Reese Witherspoon, On the Clock and Off the Clock

Posted on December 11, 2014

Let’s face it. Miss Reese is never really off the clock. Not lately, anyway. Miss Girl has turned her entire life into one extended poledance. The funny thing is, she’s much better at pretending to be off the clock than she is at working a red carpet.

Consider the following pictures, every single one of which are PERFECT:

Reese-Witherspoon-GOTS-Tom-Ford-MSGM-Stree-Style-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (1)Reese Witherspoon fuels up her car in Los Angeles, California wearing a black top paired with a MSGM A-line leopard print skirt, Tom Ford ‘Campbell’ sunglasses, and Jimmy Choo ‘Ari’ pumps.

Reese-Witherspoon-GOTS-Tom-Ford-MSGM-Stree-Style-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (2)

Reese-Witherspoon-GOTS-Tom-Ford-MSGM-Stree-Style-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (3)

Reese-Witherspoon-GOTS-Tom-Ford-MSGM-Stree-Style-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (4)

Reese-Witherspoon-GOTS-Tom-Ford-MSGM-Stree-Style-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (5)

Just look at her range. Her expressions run from “Lalalala, just doing what normal people do” to  TOTAL CHEEK-SUCKING BITCHFACE to “Oh! Photographers! Why, I had no idea!” She’s a genius at this sort of thing. And she looks fantastic.

But then look what happens when she punches in:

Reese-Witherspoon-Inherent-Vice-Movie-Premiere-Red-Carpet-Fashion-Balenciaga-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (1)Reese Witherspoon attends the premiere of “Inherent Vice” at the TCL Chinese Theatre in Hollywood, California in a Balenciaga dress and nude pumps.

Reese-Witherspoon-Inherent-Vice-Movie-Premiere-Red-Carpet-Fashion-Balenciaga-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (2)

Reese-Witherspoon-Inherent-Vice-Movie-Premiere-Red-Carpet-Fashion-Balenciaga-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (3)

Reese-Witherspoon-Inherent-Vice-Movie-Premiere-Red-Carpet-Fashion-Balenciaga-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (4)

Reese-Witherspoon-Inherent-Vice-Movie-Premiere-Red-Carpet-Fashion-Balenciaga-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (5)

For some reason, when she’s on a red carpet, all she can manage is … not so much bitchface as it is prissface. She looks like she’s sucking on a lemon candy. It’s like, if she can’t pretend she doesn’t see the photographers, she doesn’t quite know what to do with herself.

Reese, we suggest that you just say “Screw it” and walk out onto every red carpet like you had no idea anyone else was going to be there. Then you can do that “L’il ol’ me” southern gal thing that you do so damn well.

And stop saving all your good outfits for pumping gas. This is stiff. too tight, and looks like a Butterick pattern.

 

[Photo Credit: Peter West/ACE/INFphoto.com, INFphoto.com]

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