Who’s ready to feel old and out of touch? YOU ARE, kittens! It’s the 2011 Teen Choice Awards and a bunch of people with really silly names hopped up on the red carpet because they’re finally tall enough to get on this ride. Let’s puncture some self-importance together, shall we?
The collar’s a bit too high for that mane of hair (should’ve worn a pony tail), but it’s a great, sassy, eye-catching dress.
Love the shoes, but the dress came off a Bebe mannequin.
How thoughtful that they invited some old hoofer from Hollywood’s golden age.
What? This person was born in the ’90s? Does she realize she doesn’t have to dress like this?
Her red carpet posing makes our eyes twitch, but we can’t deny the gal looks fierce and sharp here.
Good enough. He no longer looks like a gorilla in a suit, so he must be cycling down.
Hi, Crystal Reed. You don’t know us, but we think you should know there’s too much shit on your dress and your shoes look ENORMOUS.
Enh. Bored now.
We are so thrilled there are little blonde pupal attention whores named Destinee and Paris Monroe. We just know these girls will give us many years of fun ripping their dresses and tearing down their delusions of grandeur. It’s like we’re looking at our retirement fund right now.
They look like they beamed down from space and landed in 1988.
We’re pretty over the star-spangled looks, but this is perfect for the event. Mind you, she looks like she can’t breathe in this thing, but that’s only a minor problem when pursuing fabulous.
Cute dress in a great color.
Service entrance is in the back.
He looks like a middle-aged high school teacher trying to look hip.
No revolving doors for Miss Graham, please.
She looks like a pissed-off dust ruffle.
Whoever thought Catholic schoolgirl outfits in leather was a good idea needs to be driven out to the desert and left there. We’re pretty sure Mary Murphy agrees right about now.
Cute, if a little Candy Striper.
Raven is thrilled to be here and thrilled that she got someone to cover her shift at the bank.
Weep for the future of humanity
It’s not a bad dress, though.
Dude, you’re rich and you’re presumably trying to get laid. Put a little effort in.
It’s a great look; sexy, sparkly and cute.
100 percent pure, raging heterosexuality.
Go home, you lazy shit. But leave your shirt because we kind of like it.
Well look who just joined the X-Men! Smizing isn’t a super-power, dear.
[Photo Credit: Jason Merritt/Getty Images]