2014 Creative Arts Emmy Awards Red Carpet Rundown

Posted on August 18, 2014

Darlings, let’s all judge the mostly B- to D-Listers who made it out to the Shmemmys red carpet. We’re not going to determine for you which stars belong on which lettered list. You’d likely never agree with us anyway. Instead, let it be a little, bitchy game for you to play as you scroll down.



Nikki Reed in Versace Fall 2014
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That’s the most literal Frankendress we’ve ever seen. It’s like it was stitched together from the undead corpses of a dozen ’80s prom and bridesmaid dresses.



Bellamy Young in Naeem Khan Fall 2014
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Enh. It’s a little too full and bronzey. Give her a torch and a crown and she’s got herself a semi-decent Statue of Liberty costume.



Joseph Gordon Levitt
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Well done.



Carrie Preston
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It’s all right. The color looks great on her and we like the shoulder detail, which keeps the dress from being too boring.



Allison Janney in Bert Keeter
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Simple, classic elegance from our very own Bert Keeter.



Ian Somerhalder in Dior
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Also well done, although the footwear’s highly questionable.



Jenny McCarthy in Stella McCartney
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These two are clASSy with a capital ASS.



Natasha Lyonne in Calvin Klein
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LOVE this. It’s so radically unexpected for her to show up looking like Miranda Priestley.

And see? Did we not say it’s time for the pendant to come back. (Hint: we did.)



Judy Greer in Reed Krakoff Fall 2014

It’s pretty and it gets the job done without being too attention-seeking or tacky. She looks good. She might want to turn it up a bit when she knows she’s going to share that red carpet with tacky-ass attention-seekers like Jenny McCarthy, though.




[Photo Credit: INFphoto.com, PacificCoastNews, Juan Rico/FAMEFLYNET PICTURES, Getty Images]

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    • fabián h. v.


      • evave2

        That my was one-word thought too. BERT!

      • Margaret Grace

        She looks amazing! My only quibble is that she needed to move the lefthand strap a bitttt closer to her neck just so the fabric doesn’t droop on that side. But bravo Bert, she looks comfortable and gorgeous and she knows she’s rocking it!

        • TAGinMO

          Hmm…I appear to be the cheese standing alone on this one, but I don’t think that dress is flattering on Ms. Janney at all.

          • http://foodycat.blogspot.co.uk/ Alicia

            Designers who *don’t* comment on this site regularly might get a harsher critique!

          • FrigidDiva

            Nope, I don’t think it’s all that flattering either. I don’t think there’s enough bust support and it’s making the overall look wide.

            • RescueMe23

              I agree with the dissenters. I don’t find it flattering and she needs more support in the bust.

            • DuBey2

              Yes; I think a wide and low neckline often does that (makes the overall effect look wide)

    • Dany

      I know Natasha Lyonne is wearing Calvin Klein, but she’s having a total Chanel moment.

      Carrie Preston’s hair is always tragic.

      • RussellH88

        Carrie Preston gets a permanent pass from me. I will love her forever.

        • http://gabyrippling.tumblr.com/ Gaby

          “MAH KEE-IDS”

    • RussellH88

      I can’t look at Jenny McCarthy without instantly rolling my eyes.

      • Thomas

        I hope karma gets her for being so vocal about anti-vaccination. It’s sad to think about how many people she’s hurt and might still hurt with the anti-vaccination movement still going.

        • RussellH88

          It’s crazy how many diseases are coming back because of the anti-vaccination movement. Some pediatricians have had to refuse to serve families because the children aren’t vaccinated because they could come into the office and infect babies.

          • DebbieLovesShoes

            Oh my GOSH!

      • marlie

        Don’t hurt yourself. That can be dangerous with this one.

    • NinjaCate

      C, B, B++, B, B+, B+, C-, B, B+.

      That was fun :)

      • Nikko Viquiera

        I was about to play the game then I saw yours. I full agree!

      • alyce1213

        Excellent. I might edge Allison Janney up to a B++, but why quibble.

        • scoobysnacks

          A is for Allison. The woman has what, 5 Emmys? Something like that. She’s up for another for Supporting Actress in a Comedy. Girlfriend gets to be A-list.

          • NinjaCate

            Nah, she doesn’t have the recognition. Like, even the cast of OITNB. They’re amazing, but in terms of how likely the average Joe is to know who they are? B and C lists depending on storyline. Even Kate Mulgrew.

          • Kent Roby

            I, too, consider Allison to be firmly A-list. I’ve been rewatching my coveted DVD of “Drop Dead Gorgeous”, and I love that played trailer trash as well as she played West Wing staff.

            • Violentcello

              Oh my GOD, I love “Drop Dead Gorgeous.”

            • Kent Roby

              I searched for the movie on Netflix and Amazon downloading, then discovered that it’s apparently out of circulation, which made me absolutely desperate to get my hands on an increasingly-rare copy. I bought mine online for $40 (DVD was still in its original wrapper).

            • Violentcello

              That is heartbreaking news. I’ll have to start haunting Second Spin to see if they have a copy.

          • alyce1213

            Yeah, I suppose you’re right. She’s earned it, I was kind of thinking of world-class A-listers of the Jolie-, Clooney-stature. I suppose they’d be A+. Hard to draw the line sometimes.

      • pattyw

        No Double D for Jenny McC?

        • NinjaCate

          Well I mean the lists are pretty subjective no? I listed it according to exposure basically. So Alisson Janney is amazing and I love her in everything, but I think it’s likely that the average person might not know who she is. So, B+.

      • pamplemousse

        JGL doesn’t get an A?!

    • PastryGoddess

      Congrats Bert!

      the rest is meh

    • Noah

      Jenny McCarthy in Stella McCartney. It’s a little rhyme with everything I hate!

      • Constant Reader

        Jenny was born to be Stella’s muse. A natural pairing of tackiness and bad taste.

        • PastryGoddess

          Hear hear

        • Kent Roby

          Jenny: “Hey, Stell, you know that really stretchy lacy nightgown-looking dress with the random fringe? I want that, but without the fringe. Thanks, Doll!”

      • Rhonda Shore

        Even Stella doesn’t deserve this grouping.

      • StillGary

        Jenny McCarthy notified me
        she has to have a frock that was cheap and tram-py
        I took a stretchy knit and a lotta tacky lace
        And the worst blue dye…
        (worst blue dye?)
        The boobies wouldn’t fit so I let those pigeons fly!

        • MoHub

          This is the only thing that makes me happy that McCartnery wrote “Uncle Albert.” Otherwise, the song sucks.

    • Qitkat

      Alison Janney is not in the B-D demographic; give that gal an A on the strength of her well-deserved Emmy win.
      And congrats to Bert!

      • Anglow

        I agree, and JGL isn’t either.

    • Glam Dixie

      Jenny McCarthy wore a nightgown to the shmemmys. ETA, well done Bert, Ms. Janney looks lovely.

    • Gatto Nero

      Bravo, Bert! Ms. Janney looks beautiful (and happy)!
      Natasha Lyonne killed it. Well done.
      And that Stella dress looks like a ’90s lace camisole stretched to full length. Tacky with a capital “ack”.

    • sojourneryouth

      Jenny McCarthy’s dress looks like it came from JC Penney. I would say yet another disparaging thing about its tasteless designer, but that would be an “of course” of the highest order. Something nice: Allison Janney looks happy, elegant, and amazing. Good going Bert!

      • http://wardrobemalfunctioned.tumblr.com Yaysita

        Didn’t Shailene Woodley wear that Stella to a premiere or event or something earlier in the year?

        • sojourneryouth

          She did. It’s not a stretch to say that Shailene wore it better, but it’s just not a good dress.

          • http://wardrobemalfunctioned.tumblr.com Yaysita

            Yes, a glorified nightgown if there ever was one. The only thing it has going is the beautiful colour.

          • scoobysnacks

            I knew it! I knew I’d disliked that dress already.

          • Kent Roby

            Speaking of “stretch”, that poor tacky fabric over Jenn’s girls is fighting for it’s life!

            • sojourneryouth

              And loooooosing!

    • http://wardrobemalfunctioned.tumblr.com Yaysita

      Natasha Lyonne is perfection.

      • Rhonda Shore

        She is! Adore her.

        • smayper

          love, love, love her

      • MartyBellerMask

        She’s never looked better!

      • http://redheadedwolf.wordpress.com/ Laura Renee

        Seriously — first reaction when I saw her was BE STILL, MY HEART.

    • Adrianna Grężak

      Boy, some of these garments are so poorly fitted – that alone informs us which category of celebrity these people fall into

      • kimmeister

        Poor Carrie needs some help with fitting in the bust department.

    • Tanya Wade

      I love the personal style Natasha is exhibiting. Refreshing! All the OITNB ladies were killing it.

    • TRSTL

      WHO is wearing that print backless dress behind Alison Janney? I love the print and would like to see the dress on the wearer……

      • Badriya Al-Badi’a

        Yes! So eye catching!

    • bitchybitchybitchy

      Kudos to Bert for that great dress on Allison Janney! Well done, sir!

    • YourBaloneyDontGotNoSecondName

      Way to go Bert Keeter, making six foot tall Miz Janney now look eleventy feet tall. That’s a seriously great dress.

    • bitchybitchybitchy

      Bellamy Young’s dress is giving me a trash bag vibe, for some reason, as if there had been a PR Olympic bronze medal bag challenge.

      • Boulderista

        Nikki Reed’s dress also looks like a PR challenge, made by a contestant that confused “seams” with “style.”

        • bitchybitchybitchy

          Yes. It looks like it was assembled from the leftovers of a couple of bolts of fabric and trim.

        • jen_vasm

          The blowsy, ill fit of the top is making my boobs feel uneasy.

    • MilaXX

      Shout out to Bert for the Allison Janney dress!
      I’m sorry but scuffed shoes with a tux puts Ian Somerhalder firmly in the douche pile.

      • kimmeister

        Those are scuffs? I actually thought they were crushed velvet or something like that, crushed weirdly to look like Mary Janes. Geez!

    • Hoffa_w_HerHead

      Natasha Lyonne is not wearing a dress. She is wearing a look. Best dressed OITNB actress on the carpet!

      • MilaXX

        I thnk all the OITNB ladies brought it.

        • demidaemon

          Indeed. It was a triple WERQ for them, though, personally, Natasha takes it for me for just exuding STYLE. Laverne gets Most Improved and Well-Deserved and Uzo gets Class Act.

    • withbreaththatisbated

      I wish Judy Greer’s dress went to the ground, but I love the top. Also, Natasha Lyonne looks great!

      I like Allison Janney’s dress (Bert!), but I feel like it should have been more. The white blends in with her skin.

      • http://www.bertkeeter.com Bert Keeter

        Actually black with the banding in a metallic pewter…. Pic taken outside during a “solar flare up” in LA LA LAND!

    • Nikko Viquiera

      JGL is always a well done in my book.
      BERT !! At this point, I feel like you’re family thus the excitement.
      Carrie Preston makes me want to rewatch her episodes on the Good Wife.

    • frannyprof

      Natasha Lyonne’s outfit makes me so happy and I’m thrilled that her life is back on track.

    • http://fibonaccisequins.storenvy.com/ Danielle

      Natasha looks perfect! And yay for Bert!

    • Jennifer Peters-Ahnberg

      Donnie Wahlberg and Jenny McCarthy look like a a mobster and his mistress going out for their 6 month anniversary. Jaysus.

      LOVE Natasha Lyonne’s outfit.

      • Adrianna Grężak

        She looks like a Real Housewife of NJ going out for her 6 month anniversary. All she needs is a fur vest

    • Skippy Devereaux

      I don’t understand why these women have these so-called expensive gowns on, yet forget to get their hair done. What is the point having bad hair at a formal event?

    • smallgirlsaretrouble

      The navy jacket with black pants on the guy with Jenny McCarthy is making my eyes twitch. Totally reminds me of Father of the Bride and the “nuffy” blue tuxedo.

    • ashtangajunkie

      Way to go, Bert! Carrie Preston, I love you, but Natasha Lyonne wins.

    • http://instagram.com/nevareese International Model

      I can’t not look at Natasha Lyonne without clapping. She’s such a talented actress with a menefrighista attitude – seeing her here in power woman attire is inspiring.

    • http://www.chifleschips.com Stefanie Argudo Mackenzie

      Jenny McCarthy’s dress….I have a night gown from the 80’s I think she stole…..

    • eruannalle

      honestly, i only have eyes for natasha lyonne here. she looks stunning, and it’s making me so so happy. love her.

    • Nika E

      Gawd Versace is so cheap and tacky looking. Natasha Lyonne  is giving me life though…

    • http://kittysdrawings.com Esz

      Was it really hot that day? Cos it sure looks it. I dont know how those stars cope wearing black suits in full sun *faint*

    • Miss wks

      Thankfully the chick to the right of Carrie Preston stole her shoes…..

    • quiltrx

      Natasha Lyonne laps the field with that look–so chic!
      Allison looks great too–very minimal, elegant look well done by Bert!

      • Steve Ek

        What I love is you can tell Natasha knows she is bringing it. It gives the look that much more impact. I too love the pendant. Jewelry in general needs to come back. Remember when the stars used to borrow the Harry Winston and Van Cleef you had to have a credit check to even get an appointment to see in the store? Now they just borrow a pair of D flawless studs and call it a day.

        Also, Carrie Preston needs to invest in some cutlets. I admire he for keeping the chest area real, but sometimes you need to fill it out a little to make a dress work. If that gown had fit in the bust it would have had twice the impact.

      • FibonacciSequins

        Allison knows how to do minimal and elegant. Either she has a great stylist, or she really understands what works for her. Bert’s dress was a perfect choice for her.

    • janierainie

      Yay Bert!!

    • suzinrva

      YAY Judy Greer!! I hope this year is finally her year.

    • Martha Anderson

      when did Stella McCartney start making nightgowns?

    • Akemi

      Jenny McCarthy obviously makes very sound decisions all around.

    • Tee

      Bert Keeter did an interpretation of the vintage Valentino dress that Julia Roberts wore to the Academy Awards.

      • Mr. J.

        My thought exactly.

    • BobStPaul

      Natasha for the win. And it wasn’t even close.

    • Tee

      Jenny and Donnie look like the people at your high school reunion you avoid because they were awful. And from the looks of it, they still are.

    • jen_vasm

      Natasha, you look Mahvelous, Dahling!

    • Patrick Cleary

      It always makes me happy when Judy Greer is on your site, because I adore her, and she always seems to dress just perfectly for any occasion.

    • Alfred Cox

      Love to see this look from Daddy Bert. Classically beautiful and elegant in every way. Get chu sum mama!

      • http://www.bertkeeter.com Bert Keeter

        HUNEY…Daddy is gonna spank you!

    • Anna

      Didn’t Shailene Woodley already wear that Stella dress that Jenny McCarthy is wearing?
      In which case, and I never thought I’d say this, it looked better on Shailene.

      • 3boysful

        It looks like a cheap negligee on Jenny.

        • FibonacciSequins

          It really does.

    • barbarienne

      I live for red carpet rundowns. It’s like a gatling gun of snark.

    • tallgirl1204

      I want to see the front of the black and white dress behind Bert’s dress.

      • http://www.bertkeeter.com Bert Keeter

        tallgirl1204 ck out bertkeeter.com Spring 2014

        • BLauDGaspode


    • marlie

      Joseph Gordon Levitt. Attaboy. And Natasha Lyonne wins this round for the ladies. Attagirl!

      I am completely baffled that no one told Nikki Reed how horribly bad the fit of her dress is. Shameful.

    • Haley Buchanan

      Allison Janney looks FAB. Great job, Bert!

    • Chartreusite

      Natasha Lyonne looks SO cool while still seeming in character for herself. A job well done to her stylist!

    • Anique Ashraf

      Natasha Lyone is mothafucking WERQING. OINTB ladies got game that night. Now I wanna see their Emmy dresses so bad.

    • e jerry powell

      Wahlberg is BLOATED.

    • Lily

      Um, I may or may not own those same silver Vince Camuto sandals Nikki Reed is wearing in photo 1. Ouch!

      • FibonacciSequins

        Those sandals are the only part of her outfit I like.

    • R.A.

      JGL is beautiful. I love Allison Janney and I love that she’s wearing Bert. I also adore Judy Greer. I think she looks great.

    • FibonacciSequins

      Nikki Reed continues her streak of bad red carpet outfits.

      Nice to see Bert Keeter representing.

      Ian Somerhalder can’t hide the douche. Those shoes! But he’s a prince compared to McCarthy and Wahlberg.

    • Courtney

      Yay for Bert! Janney is one of my favorite actresses; she’s good in pretty much everything she does.

    • Mr. J.

      JGL. Yes.

    • Anplica Fiore

      Donnie should have gone with a blue pocket square to go with Jenny. I mean really – that dark plaid is so distracting!

    • LibKat

      Ian Somerhalder almost makes it, but the smirk and the douche are too strong in that one. Try looking at JGL’s genuine smile, dude.

      Almost love Janney’s dress, but the neckline doesn’t look right. But basking in the happiness that C. J. Cregg has found a second act to her career.

    • suzq

      News flash: Another Stella McCartney design that I don’t hate! It would actually look good on a person who wasn’t stuffing fake boobs into it.

    • Lee

      Judy Greer’s dress looks like something from Anne Taylor or Loft. I love those stores (like 90% of my work clothes are fro there). But I don’t work on a red carpet.

    • Jennifer Schiller

      Natasha Lyonne bow. And you know she’s WERQing it on her own, because there is no way that lady’d wear what she didn’t want to.

      Also, I always want to pinch JGL’s cheeks. Is that weird? He’s older than me but he’s just so button cute.

    • http://frankbettecenter.org/ sleah_in_norcal

      the lady in the background of the joseph gordon shot just heard a piece of JUICY gossip.

      jenny mcarthy + stella mccartney = cheaptackyass yuck. like she picked it up at the final going out of business sale at mervyns.

    • jilly_d

      Natasha Lyonne FTW!

    • sisterb67

      First and foremost: all hail Bert Keeter! LOVE that dress.

      Other random thoughts: JGL, as always looks good; and I guarantee everyone that knew who Nikki Reed was wearing must have been quietly referring to it as a “Versayce”!