The A-List: Cliff Notes Version

Because no one should spend more than 5 minutes on these queens.

Derek is throwing a party to launch his tanning product.Pin

Rodiney throws a party to launch his calendar.

Nyasha is launching her “U.S. performing career.”

Tom and Lorenzo are planning a party to launch all of these ridiculous bitches into space.

Reichen slowly blinks and obsesses over Austin’s infidelities.

Ryan smirks and plays all the sides imaginable.

TJ is clueless and hops around like a hyperactive chihuahua.

Nyasha dresses up like Hooker Nefertiti for a photo shoot.Pin

Rodiney takes a “dance class” with no one else in attendance, which we’re pretty sure just means he jimmied the lock on a dance studio.

Rodiney’s dancing skills are on par with his oratory skills.

Tom and Lorenzo predict that Rodiney will be doing porn within five years.

TJ throws a party for his gay blog.

T Lo have been gay blogging for 5 years and never once thought of throwing a party for themselves.

Austin and Phillip Bloch pretend to know each other while shopping for manpanties.Pin

Rodiney weighs in on Austin’s marriage: “I’m so pissed Austin because he such a hypocrite. I like, please.”

Nyasha and Austin meet up in a bar to shriek at each other like velociraptors.

Rodiney hates everyone for gossiping about Austin at his calendar party. “Why you can’t support my perject?”

Rodiney spends all of Derek’s tanner party gossiping about Austin.

Mike thinks gossip is beneath him.

T Lo wonder for the thousandth time what the fuck Mike is doing here.

Austin has no job and no money but is planning a big bachelor party in Atlantic City.Pin

Nyasha is – BY TOTAL COINCIDENCE – performing in Atlantic City that same weekend.

The Governor of New Jersey orders the immediate evacuation of Atlantic City.

Austin doesn’t show up for Derek’s tanner party.

Everyone decides they hate Austin and love Nyasha.

The writers of this show never work again and all on-camera personalities are rounded up and sent to poverty-stricken corners of the world to get some motherfucking perspective.

Next week: Austin sobs drunkenly – and unconvincingly.

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• The A List