Darlings, before the barbecuing and beaching and churching and whatever else you have planned for this lovely summer Sunday begins, you simply must schedule some time for bitchery. Most doctors agree that people aren’t offering enough opinions and that everyone should have a Recommended Daily Allowance of bitching. And what better way to get those bitchjuices flowing than by criticizing a celebrity for wearing something you don’t approve of? If we didn’t have celebrities with shitty taste, why, we’d all get sick from all our opinions backing up, unexpressed. Just another way that celebrities help make our lives better in ways big and small. In that sense, Christina here is really doing God’s work today:
Girl, what the fuck.
We’ve asked this exact question about her before, but it bears repeating: Who leaves the house thinking this looks good on them? Who looks in the mirror one last time before leaving, sees this, and says – knowing that her picture will be taken, mind you – “I’m good to go?” Who says, “For tonight’s gala event, I want to look like a spinster in 1930!” Who does that to her hair? Deliberately? Most important of all – WHO WEARS PEACH RUFFLES, KITTENS?
Ignoring the heinous hair and ruffles, we’re stuck looking at that jacket. It looks fine from the front, but any gal who’s been carrying those mammaries around for a while should have known that the side view was going to be less-than flattering. Also, she really needs to stop with the lingerie-inspired looks. It’s getting old. We just don’t get it. It took January Jones a good while, but she’s mostly figured out how to present herself in modern clothes, while still maximizing her retro good looks. We realize that Christina, by virtue of not having the kind of body the fashion and style worlds tend to account for, doesn’t always have the options someone like Barbie-sized J. Jones does, but still: simple, clean lines and bold colors. It’s not hard. She needs to let go of her fondness for things like ruffles and lace because it just doesn’t suit her at all.
And to be perfectly blunt, she needs to stop doing her own hair for public appearances. It’s just not cutting it, honey.
IN! She looks like she’s ready to spank me with her ruler and I’m TOTALLY INTO that!
OUT! PEACH RUFFLES ARE AN ABOMINATION!
Here are the Minion Opinions on the last two “IN or OUT” entries:
Paltrow’s “sad Aphrodite” dress got a big ol’ OUT.
Elle Fanning’s “1950s prom” dress was the subject of much debate, but ultimately the verdict was OUT.
[Photo Credit: Getty]