Mark Wahlberg in Giorgio Armani at the “Transformers: Age Of Extinction” Premiere

Posted on June 20, 2014

He looks like he’s attending his child’s high school graduation.

Mark-Wahlberg-Transformers-Age-Extinction-World-Premiere-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (1)Mark Wahlberg attends the world premiere of “Transformers: Age Of Extinction” in Hong Kong in Giorgio Armani.

Mark-Wahlberg-Transformers-Age-Extinction-World-Premiere-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (2)

Mark-Wahlberg-Transformers-Age-Extinction-World-Premiere-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (3)

Mark-Wahlberg-Transformers-Age-Extinction-World-Premiere-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (3B)

Mark-Wahlberg-Transformers-Age-Extinction-World-Premiere-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (4)

What he’s doing to an Armani suit here should be considered a CRIME. A CRIME OF FASHION. Officers, arrest this man! He made world class Italian menswear look like something he got at a discount Big n’ Tall store! SEIZE HIM!

Seriously, why the HELL is his jacket hem several inches below his crotch? Why is his tie so short? Why are his pants puddling around his ankles like he’s sitting on a toilet? Who is the asshole that folded his pocket square like a used napkin? Can we get them deported or something? Because punishments need to be meted out here.

Giorgio, please tell us you don’t support this. Otherwise, we may have to call you an old whore.

We feel strongly about this, as you might surmise.




[Photo Credit: ImagineChina/FAMEFLYNET PICTURES]

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  • RussellH88

    God, this is bad, you guys. How do you make a suit like that look so cheap? That takes real skill.

    And if his hair gets any taller, he’ll be slipping in later-season Uncle Jesse territory.

    • Heather

      The “Uncle Jesse” description is perfection. Well done.

      • barbarienne

        Is it sad that my first mental reference was The Dukes of Hazzard rather than Full House?

    • stephbellard

      This just proves he should never wear clothes.

    • FuhUgh

      I’m not sure which is worse – his hair, or that short light blue tie.

  • Jessica Freeman

    Those pants look like wrinkled aluminum foil.

  • My theory is that he just realized that he, an Oscar-nominated actor, is filling the shoes of Shia LaBeouf in a Michael Bay movie and became deeply depressed, and this is a cry for help.

    • AnaRoW

      I’m hoping Mark’s becoming Nicolas Cage in that he’ll continue to appear in 2n rate action movies that’ll ruin his career and then he’ll very nearly disappear.

  • Wink

    Did Oprah give away gray suits at a SAG meeting? “YOU get a gray suit! YOU get a gray suit! And, YOU get a gray suit!” Enough already.

    • CelandineM

      I scared my cat laughing so hard at your comment.

      • Wink

        Poor kitty! I’m sorry.

  • Glam Dixie

    My only point of contention with you Uncles, is my husband never dresses this nice for graduation. It’s jeans and boots and a button down so maybe Mr. Wahlberg isn’t as bad as you first thought. On the other hand, he looks like he stole some big dudes suit.

    • evave2

      Oh yeah. The suit looks to me like if it was properly deployed I’d love it. It is very sad that I KNOW the suit is beautiful but it doesn’t fit him in any way. ( I mean the fit is off on the suit, not that it is not his personal style. Because it does not.)

  • Fordzo a.k.a. Fancy Mukluks

    I could make a hat from his pants and block the NSA’s brainwave reading drones.

  • Anna

    I am not feeling the Good Vibrations from this.

    • Wink

      Ha! What happened to the Funky Bunch?

      • Anna

        I wasn’t entirely sure who they were in the ’90s when they were actively the Funky Bunch!

  • NMMagpie

    Such outrage is a joy to my soul.

  • Kathy

    “Giorgio, please tell us you don’t support this. Otherwise, we may have to call you an old whore.”

    God, I love you guys!

    • TrixieConQueso

      That is throwing some serious shade! I bet Giorgio is getting his girl on the phone to MarkyMark’s stylist and well…there will be expletives.

  • boweryboy

    A big ole sloppy shiny mess.

  • mjude

    I love mark, but dear god I cant defend the look.

  • marlie

    Oooh. This makes me sad. His suit is too shiny, the tie is too short, and the pants are too long. This is a really unfortunate, amateurish mistake. We expect better from you, Mark.

  • Frank_821

    This is so wrong. he probably knows how bad he looks. It’s bad enough he’s taken over in the Transformers franchise

  • Excellent takedown, gentlemen. I giggled all the way through. And it’s all so true.

    Oh, and you can tell by his face how deeply he regrets his very existence here. The clothes are just a manifestation of the inner crisis he’s having at finding himself on the red carpet for a Transformers movie…where Shia LaBeouf once stood, as others already observed.

    • Fordzo a.k.a. Fancy Mukluks

      First that reality show and now this (by “this”, I mean Shia LaBeouf’s sloppy movie seconds). Circling the drain.

      • Imasewsure

        I think it’s more like circling the bank…

  • The pale blue tie and pocket square take it to drunk father of the bride.

    • Mona_Visa

      “Father of the bride” was my first thought too. Although if my daughter married his son I’d be pretty motivated to go to more family picnics.

      • julnyes

        But … then you’d be tangentially related to Jenny McCarthy (shudder)

        • Really? Yikes.

          • julnyes

            Yep, Donnie is marrying her.

  • In_Stitches

    I couldn’t scroll down past the flowbee haircut.

    • Imasewsure

      Agreed. I was almost too distracted to hate on the suit

  • ashtangajunkie

    The last photo looks like he’s trying to explain himself to someone: “I’m sorry, Mom! Look, I know I look sloppy. We don’t dress ourselves, it’s not my fault, okay?…I’m not making excuses, Mom.”

  • smayper

    Shiny AND wrinkly = shinkly. PLUS unhemmed. It’s like a trifecta of awful, and that’s just on first glance.

  • doodley

    There appears to be enough extra fabric in that suit to make a whole second suit. Did his luggage get lost en route? It’s not like it’s hard to find a good tailor in HONG KONG, of all places!

  • Danielle

    His pants are SO LOOSE I can’t even stand it.

  • MilaXX

    He went from bad boy hot to suburban dad in 0.2 seconds. Help him please.

  • uprightcitizen

    The length of the jacket may not be his fault. He’s really pretty short, isn’t he? Maybe this is a 42 short, and that’s as good as it gets for him. The rest of it is just unfortunate, because it’s a really nice suit, and the color combination with the tie is great. And his shoes look nicer than we see on gents half the time lately. Plus, no neck beard. With a little hemming of the pants and sleeves, a properly tied tie, and a little grace and composure on his part, and he could have looked smashing. Too bad he couldn’t stick the landing.

  • MaggieMae

    Car salesman. Yes, arrest him. This is a crime.

  • saintebeuve

    Shiny. But not in the Firefly way.

  • Terri Terri

    Not just a crime, but a major felony.

  • RescueMe23

    Why are men’s dress pants either too long or too short?

  • traceyishere

    He needs to stop going to Supercuts.

  • Imasewsure

    I think he’s aging well but you couldn’t tell that here…. awful awful awful

  • conniemd

    Oh geez, I admit to an irrational love for both Mark and Donnie Wahlberg, though neither are my normal types, being blue collar guys. He should never wear an Armani suit.

  • ChelseaNH

    It’s a shame, because the raw material is there. With better fit, and less shine, he would be in WITFU territory.

  • Raspberry2012

    Yeah, just messy and sloppy. He can do better than this.

  • Kerry McCombs

    Hmmmmm….I just attended my niece’s high school graduation and the standard dad uniform was khaki shorts and polo shirts. Granted, we are in Las Vegas and it’s a million degrees out. That being said, Marky Mark looks ridiculous.

  • Ashleigh

    …and, it looks like he’s saggin’ ! This is not varsity basketball dress up day!

  • Looks like the sleazoid copier salesman…

  • Rebecca Bledsoe

    The thought screaming through my skull while scrolling through the photos: WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO THAT ARMANI SUIT YOU ASS!!!

  • Mothra

    I think he must have picked it up at Kohl’s.

  • Leigh David

    May we please add shirt collar style and tie knots to the list of male fashion misdemeanors? Mr. Wahlberg’s wide jaw is well served by the Windsor spread collar but that tiny four in hand knot – good freaking grief!

    • decormaven

      And that is one cheap belt. Just a craptastic look, HTT.

  • KinoEye

    Ick. Give the Armani to someone who actually cares enough to do it justice, Mark. I have a few fashion-inclined male friends who would not only cut a bitch for this suit, but would make it SING.

    In addition to the fashion tragedies, he is a spectacular letdown after looking at the sex god that is Jason Momoa — even if Mark’s wearing Armani and Jason was wearing my local head shop owner’s uniform.

  • Tee

    Where have all the tailors gone? Have they been abducted and now all the red carpet shorties can’t get a hem?

  • largishbearishAtlish

    Or a mid market weather man…

  • sherrietee

    actually I was wondering what you were doing with a picture of Wink Martindale on your page.

  • shopgirl716

    He has never done a damn thing for me. Even back in his Marky Mark days. And I agree with every point about his suit. It’s just bad.

  • Diane Iafrate

    Markie Mark !!!!!!! you should have more style than this !!!!!!!!!!!

  • e jerry powell

    The too-long unbuttoned jacket combined with hands-in-pockets is creating the illusion of a super-wide pelvis. NOT CUTE.

  • quiltrx

    See…Jason Momoa did *not* have a lack of effort earlier. THIS abomination is a lack of effort! I would almost say this is the OPPOSITE of effort. Or maybe wrong effort…it’s like he TRIED to look this horrible.
    I’m going back to look at Jason and make my brain forget it ever saw this horror.

  • Man Dala

    I had that haircut once. In 1986.

  • demidaemon

    Yeah, this is pretty much unforgivable. I had the exact same thoughts as TLo when I saw the title and then the pics. This is rage-inducing.