Chloë Moretz in Dolce&Gabbana at the 2014 Saturn Awards

Posted on June 27, 2014

We feel bad, because when she first hit the red carpet scene, we were all over her style, but we are SO not feeling this girl’s fame anymore. We hate that we always seem to be complaining lately, since she clearly loves fashion and takes risks, but JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL:

Chloe-Moretz-2014-Saturn-Awards-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (1)Chloë Moretz attends the 2014 Saturn Awards held at The Castaway in Burbank, California in a Dolce&Gabbana dress paired with Stuart Weitzman sandals.

Chloe-Moretz-2014-Saturn-Awards-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (2)

Chloe-Moretz-2014-Saturn-Awards-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (3)

Chloe-Moretz-2014-Saturn-Awards-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (4)

THAT IS AN OLIVE GARDEN RESTAURANT IN DRESS FORM. THAT IS A SLEEVELESS KITCHEN BACKSPLASH. NO DRY CLEANING REQUIRED FOR THIS DRESS. JUST SWIFFER THAT MOTHER.

Sorry for the all-caps. We are trying to convey our distaste for this garment. How’d we do?

 
[Photo Credit: Celebrity Monitor/PacificCoastNews]

    • PastryGoddess

      Jesus did take the wheel, unfortunately he doesn’t know how to drive

      • Donna Tabor

        That was a laugh-out-loud moment. Thank you!

    • James

      Well it’s the Academy for Science Fiction, Fantasy and HORROR films. So she fits in just fine. The first two cover the shoes part too.

    • Aidan B

      You did well, Uncles. That is hiddy. But what the heck is happening on her feet? Are those black rubber bands just looped around a sole? How do those even stay on??

      • DKBB

        I had shoes like that for dress-up when I was 4…they had elastic straps, just like her’s…who knew I was fashion-forward lo those 52 years ago?!

        • Tess Tea

          I remember those!! Clickety-clack down the aisles of the grocery store.

          • decormaven

            Ha ha! These are the shoes your mom buys you at the grocery store when you beg and beg for them. The heel is snapped off after about an hour after you put them on your feet. Good times!

      • Jackie4g

        Those are doll shoes for a c. 1956-59 Cissy doll

    • KateShouldBeWorking

      While she does, in fact, look like the good china I’m not concerned about seeing her good china. So that goes in the ‘win’ column.

      • Carly Clement

        I agree! I think she looks pretty

      • Kent Roby

        If she showed her good china, it would invite comments about showing Uranus at a Saturn event!

      • FancyPhilly

        Agreed. I like it a lot. Do I need to hand in my bk card?

    • gabbilevy

      Plus consumptive eyeshadow! Pinterest hair! Naked heels! This entire look seemed cherry picked to drive Mssrs. T and Lo nuts.

      • Julie Parr

        While I’m firmly in the TLo column on consumptive eye shadow, I love pinterest hair.

    • poorellensmith

      There’s a lot to hate about this dress. Obvs. But I’m specifically concerned about her neckline. Her neck itself is so short that it often looks like her head is sitting directly on her clavicle. Maybe V-necks would be help visually elongate her neck? I dunno. But there’s got to be a better option than this.

    • Glam Dixie

      That dress looks like a plastic table cloth, wipe it down with a dish rag and the eye makeup is awful.

    • http://redheadedwolf.wordpress.com/ Laura Renee

      Best commentary of the day, omg. Thank you guys for being on point again.

    • hughman

      I think it is the perfect dress for Barbell Curls although I wouldn’t wear it doing squats.

    • Monabel

      I think it’s charming and witty. So there.

      • Let it out

        Yeah! The colors, shape, and length are great on her. Also, kudos for being able to stand in those shoes for more than three seconds – celebrities, they’re NOT just like us.

      • FridaStaire

        Yep, I like it too.

    • http://phantomminuet.blogspot.com/ MinAgain

      Who did her make-up…Sherwin Williams?

    • Judy_S

      I want that backsplash.

    • Sarah

      Would’ve been better without the armpit and hemline fruits. Were the pattern on the skirt and bodice the whole thing, I think I’d like it.

    • Mothra

      I kind of like it, except for it being made out of kitchen tiles.
      edited to add: sometimes I comment before I fully read TLo’s take on it, and I am always so gleeful when we arrive at the same conclusion!

    • KT

      Hahaha I love how sassy you guys are today! Even more than usual! KEEP IT COMING, BITCHES

    • Nazzzy

      I kinda like the dress. Her make up, on the other hand, is horrible

    • Kristi Mitchell

      I was actually going to say I liked it until I read your comments and now that’s all I see! Lol

    • random_poster

      I suddenly have a hankering for pasta at Bucca di Beppo.

    • Dino Bonačić

      It looks like a D&G wannabe dress. She always looks cute, but… NO. No f***** way this shape will ever look good on anyone.

      • demidaemon

        Agreed. It’s hard to notice at first, considering the awfulness of the print, but that shape (and in particular the proportion of the straps and the neckline) would do no one favors.

    • siriuslover

      I thought it was cute until you said she looked like an Olive Garden restaurant. Now I can’t unsee it.

    • oldscrumby

      You cannot convince me that isn’t linoleum some eco-designer scraped off a kitchen floor and re-purposed into a dress.

    • Imasewsure

      I’m fine with the dress but I hate the hairdo. She’s really cute though. Such a face!

    • Gatto Nero

      Yes! My first thought was majolica ceramics, and then I read the uncles’ comments.
      Also allergic to the naked shoes.

    • SophieCollier

      Congrats on the award, honey, but your dress is on fire!

    • Mr. J.

      My sister-in-law has that same backsplash in HER kitchen……

    • msdamselfly

      I think she looks adorable. Love her hair and makeup and the dress is interesting and attractive

    • largishbearishAtlish

      I swear when I stayed in Mexico at the Casa Azul and it had that EXACT tile in the bathroom (it was beautiful, hand tiled showers, very charming/clunky/hidden kind of place). The back drop is not doing her any favors (the orange and the dress…ugh). I used to think she was pretty amazing, but she is quickly headed into ‘no, I don’t have a stylist…why do you ask?”

      Uncles T’lo- do they not send a sample color to the ladystars telling them what color the background will be? like a color swatch to avoid this type of……not horror but…ickiness?

    • MilaXX

      On the nose. That is the backsplash of every Italian themed kitchen on every show on HGTV.

    • frannyprof

      I just love that she’s at the Castaway in Burbank. It’s where my prom date and I (and a few friends) went out to dinner on prom night. We thought we were so high class!

    • susu

      Aw, I kind of love it. Best I’ve seen her look in a while.

    • in a pickle

      I kinda liked it although it’s too stiff and then I read the Olive Garden/back splash brilliance and recognized it as absolute truth. Well done, as usual.

    • LeelaST

      It looks as though it’s made out of papier-mâché or at least heavily starched. I’m all for non-clingy/loose fitting over skin tight but this is like a board.

    • trisker

      Laughed out loud at both metaphors! BRAVISSIMI!

    • livesarah

      I quite like it, apart from the shoes and her eye makeup. Tiles or not, I think it’s one of the nicer things I’ve seen her in.

    • Skippymom1

      Since I don’t see a designer [who WOULD claim this] it looks liker her bestie from HS painted her canvas and she decided a tribute print would be a good idea. She is lovely…..

    • FashionableLena

      I usually love Dolce & Gabbana, but this is just so stiff. I bet that it could stand on its own.

    • boweryboy

      That should have never left the runway.

      • Trickytrisha

        Shouldn’t ever have been on the runway. She looks like she has orange ducks guarding her boobs.

    • http://screwitimfierce.wordpress.com/ FierceFierceFierce

      Good grief, that dress and those ugly shoes! She needs to start working with a stylist-not someone who would tell her how to dress per se, but someone who would help her pick things that actually look good!

    • OffToSeeHim

      I love (like, LOVE in all caps) when you guys say Jesus Take The Wheel. It makes me giggle every time. You could say it every day, and I would laugh every day. (Of course, I still say, “You. Lesbian. What’s this?” to my dog and crack myself up, so I’m not sure I’m a highbrow audience.)

    • FibonacciSequins

      Her makeup is as bad as the dress. We will not speak of the shoes.

    • conniemd

      The band of print at the bottom of the dress completely affirms TLo’s assessment of Olive Garden. D & G is so inconsistent in this way.

    • quiltrx

      YIKES. is this thing made of oilcloth?
      Given the weird stance and the actual picture of a strap-tug, I’m thinking these straps are set way too far apart to be comfortable. Plus the bodice looks like it’s squishing the life out of her!

      • wisdomy

        Yes! She is a tiny slip of a human with relatively broad shoulders, yet this thing is still simultaneously falling off of her shoulders and squeezing her chest enough to cause armpit/back roll. That cut is awful. Who WOULD it work on?

    • http://www.bertkeeter.com Bert Keeter

      At first glance… I thought those were “pork chops” on the hem of that thing…

    • H2olovngrl

      Dolce&Gabbana strikes again with their overly literal interpretation of all things Italian.

    • BLauDGaspode

      Seems like some at D&G swapped their sketchbook with the interior designer working on the kitchen’s remodel. Oops.
      Poor girl. I always want her to look better. She seems like she so often could.

    • Anna

      The dress looks more suited for a skinny 50 year old doctor’s wife who also owns a lot of palazzo pants – not a teenager. Also, the eyebrow situation needs to be tamed – maybe that’s why I don’t think the dress is “that bad” since I’m far too distracted by the brows. They are way too harsh on her face.

    • dschubba

      Not good, but not the worst thing I’ve seen her in.

    • alyce1213

      I’m just happy she got the message to quit making duckface, so points for a beautiful smile.
      I don’t really like the dress, but it’s okay. She looks fine, overall.

    • ThaliaMenninger

      She has some challenges, being kind of straight up and down and not very swanlike in the neck department. She needs to learn how to dress for those challenges. And this is SO not it.

    • Annistella

      >whispers< I like it. Though I think the neckline does her a disservice.

      • Sly

        *whispers in your ear* I love it as well.

    • Diane_G

      Jesus take the wheel and make it swerve!

    • AndieJay

      Her legs look spectacular in this.

    • lulukittie

      I actually like the dress, just not on her. It’s wearing the heck out of her. I’d prefer it on someone taller and with more of a presence.

    • http://litbrit.blogspot.com/ Deborah Newell Tornello

      The dress *could* work if it was calf-length and properly fitted to her body. I mean, Dolce & Gabbana’s fruit, flower, and mosaic-tile prints are kind of a given. The shapelessness of this dress is what gets me. Ugh. And the licorice-whip sandals are dreadful, just wrong. Wrong color and wrong shape. A cheetah-print t-strap stiletto sandal, or peep-toe pumps, and bright toes…maybe.

    • marlie

      I… I don’t hate this {ducks}. It’s a bit too busy, and I think she could have done without the fruit border at the bottom and the top, but but I still think this dress isn’t so bad. But she needed something better than pinkeye makeup and Heidi hair.

    • kategs

      I don’t either! I think she looks darling.

    • kimmeister

      I don’t hate the prints on the dress, it’s the shape that’s doing her the real disservice. Her back is bursting out of the bodice, and it makes it look like she has no waist and no hips.

    • queeniethebold

      i don’t get her fame.

      But i also think she looks kind of cute, actually.

    • Joanna

      I actually like the dress – it’s the hair and makeup that’s KILLING me here. It’s like her makeup people didn’t get the memo that the consumptive eye makeup trend is over (it IS over right?). That does her no favors.

    • MoHub

      Looks as if she’s got a target on her girlybits.

    • Qdahling

      I like this dress! But maybe not on her…? I’m going to call this one a GTINYD

    • Jackie4g

      Perhaps Dolce and Gabbana are negotiating a ceramics deal and they printed the designs on fabric just to be sure?

    • JynxTheCat

      Bless her. She ALWAYS swings. Dang her. She often misses.

    • Pterodactyl111

      I like it.