchybitchybitchy

      I love the look on Selenis’ face-it’s as if she’s saying, “bitches, just try to judge me. I WILL cut you”. Uzo’s almost overwhelmed by Mega-clutch, which I think will have a cameo in the next Transformers film: Attack of the Robodesigners”

    • Diva in 4 Inch Heels

      I love that bag.

    • kimmeister

      Laverne looks like she got stuck in a french fry basket.

    • Call me Bee

      Wow it’s weird to see these ladies all dressed up.

    • GemFemme

      I love these ladies. I’m hoping all of them sashay down the red carpet at the Emmys looking incredible. I’d love to see Laverne in something edgy but chic. Maybe Gautier. And of course a new wig.

    • CKMia

      Was the purse nominated for anything?

      • Big Bear

        Largest Purse Ever and also Most Garish Accessory.

      • Twigg

        “Most likely to be made from a tablecloth at a cheap texmex restaurant”

    • MK03

      I’m pretty sure I could sleep in Uzo’s bag.

    • NinjaCate

      I feel like Laverne needs to lengthen all her dresses by like maybe two inches. She’s so tall that the length that reads “cute and flirty” on short ladies reads a little trashy on her. It’s even not her fault really. But I’m looking at this dress and everything is working for me except that it’s too short. I feel like it would be perfect if it hit a little closer to her knees. (And the hair!!! Why can’t we get the Sophia bob?!?! I LOVED THE BOB)

      • Glammie

        My guess about the hair is that Cox probably feels a bit self-conscious about her neck and broadness of her shoulders, so the long swirl of hair conceals any heaviness in the neck and cuts the horizontal of the shoulder line.

        I’m with you on the dress, she probably just has a problem finding skirts that are long enough, given her height.

    • Anon-mum

      Why does Laverne have a birthday candle on her head?

    • sparkle_burnout

      Uzo is way too smart and self aware to be carrying that bag unironically. There is some kind of back-story there, and I am just dying to know what it is. Either that or she’s punking us.