Pairs Division: Anthony and Lopez

Is there anything weirder than the celebrity life, kittens? Here they are, dressed to the nines and wearing thousands of dollars of merch, just so they can sit on a folding chair on the sidewalk for a few minutes and get their picture taken in the hopes that bitchy bloggers and entertainment journalists will pass it around and ensure that the public is talking about them.

PinMarc Anthony and Jennifer Lopez at Simon Fuller’s Hollywood Walk of Fame star presentation ceremony in Los Angeles. Jennifer Lopez is wearing a Zac Posen dress.

PinZac Posen Fall 2011 Collection/Model: Carmen Kass (SILENT)

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HE: Looks a sloppy mess. That suit is wrinkled and hanging off him. He always seems to dress as if he’s hiding the fact that he’s rail-thin. The same dressing rule applies to the very thin as it does to those carrying a heavier load: don’t hide your body in yards of fabric. You’re much better off with good tailoring. He always looks like he’s wearing his big brother’s hand-me-downs. Also, the shoes look cheap and if you’re going to undo the second button on your shirt, it better be starched to within an inch of its life so the collar stands up on its own. Score: 5/10

SHE: Looks like a cartoon. Don’t get us wrong; she pretty much always has looked like a cartoon, but this little getup is making it worse: big hair, big shoes, and a ridiculously tight dress. Here’s a little Timely Tip from T Lo: If we can see your belly button through the fabric of your dress and that fabric isn’t even close to sheer? You need to go up a size. Here’s another: Don’t wear ridiculously tight dresses to an event where your picture will be taken while you’re seated. We guarantee a personal assistant or stylist got bitchslapped this morning when she saw these pictures. It’s a lovely dress and it really suits her but it’s just too small on her. And nude platform pumps are an abomination. Score: 6/10.

Combined score: 5.5/10. This was one of those things where you think they look fine at first glance, but the longer you look, the more wrong you see.

[Photo Credit: getty, wireimage, style.com]

• Jennifer Lopez
• Marc Anthony
• Zac Posen