Because we are such hardworking bitches, we spent the weekend judging the looks on a bunch of A-listers at the Critics Choice Awards but it’s time to round up all the stragglers and get them judged as well. Don’t worry, stars. It doesn’t mean you’re not A-listers in our hearts. Now line up.
Angelina Jolie in Elie Saab
It’s a pretty dress that belongs on a Black woman. There. We said it. The color (such as it is) does nothing for her.
Bridget Everett
Pretty sure she’s worn this about a dozen times before. Her gays need to introduce her to the glory of caftans.
Caitriona Balfe in Prada
Well bless her heart. That is the dumbest thing we’ve seen in weeks. And these weeks have not exactly been free of dumb things.
Chelsea Handler in Maticevski
A generic dress from 2014.
Cristin Milioti in Saint Laurent
The dress looks pretty great, but she needs more declarative jewelry. An up do would’ve been better here.
Dakota Fanning in Dolce & Gabbana
It’s always nice to see a Fanning in a color, but we wish they wouldn’t default to this bathroom tile shade.
Danielle Deadwyler in Prada
Very retro, very pretty.
Hannah Einbinder in Louis Vuitton
It’s a fun sort of winking throwback to centuries-old style elements, but we can’t help feeling it’s missing something. The minimalism is what makes it, so we wouldn’t suggest any embellishments, but maybe the skirt needs to be longer?
Janelle James in Wardrobe.NYC
Can’t argue with any of that. We hope she spent the night telling everyone the run in her hose is deliberate.
Jessica Gunning
Simple, but it gets the job done for her. We don’t normally love ruffled edges, but it provides the only visual interest.
Jodie Foster in Armani Privé
We’re not convinced you can turn a classic Chanel suit design into a gown. It just looks heavy to us.
Joey King in Miu Miu
If we look at it too long, we start getting migraines.
Kali Reis in Jovana Louis
Fabulously kickass.
Kate Hudson in Thom Browne
Nothing wrong with some classic elegance.
Kathryn Hahn in Oscar de la Renta
The dress is kind of fun, but the makeup is terrible.
Keri Russell in Chanel
Hate the car wash skirt and the black pumps are jarring.
Kristen Bell in Oscar de la Renta
There’s classic elegance and then there’s so plain it’s forgettable even as you’re looking at it.
Margaret Qualley in Chanel
Enh. Looks like a fifty-year-old prom gown. We’re more interested by that thing in her hair. If it’s a headband, why would you make it look like a braid and if it’s a braid, why is it a completely different color.
Marianne Jean-Baptiste in Oscar de la Renta
Gorgeously chic and elegant. She looks lovely.
Moeka Hoshi in Louis Vuitton
Newp. That cape is dumb. We will say no more about it.
Naomi Watts in Prada
ENOUGH WITH THE NUN DRESSES, LADIES. We’ve seen too many plain black frocks this month.
Natasha Lyonne in Saint Laurent
It’s a hot dress but why is she standing like that?
Nava Mau in Fendi
It looks way too stiff and those straps are terrible.
Rachel Brosnahan in Miu Miu
We suspect her Lois Lane promo tour is going to be very sexy-hottie in tone. We don’t mind the boobage, but the seams are way too puckery and the satin would look better in a matching black.
Sarah Michelle Gellar in Oscar de la Renta
Again, very elegant and classic. We don’t mind that it’s black because at least it’s not generic.
[Photo Credit: MediaPunch/INSTARimages, Abaca Press/INSTARimages, Matt Winkelmeyer/Getty Images for Critics Choice Association]
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