Coachella 2014 Watch

Posted on April 14, 2014

Yes, darlings! It’s once again time for Stankboot 2014, aka the Coachella Music Festival. Celebrities! Marijuana! Hilarious clothing choices! Come join us, won’t you?

 

Kellan Lutz

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He has six outfits packed in that little bag and he’s ready for ANYTHING.

 

 

Katy Perry
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Ah, yes. The “I had two fucks to give and I left them in the back seat of my limo” look.

 

 

Michael Polish and Kate Bosworth
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 Her romper looks like it was made out of table runners and her shoes look like something you’d use to restrain patients in a 19th Century asylum.

 

 

Dianna Agron
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Because no desert music festival is complete unless you pack your cocktail dress, amirite, girls?
 

Paul Khoury and Ashley Greene
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Aw, they look kind of cute. We can’t hate, except for…STANKBOOT.

 

 

Joe Jonas
Coachella-2014-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (7)

The Jonas Brothers all dress totally gay.

There. We said it.

 

 

Zoe Kravitz
Coachella-2014-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (8)

Stank.

Boot.

 

 

Fergie
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 What’s with the tap shoes?

 

 

Rose McGowan
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 Stuck in 1999. Tragique.

 

 

Kylie Jenner and Selena Gomez
Coachella-2014-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (11)

Assholes.

Oh, sorry. That was harsh. We probably should’ve …

Nope. Assholes.

 

 

Evan Peters and Emma Roberts
Coachella-2014-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (12)

 Dude, they’re so normcore we can practically smell it.

 

 

Jared Leto
Coachella-2014-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (13)

God bless this fey little Rocker Pixie Jesus.  We think we love him.

 

 

Vanessa Hudgens
Coachella-2014-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (14)

” TAKE MY PICTURE/DON’T LOOK AT ME/TAKE MY PICTURE/DON’T LOOK AT ME!!!!!!!!!”

Also: STANKBOOT.

 

 

 

 

[Photo Credit: PacificCoastNews, FameFlyNet]

    • RussellH88

      Cochella looks like it smells.

      • Crystal

        It does.

        You know the only way I got through music festivals? Drugs. Now that I don’t partake of those any longer, no musical festivals for me. Too much stank and sweating mess.

      • http://phantomminuet.blogspot.com/ MinAgain

        Pervasive smelliness would be the only way to explain that Vanessa Hudgens’ ensemble.

    • Maria Parramore

      I want to throw Purell on all of them.

      • PlethoraofBooks

        And give them haircuts. Or hair trimmings. I wouldn’t actually cut off Jared’s hair…. but I’d brush it. Go for that man-pony.

        • Leah Elzinga

          man-bun? Appropriately deployed I can get behind a man-bun.

          • PlethoraofBooks

            Yes – sorry – beginning to have the short circuiting that hits the last period of the day that I teach….

      • NinaBoo

        I’ll bring the pesticide sprayers and we’ll get it done right quick.

        • Lucía Gavello

          Let’s just use one of those crop duster planes, we wouldn’t wanna get too close.

          • Raspberry2012

            I’ll drive.

    • tallgirl1204

      Diana Agron actually looks perfect for a “real person” outfit at an all-day concert. She just needed to switch out her girlie-purse (which is what makes the dress look too dressy) for a big Mexican bag like real people carry. Her dress is a perfect length for plopping down on a blanket and taking a nap (like a real person) without showing the good china.

      • fabulousrobots

        Totally agreed on all counts. I think her dress is cotton, and as such, is like something I wear to concerts, except much more expensive. Her shoes are totally festival-appropriate too. She is also actually super into music, which is more than you could say for most of these a-holes.

      • Nicole C

        I just got back from my first trip to Coachella. I’m surprised I didn’t see Diana Agron – she would’ve have stuck out like a sore thumb against all the douche-y outfits. These stars look more tame than most of the people there.

        I wished my BKs were there – I have never seen such HIDEOUS diaper shorts in my life. And they were EVERYWHERE. We could’ve started our own tumblr together.

        • tallgirl1204

          Interesting. Clearly, I am going to the wrong outdoor concerts, for Ms. Diana is totally appropriate for our regional (also Southwestern) events. Not the carefully-tousled and expensively-torn pretention I’m seeing in this post, much of which would get side-eye and even beer-through-the-nose responses from the locals. I’ll have to check in with some friends who scored tickets to Coachella for a second opinion…

          • Nicole C

            “Expensively-torn pretension” is right on! Most people dress as you describe at all the California outdoor concerts I’ve been to. I was very excited to go to Coachella to see all the big music acts, but most people seemed to be there to party and look cool, which is I guess what happens when your timing and ticket price can mostly be afforded to rich college kids. God, I feel like such a snobby bitch, but I can’t help it when drunk college girls are screaming in the tent and keeping me up all night telling me that they’re too “turned-up” right now to sleep… which I then had to Google.

            On a better note, I found some amazing new bands! Trombone Shorty and Orleans Ave, Chromeo, The Bots, Jhene Aiko, Solange (who is even more fabulous in person), and ZZ Ward were all wonderful, and the Preservation Hall Jazz Band had the best audience ;) The headliners definitely brought it too.

            • another_laura

              You just can’t beat the Preservation Hall Jazz Band. And it makes sense they would have the best audience!

            • Anna

              Gah, love you for shouting out Chromeo. LOVE them. They did a great song on their last album with Solange (When the Night Falls).

            • fursa_saida

              Chromeo are almost unbeatable live. I’ve seen them twice now and it’s always a ridiculously good time.

            • Anna

              Absolutely, they are incredible live. I first saw them in Montreal a decade ago (yikes, can’t believe it’s been that long) just as “Needy Girl” was starting to get airplay, one of the best live music experiences ever.

            • decormaven

              Trombone Shorty is awesome!

          • KinoEye

            Exactly. Many of my friends are the kind of people who would attend Coachella, if they had the money. They’d laugh their asses off at this carefully-studied, affected nonsense. When you’ve seen the real thing, you can spot the fakers a mile out.

      • susu

        Yeah, Diana looks great… stylish, practical, and true to her style (refreshing when everyone else seems to be in the same posery uniform of super-short shorts, casually distressed t-shirt, ankle boots and hat). I’m coveting her dress. Does anyone know where it’s from?

      • Alloy Jane

        Yeah, she needs a real purse to look completely normal. I like the dress, I just don’t understand why anyone who isn’t a Stephen King character would wear black out in the desert though.

      • Raspberry2012

        Yeah, Diana’s pretty much the only one I won’t get too snarky over – she does look cute and comfortable. And bathed, and non-stinky. But you’re right, a big oversized canvas bag would have been more practical, and made the outfit a little less “perfect”.

    • Julie Chase

      I’m going to laugh at Rocker Pixie Jesus ALL DAY.

      • misstressofsylar

        Slash Oscar Winner. Mind boggling.

      • ballerinawithagun

        He’s wearing Zubas. Yes, I was around when that horrible thing happened. Comfy, knit pants with elastic waists, in horrendous prints, for MEN! I think I remember a billboard in Minneapolis of Jesse “The Body” Ventura wearing a pair. Sold like hotcakes, then they went broke.

        • another_laura

          Wait – does that mean we have to call that “vintage” now?

          • ballerinawithagun

            Zubas were in the 80s, so I think they are vintage now. But as with a lot of fashion, It DOESN’T make it good!

            • Glynnis

              I believe Zubaz (yes, with a “z” at the end too) actually reached peak popularity in the early 90s, at least in the Midwest. I graduated high school in 1993 in Minnesota and my high school boyfriend had so many pairs he should have owned stock in the company. That said, I think Jared’s pants are too fitted to be actual Zubaz, unless they are making skinny Zubaz now!

            • ballerinawithagun

              Ah, you are so right about the “z” at the end. I knew something didn’t look right! Yes, the fit was definitely comfy.

        • MartyBellerMask

          It’s like David Lee Roth meets Joey Buttafuoco. I love it.

        • FrigidDiva

          Want to hear something that will really blow your mind? They had a kiosk of Zubas for sale at my mall this last holiday season. I almost bought a pair for my husband as a gag gift, but they were over $30, a little too much to spend on something he’d never wear and is ridiculously ugly.

      • Trent

        Yes, but how is it possible that Jared Leto is 42? Do Pixie Jesuses not age?

        • demidaemon

          He is Jesus, after all. *watches out for stray lightning bolts*

        • Kitten_Mittens

          Walking on water is a great fitness regimen

      • DebbieLovesShoes

        YESSSSS!! Made my whole day, that one.

    • misstressofsylar

      And these a-holes are being paid as much as 30k to show up here.

      • greyhoundgirl

        That is truly disgusting.

    • Noah

      Fuck you too, Vanessa Hudgens.

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_QFW22QV426LUOEPGASPZJWJMDE MishaFoomin

        “I am not famous anymore. I am sorry.”

      • Nicholas

        I wonder what she’ll appropriate next year.

    • Samantha Klein

      THANK YOU re: JoBros. It’s high time someone said it.

    • DesertDweller79

      Don’t these people own any comfy sandals? I live in the desert. I own probably dozens of pairs of comfy sandals. I mean, ones with arch support, etc! I wear them 10-11 months of the year! It had to have been around 90+ at Coachella last weekend. WTF are they doing wearing these heavy boots?

      • Ginger

        Have they not heard of Chacos? Seriously, people!

      • kimmeister

        I learned many moons ago not to wear open-toed shoes to a concert. With that many people around, they are definitely going to step all over your feet sooner or later.

        • Badriya Al-Badi’a

          Or spill their beer or puke on them.

      • Jecca2244

        i think a lot of these people were paid to wear those boots. I heard Hudgens was paid $20k to wear a t-shirt one of the days….

        • altalinda

          Where do I apply for that job?

    • Evan

      It’s all so try hard. I can’t.

      • Spicytomato1

        I know, I saw other photos elsewhere earlier and couldn’t believe the levels of try hard. It looks like a hipster-hippie costume party.

    • algaechick

      The morning radio show I listen to was discussing how much celebrities charge to wear your clothes/carry your product at Coachella. For a mere $20k, Joe Jonas will wear whatever you’d like.
      ….

      • Danielle

        I’ll do it for free, as long as I can keep the clothes afterwards.

      • AnaRoW

        I will too. Well, almost.

      • http://www.snoskred.org/ Snoskred

        for 20k, I would like Joe Jonas to wear the gold outfit of the girl lurking behind him.. :)

    • The Versatile Chef

      “Assholes.

      Oh, sorry. That was harsh. We probably should’ve …

      Nope. Assholes.”

      I wheezed for 5 minutes solid.

    • Danielle

      Can someone explain to this poor Oklahomie what exactly Coachella IS? We have our own music festivals, but none of them would ever host a very famous celebrity.

      • gayle

        a place you never want to go.

      • Kate Andrews

        Plus the Biebs invaded this year. That means it has officially jumped the stankbooted shark.

      • AvaLehra

        Coachella is Burning Man’s obnoxious younger trustafarian cousin.

        • DTLAFamilies

          I think Burning Man has become Burning Man’s obnoxious younger trustafarian cousin.

          • Raspberry2012

            Okay, so, I think it’s this – and correct me if I’m wrong: But Lilith Fair and Burning Man got drunk and had babies. And those babies smell really bad, and wear stank boots and fanny packs. But despite their outward appearances, they all have AMEX black cards. So even though they look like hobos, they can still buy and sell peasants like us like we were livestock for sale out at a 4H fair.

      • Alloy Jane

        What? You’ve never heard Bugs Bunny discuss getting lost on the way to the Co-uh-chella Valley? It’s about a hundred miles slightly south and mostly east of Cucamonga. And west of Albuquerque.

        But srsly it’s a festival held on camping grounds out there that usually has good bands but has become as corporatized as San Diego Comic Con. Also, who the hell knew Comicon would one day be the barometer for “sell-outishness”? But the best thing that happens out in that area is the Indio Date Festival. Unless you really like crowds, spring dust storms, and camping with your concert.

        • Adriana_Paula

          That damn carrot festival is so hard to find…

    • schadenfreudelicious

      I am far more interested in “gold lame warrior princess” behind Joe Jonas…WTF is that woman wearing?

      • http://foodycat.blogspot.co.uk/ Alicia

        I know! I wish TLo would relax their “don’t comment on the bystanders” rule for that one. Surely a gold lame warrior princess wants to be commented on?

        • schadenfreudelicious

          Ooh, do we have a “dont comment on bystanders” rule?..sorry uncles!..but you’re right, no way you leave the house wearing that getup hoping to blend into the crowd!

        • Kate Andrews

          Yes.

      • KateShouldBeWorking

        I scrolled back, fingers crossed that I knew the gal. Alas, maybe some other kitten can claim her (or not).

      • R.A.

        She’s giving me LIFE.

        • schadenfreudelicious

          I am trying to figure out what she has around her waist…a utility belt with a giant carabiner attached?

          • R.A.

            I just examined her far more closely than I’m proud to admit and it does indeed appear that we have an extra large carabiner on our hands. And yes I’m thinking either utility belt and/or reversed fanny pack? I would love nothing more than to know what she was planning to fasten herself to. And I’m kind of disappointed that her footwear is too out of focus to make out. I’m sure those aren’t your standard flip-flops. She’s like the misfit superhero of Coachella. Bless.

      • KinoEye

        Go big or go home, as far as I’m concerned. When you’re outshining the celebrity in the photo, you’re doing it right.

        • Kayceed

          You know Vanessa Hudgens is taking notes on this one for next year……”must incorporate gold lame..”.

      • DebbieLovesShoes

        This ^ …. YES. Thank you Jesus, somebody said it.

    • gayle

      I cannot believe so many of them are being paid to look this stupid!

      • Nicholas

        To be fair, some are merely paid to get plastered at an event venue.

    • Isabel

      Selena – no to the stolen Easter Sunday tablecloth paired with granny pants
      Kylie – too much makeup. Enjoy your youth, girl

    • Meg0GayGuys6

      I’d love to see Selena’s tan lines after this.

    • Paula Pertile

      Is Jesus carrying a big wedge of blue cheese?

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_QFW22QV426LUOEPGASPZJWJMDE MishaFoomin

        It looks like one of those hulled/carved coconuts to me.

      • WendyD

        Cheese was my first thought as well!!

      • makeityourself

        I thought it was an ice cream sundae without a container.

    • ovarB

      All I need to make my life complete with this entry is a Lolzcat with a little kitteh wearing boots and captioned “I can haz stankboot?”

    • Tanya Wade

      Katy Perry – When knit or crochet (cause even I can’t tell!) go terribly wrong.

      You used “normcore” in a sentence. Thank you.

      • Kate Andrews

        I like that too. Normcore is the new khaki.

        • demidaemon

          The fact that there is a word for this makes me kind of sad.

          • marlie

            I hate it. Why does *everything* have to have a freaking label?

            • decormaven

              It’s the Twitter curse – the need to nail a thought in 140 characters or less. Conversation is being
              reduced to shorthand; pretty soon we will speak in beeps and boops.

            • demidaemon

              I know. But how could people let us know they were being elitist by being normal if there wasn’t a word for it?

              God. Typing that sentence made my head hurt.

    • Watterson

      Ah, Coachella. Where foot sweat meets cultural appropriation.

    • Ashleigh

      You can’t come full circle on Jared Leto that fast! I loved him first…
      PS who is that fabulous gold mess behind Gay Jonas??

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_QFW22QV426LUOEPGASPZJWJMDE MishaFoomin

      Why didn’t Kylie and Selena get the stankboot judgement as well?

      Why is it so important for celebrities to go to this music festival? Is it required for them?

      • natty_bat

        Because companies pay them to go, and then they get their picture taken, which is why they’re paid to go. Like an ouroboros of narcissism.

        • Linderella

          I love you for “ouroboros of narcissism.”

      • http://foodycat.blogspot.co.uk/ Alicia

        I think “assholes” trumps “stankboot”. It’s totally implied!

        • demidaemon

          It’s part of the definition of “assholes,” I believe.

    • Rhonda Shore

      Vanessa Hudgen’s desperate cry for attention is pathetic.

      • KayEmWhy

        Looks like she’s not the only one covering her face in that photo. I wonder what’s going on there. Some smoke maybe?

        • ballerinawithagun

          I didn’t go to Coachella, for many reasons, but I live in the area, and yes, there is always one horrific sandstorm every year. So it is almost blazing hot, 85 to 90, and a sandstorm. I’ve lived all over and there is always a “weather price” to pay no matter where you live.

          • KayEmWhy

            Hmm Much like Burning Man.

        • Linderella

          The stench of Stankboot?

          • KayEmWhy

            Ha!

      • marlie

        I mean, was there a sandstorm or something that happened right before these pictures were taken? Was the odor from all of the other attendees so horribly bad? Was the blazing sun THAT hot? There’s a chick behind Hudge doing the same thing, and if this becomes a “thing,” I’m going to start smacking people.

        • zenobar

          If covering the face is a music festival thing, I much prefer the Scary Surgical Mask subgroup that appear each year at the Detroit electronic music festival. No cultural misappropriation there – just straight-up freaky-deaky.

          • marlie

            Ok, so there apparently WAS a sandstorm at some point, but if she know she was going to get her picture taken (and the sandstorm was over), she could have taken the scarf off.

        • Imasewsure

          I think you nailed it…. Stank Boot!! She’s not an attention whore after all… oh wait….

        • kimmeister

          I thought she was trying out a new style of hippie-meets-sandpeople.

      • Michael

        There was a legitimate sandstorm. My friend who went said it was unbearable and left.

      • Katesymae

        Ugh. Vanessa Hudgens IS SO Coachella. Which is why I’m NOT Coachella. You know?

    • TippiH

      Is Jared Leto just walking around with a coconut!? Please baby jesus tell me Coachella has coconut concession stands…and that monkeys work at them

      • ryenerman

        Oh thank god, I thought I was going crazy. I kept looking at my screen and asking myself “is he carrying a . . . coconut??”

      • KinoEye

        Maybe he’s getting ready for a journey to camelot with his trusty squire, Patsy. Or is simply preparing to test whether or not African or European swallows can carry coconuts.

        • Danielle

          Marry me.

      • Alloy Jane

        Yup, he’s carrying a coconut. They’re good for you and very hydrating! Coconuts are never very far off in a land occupied by humans of varying degrees of brown/nouveau hippies/vegetarians. Jared Leto is two out of three, I’ll bet he had his own summonable coconut monkey.

    • Sam Smith

      I’m always confused by these festivals and what would be appropriate attire for the starlets and wanna be starlets. Most of them look like they are in costumes, I think Emma Roberts looks most venue appropriate, but Agron looks pretty cute too.

      • Leah Elzinga

        I went to my first festival in years last year and I have to say that a solid majority of the late teens/early 20s crowd was dressed just like this. I think you can judge a lot just based on closed toe footwear. That, to me, tells you which folks are actually into the scene and the music, and which are there just for the party/photo ops.

    • Crystal

      Dianna looks cute!

      Jared Leto looks like a cast member of Godspell and I ADORE it.

    • I Mean That in a Good Way

      And no one has anything to say about what’s going on in the background of that Joe Jonas pic?

      • Kitten Mittons

        That golden little unicorn behind him? I need to know her.

    • marlie

      Kellan Lutz: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!
      Joe Jonas: Yep, you guys nailed it.
      Rose McGowan: Why the facial expression?
      “Assholes”: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
      VHudge looks ludicrous. Really, really, ridiculous.

      • Shawn EH

        I don’t think even Winona could pull off that much nineties these days … nor would she try, Rose. Scream 1 was a LONG time ago.

    • Anna

      HAHAHAHAHAH *gasp* HAHAHAHAHAHA: ….Kellan Lutz, the fuck?!?!

      So much douche, so little time. Even people who I usually think are pretty cool (Zoe Kravitz) are somehow transformed into assholes during this event.

      • marlie

        I burst out laughing at the thumbnail of Kellan Lutz. I’m actually crying right now.

        • Anna

          Oh me too. The best way I can describe it is douchebag frat boy steals survivorman’s hat and Alan’s Indiana Jones satchel from The Hangover. With friendship bracelets.

          And what the hell is he carrying?! I have god knows what in my handbags and even mine aren’t as packed as his, he’s got TWO water bottles and an extra ball cap!!!

          Hahahahahaha, I just can’t….

          • Jacob Bowen

            I don’t care about what he’s carrying…I want to know what he’s packing. That tank top is the BEST vehicle for his muscles.

            • Anna

              He has a nice bod, for sure, if he’d opted for his Poseidon costume/loincloth from Immortals, I would actually be on board with that.

              But me personally, I’d be so exhausted just from trying to undress him and getting rid of all that crap he’s got on to actually get down to business time.

            • Linderella

              Oh, hon, we must teach you patience. It’s always worth the time spent unwrapping, I assure you. :)

            • Anna

              Oh, I agree. The right man is absolutely worth savouring the unwrapping time and effort. Kellan’s just not that guy for me though. I equate him more with being in the mood for a drive-through hamburger, you just want it to be ready and available.

            • Linderella

              That just elicited a huge Michelle Visage-worthy “ha-HA!” from me.

            • Lori

              Just make him take it off himself. He does the work, you get the reward :)

            • Anna

              Good point!

      • demidaemon

        It’s the air.

    • JauntyJohn

      That Kellan’s a slab o’ beef, isn’t he. And, in a refreshing turn, knows it and runs with it, rather than a whole “I must now keep my shirt on so the world knows I am a Serious Artist.”
      Everybody else looks pretty much on point for who/where they are.

      I echo the Leto Love (Leto Love should totally be the name of a 30 Seconds to Mars cover band! — or a lounge singer from 1974.)

      I need to send Vanessa Hudgens a thank you note. I had no idea I needed to see what Norma Desmond would have worn to Coachella today.
      And now I have! Thanks, Hudge!

      • Jacob Bowen

        Kellan does look DELICIOUS.

        • Wink

          He’s hot and looks a little crazy… reminiscent of Woody Harrelson 20 years ago.

    • Akemi

      Shitshow

    • http://redheadedwolf.wordpress.com/ Laura Renee

      If so many of my photo ops had the high demands of the red carpet, I think I would really enjoy dressing like this whenever I got the chance, tact be damned. (Looking in particular at Selena Gomez’s outfit…minus the bindi, yikes.)

    • Melissa Brogan

      This is like a parade illustrating why I don’t go to these things. So weird.

      • boweryboy

        Yep. I did one music festival many years ago only ONLY because bjork was the headliner.

        Two days out in the middle of nowhere, sleeping in the crawlspace of a friend’s trailer (the kind that afixes to the bed of a pick-up truck), covered in a thin layer of sweat and dirt, no shower, questionalbe food, hot as hell during the day, cold as fuck during the evening, and stanky gross people all around (mostly friendly but still…).

        No amount of pot or alcohol could alter that reality. It. Was. Not. Fun.

        Never again.

    • skitzfiggitous

      Selena: “LET’S WEAR ALL THE THINGS, and yet somehow still NOT ENOUGH!” A hat, pendant headband, sunglasses, extensions, and full-body doily? That’s an achievement, folks.

      • alyce1213

        You forgot stank boots.

    • http://twitter.com/#!/Space_Kitty Space Kitty

      I think you may have meant COMPLETE FUCKING ASSHOLES, but I’m cranky like that.

    • Jacob Bowen

      I just LOVE that Jared Leto is still rocking the ZUBAZ! I bought my dad a pair for his birthday because he used to LOVE his Tiger print pair he had when I was 7. My mom can’t decided whether to hate me or love me for this lovely present. She said the moment he leaves the house in them it’s my problem…but maybe I should just fly him to Coachella.

    • BlairBear

      I always say showing leg and lower face at the same time is vulgar. As V Hudges shows it’s an either or

      • Imasewsure

        I just spit out my imaginary coffee over your fabulous turn of phrase (I can’t drink it after 9am but I would have spit it out for sure)

        • BlairBear

          Haha thanks , glad I didn’t ruin your computer though

    • Kayceed

      I am positively writhing in delight – so this is what they wear when left to their own devices? Dee-licious. And Vanessa Hudgens – this is kind of her event isn’t it? Bedouin Nomad Desert Princess this year. And that’s only from the neck up.

      • Linderella

        I was more like, “Girl, you aren’t even THAT famous. Chill the eff out!”

    • colleenjanel

      Sad day when Dianna Agron is the winner of the “gave a fuck” award.
      I actually kind of dig her dress. Love the silhouettes in the pattern.
      Hate the bag and the shoes.

    • BlairBear

      Also Kellan Lutz is wearing six outfits

    • d4divine

      Stankboot!!!! I cannot!!!!! Lmao

    • Kate Andrews

      HAHAHAHA! To all of it. And you know some of these fools hired STYLISTS!

    • BeeBeauNYC

      More importantly, who is the delicious man meat behind Kylie and Selena!!!

    • WendyD

      Katy Perry was hilarious on her Twitter over the weekend, totally judging the people around her for being ridiculous, like:
      “If I see a flower garland in your hair this weekend our friendship is over.” and “I’m giving everyone a “literally” punch card. 10 uses and then you go in the pool. #coachella”
      I think she’d be super fun to hang out with.

      • demidaemon

        She does need to rethink the cameltoe shorts, though. Not attractive or hygienic.

      • Evan

        She should’ve been commenting on her own outfit then. It screams of wannabe hipster pretentiousness as well.

      • formerlyAnon

        See, I want to have the VIP experience of a music festival. One where you have access to a pool. I think it would be huge fun.

    • greyhoundgirl

      The funniest thing in this post is Jared Leto carrying a coconut.

    • decormaven

      What’s with the hank of My Pretty Pony yellow hair on Vanessa Hudgens?

    • AthenaJ

      Wait, is South by Southwest like Coachella?? My husband wants to go but if it is anything like this mess then the next time he brings it up I’m going to yell “STANKBOOT!” and run away.

      • Trickytrisha

        Well, for one thing SXSW isn’t in the middle of the desert and the music part focuses on MUSIC not celebs “dressed” in tablecloths and scarves.

      • demidaemon

        From my limited understanding, it’s a bit more respected and also more indoors event, so I think you would be fine.

      • formerlyAnon

        SXSW is way different. It’s not an outdoor music festival, but hundreds of events that take over most of central Austin. If you buy the badge, there is an echelon of events you can stand in line to see if you get into (plus, to be fair, many you’ll almost certainly get into), and then many more that are no-badge, many of which are free. There is a huge, free, mob scene outdoor concert every night. The real serious fans (and students) troll appropriate internet sites to get info on unadvertised events, or to get on the “guest list” to get into others. There are industry-related talks, with artists and academics and journalists, and a lot of sponsored “parties” and giveaways. It’s got a distinct air of a conference to it at some venues, not just listening to music, though that’s the draw for most.

        Book somewhere to stay early and bring your patience. Crowded if you go to the big, central events. Figure out public transport or parking. Cabs in Austin are scarce and chancy during big events.

    • Imasewsure

      I am with you on the Leto love… he’s a cross between Jim Morrison (in the one year he was gorgeous) and Russell Brand (without the annoying accent).
      Vanessa Hudgens is cracking me up
      Emma Roberts is growing on me

    • alyce1213

      I can imagine stylists picking shit out of dumpsters to achieve the perfect Coachella look.

      • marlie

        I imagine stylists driving their cars over the clothes over and over again to achieve the perfect “worn” look.

        • Evan

          I think that’s what my mom and her friends did back in high school and college (late 60s/early 70s). She doesn’t understand why people pay extra money for that look now.

    • Linderella

      I’m so glad this wasn’t an “In or Out” post, because there isn’t a big enough font on my computer to express that much OUT.

    • stubbornthoughts

      UGH.

    • GeoDiva

      I’m glad I’m not the only one who hates Stank Boots. Kiss to TLo!

    • Danielle

      Emma Robers and Evan Peters remind me of when Jenna and Paul were “normaling” on 30 Rock – where they were out of ideas for being freaky, so they took normal things that couples do (like shop at BBB) and acted like it was a fetish. Also, who is she holding hands with?

    • Shawn EH

      Kellan Lutz is pretty much all set from the gym alone; clothing irrelevant to his breastplate. I kind of love Evan and Emma, just for surviving AHS: Coven. The Jonas Bros. still dress like little boys.

    • AvaLehra

      This is what happens when you glance at these quickly whilst at work. I thought that was Stephen Fry hanging out (wearing a baseball cap, almost out of the shot) with Kate Bosworth; a Miss Universe in her national costume behind Joe Jonas; and Jared Leto walking around with a giant wedge of bleu cheese.

      Also BOOTSTANK makes me crack up every time I read it.

      • Vtg Fashion Library

        I thought I was the only one who noticed that gold chick. Miss Trinidad/Tobago?

    • ballerinawithagun

      Fergie looks great! Her legs are back to those dance legs and she is wearing the Coachella uniform. Cut-offs and fringe, the used clothing stores around here stock-up on those items at festival time. Coachella is just the most mainstream of them all.

    • kimmeister

      Ugh, all those pockets hanging out from under too-short cutoffs!

      • marlie

        That bugs SO MUCH.

    • KinoEye

      This is REDONKULOUS. Not one person here looks truly appropriate for the venue. It’s hilarious, though. Vanessa Hudgens wins this one for looking like an insane hippie gypsy bedouin woman.

      Baby Roberts and her squeeze are also assholes, and I’m loving how the uncles referenced normcore since that nonsense came up last time they were featured.

    • Sarah

      I have been to over a hundred music festivals. I have never seen people dressed like this. It is like a music festival from another planet. That planet being Pretentius Optimus X1000.

    • chris garcia

      Between Selena Gomez and Vanessa Hutchens, you have 90% of ethnicities and cultures appropriated and bastardized. All that’s missing is a native headdress.

      • lrhg

        That was last year.

    • nannypoo

      Why is it that the non-celebrities who attend this event seem to find appropriate clothing to wear while the celebrities, who presumably have lots of money and access to stylists, look like idiots?

      • Lori

        Well, not all the non-celebrities. Did you see the lunatic in gold lame behind Joe Jonas? The stars (and the “stars”) at this look terrible for the same reason that lame lady does—they’re trying waaaay too hard.

    • xmixiex

      I. Don’t. Get. Stankboot.

      Don’t socks work? I mean any shoes will smell after all that.

    • traceyishere

      It’s too hot to smell that much….perspiration just evaps.

    • MilaXX

      Good lord, everyone except Jared Leto is TRYING. SO. HARD. It’s like they are all auditioning for a revival of Woodstock. Can someone please help Vanessa Hudgins? She took her ridiculousness to an eleven.

      • B. Garcia

        We’re all here at woodstocks! Someday there will be a black president! –Jackie Jormp Jomp

    • KT

      Hahaha yesssss. My choice for the top 5 assholes are:

      5. Kate Bosworth (TRYING SO FUCKING HARD)
      4. Fergie (I don’t know what she’s trying for, but it’s aggressively not working)
      3. Kylie Jenner & Selena Gomez, with an emphasis on the latter (You called it. Assholes.)
      2. Kellan Lutz (hahahahaha)
      1. Vanessa Hudgens (surprise, surprise)

    • John11581

      The only thing worse than a douchebag is an entitled douchebag. Maybe I’m aging myself but, time was, you attended a music festival because you actually loved the music and the artists. I hate that it has become nothing more than, yet one more way for “stars” to get publicity for themselves and their sponsors. Says a lot for the current states of celebrity and the music industry.

      • Lilithcat

        That depends on the music festival. The New Orleans Jazz & Heritage Festival, at least if you don’t go to the big headliner events in the evening, is still a wonderful place to discover brilliant local artists, eat great food, learn about local culture, etc. Come to Chicago for our jazz festivals (Chicago Jazz Festival over Labor Day Weekend and the Hyde Park Jazz Festival in late September), the Blues Festival, the Gospel festival, the World Music Festival. No celebrities trolling for photo ops (well, except maybe Mayor Emanuel), just folks who like the music and the summer and a good time.

        • twocee

          Ah yes, I second the recommendation for Chicago’s Blues and Jazz Fests. Great music, beautiful outdoor park, and early enough or late enough in the summer that it’s usually not a bazillion degrees.

          Of course this year, we might still be getting snow by the time they roll around!

          • Lilithcat

            Having just braved ice-covered sidewalks to get to the health club, and then shoveling snow off the back steps, I hear you!

    • ashtangajunkie

      Fergie’s legs are TO DIE FOR. Also, marry me, Jordan Catalano, for I still love you.

    • redhead with tattoos

      Vanessa Hudgens is having a major Muslim and Indian cultural appropriation phase and it’s stankier and more disgusting than all the stank boots in the post combined. Including the ones she’s wearing.

      • B. Garcia

        But when Madonna and Gwen Stefani do it, it’s lovable!

        • redhead with tattoos

          Did I say that? I did not say that. I did not find it lovable then, I do not find it lovable now, and I find it especially repulsive coming done so blatantly by someone with so little talent or justification for being famous.

          • B. Garcia

            No, you didn’t say that, I said that! I have no idea who or what a Vanessa Hudgens does or is, but she’s not the only ho on the stroll making bank by appropriating culture.

        • demidaemon

          Oh, Madonna’s always appropriating some culture or other. It’s how high it ranks on the annoying scale which merits how many craps I’ll give about it.

        • Lori

          Nope. Not lovable when they do it either.

    • what not

      It’s not that it’s casual, it’s that everyone seems to have dressed as the least attractive version of themselves. Except Jared Leto, who looks the same as always. (And also casual.)

      • demidaemon

        That shows you who belongs there and who is just there for the $$$$$$$$.

    • MaggieMae

      The outfits never fail to amuse.

    • t bell

      Vanessa Hudgens is lucky that someone didn’t call Homeland Security.

    • joything

      “Her romper looks like it was made out of table runners …” These days that’s called “upcycling” and is righteously ethical. Plus ridiculous.

    • Jean Beaton Leavitt

      I could look at 500 more of your judgey posts…im talking hours of them.

    • Bonnie Blue

      Hi, I can finally join the BK’s as a longtime reader stuck in outdated PC hell who finally got a new PC. Just want to say you guys make me laugh out loud all the time. I love these posts of multiple people where you give a short and bitingly hilarious assessment of the fashion. It’s just one easy pickin’s after another! A lot of it looks like “this is what I think I’m supposed to wear to a function like this, so I’ll just pile on as much as I can.”

    • Millicent

      I’m not even scrolling through these pictures since I’ve already been to the mall once this year. I can’t Crotchella Watch 2014, its too honky frat. I know a guy who looks at ass holes all day too but he is a proctologist….

    • Vtg Fashion Library

      I want to see the lady in gold behind Joe Jonas. She’s the most interesting person here.

      • LilyVanessi

        I’m dying to know what that big carabiner is for…

    • Fannie Wolston

      I thought Kylie and Serena looked Kewl, Jared was the asshole. I ‘ve been to festival, I know decent footwear is a must. won’t last long wearing flip flops, zoris or tevas, inviting tetanus with that

    • Columbinia

      I haven’t laughed so hard in weeks. Love you guys.

    • Jeannie Shmina Greenwald

      Kate Bosworth’s shoes are from the Effie Trinket Collection.

    • Haley Buchanan

      Sometimes I don’t feel like I’m getting old, but then I look at pictures like this and I KNOW I’m getting old. Don’t you kids want a shower, some sensible shoes with no-show socks, and a comfy bed to sleep on?

    • DTLAFamilies

      When did Zoe Kravitz morph into Rosanna Marquette?

    • MannahattaMamma

      I think Kate Bosworth has to wear such big stupid ugly shoes so she doesn’t blow away. They’re like ballast or something. And I have to defend Diana Agron: in that heat, a dress is the most comfy choice, esp if it’s long enough to cover the lady bits when you sit down, plus she’s wearing sneakers like a normal person.

      • NBG

        She’s the only one in this bunch that looks lucid.

    • katiessh

      god the thing i hate most about these is how all these young celeb girls appropriate different cultures. One of the jenners is wearing an indian nose ring, they all wear native american head-dresses and the bindis? Guys, the bindis actually mean something!

    • Stefanie Argudo Mackenzie

      Ok, look….I went to Woodstock (yes, I am that old). It never gets better…even if you did eat the brown acid.

    • formerlyAnon

      I like music festivals, though I am so old I bring a chair. I did the camping out thing in my youth, at this point I might not love that unless there were nice-ish showers. I don’t want to live in the same sweat for three days anymore.

      Though I’ve never been to one on a VIP ticket, with access to air conditioned trailers and catered food, so it might work for me on those terms.

      I would wear a lot of crazy crap if someone was paying me tens of thousands of dollars to do so. I judge these folk basically on their footwear. If the shoe is closed and low enough for hours of standing and walking, I assume they are there to go see bands and hear music, though without that VIP amenities access pass, I’d want something that would breathe better than those boots.

      • Fannie Wolston

        I recognized maybe two or three artists in the lineup, the rest are west coast types unknown outside of lala land?

        love me some midwest summer concert tours -

        • formerlyAnon

          If I looked great (or even just young) in a tie-dyed caftan, I might consider it. ;-)

          I don’t know what’s popular where, but my exposure is the couple of big musical festivals/events I go to locally most years, plus recommendations from mostly younger friends and relatives. There’s so much available on the Internet that never makes it onto t.v. or radio or even into a club nearby unless one lives in a major metro area. I do live in a metro area that’s big into music, I like festivals because I can go listen/dance to an act I’d never pay to see on their own. And then move on to another stage after 15 minutes if I’m not enthralled. Out of 180? -ish?, I recognize the name of maybe 40-45 artists – of which I can only bring to mind a clear musical memory for 15? 18?. Another 12 or 15 I can ballpark genre, loosely.

    • Clash D

      Stankboot? Stank hem!!

    • Folk Devil

      It looks like Selena Gomez is wearing a diaper under her “dress”.

    • Cathy S

      If any occasion called for a flat sandal, it’s Coachella. Why all the stankboot? My feet feel like they’re suffocating just looking at them. And what the hell is with Vanessa Hudgens and her face?

    • Lilithcat

      He has six outfits packed in that little bag . . .

      A six-pack, more likely.

      But the one I really want to know about is the crazy lady in gold lamé standing behind Joe Jonas.

      • NBG

        She’s like a music festival version of Princess Leia.

    • Kitten_Mittens

      Kellan Lutz’s outfit has the best accessories of all – DEM CRAZY EYES

    • amanda lynn

      Vanessa Hudgens: Offending everyone.

    • queen b*tch

      It was reported on the radio over here in the UK that people were complaining that it was sandy and a bit chilly in the evening this year and so loads of people left… it’s held in a desert, what do you expect!? Also, a bit chilly?! Please see any UK ‘summer’ festival for a check thyself comparison!

      • formerlyAnon

        Ha! So much is what one is acclimated to & prepared for. I’d probably need a parka under my rain gear for Glastonbury. Between 90-some degree(F) temperatures and chilly rain & mud, I’ll take the heat. I do resent the years we’ve gotten both heat and muddy flooding, though . . .

    • c8h10n4o2

      Rose McGowan’s left hand = a lot of people just got made it.

    • Raspberry2012

      Ewwww!!! Everyone looks like they stink! And not in a good “Yeah, but it’s Sandalwood!” way!

      Oh, and LOL! at your Vanessa Hudgens caption! (*I actually typed out “Selena Gomez” first, then went back and checked which girl it was. They’re interchangeable, so I guess it doesn’t matter, really*)

    • pdquick

      Were you saying something about Kylie Jenner and Selena something-or-other? I couldn’t hear you over the guy behind them in the pic.

    • Kirstin McAulay

      I have to say, Dianna Agron is wearing the only thing that I’d be seen dead in!

    • Call me Bee

      Oh my sweet Lord on a breadstick. Are fannypacks coming back? Say no, please.

    • Swiftlytiltingplanet

      I love the Coachella posts almost as much as the Miss USA national outfit posts.

    • K_T

      A couple notes from someone who attended the festival this past weekend (me)
      1) there was a good amount of wind (especially on Saturday) – up to 25 mph that kicked up a LOT of dust. Anyone sober enough to notice it had scarves around their nose & mouth (a la Vanessa hudgens)
      2) it was not the usual 100+ degree weather – it got as low as 55-60 degrees in the evening, and highest I saw was 95. I prefer sneakers, but boots are actually a great choice, especially to protect your toesies from getting smushed in the crowds.

    • Scimommy

      ROTFLMAO. Also, how do you know that’s Vanessa Hudgens? How does *anyone* know that’s Vanessa Hudgens?

      • SuzyQuzey

        Surely, there is a name tag on her somewhere.

        • Scimommy

          Uh-huh. The name tag that was put there by the villains who kidnapped the REAL Vanessa Hudgens.

          What?

    • dmkava

      I think the “Nope, assholes” comment is the funniest I’ve read in a while. I also just blew 3 hours on this site and I could care less about fashion! Very entertaining.