Rose Byrne in Max Mara at the Women In Film 2014 Crystal + Lucy Awards

Posted on June 12, 2014

We actually yelped “What? NO!” when we saw this. We couldn’t help it. This may be the most body-distorting jumpsuit since the glory days of Studio 54.

 

Rose-Byrne-Max-Mara-Women-Filme-2014-Crystal-Lucy-Awards-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (1)Rose Byrne attends the Women In Film 2014 Crystal + Lucy Awards held at the Hyatt Regency Century Plaza in Los Angeles, California in a Max Mara strapless silver lamé jumpsuit accessorized with a Rauwolf clutch and Pomellato jewelry.

Rose-Byrne-Max-Mara-Women-Filme-2014-Crystal-Lucy-Awards-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (2)

Rose-Byrne-Max-Mara-Women-Filme-2014-Crystal-Lucy-Awards-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (3)Rauwolf Spring 2014 Clutch

Rose-Byrne-Max-Mara-Women-Filme-2014-Crystal-Lucy-Awards-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (4)

Rose-Byrne-Max-Mara-Women-Filme-2014-Crystal-Lucy-Awards-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (5)

OHMIGOD EVERYTHING HERE IS WRONG STOP IT ROSE BYRNE JUST STOP IT RIGHT THIS INSTANT.

Sorry. We’re having a reaction.

Let’s just run down the list: the bodice gives her the torso of a 6-year-old, the pleats triple the size of her hips, she has a combination of giraffe AND elephant legs, and her crotch is now located half a centimeter below her belly button. Seemingly. Top it off with the drabbest little hairstyle you ever did see and a makeup job that’s downright scary and she looks like some sort of weird, stylized, unfinished drawing. Her body’s all distorted and her face is a pair of eyes floating in a blank, featureless oval.

We dub this look “Sparkly Depression.” And we declare it awful.

 

 

[Photo Credit: INFphoto.com, Charley Gallay/Getty Images, raulwolfnyc.com]

    • kimmeister

      And yet, I am not having nearly the same averse reaction. I don’t love it but I like it for being so unexpected and different for her. And for the hint of a smile she has, for once!

      • jtabz

        Nor I. I don’t love it (and I can’t unsee the crotch-to-bellybutton seaming), but I think the proportions are kind of interesting.

      • Scimommy

        *shrug* Me neither. I agree about the elephant legs and the crotch/bellybutton thing, but overall I think it looks rather pretty. Not a total disaster that many bodysuits are.

      • miscorrections

        I should hate disco Tin Man, but my inner magpie is shrieking in delight.

        • Raspberry2012

          I love everything about this comment! Ha!

      • Rhonda Shore

        I’m having a similar reaction, it seems cheerful for her…

      • Darren Nesbitt

        I think Rose having an illusion of bigger hips is a good thing. I like this.

      • TAGinMO

        While it has its flaws, I actually like the overall look, too.

      • Jennifer Schiller

        Me too *shrug*. Good for her for having fun, I say.

    • lamamu

      But her collarbone is draped in perfection. My eyes refuse to acknowledge the rest of it.

      • Constant Reader

        I need that necklace.

    • Glam Dixie

      Rose Byrne by Picasso

    • Karen Belgrad

      I think I had this outfit for my Rollerskating Barbie…

    • Noah

      Rose, honey, let’s go snort a line on the balcony and talk about proportions.

      • Raspberry2012

        I’ll come with you.

        (*Elbows the couples having sex in the balcony seats out of the way, and turns to the task at hand…*) Okay, Rose, listen to us…

        • boweryboy

          I’ll meet you guys later. I’m too busy dancing with Grace Jones and Victor Hugo.

          • Raspberry2012

            Oh, jesus! I love you for the Victor Hugo comment! That guy was just such a bizarre part of the Studio 54 scenery, it was just perfect!

    • NMMagpie

      She looks like a drawing I did way back in the day when I first started drawing people. Disco realness.

    • Kent Roby

      “I’m Gumby, Dammit!”

    • boweryboy

      This jumpsuit is pretty bad. If you cover the yellow area between her legs with your finger it suddenly turns into a high impact floor length dress.

      • marlie

        You’re right!

        (I hope no one in my office saw me doing that just now…)

        • Raspberry2012

          OMG, that worked!!

      • altermyego

        When you said “the yellow area between her legs” I thought you were telling us she had an ‘accident’.

    • http://attiresmind.blogspot.com/ Kiltdntiltd

      Continuing with “Lousy Fit Day”, the pleating on the pant legs is placed wrong for her, and they aren’t deep enough. Harumph.

      • decormaven

        Tailoring must now be classed in such dated practices such as scrimshaw and tatting. Interesting but not useful- at least from what has been trotted out lately.

        • http://attiresmind.blogspot.com/ Kiltdntiltd

          It’s all the “borrowed frock syndrome”. When the studio system was in operation, no star was ever seen looking less than perfect.

    • Anna

      To paraphrase Troy from Community, “Rose…your face? It’s bad.”

      Now I need to go to find a gif of that.

      • @Biting Panda

        “And make sure my lips are as corpsy as humanly possible.”

        • Fordzo a.k.a. Fancy Mukluks

          “Do you have an eye shadow called ‘Sad’? That’s the one I’d like. Well, not *like*, because that implies that I’d be happy with it, and I’m never happy.”

    • http://foodycat.blogspot.co.uk/ Alicia

      And yet, she is smiling.

      • Daisy Walker

        It completely changes her face! I think that’s the first time I’ve ever seen her smile–every other photo of her looks like the second one down, like she’s about to cry.

        • Raspberry2012

          Right? It’s amazing. She’s in THIS outfit, yet she looks so happy!

      • http://redheadedwolf.wordpress.com/ Laura Renee

        Yeah, only in the first picture. In the rest, she definitely looks close to tears.

      • Fordzo a.k.a. Fancy Mukluks

        I think she just farted. That’s not a smile, it’s gas.

      • Vtg Fashion Library

        Her eyes look very sad, despite the hint of a smile.

        • http://foodycat.blogspot.co.uk/ Alicia

          I think that’s just her face though. She always looks like she has a tragic secret. She’s heard of smizing and wants no truck with it.

    • @Biting Panda

      A picture perfect definition of WHAT THE FUCKERY?!?!

    • bristlesage

      So that clutch is The Clutch right now, huh? Here, and with Kerry Washington.

    • kfizz

      Nuh uh. She looks great. Of course the cut of the bodysuit is kind of ridiculous, and she’s totally working the hell out of it. The sparkly chain and punky makeup add a little post-70s edge, and she looks killer.

    • BLauD

      What the heck is going on with her eyes? For that matter, most lady stars eyes lately! Are the makeup artists angry at everyone – we’ve got a lot of consumptive raccoons running around on the red carpet.

      • @Biting Panda

        Some sort of sorcery has been used to make the whites of her eyes the exact shade of her skin.

      • Kayceed

        I have tried to wear this shade of blue with the same results – my eyes look completely bloodshot. It’s a mess.

    • marigi

      A question: what happens if you need to pee?

      • http://foodycat.blogspot.co.uk/ Alicia

        You get someone to hold your clutch because you can’t hang it up, you unzip completely and you hold it very carefully off the floor.

        • DuBey2

          And then you vow to never again wear that (or any other) jumpsuit to an event longer than 1 hour, tops.
          ETA: True story, circa 1979

      • Fordzo a.k.a. Fancy Mukluks

        There’s room for a diaper in all those pleats, just sayin’.

    • Jessica Freeman

      What the shit.

    • smh4748

      Please go away and die, bodysuits.

      And take your sad little brother, the romper, with you.

      xoxo,
      Humanity

    • quiltrx

      Finding something I like….hmmm…well, that necklace is awesome.

      • kimmeister

        Two more points: her posture is great and her posing is unoffensive.

        Also, I envy her straight-across shoulders. She must not have the issue of shoulder strap bags sliding off like I do.

        • quiltrx

          Mine are more linebacker-y, I guess, but I am fortunate to have nice square shoulders. My sister and I both do, and used to tease our mother for her little round shoulders (which caused strap problems too!).

          • kimmeister

            Mine are linebacker-y in their width, but slopey.

    • KinoEye

      Oooof, that’s some bad fitting right there. It’s giving her a serious case of front-butt. A jumpsuit might work for her, but not this particular one.

      Speaking of which, the jumpsuit/romper trend is infiltrating the civilian population. A good friend stopped by my office, and what I thought was a cute dress was revealed to be a romper. A mid-calf length romper. And bless her, she’s only 5 feet tall. But the colors were lovely on her.

      • demidaemon

        At that height, I would instantly ignore rompers for the fear of being made to look like a child. Your friend has balls or just gives no fucks. i can approve of that, to a degree.

        But rompers should still die.

    • Danielle

      THE mAKEUP I can’t EVEN

    • ryenerman

      Designers stop putting pleats in pants. It was horrible in the 80s, it’s horrible now. No. More. Pleats. Signed, someone with photo albums full of terrible pictures of herself as a teenager in the 80s.

      • hermeschic

        i just said that to myself..pleats aren’t flattering on pants..just stop.

    • numenah

      Makeup by your friendly local embalmer. These greige lipsticks must be banned.

    • Tricia Rose

      A Bobble Head On Stilts!!

    • MilaXX

      I don’t mind the makeup, but it needs better hair to set it off. I don’t mind the top of the jumpsuit, but everything waist down is so very wrong. All combined the things wrong outweigh any good in this look.

    • Jacob Bowen

      This jumpsuit makes her whole crotchal region look SUPER wide! Not a flattering choice Ms. Byrne.

    • J.W.

      She looks like she has to pee. The cloth looks like an extreme weather or fire emergency cover.

    • Andrea Lentz

      I don’t hate it, i hate her depressing matchy eyeshadow much more.

    • kmk05

      Please don’t lynch me, but isn’t this exactly how every single model looks when wearing a jumpsuit? That’s why these pieces work on them! If she had just a little more attitude and didn’t look like a deer in headlights, it would look like she just came off a runway.

    • MarissaLG

      I definitely think the most offensive part of this is the makeup, but I’m not a fan of it overall.

    • mmebam

      I think this is one of those things where the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. Overall, I find this to be a relatively effective look.

    • ashtangajunkie

      How is it that the first time I see her smile on a red carpet, she’s wearing this nonsense? This is not a look to smile about, lady.

    • marlie

      Yep, what TLo said. Rose, you can do better than this.

    • Heather

      But…. she’s sort of smiling! (I would be, too, if I were dating the yummy Bobby Cannavale.)

    • Raspberry2012

      And you wanna know the irony, TLo? It’s one of those rare times that we actually see her *smiling*! I think she likes the way she looks, which is just crazy. I actually DO like the fabric, it’s just that the whole garment is shaped wrong. All that’s missing is Michael Kors to rush up to her and bray, “That CROTCH is INSANE!!”

      • Fordzo a.k.a. Fancy Mukluks

        I wonder what finally drove her to smile? I bet it was just gas.

        • demidaemon

          She was like, “Finally, after ten years, I got that fart out. I’m so happy.”

    • Crystal

      I don’t hate this!

    • Shawn EH

      You can’t question her commitment to Sparkle Depression. And, ah, nice necklace?

      • DuBey2

        or any other kind of Depression.

    • http://chick-habit.com Ally Huang

      That clutch. That’s all.

    • Constant Reader

      I want to know how anyone thought a silver lame pleated jumpsuit with a breast-obliterating chest flap was a good idea.

      • demidaemon

        That phrase should have caused her to make a different choice.

    • Eclectic Mayhem

      “The studios gotta keep their stars from looking ridiculous at any cost.”

      • FrigidDiva

        I just found it for $5 at Wal-Mart the other day. It’s been one of my all time fave musicals since the fist time I saw it with my Grandmother and I’ve been wanting a copy for ages. All I can say is: Gene Kelly, they don’t em’ like that anymore.

    • Fuchsiaforever

      Awful, but I still think Jamie King looks worse in the lavender Jason Wu dress (by a bit but still).

    • Wink

      Liza Minnelli on line two. She wants her Studio 54 jumpsuit back — now!

    • Fordzo a.k.a. Fancy Mukluks

      She tries so hard to look happy, but it never last for more than one frame. #onlyhappywhenitrains

    • conniemd

      What else can one expect from a photo caption that says strapless silver lame jumpsuit?

    • Qitkat

      Umm, I must not be looking at the same picture. Not as offended as I ought to be I guess.

    • gitchygitchymama

      Why I reckon i’ve never seen a pleated boot cut leg before ……… let along in sparkle…………….

    • somebody blonde

      Really? I kind of like it…

    • http://www.youtube.com/user/TheOctocornNetwork International Model

      This is like a Margaret & Walter Keane disco caricature.

    • Lilithcat

      AND the pants need hemming.

    • crash1212

      Maybe she’s dressed AS the Crystal and Lucy Award?

    • LadyVimes

      This is like ABBA on downers.

    • mickiemonkey

      Aaaand her lips are gone. If you squint your eyes and look, you see only sad eyes and a nose.

    • SuzyQuzey

      I will be glad when the Corpse Lips trend ends.

      I can’t even with that jumpsuit.

    • SierraDelta

      CAN NO ONE WEAR DECENT MAKEUP TODAY? *harrumph*

    • dschubba

      She looks like she’s going to the 1997 MTV Movie Awards.

    • macwell

      ^^^^^Yeah – what they said….^^^^^^ :(

    • demidaemon

      I think the description of the outfit automatically makes it an OUT: “silver lame strapless jumpsuit.” NO.

    • KT

      I hate every single thing about this look

    • ktr33

      At least she can use the clutch to hit her stylist over the head.

    • http://cheekypinky.wordpress.com cheekypinky

      If she had gone for big, tawdry, 70s hair and bright lipstick, it would have made this outfit. One cannot accessorize a silver jumpsuit with a funereal expression, Kittens.

    • kt

      The makeup is too matte, but that jump suit is GORGEOUS

    • Melissa

      She looks like a sparkly Gumby character, just sliding through negative space on her footless legs.

    • altermyego

      You forgot to mention the drab jewelry. This outfit needed some edgy jewelry. And although I don’t hate the necklace, it’s the least edgy chain necklace I’ve seen.
      That being said, even some bling probably wouldn’t have done much to help this outfit.

      I do like the outfit in theory but theory only goes so far.

    • EEKstl

      It’s too bad the proportions are so off, because for some odd reason I’m not hating this and I would actually…LIKE IT if it made more sense.