Natalie Portman in Christian Dior at the 2014 Shanghai International Film Festival

Posted on June 23, 2014

Natalie’s just so damn tasteful all the time that we can’t help but picture her as completely foul-mouthed and crass behind closed doors. It’s more entertaining that way to assume she talks like a sailor on leave.


Natalie-Portman-Christian-Dior-2014-Shanghai-International-Film-Festival-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (1)Natalie Portman attends the closing and award ceremony of the 2014 Shanghai International Film Festival at Shanghai Grand Theatre in Shanghai, China in a Christian Dior black sleeveless gown with printed bodice and accessorized with a Richard Mille watch.

Natalie-Portman-Christian-Dior-2014-Shanghai-International-Film-Festival-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (2)Christian Dior Resort 2015 Collection

Natalie-Portman-Christian-Dior-2014-Shanghai-International-Film-Festival-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (3)

Natalie-Portman-Christian-Dior-2014-Shanghai-International-Film-Festival-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (4)

Very tasteful and elegant, in a “meeting world leaders” kind of way. But the proportions are so wrong for her. She’s a tiny little thing and she clearly doesn’t need such a high waist on her getups. Although to be fair, the proportions don’t seem to be working much better on the model. We’re not sure how a designer looks at a dress like this and doesn’t see how much it obscures the natural shape of a woman’s body – and not in an interesting or expressive way. More in a “let’s turn a gamine into a waistless brick.” way.

Also, that giant outside pocket looks like a satin blister. There. We said it.




[Photo Credit: ImagineChina/FAMEFLYNET PICTURES, Christian Dior]

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    • Emily

      And that pocket! Yuck.

      • makeityourself

        Tumor pocket.

        ETA: Sorry, I needed to read one more comment to see that evave2 and I are both working the “uncontrolled cell growth” angle.

    • RussellH88

      You need to look up her SNL Rap Video if you want to see Foul Mouth Natalie Portman.

      The waist on this thing isn’t working for me at all. It just looks off.

      • PinkyK

        I was thinking the same thing!

      • lindsmh

        I was going to recommend the same thing. So hilarious!

      • Yulie29

        There’s also the time she was on Inside the Actor’s Studio and had to pick her favorite swear word.

        The eye makeup is so distracting, I didn’t even get to the dress.

    • Danielle

      The stitching on the front of the blouse BUGS.

      • Anna

        The stitching all over bugs! So cheap-looking.

    • thecitysleeps

      OH dear. What the fuck is that pocket? She’s so lovely, and I love the part of the dress with the print, it would look great as a nice knee length dress all in that print, but that’s it.

      • evave2

        Reminds me of a “tumor dress” from Project Runway many seasons ago, but this looks like left-over skin after someone lost a lot of weight (and I know because I have some ugly stuff going on in that area after a weight loss).

        ALSO Dior had a show, right, Resort 2015 and put THOSE shoes on the model? HORRID.

    • imperfectlaura

      I see the potential for a really stunning look, but typical of most Dior creations of late, it just looks awkward.

      • sleepycat

        Yes, I love the print and could have extended it longer down the torso, and well the pocket. Dior must be turning in his grave.

    • Adrianna Grężak

      Once I read “blister” I can’t unsee

      • Kitten Mittons

        If it bursts, does chiffon come out?

        • demidaemon

          I’m thinking Dior brain pus.

          • Kitten Mittons

            So, next year’s runway show ideas?

            • demidaemon

              Jesus. I hope not. But you are probably right.

    • Dan_In_NYC

      Her head looks stunning, and also her nail polish. This concludes the compliment portion of the assessment.

    • Kiltdntiltd

      Couldn’t agree more in every respect. Proportions are off for her. For this to work for her the print needs to stop right under the bustline. The pocket wouldn’t bug so much if it were better handled, its actually puckered slightly in a few places. (tsk)

      And yeah, when Nat and I had dinner last night she said, “so he @#*&! and then I told him to =%$&^!!” I laughed so hard!

      • Kent Roby

        Well, that’s not very nice of you to tell on Nat! When I had drinks with her after your dinner, she had nothing but nice things to say about you!

        • Kiltdntiltd

          Oh she was totes cool with my relaying this story, I texted her before posting this and she was all like, “dude, DO it!” And BTW, she thinks you’re the bomb.

    • NBG

      Ooh FFS, the pocket! Adding Dior to the list of design houses just effing trolling us at this point. It’s a shame because her hair and makeup are fine.

      • Kent Roby

        You can’t just now be adding Dior to that list; they’ve been punking us for quite some time now!

        • NBG

          You’re very right. We should just name the damn list after them at this point.

          • Kent Roby

            I keep expecting to see an insanely gorgeous Dior, which would be sorta like when we discovered that Bobby Ewing’s death on “Dallas” was just Pam’s bad dream.

            • NBG

              This is not your “Bobby in the shower” moment unfortunately. This is more Game of Thrones. Everyone is really dead and everything that comes out of Dior is really ugly.

            • Kent Roby

              One can hope for a Bobby-in-the-shower moment, though! (Yes, I’m fine with whatever meaning someone might attribute to “Bobby in the shower”).

    • deelup

      Built in oven mitt ffs.

    • Justine

      Ladies of Earth: please stop wearing Christian Dior

      • Laura Renee

        Ladies of Mars and further-scattered, as-yet-unnamed planets, are however welcome to Dior if they find his designs atmospherically compatible.

        (Ladies of Mars would also be a great band name, I think.)

        • TwiddlyStun

          Perhaps they will find them anatomically compatible as well? Hard to believe.

          • Shawn EH

            This one would look better if she had four arms, it’s true!

        • Justine

          I would totally go see Ladies of Mars open for Satin Blister!

        • kimmeister

          And they would all have one night stands with the members of Thirty Seconds to Mars!

    • SugarSnap108

      Satin Blister. Yet another awesome band name.

    • sienna elm

      That’s not a pocket…that’s an evening holster!

      • Shawn EH

        A gun is the last thing you’d expect!

        • scoobynacks

          Natalie’s just happy to see you.

    • TinyDynamo

      If a dress makes Natalie Portman look like a blocky troll, it’s an f’ed up design. Blech.

    • bessann28

      Natalie looks lovely as always, but the dress is fug.

    • Judy_S

      I thought the pocket was a very matchy bag at first. Which I guess it is, just attached.

    • Anna

      Raf Simons for the Newport News catalogue.

    • Den Milano

      Hate the bottom half of that dress!

    • Heather

      What is one supposed to PUT in that pocket? A Chap Stick?

      • Supernumerary

        Too bulky. A single slip of paper ought to be just right.

        • Kent Roby

          Which means that an acceptance speech would be the right thing to have there, though one wouldn’t want to be accepting an award in that dress!

      • FibonacciSequins

        All one’s dashed hopes of making a good impression.

      • Fay Dearing

        I’m all for pockets in a dress (all my favorite dresses have pockets) but you either have to put the pocket in on the side seam or have mirrored pockets on the front of the dress for it to work. And that’s for casual dresses!

      • Little_Olive

        Pita bread

        • Heather

          Ahhh yes. But sadly, no room for falafel.

    • CommenterFormerlyKnownAsR

      My first thought was “this makes it really easy to picture what she’ll look like when she’s 60.” Not, I suspect, what she was going for.

    • crash1212

      Natalie got “Diored”.

    • PinkyK

      Tuck that pocket in dammit! it’s not fashion it’s an inside out pocket! I don’t care if the designer “meant to do that” or not; tuck it in! It looks dumb!

      • Gatto Nero

        There’s nothing to “tuck in.” It’s stitched to the outside of the garment.
        And yes, it’s ugly and ridiculous!

    • Thomas

      Every time I see a Dior these days, I just feel like saying, “NEXT!”

    • Crystal

      Pockets are only clever if you can USE THEM. And they’re only decorative if they LOOK NICE AND ADD TO THE OVERALL LOOK OF THE GARMENT.


      • boweryboy

        I FEEL YOUR ANGER! : )

    • boweryboy

      A big, ugly first year sewing student satin pocket? Really? Way to ruin an almost decent dress, Raf.

    • imspinningaround

      Snaps for wearing a watch to a formal event! Team Wear a Watch Even Though Everyone Uses Their Phones to Tell Time These Days salutes you!

    • MissusBee

      ‘Meeting world leaders’. I am now dedicating a section of my wardrobe to this category, to complement existing sections ‘Eating chips because hungover’ and ‘I don’t iron: deal with it’.

      • Sarah

        My main two are “Just Unwrinkled/Stained/Covered-Up Enough for Work” and “Everything Else.” There is a small smattering of “Too Depressed/Hungover to Give a Shit” and “I Had To Dress Up For Your Wedding/Funeral/Church Service/Graduation etc.”

        • kimmeister

          I have a good-sized “I didn’t feel like shaving” section.

      • Shawn EH

        A girl’s gotta be flexible!

    • Lilithcat

      The dress is just plain boring, and that pocket is ridiculous. If you want a pocket in an evening dress, make it an in-seam one.

    • rebeemoon

      OMG. The top fastens with hooks-and-eyes.

    • ashtangajunkie

      I cannot unsee the satin blister. The proportions of the dress are weird, but the blistery pocket is hilariously gross.

    • Fuchsiaforever

      Hahahah a SATIN BLISTER!!! hahhahaha thank you for putting it into words….I was wondering what to call that HOT POCKET…hahhahaha!!!

    • Luzia

      Dior just got downhill with that new boring designer

    • IzzyEhrmentraut

      Is she preggers again and did I totally miss that?

    • FibonacciSequins

      It needed to be said, uncles.

    • IraKi

      I find it simply awful!

    • Jen

      It looks like they sewed a potholder onto an otherwise alright dress (be it off proportionally) and I don’t approve..

    • strangebride

      Can we talk about that watch? Once the pic zoomed out, that was all I saw.

    • Janet B

      She looks pretty, from the neck up.

    • ShaoLinKitten

      Speaking of Natalie Portman as a foul-mouthed dock worker, have you seen the SNL sketch where she raps? She’s pretty much precisely that.

    • LadyVimes

      Satin blister is the PERFECT descriptor. Ew.

    • J.W.

      I wonder if lefties can request the pocket on the other side? Not that I’d want it…or the dress.

    • jilly_d

      I didn’t even notice the blister pocket because I was distracted by the pony face on her right breast.

      • GorgeousThings

        OMG, I missed that, but now I can’t un-see it. Brilliant!
        And it looks a little like the pony is talking to a sparrow on her left side

    • MilaXX

      That is ugly. I like the print, but everything else is just too tricky for it’s own good. The pocket looks home ec levels of cheap.

    • NurseEllen

      She looks so static and uncomfortable. Not the vibe for a major celeb to be giving off while wearing haute couture duds.

    • jml27

      I want the model’s sandals please.

    • Bert Keeter

      Pockets handy to hold a gun to shoot Raf Simons when she runs into him for designing such a dumpy dress!

    • bitchybitchybitchy

      The pocket placement looks very awkward, and yes, it is a lot of dress for a petite frame.

    • Bert Keeter

      Or perfect to hold a colostomy bag for the old lady that really should be wearing this schemata.

    • Tee

      “Satin Blister” is the name of my new band!

    • Jecca2244

      that is SO cheap looking.

    • steve

      She desparately needs a foundation garment!

      • Bert Keeter

        She desperately needs a different gown!

    • ReadBarbara

      The dress looks very “First Lady of a Country So Small You Never Heard of It.”

    • Gorengirl

      I look at that dress and all I see is a ugly pot holder/over mitt!

    • Call me Bee

      Yukky pocket. Looks like student work! (The ultimate insult in the fashion world, I guess…) Without it, the dress is flawless.

    • marlie

      The proportions *are* a little off, but I’d be more forgiving if that ugly, unnecessary pocket wasn’t slapped on to the skirt. It’s a mostly pretty dress, but it could have been better. And that’s about as much praise as Dior is going to get from me these days.

      • t bell

        You’re a hard woman marlie with a very valid critique. I can’t imagine what was in the designer’s mind with that pocket addition.

        • marlie

          I’m not inclined to be terribly forgiving to Dior these days, especially after the f*ckery from the last few seasons.

          • t bell

            Although it’ several years old Marie-France Pochna wrote an excellent biography of him and his work. The poor man would be spinning in his grave if the could see what has been done with his legacy.

    • Little_Olive

      Did I sew this? I don’t remember. I must have been drunk.

    • RutGot

      That second picture of Natalie looks like her head is swiveled around 180 degrees and we’re actually looking at her back. I keep seeing whatever that vertical thing is on the bodice as a zipper and the way the skirt is hanging sort of looks like her butt. I can’t unsee it.

    • LadyLuck777

      Ha! My first thought was that she was holding her clutch weird so that it looked like a bad pocket.

    • BuffaloBarbara

      That’s just… off. I don’t object to pockets (it’s a pet peeve of mine with ladies’ clothes… nowhere to put anything for a second!), but not patch pockets on the RC, thanks.

      She’s a tiny person. She needs something that doesn’t look like it will crush her if she doesn’t exert superhuman strength to stop it. If they want to put her in a Dior pre-fall 2014 and she’s in the mood for black, how about this one? www dot style dot com slash fashionshows slash complete slash slideshow slash 2014PF-CDIOR/#21

    • Edie Rose

      This is dress is giving her waterpolo shoulders, which she does not have.
      I don’t approve of the cut :(

    • Judih1

      I was rolling on the floor laughing at this comment: let’s turn a gamine into a waistless brick

      The House of Dior has become the House of Horror

    • alliekat9090

      What is happening in the abdominal area? She is a tiny little thing with a perfect figure and this dress makes her look like she has a tiny beer gut.

    • Columbinia

      What’s with the long, long train on this gown?