Mariah Carey in Diane von Furstenberg in New York

Posted on August 28, 2014

At first we were going to make all kinds of jokes here, but then we read that she’s out for pizza with her kids, so we’ll keep it constructive and simple.

It’s like this, Mariah:

Mariah-Carey-GOTSNY-GPWK-DVF-Saint-Laurent-Tom-LOrenzo-Site-TLO (1)Mariah Carey spotted taking her children to the Bar Sfizi Pizza in Tribeca, New York City in a Diane von Furstenberg dres paired with Saint Laurent ‘Tribute’ sandals.

Mariah-Carey-GOTSNY-GPWK-DVF-Saint-Laurent-Tom-LOrenzo-Site-TLO (2)Diane Von Furstenberg ‘Tullulah’ Dress | Saint Laurent ‘Tribute’ Patent-leather Sandal

Mariah-Carey-GOTSNY-GPWK-DVF-Saint-Laurent-Tom-LOrenzo-Site-TLO (3)

Mariah-Carey-GOTSNY-GPWK-DVF-Saint-Laurent-Tom-LOrenzo-Site-TLO (4)

Mariah-Carey-GOTSNY-GPWK-DVF-Saint-Laurent-Tom-LOrenzo-Site-TLO (5)

Mariah-Carey-GOTSNY-GPWK-DVF-Saint-Laurent-Tom-LOrenzo-Site-TLO (6)

The hat and the shoes need to go. It’s like you aged 15 years in 30 seconds.

Let’s not pretend like you wore the hat to obscure your identity, since anyone would naturally notice you walking down the street in an outfit like this. The jingling of your jewelry alone announces your presence with every step, dear. Like Tinker Bell.

We’re not opposed to the hat on principle, but when you pair such a beat-up version of it with this dress and a ton of jewelry, it doesn’t look, shall we say, fresh. Similarly, the shoes are all “hooker in the back, nursing home beauty pageant” in the front.  There. We said it. Somebody had to.

It’s not the most flattering dress for her, but it is cute, and if she just put on a sassy pair of low-heeled sandals, took off half the jewelry and saved the hat for the next beach day, this could work as a believable and appropriate “taking my kids for pizza” outfit.





[Photo Credit: Zelig Shaul/ACE/,,]

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  • RussellH88

    She is growing weak as Ariana Grande’s powers grow.

    • Nikko Viquiera

      ugh. I’ll take Mariah over Ariana. Atleast until she learns to enunciate words properly. 😛

      • Thomas

        I’ll take Whitney’s old music. You’re right that Ariana doesn’t enunciate, but besides a few exceptions, Mariah’s music has always bored me to death and there’s too much melisma. I’ve never thought her songs were as good as her voice. I’m surprised she holds the record for most #1 singles by a solo artist because artists like Madonna and Janet Jackson can’t hold a candle to her voice, but have much better songs imo.

        • YeahYeahFashion

          You need to listen to DAYDREAM a sap.

          • AnaRoW

            I told myself I wasn’t going to post on this site again but Daydream is probably the worst thing she’s done.

            As for the above outfit, we are talking about the woman who took her kids to the park and got on the swings wearing an evening gown. This is demure for her.

          • YeahYeahFashion

            I would argue that “Glitter” and “Butterfly” are tied for her worst.

          • marlie

            OMG, the *movie* Glitter. {shudders}

          • bitchybitchybitchy

            I think I watched 5 minutes of that movie once-that was all I could manage, as it was too terrible even as a guilty pleasure.

          • julnyes

            Glitter is a MASTERPIECE of BAD! It is a sparkling testament to Mariah’s inability to even cross the street like a normal human being. She can’t even stir honey into her tea like a mortal! Oh and the depths Max Beesley sinks to in his role. His horrible American accent, and his faux-thug posturing. It is a thing of beauty.

            It is the best thing ever and I will fight all who gainsay this truth for the ages!

          • freckledbruh

            Of all of the things you listed about Glitter, you missed the BEST part. The cat that never ages. Loved that kitty.

          • julnyes

            Those were the first things off the top of my head. Honestly everything about this movie makes me happy.

          • Nikko Viquiera

            Ohhhh I’m curious as to why you swore never to post on this site again:)

            I agree with your opinion on the clothes!

        • Vtg Fashion Library

          MELISMA! I always wondered what the correct word for it was. Melisma makes me stabby. Especially ni the national anthem.

        • Targettaste

          Melisma! I had no idea there was a word for it. Thanks for educating me.

      • marlie

        The lack of enunciation of anything at all makes me stabby. I can’t listen to that crap.

    • Glam Dixie

      There can only be one Supreme.

    • Emily Smith

      Except she doesn’t creep me out like Ariana does with her cutesy wootsie sexy wexy ways. Bleh.

    • Salasalu

      Wow. That’s harsh.

  • Anna

    The wardrobe of soon-to-be divorced/single mothers when they take their kids out for pizza, according to Mariah.

  • Fyolette

    She just announced her divorce and she’s Mariah Carey. Forget taking her kids for pizza, this is how she dresses to take out the trash basket. Which I imagine to mostly be pink glitter and badly cutout paper butterflies anyway.

    • Kristi Mitchell

      I know they admitted to living apart, did they finally announce a divorce? That big ol’ Mariah tattoo across Nick’s back is gonna be a bitch to remove.

      • Kent Roby

        If I was him, I’d just get the “M” removed and replaced with a “P”, with fluttering broken butterfly wings falling below it.

      • MilaXX

        I recall reading it’s in process.

      • Fyolette

        I can’t vouch for anything, sorry! just common rumors around ONTD; but I think there was sonething about the divorce deal being worked out while they kept the separation under wraps. That tattoo situation is just tragic.

      • stonecoldcuddlewhore

        I read that they’re not actually divorcing because of money! gilded cage, y’all!

      • julnyes

        Tattooing 101 – never get a person’s name tattooed on your body if they don’t share DNA with you.

        • Kristi Mitchell

          Yep. My first thought when he first displayed it was “THAT’S gonna be a big mistake in about 5 years.” I guess I should give it credit for lasting longer than I anticipated.

  • MilaXX

    There’s another shot out there with a white dress and an equally as bad white hat as well. She just looks crazy and attention seeking. Stop it Mariah.

    • @Biting Panda

      When has she not?

      • Kent Roby

        True. She probably wore a super-short royal-blue sequined dress with the back cut out to her crack as her christening gown.

      • MilaXX

        Well true, but this go round is reminding me a bit of the how she was right before that weird meltdown she has on MTV many years ago

  • suzq

    I always wear my Von Furstenberg when I’m in New York, even if it’s too short and low cut for me. You go, Mariah!

  • @Biting Panda

    “Whoooooo me? No, darling, I am fine. Just fine. Right as rain. Just bringing them babies (Did we name them that?) out for a bite to eat. It’s not like you can have pizza delivered, after all. Nope, I am just trudging through, the way you all do, when your marriage collapses and the show must go on.”

    • frannyprof

      I love you, BP!

    • marlie

      I heard her refer to them (in an interview) as “Roc and Roe.” UGH.

      • And don’t forget her new song “Supernatural (With Special Guest Stars “Dembabies” a.k.a. Ms. Monroe & Mr. Moroccan Scott Cannon a.k.a. Roc ‘N Roe)”

        • marlie

          I didn’t know she called her kids “dem babies.” That’s just so wrong.

      • MilaXX

        That dem babies nick names.

    • YeahYeahFashion

      “Dem Babies” Moroccan (named after a room in her house – no lie) & Monroe (after Miss Marilyn)

      • There’s a tumblr called surisburnbook and she covers Moroccan and Monroe and their mother’s fuckery and I just laugh and laugh every time.

        • @Biting Panda

          I love SBB.

        • Little_Olive

          That Tumblr and its cover of Nort West The Person has gotten me through some rough times. Although I feel bad that they endorse kids paparazzi-ing.

        • housefulofboys

          I hadn’t seen that before, just spent the last half hour giggling. Thanks!

      • TippiH

        Moroccan….an adjective. A sparkling and fanfuckingtastic grammar lesson for the rest of us.

      • housefulofboys

        In this big world of crazy baby names, Moroccan annoys me more than most. Who uses a national adjective for a name? I could understand “Morocco,” at least it’s a name, but adjectives? What’s next, Czechoslovakian? Canadian? Portuguese? Dumb.

        ETA: Sorry, this was in reply to tippiH below.

        • Glam Dixie

          Honestly, she probably didn’t know it was an adjective and not a cool place to go on vaca. I don’t think she’s the sharpest tool in the shed.

          • bitchybitchybitchy

            Mariah does give off a very heavy ditz vibe, doesn’t she?

        • alyce1213

          That would be Czech Republican nowadays. lol

          • bitchybitchybitchy

            Before the spouse and I decided that children were not in our plans, I did entertain what baby names I liked. It’s just as well, since as someone who loved medieval history, I would have saddled some poor child with the middle name of Abelard, after Peter Abelard.

          • demidaemon

            At least it would have been their middle name and not their first. 😉

          • bitchybitchybitchy

            True-I would never have subjected a child to a really unusual first name

    • decormaven

      Trudging is much easier when you have a phalanx of assistants to help you along the way.

      • @Biting Panda


      • formerlyAnon

        One of the few things I envy about celebrities: there’s always somebody to carry the pile o’ crap.

    • formerlyAnon

      B. Panda, remember a few weeks ago when you were bemoaning the temporary absence of your (I paraphrase) irreverently snarky sense of humor? I don’t know if you’re quite feeling it yet, but from this side of the Internet, it seems to have made a resurgence.

      • @Biting Panda

        You know me to well. I don’t need to be much, but I need to be (thought of as) funny. Humor is how I deal with everything, and to not be able to find the snark within was a lost time for me. But I warn you, with humor comes typos, piss poor grammar and lots of me up in your comment space.

        • formerlyAnon

          lots of me up in your comment space.

          Well that’s all to the good!

  • FibonacciSequins

    Nobody in Tribeca wears a hat like that, especially not to take the kids for pizza.

    • dmkava

      I wouldn’t call Tribeca the capital of style-it’s basically a suburb now, a wealthy one, but a suburb

  • Mrs. Julien

    Nice dress, but it’s all a bit Norma Desmond: The Early Years.

  • Steve Ek

    She’s dripping in enough Van Cleef Alhambra to open a store on 5th Ave. I’m pretty certain that just because they make the line in several forms you’re required to wear all of them at once. Really. This is all very Norma Desmond.

  • clatie

    She is an insane disaster. She can’t walk! Look at her needing to be assisted around by Giant Bodyguard. I’ll be you anything this is the first time in their whole lives that their mother has taken them out for pizza.

  • frannyprof

    Pizza with the kids minus… the kids. I’m sure they’re being escorted out the back by protective bodyguards, but, given that she and her soon-to-be-ex have a website dedicated to their offspring, I find all of this to be nauseating.

    • Qitkat

      I learn so much on here. They’re divorcing? The universe is balancing itself out, I guess, since the surprise wedding of B&A.
      And a website devoted to their kids. Ugh and so wrong.

      • MilaXX

        Yes. Apparently they have been living apart for some time.

      • demidaemon

        That’s apparently the result of renewing your vows every year.

    • Little_Olive

      Maybe the kids are behind, being protected from the paps… idk. I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt on that one. But boy, does she look like she has no idea where North and South -or the pizza place, for that matter- are.

    • formerlyAnon

      I’m giving benefit of the doubt – the kids were either protected from the photographers, or TLo are too classy to post photos of ’em.

  • doodley

    “Similarly, the shoes are all “hooker in the back, nursing home beauty pageant” in the front.”

    This is the moment when I realized that drinking anything while reading T.Lo. is truly a bad choice.

  • MissusBee

    By normal standards, this isn’t good. But for someone who’s usually seen in pastel table napkins held together by body glitter and the will of God, she’s Jackie O at this point.

    • HomeOfficeGirl

      Pretty much sums up what I was thinking. This is so totally down to earth for Mimi.

      • bitchybitchybitchy

        This is a very toned down look for Mimi, even with the hat and jewels. Mimi probably feels badly underdresssed if she isn’t dripping expensive jewelry when she’s out in public.

    • Nina B

      I was having similar thoughts but never would have managed to put it in such perfect terms. Perhaps my favorite comment today!

    • Gatto Nero

      I bow.

    • smayper

      HA! Nicely put.

    • SportifLateBoomer

      I signed on to say, that was an epic comment that gave me a much needed LOL today. You captured it.

    • vitaminC

      She did manage to cut out the modesty panel over the plunging neckline, though.

  • gingerella

    She’s dressing for an appearance at the Court of Public Opinion. She probably wanted to look very respectable. Next stop, a monocle or mantilla.

    • MilaXX

      Sadly I agree. She seems to think this makes her somehow more sympathetic in the midst of her impeding divorce.

    • smayper

      She might as well add both those items to this outfit, since she’s already added everything else!

  • YousmelllikeAnnaWintour

    That is no way to treat a Diane Von Furstenberg dress.

    • Grumpy Girl

      I keep looking and figuring out what, exactly, is making it go so wrong on her. It should look good, but it doesn’t.

      (The shoes, I can see, are definitely too small–seems like the toes are all losing circulation and the bands are cutting into her feet.)

    • Ms_flyover

      3 words – 1 size larger

  • Chuck Barthelme

    I agree with the critique, but I also just keep thinking that it could have been so much worse.

    • Anna

      Like fur, exposed midriff and a tiara?

      • Chuck Barthelme

        And 2 sizes too small.

        • Anna

          Yes, I suppose we should be relieved that this more or less fits her. And the hem-line is practically a maxi for her. Mariah hemlines are usually either: just barely covering the booty or ballgown with train.

        • Ms_flyover

          As opposed to only 1 size too small? I love DVF dresses because they drape and flow. A DVF dress should move, not look like it is cloning to the woman for its life. If this weren’t identified as DVF, I would say these more or less fits, in a Mariah, J-Lo, Kardashian sort of way.

      • Butterflies, glitter, and probably a magic wand in her purse.

        • Anna

          Ha, yes…how could I forget the butterflies!

        • kimmeister

          She DOES have a butterfly ring.

          • Oh my God, how did I miss that the first time?! She truly can’t help herself, can she?

      • Little_Olive

        My in-house dream outfit

  • Glam Dixie

    I would think this style of dress would work like gangbusters for her but…not so much. She has no shape at all but I can only see half an acre of her boobs so WIN!

    • @Biting Panda

      I’m going to be reallllly bitchy here (so shocking i know) and just say that this real life pic, makes her most recent album cover pic, all the more hilariously delusional.

      • Glam Dixie

        The inspired me to investigate and may I just say, HAHAHAHAHA!

        • demidaemon

          I just looked at it. Let’s just say That I am laughing with you, because I fear anything else I say will not be very nice.

      • Jacob Bowen

        Really Mariah? “The Elusive Chanteuse”?!?! There is a…ZERO percent chance you knew what the word “Chanteuse” meant until someone named your album and had to explain it…and you still probably don’t.

        • Kayceed

          I am very excited to hear her pronunciation of it.

      • marlie

        Oh come the hell on. That’s her head ‘shopped onto someone else’s body. Has to be.

        • @Biting Panda

          Yes, but she is either unaware or thinks she can get away with such nonsense. Either angle is not pretty.

        • demidaemon

          I’m glad you said it, although I think the head has been shopped as well.

      • decormaven

        That is a masterpiece of body bronzing contouring, lighting and digital retouching.

  • mapmakerscolors

    I can’t believe those are $900 designer shoes.

    • Anna

      They look $900 in the photo with the dress but like Payless on her, and her toes are all red. Ouch, and yikes.

      • BLauDGaspode

        I ask this as someone who does not wear heels for a myriad of reasons, so forgive me, but are there heels that don’t hurt toes? So many pictures of lady stars appear with their toes overhanging the edge, scrunched and hanging on for dear life, smooshed into hooves, or otherwise look painful. Is this the way it’s supposed to be, or is this a fit issue?

        • IMNAngryLiberal

          It is mostly a fit issue. I used to tend bar for 8-10 hour stretches in 4″ heels and they were both gorgeous and comfortable … but it requires you to try on a LOT of shoes…wear them around the house several times before taking them out on the street … and having the iron will to take them back no matter how beautiful they are if they pinch or rub anywhere. These days I have a lot of heels that have become “dinner” heels — they work great for 2 or 3 hours but start to hurt like hell after that … more because I rarely wear heels and my feet and calves start to cramp after that. Of course if anyone had been giving me boatloads of expensive shoes, I MIGHT have tried to wear them even if they had hurt.

          • marlie

            I’m that way too. I have a couple of pairs of ~3″ heels that I’ve worn while walking home from work (about a mile), and they’ve not been the least bit uncomfortable. But you’re right – that means trying on LOTS of shoes, knowing which brands and styles work for you, and being willing to put them down in the store, even if you think… “it doesn’t rub THAT much.”

          • BLauDGaspode

            Thanks! I figured it was probably a matter of borrowed freebies that didn’t actually fit or get worn in enough. Still, I cringe for the poor ladies.

        • Anna

          I concur with the other ladies that it’s a fit issue, this particular pair look too narrow for Mariah’s foot. I loved heels, but I’m not very good at wearing them anymore. When I did used to wear them more often, I had a few pairs that worked well for me because the way the toe box was designed fit the shape of my foot very well, and like Marlie, I could walk a fair distance in them quite comfortably.

    • Glam Dixie

      This is the same woman who is making that lovely DVF wrap dress look like it came from TJ Maxx.

  • annmartina

    Funny how her kids are nowhere near her

    • formerlyAnon

      Or TLo only bought the photos that don’t have the kids in them.

  • Do you think she has some sort of dirt on Van Cleef and Arpels?

  • YousmelllikeAnnaWintour

    “Here’s to the divas who lunch…”

    • Gatto Nero

      I just heard Elaine Stritch in my head.

      • YousmelllikeAnnaWintour

        RIP Elaine Stritch. 🙁

        • Gatto Nero

          Yes. The one and only.

  • PinkyK

    Hey, at least she put her “other” set of twins away!

  • Qitkat

    pizza with her kids

  • CPK1

    the pic with the bodyguard holding out his arm for her bejeweled hand to rest upon (you know he’s done this before) is killing me!

  • conniemd

    Ahh I love Mariah Carey. What’s not to love about a diva? They aren’t like normal people, so of course they’d wear a hat like that to lunch. I do love the dress, but then I love DVF, particularly for not so young women like myself.

  • Town

    She looks like me and that’s not good! 🙁

    I personally don’t find wrap dresses that flattering to those of us with thick middles. I don’t find that print flattering either…it should be darker.

    I would also love to see Mariah rocking a pair of flats for once, not the same tired happy hooker shoes.

    Lastly the hemline (in my opinion) is not flattering, it only showcases her fat knees. I think something below the kneecap would’ve been much more flattering to her leg.

    • Wink

      I couldn’t put it into words, but you nailed it! In her mind, she’s a size 0. But, in the real world … not so much.

    • BLauDGaspode

      It’s funny you say that wrap dresses don’t flatter those of us with thick middles because that is what people are always trying to push on me. “It gives the illusion of a smaller waist!” Uh, no. It says, “Let me put a bow on the pooch of yours.”

      • Town

        I will say if it’s a wrap dress with a flared skirt, THAT is flattering to us in Team ThickMiddle.

        But a wrap dress with a straight skirt, not so much. Makes me look boxy.

  • SuzyQuzey

    I like the dress. But, as with absolutely EVERYTHING she wears, this is too small on her.

    • poggi

      The way the contrasting print stops and doesn’t continue around the neck adds to the too-tight effect and makes her chest look,a little droopy too. More support might help, but i wish that contrasting piece went around the whole neckline.

    • evave2

      The problem I see is that the designer SHOULD want her dress to fit properly but she can’t argue with the client and say You are not size 6 you are size 8 (or whatever size she is I am too uninformed to speculate her actual size). So the von Furstenberg dress looks like a crazy print rather than the usual cool von Furstenberg print. And I understand the need to “get out of the house” with her kids, I do. But if there was ever a “crazy” look this is it.

  • Aw, I have a weakness for hats like that. And I love that dress. Mmm, pizza.

    • kimmeister

      I ADORE the hat!

  • unbornfawn

    Sorry, but that is not her dress. It is a great dress. It just isn’t doing her any favors.

  • B_C_J

    I think the dress is fine. However the shoes are horrifyingly ugly & she should at least ditch the earrings & replace them with something simpler.

  • marlie

    Sure it’s a bit costume-y, but if she’d switched out the shoes (they’re ugly AND aging), I’d be ok with this look.

    • MilaXX

      Shoes & hat for me.

  • Agnes Gooch

    I don’t see children. Or sense their presence anywhere in the same zip code of these photos.

    • YeahYeahFashion

      A few months ago Kristen Bell spearheaded a campaign to stop paps trying to get pictures of celebrity kids. Lots of magazines & sites got on board and said they won’t buy or publish pics of kids anymore unless the parent gives permission – and most parents don’t so I’m not surprised you only see her and not the kids. Now you know that when you DO see pics of children it’s because parents gave their OK.

      • Agnes Gooch

        I get that, YeahYeahFashion. It just seems odd, at least to me as a mother, that there’s no sense of motherhood here. If the outing is about being with your kids, then be WITH them, in which case the paps would have nothing to photograph.

  • That must be one classy Shakey’s.

    • decormaven

      Hope the banjo guy strummed “Honey” as she walked by.

  • robin-m

    Shoes that are “hooker in the back, nursing home beauty pageant in the front” — this is why I love you guys.

  • Mr. J.

    Disturbing….it has a Crazy Lady vibe.

  • Gatto Nero

    She has transformed instantly from pop tart to crazy heiress.

  • ThaliaMenninger

    So she did not read the part of your book about how to manage the post-breakup look? Cause I think she is making this outing to be all, hey, I’m not crazy and I don’t care that my baby husband dumped me, see, here I am, in public, pizza, kids, NORMAL! But she doesn’t have the best counsel on how to manage that.

  • Sofia

    she has the body language and style of a frail, eccentric recluse (pardon if any of that was redundant). i am afraid to see her in 30 years.

    • Gatto Nero

      Grey Gardens.

  • boweryboy

    Girl, that’s not your look. I’m not sure what is, but this isn’t it.

  • Imasewsure

    The dress is workable and cute on her. Shoes and hat… ooooppphhh no

  • BlairBear

    The hat and glasses are very much my facial work is still settling

  • LiterateWonderful

    Thank goodness you didn’t say you hated the dress on principal because I just bought the very same. And now I know how to style it smartly. Not that anyone was going to confuse me with Mariah.

    • alyce1213

      Good for you! I like the dress a lot.

  • Little_Olive

    No allusion to the jewelry by Mattel?

  • Kaonashi

    Those shoes would look good with no outfit, except maybe undies on a stripper pole. Mess. The dress is nice though, and unlike some of her other outfits appears to fit her well.

  • Froggae

    Well, it isn’t 2 sizes too small, isn’t shiny or glittery, and doesn’t distort her boobs by pushing them in and up. So by that standard, this is actually a vast improvement for MImi. Those shoes though…

    • IMNAngryLiberal

      Exactly…I was thinking that this was the least trashy I’ve seen her look in a looooong time.

    • Yes, she look it too far, but least she’s not dressing like a teenager. Baby steps.

  • in a pickle

    Love, love the comment on the shoes- and all the comments really. I really like the dress, but it would be better on her if it was a couple inches longer.

  • gitchygitchymama

    They use to say back in the day that the wrap dress was a hooker’s best friend.

  • BLauDGaspode

    Just because it you can tie it closed does not mean it fits, Mimi.

  • Sherilyne Cox

    Everything she assembles is just so Mariahan.

  • Caaro3

    For me, it’s got to be either a necklace or earrings, never both. It’s almost a phobia; I just cannot do it. THIS is why.

  • Tee

    Those are the shoes Kris Jenner will be wearing when she’s dropped off at the nursing home by Kim Kardashian and husband #9.

  • Lex

    God, she has gone downhill. She just seems like a pathetic, bloated, delusional old lady now and I don’t think she is even 40!?! She looks absurd– the sheer number of accessories alone makes her look geriatric. I think she needs less “yes men” in her circle and a swift dose of reality.

    • BuffaloJD

      She is 44

      • Lex

        Thanks for clarifying. She still looks 60 🙂

        • BuffaloJD

          Agreed! 🙂

  • abishagijh

    Doesn’t she need a better bra with that?

  • Beto

    That hat…

  • Kerry

    Wait, is anyone else seeing some distracting-ly bad jawline contour going on? Or is that just a shadow? The third photo down…especially stands out there.

  • “It’s not the most flattering dress for her” It’s nice to hear this, because too many fashion commenters are like, “The wrap dress is literally the most flattering thing EVER” and I’ve never tried one on that didn’t make me look 15 years older and slightly desperate (because unless I pin the neckline somewhere, I somehow always end up with a ridiculous amount of cleavage, and pinning the neckline defeats the easy look of the wrap dress most of the time). Have I just not found the right one? I find it incredible that they’re so universally loved and I’ve never found one that looked right on me.

    Wrap dresses and cardigans. I’m really jealous of girls who can rock cardigans, because somehow when I try to put them in my style, they almost inevitably make me look like someone’s old hippie teacher who wears oversized handmade jewelry and is usually from somewhere crunchy in New England.

    Conversely, I’ll rock palazzo pants like a mofo. Go figure.

    • DuBey2

      I’m SO glad I’m not the only one. Wrap dresses & cardi’s are no no’s for me, too.

    • yllas

      Cardigans, like those fine-gauge Italian knits, like cashmere twinsets, with long sleeves about two inches wide? I can’t wear such things, either, I am too hefty. I call them Alley McBeal sweaters, for keeping shivering emaciated little women covered up. I agree about the wrap dress, there must be some trick to the wrapping part so you don’t give the whole world a good look at your bra.

  • Skippymom1

    Tallulah would never be caught dead in that dress. Then again the glorious Ms. Bankhead is dead, so I can’t be sure.

  • Tina M.

    I wore those exact shoes to the prom 5 years ago! Except they weren’t SL. And mine weren’t patent. I was trying to be tall, not a hooker!

  • Man Dala

    “(She looks) line Rodeo Drive Vivian had a baby with Miss Piggy that grew up to be Carmen Sandiego if she quit the thief game and became a Real Housewife” — from Dlisted

    • demidaemon

      Thankfully, Carmen would be too fabulous to ever quit the thief game.

  • SouthernGirlRena

    Can I have the dress if I promise to wear better shoes?

  • livesarah

    If you can’t walk in it, you shouldn’t be wearing it.

  • All that Van Cleef & Arpel’s is a bit much for pizza?

  • LibKat

    Just because you are taking your kids out it doesn’t mean you should let them choose your accessories. She must need all those assistants, because she is not running after the kids in those shoes.

  • Erin Kenny

    I love love love virtually all evaluations of our foxy elders on this site, but honestly: I can’t see a fashion faux-pas with bringing Lovey Howell to 2014.
    There are **so** many worse fashion crimes.
    many kissie faces to all who disagree.

  • Jacqueline Wessel

    Oh, I would LOVE that dress for my own self ( it wold have to be longer and have a slightly higher neckline.) But I would wear it at least once in a two week period. I would also wear those shoes with a much shorter and wider heel. But, I’m 61 and Maria is not. So lose that hat, girl. And get some better shoes. It seems like you want to look fabulous here, and so you could.

  • SistaT

    The worst part of this whole thing is the orangey bronzer she’s using to contour her chin. Girl, that is *not* covering up your double chin. Not when your foundation is ghostly. You look like you have a ring of filth around your face. Go wash your chin and neck.

  • MM4321

    That dress 2 sizes up would be great on her.

  • quiltrx

    Who wears DVF to eat PIZZA? Oh right, never mind. I forgot where I was for a second.

  • ailujailuj

    looks like the kiddies were shooting hunormous spit wads at her.

  • Big Bear

    What did she do to that poor hat? Did she sit on it because it totally looks sat upon.

  • carolclark12

    I immediately got a Joan Crawford/Mommy Dearest vibe when I saw the picture.

  • Passionflora

    My first thought was that outfit ages her – years. Sorry, but as far as I’m concerned, she rarely gets it right.

  • CJ Guziewicz

    Maybe the hat is sun protection? Love the shoe comment.

  • ktr33

    And when you have to lean on your bodyguard to walk down a step, you’re not wearing “taking-my-kids-for-pizza shoes.”

  • guest2visits

    This was an outfit for pizza…with the kids? Agree on all counts; shoes, jewelry, hat.
    It must be part of her contract to wear nothing but plunging necklines, FOREVER.

  • jeaniemarie

    I doubt Mariah would ever where a pair of sassy low healed sandals….sassy high healed sandals yes.

  • Shawn EH

    The dress actually looks comfortable, which I’ve never said about any of her outfits.

  • Judih1

    Love how you described the shoes!

  • largishbearishAtlish

    Wow, just the suggestion of hooker heals to sandals…THIS is why you are the lords of the BKs uncles T and Lo….brilliant (in that obvious, why did we not think of it way…)

  • webslice33

    she looks like she can’t walk on her own..probably
    tipsy? lol