Met Gala 2014 Red Carpet Rundown – Part 1

Posted on May 06, 2014

There’s just too many of these couture bitches piling up, darlings! Time to do this Quick n’ Dirty style. Driveby bitchery. Are you up for it?

WE SAID “ARE YOU UP FOR IT?”

 

Anne Hathaway in Calvin Klein
Anne Hathaway-Clavin-Klein-2014-Met-Gala-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO

We haven’t much liked her red carpet turns as of late, but this suits her perfectly. It’d be plain on another lady, but it’s striking on her. Hair and earrings are doing the job.

 

 

Benedict Cumberbatch in Ralph Lauren Purple Label
Benedict Cumberbatch-Ralph-Lauren--2014-Met-Gala-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO

Ladies! Ladies! You’re dropping eggs all over our floor! Get a hold of yourselves!

 

 

Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds in Gucci
Blake Lively-Ryan-Reynolds-Gucci Premiere--2014-Met-Gala-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO

We’re so bleh on the two of them separately, but combined, they become a Void of Ambivalence. Having said that, they really look like muthafuckin movie stars.

They’re not, though. They just look like them.

 

 

Charlize Theron in Christian Dior Couture
Charlize Theron-Dior-Couture--2014-Met-Gala-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO

YES, MAMA! T AND LO ARE HERE FOR YOU, GIRL.

 

 

Chloë Moretz in Chanel Couture
Chloe Moretz-Chanel-Couture-2014-Met-Gala-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO

We think K Stew handles the Cowgirl Glam a little better, but this still works for us. A lot of gals couldn’t handle this one.

 

 

Claire Danes in Oscar de la Renta
Claire Danes-Oscar-de-la-Renta--2014-Met-Gala-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO

That’s the prettiest thing she’s worn – and the prettiest she herself has looked  – in a while. Nicely done. Very soft and romantic.

 

 

Kristen Stewart in Chanel Couture
Kristen Stewart-Chanel-Couture--2014-Met-Gala-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO

Dammit. We wanted her to show up in Chanel chaps and a Chanel cowboy hat. We would have bet money on it. Instead she showed up in a dress that looks like it’s disintegrating from the ground up.

 

 

Lea Michele in Altuzarra
Lea Michele-Altuzarra--2014-Met-Gala-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO

Of course, dear.

P.S.: You look 45.

 

 

Maggie Gyllenhaal in Valentino
Maggie Gyllenhaal-Valentino--2014-Met-Gala-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO

Shirley Partridge goes to the Met Gala.

We LOVE this. We don’t care what the rest of the world says. It’s so off the beaten path and so very her.

 

 

Mary-Kate Olsen in Vintage Chanel and Ashley Olsen in Vintage Gianfranco-Ferré
Mary-Kate-Olsen-Vintage Chanel-Ashley Olsen-Vintage-Gianfranco-Ferré--2014-Met-Gala-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO

We don’t love the way they’re styled, but those dresses are stunning. Possibly the best things we’ve ever seen them in.

 

 

Matt Bomer in Calvin Klein
Matt-Bomer-Calvin-Klein--2014-Met-Gala-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO

We’re getting the mop.

 

 

Michelle Williams in Louis Vuitton
Michelle-Williams-Louis-Vuitton-2014-Met-Gala-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO

That was lovely of you to stop by on your way home from brunch, dear, but really, you shouldn’t have.

 

 

Naomi Watts in Givenchy Couture
Naomi-Watss-Givenchy-Couture-2014-Met-Gala-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO

If she had wings and a domino mask, she’d look like a supervillainess.

That’s not a criticism.

 

 

Nicole Richie in Donna Karan Atelier
Nicole-Richie-Donna-Karan-Atelier-2014-Met-Gala-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO

Another case of someone looking better – and wearing something more beautiful – than we’ve seen in some time. That’s a really eye-catching, unusual look and it works great for her.

 

 

Reese Witherspoon in Stella McCartney
Reese-Witherspoon-Stella-McCartney-2014-Met-Gala-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO

The bust does absolutely nothing for her, and the styling makes her look way too much like Tracy Flick.

 

 

Rihanna in Stella McCartney
Rihanna-Stella-McCartney-2014-Met-Gala-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO

SHUTTING IT THE HELL DOWN.

 

 

Shailene Woodley in Rodarte
Shailene-Woodley-Rodarte-2014-Met-Gala-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO

That is the quintessential Rodarte dress.

That wasn’t a compliment.

We once heard a fashion editor say “Y’know, I really don’t get Rodarte…” and we wept tears of joy. Figuratively speaking.

 

 

Taylor Swift in Oscar de la Renta
Taylor-Swift-Oscar-de-la-Renta-2014-Met-Gala-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO

Soft and pretty. This was the time and place for her to indulge her tastes. We’re just happy she let Uncle Oscar take care of her. He knows the difference between “twee” and “elegant.”

 

 

Zoe Saldana in Michael Kors
Zoe-Saldana-Michael-Kors-2014-Met-Gala-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO

Her hair and face look underdone and those are not the jewelry pieces we would have chosen for this look. Pendants, ladies. They don’t bite.

We could get behind a tiered skirt, but we think this would look better with three smaller, less exuberant tiers, rather than two giant ones.

 

More to come, darlings.

 

 

 

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

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