Jessica Biel in Vionnet at Tiffany & Co. Celebration

Posted on May 01, 2014

This looks like the cover of a mid-price catalogue that you immediately throw in the trash.

Jessica-Biel-Vionnet-TCACC-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (1)Jessica Biel attends Tiffany & Co. Atlas Collection celebration at Chateau Marmont in in West Hollywood, California in a Vionnet metallic gazar top with ivory silk-piqué trousers from the Spring 2014 collection paired with Casadei white leather cage sandals and a Fendi bag.

Jessica-Biel-Vionnet-TCACC-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (2)Fendi Stolba Bead Fringe Baguette

Jessica-Biel-Vionnet-TCACC-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (3)


Too bitchy? Can you say we’re wrong? It’s a crappy, half-assed outfit, is it not? She practically exudes blandness, does she not? We hope they didn’t give her free Tiffany merch for showing up in those wrinkled clown pants.



[Photo Credit: BFA via Tiffany & Co.,]

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  • Alicia

    Nailed it. The face of Peter Hahn.

  • clatie

    Too bitchy? Too nice! It looks like the back third of Anne Taylor Loft, the section where the pictures are small and the prices are low.

    • CB

      That’s an insult to Anne Taylor Loft!

      • clatie

        you’re right. I apologize Anne!

      • kimmeister

        Especially since it’s Ann without an E!

        • clatie

          wow, well I will pay more attention to mall retailers’ spelling from now on. apologies to ann.

    • Anna

      I think the back third of Anne Taylor loft is being too generous. The cover of my mom’s latest “Special Occasions” Avon catalogue looks just like this.

      • Fuchsiaforever

        Thanks for putting things in perspective.

      • demidaemon

        My mom used to be an Avon representative and the clothes in the Outlet were way cuter and more colorful than this. This is so bland, even Avon is offended by being referenced.

        • Anna

          I stand corrected and take your word for it! I just remember seeing this particular cover and noticing a lot of beige. But the clothes probably are cuter.

          • demidaemon

            Well, hopefully, real people are smart enough to not pair beige with beige on beige skin.

      • poggi

        I was thinking “the new Cato”

    • Introspective

      im getting a distinct whiff of casual corner’s sale rack.

      (as an aside, everytime this chick appears & bores us yet again, i have to throw serious shade on justin timberlake’s decision to make her his life partner. suggests that his huge ego requires only someone that can stand in his shadow instead of casting one of her own. and i HATE men like that…)

      • Anna

        To make matters worse, he cheated on her, strung her along and I guess when he felt she’d proven her loyalty, “rewarded” her with a proposal.

      • demidaemon

        You know, if she were a regular girl, I could see the issue, but she’s supposed to be a star, damn it. Give us something to work with here!

  • TerryMH

    This post could have been a, “Girl, that’s your outfit!” because it captures her personality perfectly – bland.

    • Fuchsiaforever


    • Sobaika

      T, Lo, and the BKs are being DELICIOUSLY bitchy about Fetch and her ode to lint-colored clothing and I am HERE FOR IT 😀

    • Kent Roby

      For real! These photos are fashion Ambien.

  • Heron

    This is SO J. Jill.

    • ballerinawithagun

      That was the one I was trying to think of!

    • ktr33

      That’s what I thought of, too.

    • caroline

      YES. That or Coldwater Creek.

    • bitchybitchybitchy

      The top especially reeks of J.Jill-those muted no-color colors.Shuddering.

    • CB

      I started getting ads for J. Jill this afternoon. Has targeted internet advertising gotten so good/creepy that J. Jill found me just because I read this!?!?!

  • Anna

    Now available directly on DVD: Jessica Biel stars in 50 Shades of Beige.

  • Karen Belgrad

    Serving up Newport News realness*!

    (*not a compliment)

    • ballerinawithagun

      Ah yes, I had agreed with the J. Jill above but Newport News does it also!

    • OffToSeeHim

      No it is NOT a compliment! 😀 You go girl, are you Southern? You were one step away from blessing her heart there! “Girl, you are serving up the Newport News realness today!” and she smiles and goes on with her day and then over dinner thinks, “…wait…”

      • Karen Belgrad

        Not Southern, LOL… Actually, furthest from it… Chicago suburbanite, descended from Brooklyn Jews :)

        I think “realness” entered my vocabulary from RPDR!

  • TrixieConQueso

    And she always orders the decaf latte, knowing it blends with her outfit, and that make her mildly happy.

    • demidaemon

      At least if she spills it, her outfit will become ten times more interesting.

  • Lilithcat

    That’s Vionnet? Madeleine should come back from the grave and sue.

  • Kiltdntiltd

    Sorry I was yawning so much I couldn’t hear you.

  • In_Stitches

    Not even sassy enough for a chico’s ad. This is just sad. That top needs a bad ass, print pencil skirt and those pants are calling for…burning. They are screaming, please burn me and put me out of my misery.

    • Tom and Lorenzo

      “Not even sassy enough for a chico’s ad.” Our new favorite burn.

  • Catherine

    I cannot take credit for this but my friend calls her Jessica Beige. It fits.

    • Sobaika

      I tend to go with Oatbiel – no offense to oatmeal lovers everywhere.

      • demidaemon

        At least with oatmeal you can add flavors and have it taste good. When she wears anything not beige, it just kills the outfit through her non-personality.

  • NMMagpie

    Some Avon catalog realness, here. However, that gold tone cuff is pretty awesome.

  • gayle

    Those pants are no one’s friend.

  • @Biting Panda

    The Oatbiel just won’t go away, will she?

    • Kitten Mittons

      Thanks for identifying why I’m suddenly craving oatmeal.

      Sad thing is, I think actually did try to sass this up.

      “Oatmeal? I’ll show them. I’m gonna go all Strawberries n’ Cream on their asses.” *paints nails pink*

    • Fuchsiaforever


    • Sobaika

      YES!!!! I love that Oatbiel is now a Thing.

  • Bert Keeter

    Is there something here to comment on?

  • Zanna6

    Spiegel, 60609.

    • Constant Reader

      That made me laugh out loud.

  • Jessica Freeman

    This outfit is the equivalent of her personality. B O R I N G

    • ashtangajunkie

      Preach, sister.

  • Paige @ LPD

    at least give us some lip color.

  • SewingSiren

    Gazar is the most wonderful fabric for making beautiful sculptural dresses that remain very light and bouncy. Why on earth would you waste it on a basic bodice. Silk pique is very nice too,but wrongly used in this outfit, As is Vionnet’s name on this half assed outfit.

    • OffToSeeHim

      You don’t have to believe me if you don’t want to, but I *swear* I was reading that comment thinking, “I wonder what ever happened to Sewing Siren, she used to say stuff like this all the time.” And there you were! 😀 How are you doing? Did you ever audition for Project Runway, or did you miss the window and it got too ridiculous?

  • mjude

    now I need to take a nap.

  • luludexter

    god someone give me another cup of coffee because this is putting me to sleep it’s so boring…

  • ashtangajunkie

    As it turns out, the booms she used to have hanging in her eyes were the only thing about her worth discussing.

  • MarissaLG

    Horrible, horrible bag.

  • ReadBarbara

    Tweeds used to offer that very outfit in a stunning range of oatmeal, cafe au lait, dead twig and lost bandage. And although I am completely alone in this, I love that she will put her face out there without all the contrivance of fake lashes and spackled contour, etc.

    • ktr33

      TWEEDS! Oh my, that brings me back.

    • Qitkat

      You are killing me with ‘dead twig’ and ‘lost bandage’ color names. Well done.

      • ReadBarbara

        Aw, thanks. I think I aspire to be a T Lo guest host :-)

    • kmk05

      Nah, she’s spackled. It’s just in beige. Even her inner eye rims are beige!

    • Introspective

      serious snort at lost bandage.

    • marlie

      “Lost bandage” had me cracking up at my desk.

    • clatie

      oh, man, I bought a boat load of Tweeds stuff. forgot all about it.

  • Boobs Radley

    The only thing marginally interesting about this is the bag. Which is hiddy.

  • Danielle

    My God, at least she could have slapped on some lipstick or a bit of eyeliner. It’s Tiffany, for Christ’s sake.

    • OffToSeeHim

      Are you kidding? She’s wearing more makeup than RuPaul! You just can’t see it because it’s so bland. I don’t blame you for missing it, you were probably looking for color. Where you slipped up is that it’s Jessica Biel and there is none.

      • demidaemon

        When you wear more make-up than a drag queen and still look this bland, something has gone seriously wrong.

  • FibonacciSequins


  • RohanMBN

    I feel like the only place those pants are acceptable are rocking on a front porch in the south, sipping a mint julep and talking to Colonel Sanders.

    • Kayceed

      I see them on the beach, with a little cotton sweater and barefoot, frolicking. NOT at a Tiffany’s event. Gah.

  • OffToSeeHim

    Plus she’s REALLY giving “trying too hard to be casually beautiful” face. I don’t know why she thinks Vionnet is her designer – every time she tries it she just ends up looking beige and boring.

  • Betsy

    Da heck?! Not only is it blah, the pants look like full-length adult diapers.

    • Fuchsiaforever

      HAHAHA Kittens today on fire!!! These are THE best comments I have read in a while!!!!!

  • cocohall

    Bless her heart, she thought the purse could do all the heavy lifting. “I’m going to punctuate my tribute to beige with a fantastic little bag. I’m so clever!” it just looks like she picked up someone else’s bag by accident. This is an evening bag and she has paired it with her “patient on a day pass” look.

    On a different note, does she rescue birds that fall out of nests? Raise money for orphans in war-torn countries? Why are people still pointing a camera at her and inviting her places? Is the power of the Timberlake so strong that it sweeps her along in his wake? I can’t remember seeing her in an actual film or TV show. For what it’s worth, I actually prefer her without the bangs. The bangs made you think there might be something interesting about her. This hair is just perfect for her Casual Surroundings catalog cover.

    • KinoEye

      “Tribute to beige.” Awesome.

    • Qitkat

      I’m just curious, what do you think makes this an evening bag? Even though it’s beaded, the fringe and pattern seem to veer more towards casual. It looks more substantial than the average evening bag, and the solid leather elements are more daytime to me. I looked it up, it’s 11″x 5″x 2″. It looks larger than that here doesn’t it?

      I guess I’m alone here in thinking that this purse is a great addition to her simple, minimal color outfit. And I really like her hair and neutral face. This look is a variation of the adage: “It takes a lot of money to look this unadorned and effortless.” It’s really too bad about all the wrinkling. I think she may have looked better in person because these are lovely quality fabrics.

      • Gatto Nero

        I agree that it’s a casual bag, but also agree with cocohall that the bag appears intended to bring interest to the entire look — and fails.
        TLo’s “mid-price catalogue” assessment is breathtakingly on point. This is an homage to bland.

        • Qitkat

          I realize I’m pretty much alone on this, which is OK, but I purposely didn’t use the word bland, as I think sometimes it is perfectly acceptable and attractive to go out in neutrals, especially when they are rendered in beautiful fabrics. So I like the touch of an interesting bag, and a dramatic beautiful bracelet, helping to elevate the outfit.

          Not every celebrity apparently yearns to be the most amazing one in the room; the irony here, is that Jessica achieves being talked about a lot, because she is assumed to be colorless, bland and uninteresting. But I doubt if any of us know that for a fact.

          • Kayceed

            You raise an interesting point. I do very much like minimalist fashion – I think the trick however is to find pieces that are simple but architecturally interesting – they have a structure that is simple but beyond classic. And I’m not sure these fabrics, while beautiful, are adding much, and certainly the cut of both pieces are pedestrian. Her style reminds me a bit of someone like Jody Foster, who likes to be low-key but in good taste. She should perhaps call Mr. Armani.

          • Qitkat

            I actually agree with your point. I would have liked to have seen more architectural interest here too. I’m fascinated by pieces that are all of one color or fabric, but that the designer has cut and sewn in a non-traditional way. So I will concede that these two pieces are cut quite basically. I still like them though :)
            But then again, I’m one of the few BK’s who will also (sometimes) defend Peter Pilotto. lol, I have cognitive dissonance I suppose, at least sartorially.

          • Gatto Nero

            I wear neutrals and minimalist styles a lot, and I don’t equate these choices alone with blandness. (And I’m speaking strictly about style here; I don’t know whether Biel is bland or not personally.) Deploying neutrals in an interesting way requires an impeccable cut, great fabric, fit, silhouette, drape, construction, *something* — which this look lacks entirely.

          • demidaemon

            True. In this color palette, there needs to be some extra design elements. Otherwise, it’s a whole bag of nothing.

          • Qitkat

            Spot on points. Well put, on another occasion I might be arguing the very same things. And yet, I like it, not love, but whattayougonnado? sometimes a person just likes something.

            I may be wrong, but I think a lot of BKs (and I’m not saying this includes you) have that irrational dislike of her, and this outfit on another better-liked person, while not garnering much love, wouldn’t get as much *hate*.

          • Gatto Nero

            I really don’t know anything about her other than that she’s married to Justin T, so I haven’t formed an opinion. I was commenting strictly on the clothes.
            And you’re right about “sometimes a person just likes something”!

      • cocohall

        Isn’t it beaded? I tend to think of beaded items as being more formal, possibly because a day bag gets a lot of wear and tear and beading doesn’t seem practical, but evening bags are more just for show. Also, in my world a day bag is HUGE, so anything that you can’t put nearly a day’s worth of stuff in seems small and evening-ish to me. And finally, with the clothes she is wearing, if you MUST wear them, they seem so casual that a slouchy hobo bag would be more appropriate. But what do I know of Mrs. Timberlake and her life? Or the requirements of any celebrity, really. If she can fit all her stuff in there. good for her! I have friends who make do with much smaller bags than I do. But they are always asking me for tissues, mints, advil, etc. I travel well-stocked.

        • Gatto Nero

          It is beaded, but the wide brown leather strap, zig-zag fringe, and overall print read casual to me.

        • Qitkat

          What Gatto Nero said. I couldn’t fit all my stuff in there either normally, but on special occasions, day or evening, I usually pare down to the minimum, so this bag would hold ID, cell, tissues, comb, lipstick, a few bills just fine. With the beading, it’s an impractical bag for regular day wear for sure.

  • Maggie

    Mrs. Timberlake is a pretty girl, but her style is just as bland as her acting.

  • DagnyReardon

    I spit my $5 latte out when I read the headline. The photo was worth every cent.

  • SugarSnap108

    Oof. That description is a bit harsh — but so, so accurate.

  • boweryboy

    This is just sad.

  • PastryGoddess


  • KinoEye

    Jessica Biel for L.L. Bean. Ick. What does she do these days? Is she just kinda famous by association because of Timberlake?

    • Anna

      Yes, she is pretty much Mrs. Timberlake these days. And the most recent bullet point on her resume is making designer clothing look mediocre (see: her Oscars Chanel Couture).

  • kmk05

    It’s the perfect ‘rich socialite Chateau Marmont’ outfit. BORING. Ugh, her lips are in the same colour palette as everything else!

  • formerlyAnon

    In my past, I have owned trousers like that, which wrinkled like that, and worn them to stand in front of grown people earning a middle class wage in a basement classroom in a government building to provide mandatory work-related training.

    Not Fabulous.

    • Kayceed

      One dresses for one’s venue, after all. And for knowing that, your fabulous card will not be revoked.

  • julnyes

    She is the poster child for bland, but I like the bag and the gold cuff.

  • Sam Smith

    I like the purse.

  • TwiddlyStun

    A catalog would PhotoShop out those wrinkles, improving it over a regular photo instantly. But, I’d still throw it away. Bland and not flattering at all.

  • juniper

    enough with the clown balloon pants! they make everyone- even “eat a sandwich” skinny girls- look disproportionately hip heavy and bloated. It’s not flattering on anyone so why?

  • schadenfreudelicious

    I will take that gold cuff, the rest needs to go back into the laundry hamper where she obviously pulled it from….

  • marlie

    Everything about her is SO. BLAND. And that purse is fugly.

  • Sissy

    minimal. i like it. the purse sucks though. look – “they” are just like us. celebs get wrinkles too!

  • Constant Reader

    I feel like the photographer tried to un-bland the photo by upping the contrast. The handbag looks hideously neon in the photo with Jessica; in the photo by itself the bag looks much better. (Not my personal taste, but better.) And the bracelet is pretty great. Will no one save the accessories???

    • Gatto Nero

      The color of the bag is definitely amped up in the first photo.

  • NDC_IPCentral

    That top is a sad testament to the evisceration of the Vionnet name. Madeleine Vionnet was a pioneering designer from 1921 to 1939 (I’m looking at the website), but this is no homage to her designing and structural skills.

    • IMNAngryLiberal

      I adore Madeleine Vionnet. I have a huge book of her work on my coffee table (sitting next to my complete Calvin and Hobbes set) and nothing about that top respects her legacy.

    • conniemd

      I made the same comment above. Vionnet stands for designing gorgeous high fashion gowns.

  • International Model

    “Opal Pants” is the term coined in the early aughts when describing the ex-girlfriend of X-Men’s Iceman whose name was Opal and whose outstanding traits were “wears big pants”, “likes pizza”. Jessica Biel is Opal Pants from head to toe.

  • AthenaJ

    Well, I guess the pants with a different top might… not…. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…. *thunk of head hitting desk*

  • Imasewsure

    I’m going oppositional here.. I think she looks pretty and dare I say, “breezy”…. of course I’m giving her credit for some kick ass sandals which may or may not be worthy since I can’t really see them properly. No hateration here for Ms Biel-Timberlake

  • holla

    hey she matches the ledge she’s sitting on. maybe she’ll blend in and no one will notice she’s there, like a daytime ninja.

  • JP

    Yes, it looks like even Speigel catalogue I’ve ever thrown in my recycling bin.

  • MilaXX

    The love child of Coldwater Creek & J Jill

    • MaggieMae

      With Chicos watching.

  • EEKstl

    That top with a pencil skirt would have been a completely different story. As is – those pants: Un disastre! The bag, however, is fabulous.

  • sagecreek

    I’m not sure I’ve ever hated a Fendi bag before. First time for everything, I guess.

  • conniemd

    I can’t believe that top is Vionnet. They are one of the fashion houses that has clothes from the 20’s etc. in museums.

    • Gatto Nero

      Shocking, isn’t it?

  • MaggieMae

    A gorgeous woman in a terribly unflattering outfit.

  • nannypoo

    Better to recycle.

  • Suzanne Johnson

    I may be a voice crying in the wilderness, but dammit, I LIKE those pants. Why? Because they sit at her natural waistline, and they look cool and comfortable. Every night I am on my knees praying for the violent death of the low-rise, skin-tight pant. The sight of the young woman’s butt crack in the park yesterday while she bent over to pick up after her dog (at least she’s an RPO) was far more gruesome than Jessica’s casual outfit.

    • somebody blonde

      I like them also, but I HATE them with that top. There should’ve been some color, somewhere.

  • kim bunchalastnames

    the purse is life-giving, though.

  • demidaemon

    So right. In addition, this is just a really unflattering outfit. Does she have bag clips holding it together in back?

  • SophieCollier

    Ew. I’m glad to see waistbands rising, but those are ugly.

  • LadyVimes

    Eh. I think it looks venue-appropriate. It just reeks of Tiffany Luncheon in California.

  • Jacob Bowen

    Luckily if she fell over that railing her pants would slow her descent to the ground…maybe that’s not so lucky.

  • macwell

    The thing is, she’s gorgeous in a Jessica Pare sort of way, but never seems to play it up much, which is a shame because she had the bones (and body) to do just that, but….I guess she has relatedherself to be Justin B’s arm candy, but Iin this pic it’s more of a….I don’t even know what…:(

  • saintebeuve

    I’d love if the top were, say, a bright coral instead of, you know, burlap. But it’s been windy, gross 90 degrees in LA and it’s all very ladies who lunch but also looks comfortable, and I can’t hate that.

  • quiltrx

    LOL….I don’t think we need to say anything else other than your opening remarks, uncles. Throw the catalog AND the girl away.

  • kt

    It’s really perfect for being in triple digit la, and chic with her face, but fab? No

  • JynxTheCat

    when youguys nail it – you REALLY nail it. Coldwater creek has more pizazz