2014 CMT Music Awards Red Carpet Rundown

Posted on June 05, 2014

YEEHAW, ya bitchy buncha kittens! Let’s get all judgmental-like, quick n’ dirty style! Are y’all ready? Line ‘em up, before we drop any more vowels or consonants, because we’re startin’ to sound like a drag queen doin’ a Paula Deen impersonation!

 

 

Miranda Lambert in Celia Kritharioti
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Tackiest administrative assistant at the office holiday party!

NEXT!

 

Kate Walsh in Naeem Kahn Spring 2014
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This throw is on sale at Pier One Imports for $79.99!

NEXT!

 

Beth Behrs in Erin Fetherston Fall 2014
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This is kind of sweetly pretty, although we wish the underdress was in, say, a brilliant blue!

NEXT!

 

Brooklyn Decker in Jill Stuart
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She looks like she was hired to unveil an Apple product at a press conference!

NEXT!

 

 

Cassadee Pope in Theia
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The skirt looks way too much like an inverted flower to our liking, and the top looks like it was made out of a set of dishcloths, but we’ll give her some credit for trying to do something a little different.

NEXT!

 

Hillary Scott in L’Wren Scott Spring 2014
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Ain’t no way a slit-to-the-thigh pencil skirt can look anything but a little desperate! Save that shit for West Side Story, honey! And your shoes are ugly!

NEXT!

 

Jennifer Nettles in Halston Heritage
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Actually? Kinda fabulous.

Now stand up straight! Chin up, tits out!

NEXT!

 

Kacey Musgraves in Miu Miu
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Also kinda fabulous, although we’re not loving the bust and it does seem a little too formal for the event somehow!

NEXT!

 

LeAnn Rimes in Rani Zakhem Spring 2014
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Hillary Scott! Girl! You’re safe, honey! Turns out? You’re NOT the most desperate-looking gal here tonight! HAHA! I KNOW, right? Are you seeing this shit? All right, hon! Catch ya later! Love you too!

NEXT!

 

Jana Kramer in Michael Costello
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Thanks for getting the I Dream of Jeannie theme song stuck in our heads, Jana!

NEXT!

 

Kellie Pickler in Lorena Sarbu Pre-Fall 2014
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Can’t hate! Lady is selling it, even if she does look like she’s picking up some sort of regional realtor’s award or something!

NEXT!

 

Kirsten Bell in Zuhair Murad Fall 2014
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Betcha she sounds crunchy when she moves!

 

And we’re done! Peace out, girl scouts!

 

 

 

[Photo Credit: INFphoto.com, Getty Images]

    • Bridget212323

      Agreed that the Halston outfit was the best of the night.

      • http://www.bertkeeter.com Bert Keeter

        Maybe the best…But it had ZERO design reference to anything HALSTON would do…dead or alive!

    • RussellH88

      There’s a disturbance in the force when Jennifer Nettles is winning the Red Carpet.

      • quiltrx

        I think it helps that we can’t hear her annoying pronunciations of every single word.

      • MartyBellerMask

        It’s the CMT’s. There’s a bit of a curve.

    • Capt. Renault

      I *so* need to get drunk with you guys.

    • Karen Belgrad

      I love playing the “who’s capable of standing on an orange ‘X’ game!!!! Jana Kramer (who?) made sure that lil bitchy ‘X’ wasn’t upstaging her!

      • http://redheadedwolf.wordpress.com/ Laura Renee

        How odd. I don’t recall seeing those x’s on any other red carpets — do they just use them for this awards show?

        • Lori

          There are X’s on every step & repeat. If people stand on them correctly you don’t see them, but people miss them all the time. For example, if you look at the last post featuring Angelina Jolie you can see the X in a couple of the shots.

    • Scimommy

      Why is Michael Costello suddenly dressing all these celebs on the RC? Are his schmoozing skillz out of this world or something?

      • RussellH88

        It’s like the bland leading the bland.

      • alyce1213

        That must be. He managed to get some very high profile ladystars, e.g., Beyonce, Britney, to wear his label around awards season and since then, he seems to be everywhere (I read that he did bridesmaid dresses for that K wedding). What I’ve seen is a lot of sheer peekaboos, slits, cleavage, aggressively sexy, you know.

        • Scimommy

          Hey Alyce! Exactly. His “designs” are nothing to write home about, and yet he is everywhere. Must be his interpersonal skills.

          • bitchybitchybitchy

            He seems to have a feel for what some ladystars want to wear on the RC-their idea of glamour, sexy.

    • Shawn EH

      Best Beth Behrs look in some time! Golly I do love an RC Rundown!

      • DebbieLovesShoes

        Me, too

    • MK03

      Le Ann Rimes, what happened to you?

      • misstressofsylar

        It looks like she can barely open her eyes anymore.

      • alyce1213

        You have to ask?

      • kimmeister

        She’s morphing into that flying dog thing from “The Neverending Story.”

        • demidaemon

          What was it’s name? Anyways, he still looks cuter than Leanne rimes here.

          • kimmeister

            I had to go look it up. Falkor!

            • demidaemon

              Thank God! For some reason I was thinking Bluto, which I knew wasn’t right. :)

            • ankali

              That’s the best mistake I’ve heard in a long time.

            • Sonnet_PDX

              Maybe because she looks like she is blotto.

        • DebbieLovesShoes

          I looked it up, too (Falkor). THAT is hilarious.

      • murt

        I have to admit, there is something about her that I like. She used to be so bland and boring 10 years ago, but now she’s such a trainwreck in that old school, country way – she reminds me of Merle Haggard now or Patsy Cline or Tanya Tucker – maybe even someone like Dusty Springfield – those old stars with the super dramatic personal lives where you wonder why they were making the choices that they were haha.

        Plus the album she released last year was way better than anything she has done in the past, so she’s backing it up with her music.

        I hate her makeup though – those false lashes are way way way too heavy for her hooded eyes.

    • Kristi Mitchell

      What happened to LeAnne Rimes eyes? They look like they keep getting smaller every time I see her. or is it cause her eyelashes are too big for them?

      • murt

        Yeah those eyelashes are way too big and heavy for her eyes.

    • KinoEye

      It’s beyond crazy to see someone from a town 10 minutes from where I live featured on the site. Get it, Kacey, although the fit of the bust IS wonky, and the hair looks yoga-ish.

      • Barbara Affolter

        No doubt! I’m pretty sure I was sitting at my desk in Cool Springs while, somewhere in Nashville, a red carpet… carpeted?

      • Kitty Pimms

        I went to high school with Jana Kramer. I squeal every time TLo includes her in one of these country music awards rundowns, though I’m not sure she’s ever received a comment considered praise from them! :/

    • Thomas

      Country music awards shows always seem to be the tackiest. They’re right up there with Latin music award shows. And this has nothing to do with the music.

    • hughman

      Real Housewives of Dollywood.

    • TinyDynamo

      LeAnn missed her mark, both literally & figuratively. She aimed for carefree & sexy, but landed squarely on desperate & tacky.

      • MilaXX

        Does she ever land anywhere else these days?

      • SugarSnap108

        Who would’ve thought a hospital bed sheet and a random piece of illusion netting (unless my eyes deceive me) could miss?

      • SportifLateBoomer

        I feel so mean to say but the phrase that came to mind (and which I think I learned here, or on Jezebel) is she looks “rode hard and put away wet.”

        I must turn in my feminist card now…

        • TinyDynamo

          I learned that phrase when I was 10. From my mom. So I’ll give you a pass!

        • MartyBellerMask

          I heard that from my ex’s mom. I wish I could remember who she was referring to.

      • DebbieLovesShoes

        Truth

    • @Biting Panda

      Pro Tip: Anytime LeAnne Rimes is in the room, you’re NOT the most desperate-looking gal there.

      Jennifer Nettles is giving me Heidi Klum realness.

      Kellie Pickler is the very definition of plucky, but her head is 30 years too old.

      • Anna

        I thought that was Heidi Klum at first too!

      • scoobynacks

        I still remember Kelli coming back to Idol and Seacrest asked if she’d done anything, trying so hard not to look at her chest and her two new friends. It was hilarious.

      • Lori

        I think Jennifer Nettles is looking like vintage Bo Derek. Bo was beautiful and everything, but Jennifer should look like Jennifer.

    • http://www.beautifymylifeblog.com Jessica

      I so needed this at the end of a crappy day. Bless you, TLo. There are no words for LeAnn Rimes.

      • Lori

        Oh, there are words for LeAnn. They’re just not the sort of thing a lady says in mixed company.

        • decormaven

          Cryptkeeper.

    • Anna

      I don’t know who a lot of these people are, but laughed out loud at commentary for Miranda Lambert, Kate Walsh and Brooklyn Decker.

      What ARE those things on Hilary Scott’s feet? I refuse to call them shoes or sandals. LeAnn Rimes scares me on so many levels.

      • schadenfreudelicious

        The gold brocade tie backs from the bordello curtains?

    • mjude

      my favorite kind of posts from the uncles.

    • decormaven

      Hillary Scott’s shoes were the last pair at Macy’s clearance rack. Kellie Pickler is giving Mitzi Gaynor realness.

      • Imasewsure

        Mitzi Gaynor!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA
        You are not wrong my friend… :)

    • Kent Roby

      I am rolling over “Save that shit for West Side Story, honey”! And, yes, Pickler is dressed to pick up something, but it’s a man!

    • Violentcello

      Pretty sure I put in more effort to go down to my local for happy hour than Brooklyn Decker did for this award show.

    • R.A.

      I snorted audibly when I got to “Save that shit for West Side Story, honey! And your shoes are ugly!”

    • altalinda

      I would not think any of these gals was a Country music singer if I stumbled across her on the street. My, how times have changed.

    • queeniethebold

      Laughing like a lunatic at this post. Yay! Almost laughing as hard as at the much-missed Chloe Sevigny posts of yesteryear.

    • MilaXX

      Jennifer Nettles and Kellie Pickle FTW. Minor quibbles; Jennifer’s pants need hemming and Kellie needs better hair.

      • MartyBellerMask

        Kellie has never not needed better hair.

    • kimmeister

      Molecular structure dresses are apparently a thing this year! (See K. Bell.)

      • @Biting Panda

        And recently, Lucy Liu.

        • kimmeister

          Yes, that’s what I meant (since one person doing it wouldn’t make it a thing). :-)

          • @Biting Panda

            Touché. Bitch.
            ; )

      • SugarSnap108

        I’m hoping chemistry-based dresses are the new “sheer.”

        • marlie

          There are SO many interesting incarnations of this theme. I hope someone runs with the idea.

      • Little_Olive

        Well, Beth Behrs’ certainly looks like some fungal formation. Or a smokebush (I just saw one).

    • TropiCarla

      I cannot be the only one who heard this whole thing Jebidiah Atkinson style.

      I cackled in glee imagining TLo flinging each photo after delivering their scathing assessment.

      • MartyBellerMask

        I did not, but I’m about to read it again that way!! :)

    • Tanya Wade

      That is the best I have ever seen Jennifer Nettles look. Halston FTW!

    • http://myriameron.blogspot.com/ Heron

      Have y’all seen Taran Killam (sp?) doing the movie reviewer from the 1700s on SNL? Jebediah Atkinson?

      • TropiCarla

        Yaaas! I just said that. Perfect fit here! LOL

    • SugarSnap108

      No idea who most of these people are. What’s Kate Walsh doing there? I thought she was a pretend doctor.

      That Halston is far and away the best look. Not that there’s much competition.

      • decormaven

        I asked the same question about Kate Walsh. That outfit belongs as a table scarf on a 1960s Mediterranean credenza.

      • Lori

        Kate Walsh used to be a pretend doctor. As of this fall she’s a pretend judge. I assume she’s there as part of some publicity effort on the part of the network, but it is odd. The dress is beautiful from the back, but it doesn’t fit her right so from the front it just looks like a super fancy wine bag. It desperately needed some shape.

        • SugarSnap108

          I just saw the dress from the back on the runway (Fug girls). It’s gorgeous. I think I’d love it if the front were less busy — maybe just the detailing along the hem. And like you said, it needs to be better fitted.

    • Judy_J

      Those are some cheap looking outfits. And I mean cheap as in inexpensive, not cheap as in tacky…..although a few of these qualify as both.

    • Cloveradams

      Brooklyn’s frock is so generic-looking that I half-expect to see it as an illustration next to “dress” in a dictionary.

      • SugarSnap108

        It’s like she’s wearing a dress pattern.

        • MartyBellerMask

          It’s the muslin starter dress they give them on Project Runway. The one the cover in moss and Skittles.

      • smh4748

        I agree! She looks pretty in it, of course, but it’s so clearly something that I would wear to church or a wedding (er, not in white, I guess)–down to the almost non-existent accessories that it’s a bit of a head-scratcher. I feel that “something a 20-something grad student would own and wear” is a little underdone for a supermodel at an awards show.

    • what not

      Jennifer Nettles looks lovely, though unfortunately her head is giving off latter-day Olivia Newton John.

      LeAnn Rimes needs to reassess her life.

      • demidaemon

        She needed to reevaluate long ago, mainly when she decided marrying an ex-Real Househusband of Beverly Hills was a good idea.

    • ashtangajunkie

      Jennifer Nettles wins. Everyone else can cry in their whiskey and then write a twangy song about it that will no doubt get stuck in my head.

    • BLauD

      Jennifer Nettles is obviously the winner here.

      These are my favorite kinds of posts. Brevity is such my humor type, and your witty snaps always make me snort.

    • Heather

      I really like Kirsten Bell’s dress, but I wish she had done her head to match it.

    • DagnyReardon

      Perfect analysis. The Uncles are the Einsteins of fashion commentary.

    • Danielle

      Why are some of these people even at the CMAs? Kate Walsh? Kristen Bell?

      • Grumpy Girl

        Thank you. I was wondering about that, too. These are not people I associate with Country Music.

      • jennym84

        Kristen was actually hosting – it’s her third year doing the CMT awards. I say this not as a fan of the CMT awards, but as someone who lives in Nashville and can’t avoid the giant billboards.

    • John11581

      Damn what an awful red carpet. I don’t know who Brooklyn Decker is, but I can’t understand why she thought that nothing dress with those Payless pumps was red carpet ready. That dress is fine enough for some high school graduation backyard party, but the CMT Music Awards? Really? At least try to look like you’re putting in some effort in exchange for all of the free publicity you’re getting for being there in the first place. I’d much rather see a spectacular failure of a look that shows some thought, however misguided, went into it, than utter indifference.

    • crash1212

      I really love the L’Wren Scott dress…just not on that person. Total GTINYD.

    • smh4748

      I don’t hate Miranda Lambert’s dress. It’s a little tacky, but tacky in an appropriately Nashville way, if that makes sense. I think her hair is the real tragedy there. And the eyeliner.

      • demidaemon

        That hair is AWFUL. It overtakes any good qualities that may have existed in the look.

    • Synnamin

      LeAnn Rimes is 31 years old. WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO YOUR FACE?!

      • smh4748

        She is only 31? Wow. That’s shocking.

    • Imasewsure

      Whole lotta a%$ I must say..

      Little LeAnn needs to stop taking fashion cues from Drag Queens since she doesn’t have that level of fabulousness… of course, who does…. she looks cray cray though

      • demidaemon

        It helps if you take every fashion cue from every drag queen–this is not even 1/8th assing what a true queen could pull off.

        • Imasewsure

          She needs to go to “Cute Girl Next Door” fashion camp with Lea Michelle… no self-respecting drag queen would take either of them

          • demidaemon

            Sounds like a business proposition!

    • suzq

      These ladies need better hair dressers or maybe this style of “non-styled hair” needs to pass. What also needs to pass is wearing a gown with a train to every Podunk award show. They’re not all that important. And with all that, I want those Halston pants NOW!!!!

    • FibonacciSequins

      Whoever Jana Kramer is, it looks like her dress has glued itself to the ground and trapped her.

      Kellie’s shoes look like open-toe glitter clogs. I know they’re not, but if that’s what the front of your shoes look like, you probably shouldn’t wear them with an evening gown.

      I think Leann’s face looks pretty much like it did when she was a teenager, just a skinny adult version of it. Her dress is ridiculous and her hair and makeup are worse. I’m sure she can look better than that.

      • TinyDynamo

        Now I kind of want a pair of open-toed glitter clogs.

    • Charm City

      probably completely in the minority here, but I think that’s the best Miranda Lambert has looked in a while…

      • Shelby

        I agree. :-)

    • Joycelyn Watterson-Woods

      I wasn’t hating on Miranda until I blew the picture up and focused on the illusion netting…no! Just use double stick and get rid of the netting. Her hair is a bit secretary, but otherwise I’m digging it. Is Beth’s dress a little too big, I think I more vibrant color underneath would be outstanding, but I like this. Adore Jennifer nettles, but she needs a better bra and to stand up, then she would have knocked it out of the park. Leann, of course…love the color on pickler, but those shoes look a little hookerish. Kristen bell, might make noise, buy it’d be joyful ’cause she looks great in those colors/that dress, just want sexier hair

    • rebeemoon

      Now I have Jebedia the film critic from SNL’s voice stuck in my head. NEXT!

    • LeelaST

      I watched a bit of this on the livestream – almost died when I saw LeAnn Rimes and that completely extraneous illusion netting “modesty panel.” The dress is slit to the waist, what’s to be modest about?! And TLo, if that’s the dress Kristen Bell wore to open the show backstage – it did make crunchy sounds! Seriously!

    • LadyVimes

      Loving the benzene rings on Kristen’s dress.

    • demidaemon

      Oh, Leann Rimes. It smells of desperation and sadness.

    • Trickytrisha

      I don’t care for Miranda Lambert’s hair, but tacky? Office worker? I respectfully disagree. She looks great.

    • Pablo

      God I love it when you guys are bitchy, Kristen Bell is definitely the best dressed.

    • SewingSiren

      All terrible. Some worse.

    • Emily S

      I hate to say it, but this is a personal best for Miranda Lambert.

    • tinyredlocks

      Apparently, they are all allergic to lipstick. Die, nude lip! Die!!

    • cocohall

      Jennifer Nettles looks fantastic. She has really upped her game lately. Brooklyn Decker looks like one of the Tour De France girls who stands on the daily winner podium and hands the King of Mountains his jersey. Why is she even at a Country Award Show? Is she married to a country star? And bless little Kellie Pickler’s heart. I have irrational love for this girl and it cheers me up when she looks good and put together.

    • Tee

      Say what you want about the tacky admin, but she’s going home with the top dog! Hooray for hoochie chic!

    • snarkykitten

      Wait, is Cassadee Pope sporting a tattoo that’s bigger than a quarter? That looks pretty damn good?

    • quiltrx

      I knew you guys could find the worst ones LOL!
      Jake Owen’s wife Lacey had on a great dress–it was like a day-glo quilt in dress form. I was wondering who designed it, it was nicely unexpected.
      Shawna Thompson wore a reasonably nice black-over-taupe lacy, dotty thing.

    • marlie

      Jennifer Nettles and Keisten Bell for the win. Kacey Musgraves gets an honorable mention. But that attention-seeking famewhore Leann Rimes needs to go away. And Kelli Pickler needs to unclench and exhale.

      • siriuslover

        I have no need for commentary. You have said it all.

    • swissgirl

      Who ARE these people?

    • altermyego

      What happened to ‘the higher the hair the closer to god’? I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many flat hairstyles at a country awards rc.
      I personally don’t like high hair but I think a lot of these ladies needed to put their hair up to go with the look of their gowns.
      Love what Kristen Bell is wearing regardless of the sound it makes.

    • e jerry powell

      Michael Costello needs to be slapped. Repeatedly. EVERY DAY FOR THE REST OF TIME.

    • KT

      This is really mean, but LeAnn Rimes looks like the cross between a monkey and one of the Wayans Brothers in White Chicks.

    • Mothra

      Goodness gracious me and fifteen potato pancakes (as my mother would say) those poor girls need some help. Country music has some huge $$ behind it. I wouldn’t kill it to act like it now and then.

    • Heather

      But isn’t Jennifer Nettles wearing too-long PANTS? How can that be a win? Aggggh with the lack of hemming!!!!

    • MartyBellerMask

      WHY IS EVERYONE’S HAIR SO BAD???????????? TOO ANGRY! MUST ALL CAPS!!!!

    • http://www.readbarbara.com/ ReadBarbara

      Jennifer Nettles is doing her best to channel Bo Derek, isn’t she? I do love the outfit.

    • ktr33

      Miranda’s got some real puffy sister-wife do going up there.

    • dalgirl

      Jennifer Nettles for the win.

    • lilazander

      Kelly Pickler looks fab. Your comment to K. Bell is point-on. In general, this is king of a ridick crowd.