Jennifer Lopez at the Atelier Versace Fall 2014 Show

Posted on July 07, 2014

Darlings, we’re tanned, ready and well-rested after our long weekend of Americanizing. And while your two hard-working bitchy bloggers got to take some time away from the daily grind of being opinionated and/or fabulous ’round the clock, divas don’t always get the option of extensive downtime. Not while there are dresses yet to be worn. Not while there are opportunities to sport some really f’d up makeup in public.

In other words, what ever would we do without J Lo to entertain us?

Jennifer-Lopez-Atelier-Versace-Fall-2014-Show-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (1)Jennifer Lopez attends the Atelier Versace show as part of Paris Fashion Week – Haute Couture Fall/Winter 2014-2015 in Paris, France in an Atelier Versace gown paired with Versace sandals and Atelier Versace jewelry.

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Jennifer-Lopez-Atelier-Versace-Fall-2014-Show-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (5)

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Apparently she fired her makeup team and is just using an auto detailer guy with a clogged airbrush for all her face needs now. We’re guessing. It’s either that or she started using furniture stain as a bronzer. Whatever the case, someone’s going to get fired. Loudly. Vases will be thrown at heads.

But cheer up, Jenny. Everything from the neck down is perfectly fierce, (if a tiny bit expected).




[Photo Credit:, PacificCoastNews]

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  • RussellH88

    That make-up is making her look haggard, she looks like she has walking pneumonia in that first picture.

    • Guest

      Yep – and her always making that just-about-to-sneeze face is weird.

      • venusvelvet

        Now I’m going to see that instead of her fierce look.

      • DebbieLovesShoes

        I see it now!

  • That certainly is her dress!

    Her hair, jewellery, shoes and makeup are terrible, and her facial expression looks like she’s about to sneeze. But I like the fierce of the dress.

  • mrspotts66

    the fit in the chestal region is annoying me.
    i do like the concept of the dress, though.
    i’m not even going to go there with the makeup. that’s just hideous.

    • MissRiss65

      YES! That’s why my eye was drawn to. She has enough space in there to store a lipstick, some tissues, grapes…

      • YousmelllikeAnnaWintour

        her phone, a jar of dill pickles…

    • KimThore

      agreed–the bust line is horrible…it has puffy air pockets–makeup? makeover. now. please.

    • conniemd

      What annoyed me was that she appeared pinched under the arms so that she was getting underarm muffin top. Now with her slamming body, that has to be the dress, not her. When I read JLo at Atelier Versace show I was like “Of course.”

  • aahlife

    The neck down is problematic as well. the dress is lumpy and bumpy in all the wrong places.

  • Kathy Marlow

    Is that a pants leg I’m seeing on that dress? It doesn’t fit her right either.

    • Kate Mitchell

      I just saw this dress on People and it is definitely a pants/dress combo. Ick.

    • Alison

      Ok, good, I’m not crazy…how are we not all talking about this??

  • Kent Roby

    She is showing off her new trimmer figure in that dress, but her face scares me. I’m pretty sure that she chose those earrings to double as brass knuckles when needed.

    • kimmeister

      Her waist looks tiny!

      • Kent Roby

        According to a tabloid (which I never open, but I see the covers when in line at the grocery) she recently did a cleanse and lost some weight.

        • kimmeister

          I saw that exact cover in line at the grocery store as well.

  • Karen Belgrad

    That is one wonky bust… it looks like she’s smuggling something… Cotton balls? Bag of chips? Socks?

  • holzfaellen

    Everyone is always ragging on Versace, but worn by the right person – they’re just fierce as hell. Case in point.

    • VioletFem

      Agreed, although I would add that Atelier Versace and Versace Couture have have very different aesthetics. Atelier Versace is primarily evening and cocktail dresses/gowns, whereas Versace Couture is all sorts of apparel and accessories. Personally, I’ve always found that Atelier V. has always looked much more classy than Versace Couture, but they those two lines also clearly have different goals.

  • FrigidDiva

    Oy, the make up. I’m really not on board with that dress either, it just does some rather unfortunate things with her usually magnificent form. Also, those shoes? They look like tacky prom shoes they sell at DEB.

  • Constant Reader

    I don’t think I can sign off on a dress with one sequined pant leg. Even on JLo.

    • FrigidDiva

      OMG MY EYES–THAT IS A PANTS LEG!!!!!!!!!!!

      • SugarSnap108

        I can’t believe it either. I’m still in denial, actually.

        • HomeOfficeGirl

          Is that what it is?? Something even worse in theory than it looks – and it looks terrible!!

      • Belvane

        And here I was thinking it was a kitty scratching post. Pants leg makes much more sense … sort of.

        • Constant Reader

          With two kittens in the house, a dress with a built in scratching post/leg protector is a garment I could use!

    • Kent Roby

      Like I often say: “JLo puts on her dress one pant leg at a time, just unlike the rest of us”.

      • Introspective

        snort. FTW

      • Constant Reader

        All the upvotes.

    • formerlyAnon

      I actually really like the idea – crotch high slit, but maximum coverage on the leading leg. It sounds as if it would be so much easier to manage, and more comfortable.

      But the execution is a bit lacking, maybe? I think I’d like the pant leg a bit softer & more flowy.

      • Sophie

        That actually sounds really practical. With a crotch high slit, you might want to cover a bit of the other leg as well, though. But I’m not sure it should still be identifiable as a pant leg, much less one covered in sequins.

    • Emily Smith

      Holy shit that’s awful. What goes through your brain in the process of putting such an article of clothing on? I wonder if her stylist is trolling her here.

    • demidaemon

      Same. Dumb.

  • sleepycat

    the hair is terribly colored, she looks like a skunk or the poor cat that was subject to Pepe’s rape attempts

  • Adrianna Grężak

    That is some of the worst make up I’ve ever seen. And the shoes take it to Showgirls.

  • First time in quite a while a Versace dress actually looked tasteful to me, and on JLo no less!

    • eowyn_of_rohan

      Maybe the two tacky elements cancel each other out, like magnets.

      • decormaven

        The science of fashion….

      • Thanks for my first out loud laugh of the day!

        • eowyn_of_rohan

          Happy to oblige! (And hey, you’ve given me some laughs before, so consider it returning a favor.)

          • it pleases me to know I’ve done as much for you.

      • Judih1


  • Jessica Freeman

    Is there a term for this half dress, half pant leg combo?

    • eowyn_of_rohan

      Frankendress on crack? Crackendress?

      • YousmelllikeAnnaWintour

        I like “Crackendress”.

    • kimmeister

      Jumpdress? Dress-suit? Ugly monstrosity?

      • Clash D


  • lobsterlen

    Those hideous shoes ruin it.

  • NinjaCate

    Her face…. what happened to her face?! The dress is gorgeous though. Is the sparkly bit a half pant leg? I can’t really tell. But it looks beautiful and I love it.

  • Anna

    Maybe if you looked at her bronzer from space, then it would look OK. Although, I highly doubt it. Jesus, what the hell is that?

    The shoes are simultaneously bridal and Adult Video Awards.

    • Kent Roby

      Now I’m seeing her as a Killer Klown from Outer Space. This makeup is too severe for Drag Race.

      • Anna

        Remember when people used to want to “glow like J-Lo?” She really needs to get back together with Scott Barnes.

    • demidaemon

      Adult Video Bride Awards?

  • Tanya Wade

    Girl, you look tired. Also, your earrings are made from pop top cans.

  • cinderellen

    Those earrings look like chains of pop tops, and the dress is ill fitting. The whole look does her no favors.

  • Angela Cotsones Shea

    I love that every time I come her to comment, a least two people have already said exactly what I’m thinking! Great Minds judge alike!

  • Mr. J.

    I think she’s using shoe polish for all her beauty needs…..and that dress? Je ne comprends pas.

  • MissusBee

    Looks like she stole the shoes off a Spice Girl. The dress is made for her, although I’d like a hint of 60s space princess hair to add Intergalactic Evil Overlady drama, although maybe this isn’t the venue. The face reminds me of the crispy burnished contours of a perfect roast chicken. Mmm. Roast chicken.

  • decormaven

    LaToya Jackson’s MUA has been called in for a consult, I see. Outside of the cosmetics debacle, everything else is pretty much on point.

  • Maluca

    Shitty makeup aside, what is going on in the breast area? Her sisters looked deformed.

  • MaggieMae

    I’m just like JLo! From far away, the make-up looks fabulous. Up close? In the daylight? Eh, not so much.

  • Wink

    There’s a lot going on with this ‘dress.’ Pockets on a dress seems like a good idea… until the wearer actually uses the pockets. Just say no to pockets.

  • It looks like an 8 year old was experimenting with the photoshop blur tool on her face.

  • Eva_baby

    A. Her make-up is in full grown Cougar territory. She makes me afraid for handsome young men everywhere.
    B. How the hell do you go to the bathroom in that outfit? In a dress you hike up. In pants, you pull down. But how do you pee in half-pant/half-dress? Does she have to disrobe entirely? Or am I not interpreting the outfit correctly?

    • CPK1

      i just don’t understand the one pants leg thing. I mean, is that really necessary? What does it add to the design apart from an element of the absurd?

    • sweetlilvoice

      Celebrities do not have to pee like normal people. They have evolved beyond bodily functions.

    • sweetlilvoice

      Apologies if this post is duplicated, disqus is acting up for me. Celebrities do not have to pee like normal people. They have evolved beyond bodily functions.

      • demidaemon

        Do they just sweat it out? Wait, no celebuladies don’t sweat (celeb men do, obviously, for our glistening pecs needs). How do they excrete their bodily waste?

    • Alyssa

      Maybe there are snaps that undo on the pants leg, like a baby onesie.

      • Gatto Nero

        Whoa — I should have read down before replying!

      • Eva_baby

        Great. Now I have that picture in my head. LOL.

    • conlakappa

      She does have the rider that lilies are floating in the toilet when she goes. So at least the setting is pretty, however she makes it happen!

    • Gatto Nero

      That question occurred to me, too.
      Maybe there are strategically placed snaps, like on a onesie.

      • Alyssa

        Great minds 🙂

  • Danielle

    When you can see your contour job from space, it’s time to rethink.

    • conlakappa

      I thought she’d given up using nose-narrowing makeup. Lil Kim really shouldn’t be one’s features guide.

  • jeneria

    In every picture it looks like she’s struggling to breath. It’s a great dress, but she looks so uncomfortable.

  • CPK1

    if you contrast this with how gorgeous her face looked on when she was all natural hanging with her kids and wearing jeans and flip flops, the difference is insane. She looks 20 years older here

  • Jaeda Laurez

    Jesus. Who did that to her face? She looks like an alien from a particularly fierce planet. Love the jewelry and the dress though.

    • Introspective

      and I dub that planet dragtown.

      jenny looks *completely* crazy here. and yet there’s something so fierce about it, major missteps and all…

  • GorgeousThings

    Even the handler in the last picture looks like she’s thinking, “Duck!”
    Good thing the other handler is holding Jenny’s clutch, to keep it from becoming a missile when she sees herself in the bathroom mirror.

  • MilaXX

    Contouring gone wrong

    • decormaven

      So, so wrong.

  • sweetlilvoice

    I like that she is wearing jewelry! Too many stars are skipping that step. Also, that is some powerful makeup.

  • YousmelllikeAnnaWintour

    So Kim Kardashian is her makeup artist now?

    • demidaemon


  • WittyCism

    The boning of that dress must be killer because lady looks like she’s sipping little breaths of air in all her pics to keep from passing out.

  • SugarSnap108

    A thrown vase is not enough punishment for the auto shop that did this.

  • boweryboy


  • crash1212

    Excellent earrings.

  • Janet B

    Just about the perfect garment for her.

    (I don’t understand how it looks too tight to easily breath and loose/lumpy in the bust.)

    • kimmeister

      Her back is more than broad enough to fill out the bodice, but she doesn’t have the Angelina Jolie-like torpedo boobs needed to fill out the cups.

      • Janet B

        Thank you.
        I should have realized that, my teen has a very similar body type.

  • formerlyAnon

    I think I’d like the pant leg better if it were softer, more flowy, and in less substantial fabric, at least from right above the knee down.


  • Dino Bonačić

    I kinda disagree and state this dress-jumpsuit looks nothing but tacky.

  • Mothra

    That first pic makes her look a little like a vampire. But a vampire would never wear a lovely white dress like that.

  • R.A.

    This appeared to be pale pink on Instagram. And the single sequined pant leg wasn’t really visible either. Things just look better on Instagram I suppose, a la Mindy Kaling’s makeup.

  • Laura Livingston

    Ah, Jenny, don’t ever change. So deliciously tacky.

  • suzq

    That dress is a hot mess and so is her make-up.

  • Melanie

    Her make-up is so awful, in that first picture she looks like a bad Madame Tussaud’s version of herself.

  • Tami from Seattle

    Those sequins appear to be a message in Braille from a distance.

    • conlakappa


  • schadenfreudelicious

    When bronzer attacks…

  • Baghag

    Contouring gone WRONG!

  • Gatto Nero

    All of it looks tacky to me.
    If that slit were any higher, [fill in the blank].

    • Tami from Seattle

      …her gyno could phone it in.

  • Carleenml

    if they fixed the lumpy boobiness and got her better shoes, I think I might actually like this. She’s getting as bad as Taylor Swift with her one-note facial expression, though.

  • Sophie

    Too small! It might be fiercer if I could look at the bodice without hurting in sympathy.

    • Gatto Nero

      There’s some weird lumpiness going on there. Not sure if it’s an undergarment mishap or something in the structure of the dress/pant/thing.

      • kimmeister

        It’s like melting fondant.

      • Sophie

        There may be a corset or something underneath? The close-up of her hips makes me think it might be a possibility.

  • fursa_saida

    Am I the only one who thinks this thing time traveled here from roughly 2001?

  • Nika E

    Not feeling this… at all.

  • elemspbee

    OMG the first two photos–doesn’t she have paid staff to comb through the internet to permanently delete unflattering pictures of herself? But she is killing it in that dress though. and I love the precarity the length of this bad-ass white gown just grazing the street.

  • PinkyK

    Rock N Roll wedding dress….

    Her make up looks like she slept in it; total walk of shame face!

  • Andrea Lentz

    why does she look so over it and beat?!

  • AthenaJ

    Ms. Lopez, please step AWAY from the bronzer!!

  • cwade1211

    In the first picture her left leg looks like she has a plaster cast on it, that buckles on and off at the hip.

  • gitchygitchymama

    why is she wearing a gown to a fashion show? I like the shade of white – lets call it Capser-white.

  • Shawn EH

    Is that a pants-dress? Is that a thing?

    • Shelby

      Yes it is. No, for the love of God, it should not be.

    • Gatto Nero

      It is now. (See Versace collection.)

  • stubbornthoughts

    She’s ballsy wearing all that awful bronzer with a white…dress-pant.

  • Jacqueline Wessel

    This makes me want to go look in a mirror and make sure my makeup looks ok.

  • Yoshio

    An auto detailer would do a better job…more likely her makeup team ran low on product and substituted with tumeric.

  • SistaT

    That makeup is super ridiculous. She needs to club the hell out of her MUA with those heavy ass platforms.

  • Anna

    I feel like this is a more sophisticated dress for JLo – definitely more of the route she should be going more often. Still looks like a grease ball though – which is something I just don’t understand. Does she not look in the mirror?!

  • Denise Rambo

    The hair looks like the comb skipped the very middle and left a teeny half part … and you can see the bobby pins. To me, that’s tacky.

  • susan6

    She’s actually pulling off that….dress pantsuit?….pretty well, but that FACE. How can you do THAT to JLo’s face?!? Yes, some no-talent makeup “artist” needs to be fired, loudly.

  • gingko2000

    We are having a bit of humidity here at the moment. The melted face may be the result of it.

    • conlakappa

      It kind of looks like frozen-face too. Slowly seeping into Kidman territory?

  • alyce1213

    It seems the Couturiers didn’t fit the bust properly. That’s a shame, because boy, is that ever her dress!
    Enough said about the makeup — and she looked so pretty last week with the minimum.

  • marlie

    I’m loathe to admit that I love a one-pant-legged dress. From Versace, no less. But this is pretty fierce on JLo. I saw these pictures online yesterday, and her makeup looked even WORSE. You could totally see where the patches of different colors for the contouring weren’t blended well enough, especially around her hairline.

  • bitchybitchybitchy

    That face is saying “Watch out bitches, JLo is in the house”. The makeup could be improved, but for me she’s working that dress something fierce.

  • Raspberry2012

    Auto detailer! Haaa!!

  • Ray

    That dress = Project Runway challenge #3. Here’s a bed sheet. Make a red carpet look. You have 20 minutes. GO!

  • lrhg

    Her lips look wonkus and her bronzer is INSANE (is that a STRIPE across her forehead?) but her eyes, at least what I can see of them, look decent if a bit false lash crazy. Clearly the actual makeup artist did her eyes and then was abducted by aliens who didn’t want to be rude and so they finished the job.

  • Richard

    That dress does not look good from the side, but from the front? It’s perfect. Too bad bad about her makeup.

  • sk8tfan

    but no amount of makeup will wipe away the deathrays shooting from her eyes. She can literally kill with a glance.

  • nycfan

    Yikes, that make-up line around her scalp is terrifying.

  • sweatpantalternative

    Is that from the current collection? Would that be the equivalent of wearing band’s current tour t-shirt to the current concert tour? Read: lame.

  • SuzyQuzey

    That is one lumpy bustline.

  • Mailbtch

    these pictures are the best proof a girl could ask for that contouring looks weird in pictures. sorry you had to be a hard lesson, jenny

  • This is a look (dress, hair and makeup) I’d expect a teenage boy to create for the fembot in the comic book he’s been working on instead of doing algebra homework.

  • HelloLongBeach

    That dress has a pant leg… es no bueno

  • Vtg Fashion Library

    I will never get on board with a dress that has a pant leg. Ever.

  • judybrowni

    The earrings also bug the shit out of me — did she buy them at Staples?

  • anonylind

    I covet that bracelet.

  • Jen

    all i can think is if that’s how the bronzer looks in the photos, i can barely imagine how it looks in person.

  • demidaemon

    What a dumb dress. What horrid make-up.

  • frannyprof

    Hiddy shoes.

  • Trish Austad

    Yug! What is the dealio with that bustline? I’m guessing she bought that dress with a Groupon from the Lumpy & Bumpy outlet store.

  • Eric Stott

    The earrings look like a craft project

  • Milos Mom

    Love the idea of this dress but the darts in the chest are distracting and the cinch in the entire bodice is way too serve and obvious. But then our Jenny is not really one for subtlety is she…

  • understateddiva

    I love that she always puts the effort in – jewelry, hair, etc., she always looks put-together, even if it isn’t always to my taste. This works like crazy though.

  • amaranth16

    Jesus, her contouring is a trainwreck.

  • gefeylich

    As the MST3K guys used to say, she looks like a Romulan.

  • Jacob Bowen

    JLo doing her BEST impersonation of JLo!

  • Michelle Lim

    Tired and predictable. Next.

  • psychoblonde

    Part pant. Part dress. ALL wrong. You’re a lovely lady..and far too old to be wearing such a contraption!

  • livesarah

    Possibly the worst makeup job I’ve ever seen- certainly when you take into account the quality of the job she can afford to pay for. Wow.

  • quiltrx

    That dress is pretty fierce!
    But I’m so sick of her “there’s my former man with his new twat” expression. And that makeup is embarrassingly hilarious. Yes, someone got CUT over this shit.

  • Man Dala

    It looks like she’s lost some weight, you can tell by the face. The makeup reminds me of that scene in Bridget Jones: The Age of Reason where she applies blusher while riding a bumpy taxi.

  • CageyKG

    How does a lady do her business in a half-pant dress without peeing down her leg? She-wee?

  • swissgirl

    She’s just so koochy-koochy all the time–and she looks like she could eat you for lunch. Does she never just take a break from being her?

  • musi_

    in that last shot it looks like the lady in the black is a little freaked out by what’s going on, on jenny’s face

  • paintedfish

    i didn’t know they still made soda cans with pull tabs to be turned into earrings.

  • unbornfawn

    I really wouldn’t want to be the person who applied her makeup after she sees these pictures. Disaster.

  • Judih1

    Looks like she borrowed Christina Aguilar’s make up team. Not a good move

  • Melmmmendes

    Hold the phone.

    Is that a dress with ONE PANT LEG INSIDE OF IT?
    What the everliving fuck.

  • Alphonso de Barbo

    Jen is starting to look more and more like a transsexual!