Jessica Paré in Thakoon at Audi Celebrates Emmys Week 2014 Event

Posted on August 22, 2014

Okay, you know what? That thing we said a couple of times this week? That smart celebrities know that August is a total dead zone when it comes to star sightings, so they only have to put the minimal effort in to get their picture taken? We hereby rescind the notion. Reject it. Renounce it. Recoil from it.

Why? Because look:

Jessica-Pare-Audi-Emmys-2014-Celebration-Red-Carpet-Thakoon-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (1)“Mad Men” actress Jessica Paré attends Audi Celebrates Emmys’ Week 2014 at Cecconi’s Restaurant in Los Angeles, California in a Thakoon dress paired with Giuseppe Zanotti sandals, a Lee Savage clutch, and Van Cleef & Arpels jewelry.

Jessica-Pare-Audi-Emmys-2014-Celebration-Red-Carpet-Thakoon-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (2)


Jessica-Pare-Audi-Emmys-2014-Celebration-Red-Carpet-Thakoon-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (3B)


Jessica-Pare-Audi-Emmys-2014-Celebration-Red-Carpet-Thakoon-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (4)

The dress is ugly (no one needed to cover a slit with lace) and shockingly unflattering on her, but the real crime here is that she looks like she got dressed on the car ride over. The makeup and hair are not only DIY, but just barely D (as in done) at all. She looks like she’s trying the dress at a fitting. Where’s the polish, Jessica? Oh, and here’s a tip: the frizziness of your hair is bad enough, but allow us to be the gays to tell you that the Wilma Flintstone hairstyle is absolutely not for you, dear.

GOD, that lace underskirt bugs.





[Photo Credit: Getty Images, PacificCoastNews]

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  • Kitten Mittons

    Very Monet-ish. It looked good in the little thumbnail, but all the details are off when you get up close. That lace is so strange! I wouldn’t hate it if the dress pattern weren’t so busy, and if the lace itself weren’t kind of busy. Too much going on.

    If I had a face like that, I’d want people to focus on it all damn day.

    • One of the things I will always remember from my first design teacher is that the busier the print gets, the simpler your design should get. You’re so right to say too much is going on.

      • Kitten Mittons

        That makes sense. Interesting that we’ve seen a lot of the opposite recently: very tricky designs using really busy prints.

        • demidaemon

          It does seem to be a trend. One that PP and others engage heartily in, and one that should get their hands slapped every time they even think of it.

  • Jacob Bowen

    Without that lace underskirt I would maybe like this dress…and GTNYHC (Hair Color)

  • That is one monstrously over-designed frock. Get rid of the lace, and the inserted black panel and we MIGHT have something here, but I doubt it.

    • decormaven

      This seems a little off from Thakoon’s general design sense, but maybe I’m still thinking of his work as evidenced in “The September Issue.” This dress is disappointing.

  • It looks like she wrapped a sheet and bedskirt around herself before walking out the door.

  • SewingSiren

    Odd. The modesty panel and lace inset look like awkward alterations.

  • Okay, you successfully faked me out into thinking you were going to compliment the look. 🙂 And there I was head-tilting, trying to see it in the good light that you must be seeing it. Now I have whiplash and don’t know WHAT to think. Oh, fashion.

    • Jangle57

      I’m with you. I started reading this, thinking they were going to compliment it, and I looked and looked as I scrolled down and finally said to myself, well if they like this, then we have totally different tastes because I think the whole look is just plain ol’ ugly. Thank god I got to the bottom and found that all was still right with the world…..phew, crisis averted.

      • But I kind of like her clean face! And I agree with @MarissaLG:disqus that maybe if the lace had a simpler pattern, it wouldn’t be bad…

    • They’ve faked me out too many times before! I knew better. Go with your instincts, I told myself. Phew…

    • Spicytomato1

      Ha, I went through the exact same process. Although I don’t think her hair and makeup are all that bad. I might be biased because I love her, though.

  • Coleen

    I’m mad because that gorgeous print was absolutely ruined by that design.

    • lunchcoma

      Same! I actually thought this was going to be pretty when I saw it in the thumbnail.

  • MarissaLG

    The more I look at the lace, the less I hate it. I would prefer that it was used with a textured dress instead of a printed one, but I think it adds some interesting flavor. Hair & Makeup are a mistake and the clutch looks like it was free with purchase.

  • Capt. Renault

    Stick a pin in it, boys — it’s a contender for the year’s Worst List.

    • Jessica Freeman

      Oh I don’t know…after yesterdays showdown of Cray with KK and Tyra, this is looking quite lovely. Which is not a compliment.

      • demidaemon

        An outfit that doesn’t make your eyeballs bleed but still makes you question the designer’s sanity and or/sight is always a boon.

  • smayper

    I had backdrop problems. I thought the giant Audi circles were massive white earrings. Also, despite all the flaws mentioned, I love the colors on her and I love her smile. She has such a great and striking face that I wasn’t really seeing the makeup.

    • I thought they were earrings too!

      • Grumpy Girl

        But the actual earrings she has on are cool. And the ring too. I am digging her jewelries here, if nothing else. Clearly, she should send to me.

  • Anna

    Did they run out of fabric at Thakoon and just put together a dress from scraps of fabric? If you wanted to take the concept of Selena’s bunch of random shit that don’t belong together streetwalking outfit and turn it into a dress, this is what that looks like.

    Estee Lauder GWP clutch, satin platforms and hair are all heinous. *getting my coffee now*

  • Nancer

    Ummm, I kind of like it (ducks head in shame). Maybe I need some coffee….

    • sweetestsith

      Ditto on both counts…

      • Belvane

        Me too. I thought the effect of the long bare leg under the lace was a clever variation on the ubiquitous too-high slit.

  • StillGary

    Wondering if the Audi logo gave many celebs Dopey’s ears or JlLo hoops.

  • Sophie

    I really don’t like the lacy slit, but the white print is very pretty. And as someone who hasn’t yet found out how to tame my frizzy hair, I tend to excuse it on others. I think the earrings are supposed to echo the print, but I just don’t like them. Not a win.

    • Grumpy Girl

      I like the earrings, but not with this dress.

    • papillon

      I’m also willing to give her a pass on the hair because mine has wispy bits no matter what I do.

  • GillianHolroyd

    The crisp b/w print clashes with the fussy black lace on flesh.

    I like the understated makeup and the updo, I just think there was some product failure with the hair.

  • KateShouldBeWorking

    Is that a wig? I’m asking because the front hairline seems drawn-on precise.

  • Lori

    I actually kind of like that main part of the dress but yeah, that lace is not good and neither is the fit or the styling. I assume all the stylists are prepping for the Emmys and just aren’t available to help with stuff like this Audi thing, and we all know some stars just can’t DIY to save their lives.

  • In the second picture, the logo behind her makes it look like she’s wearing truly awful earrings.

    • Janet B

      Which is a shame because the earrings she’s wearing look interesting.

  • I’m just sort of glad it’s a lace underskirt. For a minute I was convinced she was wearing lace-patterned hose.

  • Scott Cooper

    It looks like it started out as a cute dress, but when they put it on her discovered it was three sizes too small so they got creative with trying to make it fit.

  • aquamarine17

    if one only saw that last back shot, one would never know what a monstrosity of a dress it is. true “emperor’s new clothes” scene when that designer got positive feedback from someone for that dress

  • Three Days

    Is she pregnant? If she has morning (all goddamned day) sickness, she gets a pass for being out of her bathroom!

  • carnush

    I think she looks beautiful.

  • Jaeda Laurez

    The ring and the tights are cute. Everything else needs to be taken off or started over.

    • boweryboy

      I wish those were tights. It’s a lace insert inside of the slit.

      • Jaeda Laurez

        OMG- I thought those were tights poking out from between the skirt and the underskirt. Jesus H.

  • Abbey Rogue

    I think I found a drawing for this dress in my future fashion designer notebook from when I was 11.

  • Nopinkertons

    Maybe there’s nothing wrong with your statement, and this dress is just proof Pare is not very, er, savvy?

    Small pattern lace will never not look like curtains to me.

  • Little_Olive

    Yeah, not good but it does not enrage me. The worst part is actually that junior prom clutch, followed by equal shoes, but whatever. Something about her rings as super chill, like she’d be great to have drinks with. Also, is it wrong that i like her teeth?

  • marlie

    That lace underskirt was a needlescratch. Get rid of that, and we might have an ok dress.

    • Clash D

      That and a not-black shoe. Other than that she looks fine to me.

  • boweryboy

    The dress is all kinds of ugly, but in spite of that I think she looks great. Then again, I’m a big fan of her. I love her slightly unusual looks. I think I’m the only Mad Men viewer who also likes her Megan Draper character.

    • Cynica

      I love Megan. Never understood the hate for her.

    • CatLady

      I like Megan, too. I think people would have hated anybody that Don decided to get into a relationship with at that point.

  • frannyprof

    Thakoon for Target?

  • teensmom99

    I don’t think we should criticize her when she was able to improvise so well after her stylist didn’t show up. I mean, clearly she threw this all together very last minute ager waiting for her team to show. Kudos to you, Miss Jessica, for finding a dress even if it is a frankendress and way too long even for someone of your height and extra kudos on the courage to do hair and make up yourself in the car.

    • demidaemon

      Some people are going to suddenly find themselves on the unemployment line very soon, methinks!

  • evave2

    Gosh, the dress is hideous. And I think her hair (is this the way she looks on the show?) is just poorly thought out/done. That lace should be shot.

  • Denise Rambo

    That hairdo looks like a Don King wig. And the makeup is HORRIBLE!

    • conlakappa

      Or Bride of Frankenstein. Or Snow Meiser.

  • I like the print, but WHY would you put that stupid lace insert in the slit? GOD.

  • formerlyAnon

    The *idea* of the lace (on an entirely different dress) is plausible. But the execution is pointless, silly, and one fabric too many on this dress.

  • Valdri8

    Correction: That lace underskirt CATCHES bugs.

  • In the second image, I swear for a second I thought the Audi rings were giant crazy hoop earrings that went around the ear Leia style.

    And I was cool with it, because it was interesting

    The reality is not interesting… or pretty.

  • MilaXX

    That lace underskirt makes her leg look like it’s molting.

  • Mothra

    I just can’t. I CAN NOT!

  • Pennymac

    Top of my Irrational Celebrity Hate list.
    My case, it is rested.

  • Remember L’bawd? L’bad.

  • revlyn

    I like it except for the messy hair. Don’t know what happened there, but the rest..the print is beautiful and it’s a nice silhouette. Ok the black lace, that could go. Hardly a year’s worst contender tho

  • Kayceed

    Lace modesty panel and lipstick on the teeth? Eek! Who ever accompanied her to this event doesn’t love her enough.

  • Judy_J

    I was so taken aback by the lack of hairstyle and makeup that I hardly noticed how ugly that dress is.

  • kbshee

    Distracted by the horns on her head.

  • It looks like spiders are marching up her legs.

  • demidaemon

    I think we may have a candidate for the worst design feature ever. I know it’s a difficult competition, but the sheer fuckery and needlessness of the lace covered slit pushes it to the front, in my opinion.

  • cowper

    Audi ears! Audi ears!

  • ktr33

    completely agree with everything, Uncles. Hits everything I was thinking before I read your comments. How is she even smiling? Utter cluelessness?

  • Or, à la Megan Draper, she’s not a very smart celebrity.

  • PeaceBang

    Everything is wrong.

  • Sweetvegan

    I really like the idea of a super-high slit being covered in a sheer fabric, but don’t combine a lace with print. This would’ve looked nice if the lace were replaced with a sheer solid black chiffon. Or if the lace were paired with a solid black dress.