Pairs Division: Pitt and Jolie

Posted on May 26, 2011

Angie and Brad showed up at the LA premiere of “The Tree of Life” at the Los Angeles County Museum of Art looking PISSED.

Angelina Jolie is wearing a Jenny Packham gown.

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HE: Looks like a greasy douchebag. Don’t ever let it be said that we mince our words. Take your damn sunglasses off, asshole. We don’t care how bright the flashes are and how much they hurt your widdle retinas. Suck it up. Also, get your hair cut and stop using whatever industrial grade product you’re currently sporting because your head looks like an oil spill. There should be little baby ducks flailing about in there to complete the picture. Also, just because you’re Brad Pitt doesn’t mean you can always get away with the double-unbutton without looking smarmy. He’s just one big EW to us here. His clothes are fine for the most part, but the hair, sunglasses and tielessness are all forming a rather douchey picture. Score: 4/10. We’re probably being a bit harsh, but he’s just setting us off, for some reason.

SHE: Also reeks of skeevy superiority here but we can’t get too mad because ANGIE is wearing a COLOR. That’s HUGE. To be honest, it’s just an okay dress; but such is the power of the Angelina that she can transform “just okay” dresses into stunning looks. We have to gently offer positive reinforcement to our skittish little celebs, especially the ones who are afraid of color. So while we aren’t exactly gobsmacked by the beauty of this garment (and her face looks too shiny and hair looks particularly half-assed), we’re going to be encouraging here. Score: 7/10. Definitely a step in the right direction.

Combined Score: 5.5/10. Angie: continue exploring the rainbow. Also blot your face and do something with your hair. Brad: haircut, tie, no product, no sunglasses. You know, it’s really not hard, you two. You both wake up with those faces every day. When that’s your starting point, there’s no excuse for not looking exquisite when you’re supposed to. Shame on you both. We’re wagging our fingers sternly.


[Photo Credit: getty, wireimage]

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  • Agreed!

    • But Brad shaved! No more graying hillbilly uncle goatee, surely he gets points for that?

      • Lisa

        Yup, this is what I’m sayin’!  A couple of extra points have go be given – he at least doesn’t look like the campus dope dealer anymore!

        • Anonymous

          Yep, TLo, you’re being hard on the guy.  At least he looks clean and his shirt looks cleans.  He’s not dressed to play shuffleboard at the senior center.  All of this is an improvement.

  • She looks like a bored, complacent, disconnected bag of bones rattling around in a shroud. The fact that the shroud is red is nothing to get excited about.

  • margaret meyers

    Gavin Rossdale sported this look at Cannes — except he had his hair slicked back into a ponytail… he looked like a boring European douche (in an incredilbly-tailored blue tuxedo jacket).

  • MilaXX

    Brad – This look may make me break out my River Runs Through It dvd to see him when he was cute again. This lounge lizard-I’m-better-than you thing he’s got going on is a big YUCH! 4/10

    Angie – I want to reward for color, really I do, but the dress is so dated on her. I also hate the way the fold looks like her dress broke at the should seam and she decided to try and play it off. That shoulder bone jutting out only draws attention to how thin she is. The skirt is pure Golden Girl’s. Hair looks lank and face says she’d rather be anywhere else. 6/10 and that’s being kind for using a color.

  • Anonymous

    They’re still pissed they got booed at Cannes, I bet. 

  • Anonymous

    I am a little distracted from her beauty by how skeletal her right arm looks. 

    • I agree. She’s looking way too scary-skinny these days.

  • Is it weird that I heard Tim Gunn’s voice as I read that last sentence?  And his cute frowny-face?

  • I’m concerned.  Angie’s got Skeletor arms.  I understand that as people age, they get Skeletor hands, so I’m not going to dog her on that one.  But girl, you’ve got to eat something other than Kashi.

    • A lot of people say that and in her defense, she’s always had comparatively bony limbs, even when she had more weight like in her Gia days. It seems to me that she gained mostly muscle for Lara Croft. That said, she still could use some more weight especially if she wants to age well. She’s got strong features that’ll read too gaunt in about 10 years (see: Shriver, Maria).

  • Anonymous

    Do these people ever smile with their teeth showing?

  • Diana Martinez

    Don’t think I would have recognized him without her.  He used to be so hot, what happened??

    • Anonymous

      EXACTLY! He as over-the-top good looking. Bring back Brad!

  • Remember when she was kick-ass in Laura Croft and actually looked like she could kick ass?  Wish we could have that AJ back and give back the emaciated little bird creature.

    • Anonymous


  • 80’s Miama Vice fashion lives… Thanks TLo, your critique was spot on and funny per usual…

  • mmm. I don’t consider red a color. It’s right up there on the cliche ladder with white and black. Boring.

  • Anonymous

    Brad:  “Hey!  What say we through some shit on and go get our picture taken, eh Angie?”

    Ange:  “Yeah!  Oh–I know—let’s screw first.”

    Brad:  “Should we shower after?”

    Ange:  “Naw!  It’s only been 10 days since our last one.”

    Brad: “Look at us conserving water!”

    Ange: “Save Mother Earth for our children, dude.”

  • Anonymous

    She looks like she just got off from a double shift at the Dairy Queen and ran home and changed without taking a shower or a nap.
    He looks like his wearing a $3 shirt from the Salvation Army. I bet it’s all yellow in the armpit area.

  • Anonymous

    Why does this remind me of the lulls between mutual assassination attempts in Mr & Mrs Smith? Those sunglasses are hiding a black eye, and in the second pic he’s muttering that he’s wired the museum with explosives but she secretly knows her sparkly red belt will shoot an escape wire to the ceiling and that she’s fixed the brakes on his limo.

  • Surprisingly loving the red dress.  I never would have picked that color, but it looks great.  She should wear more color.  What is with his DB looks lately?  He needs to clean up his act.

  • Judy_J

    Brad is veering dangerously into Matthew McConaghey territory with regards to the skeeve factor.  Good to see Angelina in a color, but her air of superiority is detracting from her overall look. 

  • Glen Coleson

    Brad looks like Benicio Del Toro, particularly in the second shot. He clearly didn’t look in the mirror, not even the most clueless person would think those glasses look good on his face.

  • Lisa

    Wow, are you guys mad at Brad! 

    He looks sloppy, but not that bad – he could use a haircut, yes.  But I’m not having the angries the way TLo is! 😉 I guess after that gross wooly hat and raggedy beard he was sporting all last year, I’m just grateful he shaved!

    She looks beautiful, but she’s really so THIN!  It’s like the whole Kate Middleton thing – I love her, but girl needs some cookies!

  • Anonymous

    Well, will you look at that. Matching jawlines. I never noticed it before.

    Brad looks louche.

  • Anonymous

    That was not just a hateful “fashion” critique, it was a vile personal attack. Shame on you both.

  • Anonymous

    I always thought she was skanky and skanky looking and I see it spread to him. Both of them are dirty looking and full of themselves. And I don’t get the love of her looks – she is an OK looking woman with huge lips who is unhealthy looking.

    If they don’t want to do it anymore, then they should just stop doing it. 

    • MilaXX

      Amen! I never got the big woop over her looks either.

    • Helen C

      He has been looking like this since his Aniston days.  

  • Jason Kramer

    Douche and Lady Douche

  • Anonymous

    Her boobs look like they’re melting or being eaten by the dress.

    • Totally!  That’s what is bothering me most about the dress, I think.  It looks like she’s trying to cover a jacked up tit job because something doesn’t look right under there.

  • Whoa, Angelina needs to EAT.  That’s not okay.  And I think that is the first time I have not found Brad Pitt attractive.

  • Despite agreeing with everything TLo pointed out, they are *still* pretty darn good looking. Life is unfair.

  • RyzandShyn

    Swarmy it is, very ewww, asshole chant too.  He was so handsome and exciting…sigh. Angie always looks totally dehydrated to me, like her lips are going to crack open and bleed any second. Eat, drink, what’s the problem?

  • Anonymous

    Her: Nice color, she looks lovely despite the fact the dress is nothing special, it highlights her skinny little arm, and she looks like she’s exhausted. Also, where’s the underling with the blotting sheets/face powder to hit her up right before they step out among the photographers?  7/10

    Him: You state: “he’s just setting us off, for some reason.”  I submit the reason is that he looks like an entitled jerk who is far too pleased with himself. But 4/10 IS harsh. Nonetheless, let it stand. 

  • Anonymous

    They always look like wax figures of themselves. BORED wax figures of themselves.

  • Anonymous

    Maybe when you fly from France to LA and have been up all hours at parties and have serious jet lag you don’t look your best.

    • Anonymous

      They still look like Lord and Lady Greaseballs.

  • Anonymous

    Totally agree, TLO. I have never seen the appeal of Brad Pitt, he always reeked of ManChild to me but now he’s just meandering into skeevy doucheland. Always fascinated by Angie but I totally agree: when you start with that face how in the world do you screw it up on such a consistent basis???

  • Maghan Gilson

    Well, at least he shaved.

  • elzatelzabelz

    You know, I am really pissed off by them. They seem to be so convinced of their own hotness (Ok, that’s a fact) that they just don’t give a crap what they look like. They rarely look great on the red carpet. Angie wears the same silhouette and Brad generally looks like a gas station attendant in some redneck part of nowheresville. Geez, you’ve got more money than God and a genetic jackpot, show some style, some effort. AUGH.

  • I had the same visceral reaction to Brad, except I feel the same about her. There is just something so smug about both of them I feel like slapping them.

  • I’m not getting the same negative feeling about Angie  as some others have expressed.  I think she looks tired, thin and a whole lot better than I would with six kids no matter how much help I had.  I do agree she should have spent a few more minutes on hair and make-up, but I like the dress and wish she would gain a few pounds.  

    Him…… I don’t get that look, but it is better than the grey facial hair thing he has been doing.  He is a good looking man and I wonder if he is growing the hair out in preparation for an upcoming role?  Seems like a possible explanation for the length.  He does need to cut back on the product. And the sunglasses just make him look moody and pissed, which is a vibe he doesn’t normally give off.  I think 4/10 is harsh, but agree the sunglasses and hair product have to go.

  • AC

    Ugh he looks like Scott Disick. You’re BRAD PITT! Get it together man!

  • He’s been constantly wearing shades or tinted glasses for a while now. Anyone else suspect that he’s having some eye work (cosmetic or corrective) done?

  • Anonymous

    Angie is all angles lately, she was far more attractive when she had meat on her bones. The dress is boring, but I agree – at least she’s wearing color. Brad’s look is a conglomerate of WTF. He only gets a point for shaving that godawful beard.

  • I really dislike these two’s fashion, mostly because it’s boring. 7/10 is way too high of a score for her. They always look like they were  dragged to the event against their will, and you better bow down to them, damnit. 

  • I have never, ever gotten the Brad Pitt love.  He’s just…meh.

  • Anonymous

    She looks exhausted, and he’s apparently going through one of his “fuck-it” phases. But even on her worst day, Angelina isn’t going to be mistaken for Juliet Lewis. And on the douche scale (1-10, with 10 being the douchiest), Brad’s coming in at around 1.5.

  • Anonymous

    Brad looks terrible, so much so that he may be off my list very soon.  So sad when someone so genetically blessed screws it up!

  • Anonymous

    “HE: Looks like a greasy douchebag”

    Well, that’s because he IS a greasy douchebag.

  • Anonymous

    I agree with the original comments especially about Brad.  Take off the damn sunglasses and wash your hair.  I like the color on her, but the ribbon on the dress looks especially dime store cheap.

  • Ella B. Mudge

    It’s good she’s in a color, but I don’t like that shade of scarlet red on her – it’s too orange, and I think it makes her skin look sallow. Crimson would have been stunning and would have complimented her skin tone and the color of her eyes. 

    Brad looks like a particularly skeevy used car saleman who would try to feel you up during a test drive.

  • Anonymous

    Brad is scaring me the most here. I mean, greasy douchebag is an understatement.

  • amanda crow

    She might also consider eating; I suspect it will do her a world of good.

  • I can’t believe that you scored them higher the other day when he literally looked like a pile of poo and she looked like death incarnate. Perspective please! 
    At least this time she looks alive and he doesn’t look like what you might find in a child’s diaper.

  • Anonymous

    They used to be so beautiful that  I couldn’t decide which one made me hotter.  Now they just look rode hard and put away wet.

  • I don’t understand what is so special about these 2. Not my cup of tea.

  • Anonymous

    These two need to eat…really eat, like fried chicken, mashed potatos with gravy ….chocolate cake too. Eat some fat once in a while.

  • gotta say, this is looking very “we just fucked in the limo”

    • Remember when AJ and Billy Bob Thorton DID do it in the limo on the way to the red carpet??  She looked WAY happier than she looks here.  I think they actually fought in the limo–she looks PO’d.   

  • Anonymous

    I do love her softer hair color, but it would have been nice to have “gotted it did” for the event. Such gorgeous people but something seems just wrong and disturbing about them. Maybe they’re bots or something?

  • Anonymous

    Oh, PU-LEEZ, give me a break, so sick of these two. They’re so full of themselves, who cares, already…

  • I keep thinking they look like wax figurines in these photos. Not really human at all. 

  • Anonymous

    He’s probably greasy from overmoisturizing to combat sun exposure in Cannes. She is a waxen stick figure with lips. Please note her greasy forehead in close shot. I’m so tired of them and their co-narcissism. Please please please, let’s see LESS of these two.

  • I wonder what Angelina would have looked like if she’d let nature take its own course with her face.  To me she doesn’t look attractive at all, but more like a victim of body dismorphic syndrome.

  • jean horton

    I sometimes wonder if she doesn’t feel very guilty for stealing someone’ husband (Her father cheated on her mother and never forgave him until recently), so she compensates by being St. Angelina the Ambassador, desexualizes herself now by having 6 kids so we don’t think of her as sexual anymore, and doesn’t try to play up her looks, like she wants us to see her as a martyr or a nun, and doesn’t eat so not to have a womanly body anymore. Just sayin’ the woman has ISSUES.