Theater folk! They’re dirty, hardscrabble creatures who live under bridges and don’t employ stylists. But they all showed up for the Tony Awards and that means we’ve all got some opinionating to do. Get your bitchpants on and let’s get started.
Someone left the cake out in the rain and apparently they left all of Donna Summer’s old costumes out there too. Actually, she looks pretty fabulous, but we’re not crazy about the shoes.
The Tonys red carpet: Where white goddess gowns come to die.
Christie Brinkley in Zuhair Murad
Well, it’s certainly an attention-getting look. If you scraped all the makeup of every single other female attendee, it still wouldn’t equal the amount on Christie’s face. And that’s some mighty puffy hair. She doesn’t look bad; in fact, we kind of enjoy the whole “aging Barbie” vibe of it, but it does seem a bit too Hollywood for the Tonys.
Dress really suits her, but that’s post-swimming hair.
She looks pretty. Let this serve as a reminder that T Lo doesn’t dislike neutral shades; we merely dislike when the skin tone of the wearer isn’t taken into consideration. Dresses and shoes that match your skin tone exactly look a little gross to us.
It’s a shame about the side boob cleavage because otherwise this looks great on her. It’s all a bit Morticia for our tastes but it’s striking. Not crazy about her hair, though. That blunt bob is a bit severe for her face.
Oh, Patsy. Patsy Stone. Stone. Patsy. Patsy Stone. Bring me a knitting needle. Darling, you can never have enough gloves, hats and shoes, but that doesn’t mean they all go with every outfit. The bag in particular wounds us. Actually, the dress wounds us too. Oh, and the hair. Suffice it to say, we’re wounded. Sweetie, darling, leave the blousey lame dresses for the octogenarians on cruise ships. You are Patsy Fucking Stone and you deserve to look fiercer than this.
Judith Light in Alexander McQueen
Wait. When did Judith Light become an aging grande dame of society? This makes us feel very old. Especially since Tony Danza’s still kind of hot. It’s an appropriately dramatic look, but she needs some queens to do some facial and follicle advising.
A white (or off-white) gown that manages to be interesting. We salute the accomplishment. A shame her hair wasn’t really up to the task. And you can see her lips from 50 yards away.
Marg Helgenberger in Bottega Veneta
Simple and classic. A bit standard and a but shiney, but you can’t really go wrong with this dress. Could have used some statement jewelry.
Nicely done. She – or someone around her – clearly knows how to dress her body. This is also a simple and classic look, but it suits her very well and she DID go for the statement jewelry, which makes us love her.
Not necessarily a head-turner of a look, but she looks very fresh and pretty. Not one wrong step here.
BROUGHT. IT. She looks gorgeous.
Everybody’s kitchen had a refrigerator this color in the seventies. It really didn’t need to return, Michael.
Tammy Blanchard in Georges Chakra
Serving up drag fierceness.
Vanessa Redgrave in Donna Karan
Now THAT’S a grande dame. We wish she’d kept the jacket closed for pictures, but otherwise this is a chic look.
It’s a fabulous dress and the color really suits her, but her boobs are pissed and those shoes make us sad.
God bless her. Apparently we’ve entered the “elderly English woman in 1915” portion of her fashion history.
[Photo Credit: getty]
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