amfAR’s 2014 Cinema Against AIDS Gala Red Carpet Rundown

Posted on May 23, 2014

All right, ladies. Line up for judging. Please refrain from trying to influence the judges in any way or you will be removed from the red carpet in as embarrassing a manner as we can devise.

Number 1, please step into the judging circle.

Jessica Chastain in Givenchy Couture
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Aishwaryia Rai in Armani Privé
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Love the shape, but not the color for her.



Rosie Huntington-Whiteley in Emilio Pucci
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Striking as hell, but once you see the curtain rod, you can’t unsee it.



Rosario Dawson in Vionnet
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Kylie Minogue in Juan Carlos Obando
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Too shiny and AWFUL color.



Dita Von Teese in Blumarine
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Serving up some Joan Holloway Harris realness.



Marion Cotillard in Alexander McQueen
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Put some flowers in her hair or a big floppy hat on her and it’s Wedding Day, 1972.



Milla Jovovich in Chanel Couture
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It’s a shame about the horrifying Joker-face makeup, because this is kind of drag-fabulous.



Conchita Wurst
amfAR-Cinema-Gala-2014-Red-Carpet-Rundown-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (9)

Slaying everyone else.

Can we start to have a conversation about how she looks like like a prettier version of Kim Kardashian?  Except with a marketable job skill?



Paz Vega in Fitriani Couture
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Don’t like the shape.



Heidi Klum in Atelier Versace
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Oh, Heidi. Never change.



Michele Rodriguez in Elisabetta Franchi
amfAR-Cinema-Gala-2014-Red-Carpet-Rundown-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (12)

 More weird clown makeup. What’s that all about. The dress is her usual.



Jane Fonda in Atelier Versace
amfAR-Cinema-Gala-2014-Red-Carpet-Rundown-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (13)

Jane just lives for illusion netting lately, doesn’t she?

We don’t love this, but we can’t fault her for flaunting the fact that she can wear it.



Sharon Stone in Roberto Cavalli
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Wait, what?


[Photo Credit: Getty Images,]

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  • Lauren

    I would LOVE to see Christina Hendricks in Dita Von Teese’s dress. Favorite look by far.

    • Snarkmeister

      But maybe with less visible undergarments.

      • lamamu

        Normally, I would agree with your statement. But this is Dita Von Teese. She understands her brand very well.

    • Adelaidey

      I often want to see Christina Hendricks in Dita Von Teese’s clothes.

  • SewingSiren

    Dita is really the only one who has a clue. Well maybe Conchita too.

    • Rhonda Shore

      Dita and Conchita, yeah…

      • (To the tune of “America” from “West Side Story”): I am Conchita/And I’m Dita/Each is a pretty senorita/Can’t decide which of us is sweeter?/Ponder as you drink margarita!

        I’m not Sondheim yet, but I’m working on it!

        • Patrick Cleary

          Seriously, THIS NEEDS TO BE A THING. Any theater in NYC worth its salt would sell that show right out.

    • PlethoraofBooks

      I just wasn’t impressed by the attendees this year. Which is a shame – usually there are more that I like. But even the red carpet at Cannes hasn’t impressed as much this year. Perhaps I am missing the Bing-Bing

      • Snarkmeister

        Bring back the Bing-Bing!

        • Lucía Gavello

          Now, Dita Conchita Bing-Bing sounds like some sort of western revue, in a good way.

    • FridaStaire

      Conchita takes out the prize!

    • Dita posted an instragram of her and Conchita, writing that this was the only person at the event that she asked for a pic or something like that.

  • RussellH88

    I’m pretty sure those cut outs on Sharon Stone’s dress lead to different dimensions.

    • SewingSiren

      And the power net prevents you from exploring them.

    • Coolekat

      The worm hole

    • You absolutely have to write this novel. 🙂

    • jspark

      Where is her belly button!?

      • Fuchsiaforever

        My exact first reaction!!!

    • Wendi126

      Omg. They’re cut outs. I really thought and yeah sure, I’ve had some wine, ok, maybe more than some, but I really thought she won the welter weight wrestling championship. Oh lord. Oh Sharon. Oh Brad. Oh Janet

    • kirkyo

      Why are they there??? Everything from the waist up and hips down is great.

    • World of Sass

      Time is a flat circle, or three of them, on Sharon Stone’s midsection.

    • Emily Smith

      I’m pretty sure I saw almost the exact same dress but in screaming pink on one of the girls in my super sweet sixteen.

  • sugarkane105

    Rosie Huntington-Whiteley is flawless, curtain rod or not.

  • onefifteen

    I want Jane Fonda to yell at me and boss me around.

    • Dee

      Maybe she leaves that to the Yoda-gremlin on her boobs.

      • Kathy

        omg, can’t unsee the Yoda gremlin! That is hysterical!!!

  • Yoshio

    I deeply regret seeing the Sharon Stone dress – no words can express the horror and subsequent morbid curiosity and speculation as to why it was ever created. I think you should take the photo down – it’s too disturbing to our collective sensibilities. I kid, sort of…

    • J-Ko

      ….and the backdrop behind her makes it look like something is shooting out of the top of her head. Sad all around.

      • Yoshio

        Completely missed just gets worse and worse

      • Karen Belgrad

        Are we suuuuuure it’s the backdrop? Cause if anyone would have something shooting out of their head, it’s Sharon, LOL

      • Imasewsure

        I believe that is all of her natural taste and style (and sense) shooting out of her head (which explains the dress)

      • smayper

        Damn, you said it before I could! It made me laugh until tears came down my face. Just the cherry on top of the Awful Sundae.

    • @Biting Panda

      Worse still, there are photos of her leaving a yacht, in this monstrosity. Motion brings it to whole new levels of pain.

      • Yoshio

        Just thinking about it is painful.

      • FibonacciSequins

        I just looked up the yacht photos. The panels in the midsection look horrible in motion, and her entire back/side is exposed. She should fire whoever talked her into wearing that.

        • ccinnc

          When she sees her bare waistline in the picture of her bending over slightly, she WILL fire someone.

    • StillGary

      It was created to fuck with us. starting at the top “Oh wow, Ms. Stone has her shit together, good for …Oh, for fuck’s sake!”

    • jspark

      Where is he bellybutton! I’m scared.

    • Madam Von Sassypants

      I think someone needs to photoshop different scenes in those nude portals.

    • bitchybitchybitchy

      Shouldn’t one of the cutouts have a mirror insert-a funhouse mirror?

  • @Biting Panda

    Soooooo many tits out.

    • And so much titscrepancy.

      It is possibly a little known festival which we rarely see, called Breastivus.. 🙂

      • @Biting Panda

        Yes! Kylie’s are at two different events.

        • GorgeousThings

          I just got bit by another kitten last night for being “body-shaming” about Madonna’s hands. But I will say this about Kylie (and yes, I would say this to her face, in her parlor) that kind of deep V neckline is not a good look for a BC survivor. How do I know? I am one.

      • bitchybitchybitchy

        At which one of the rituals will be the group rant about all of the inappropriate boobage seen on the RC during the past year.

      • demidaemon

        That’s sounds like an awful viral infection.

  • Carrie

    Ladies, Conchita is putting you all to shame. If she can nail it, what’s your excuse?


  • deelup

    I think Jane Fonda’s skin has accidentally been stripped off and those are her gears showing.

  • In_Stitches

    I kind of like the Heidi. Sure, it’s a full platter of boob, but it fits impeccably and the color is wonderful on her.

  • zuzu

    I’m a little confused about Conchita’s beard, because it’s so even and so filled-in while being so closely cropped. Is it makeup? Real-but-impeccably-groomed? Or some combination of both?

    • I suspect real but assisted with a bit of makeup.

  • greymain

    what INDEED!!!

  • Grumpy Girl

    That dress on Rosie HW just makes me think giraffe–I do not think she should wear that color at all! Dita for the win.

  • James

    I keep thinking Sharon Stone needs to pee.

  • StillGary

    jeez, I don’t log in for a few minutes and i miss everything! Who is the bearded lady and what is her skill? and where is Sharon Stone hiding her navel?

    • Conchita Wurst – she won Eurovision this year.

      • Coolekat

        Need to know more about Conchita. I missed this, too.

        • DTLAFamilies

          Look up her final performance on YouTube. It’s pretty spectacular.

        • lundibleu

          She has a brilliant voice, with or without the beard and drag.

    • Frank_821

      Yes she won the annual Eurovision contest. Even the Russian folks voted for her

    • MilaXX

      Youtube her. Her voice is amazing

    • FancyPhilly

      Conchita Wurst is a drag performer who is also known as Thomas “Tom” Neuwirth. He considers himself (Tom) totally separate from Conchita. It is all very interesting and awesome. Conchita Wurst won Eurovision this year with a Bond-theme-song-esque number and stole everyone in Europe’s hearts and minds. She dedicated her win “to everyone who believes in a future of peace and freedom…we are unity and we are unstoppable.”

  • Nikko Viquiera

    Rosie makes me want to pull down my curtains and wear them around the house.

    • FibonacciSequins

      Does anyone else remember Carol Burnett doing that as a Scarlett O’Hara/GWTW parody?

      • littlemac8

        I watched it not too long ago when I needed a laugh. I do turn to her and her gang in moments of need!

  • Lilithcat

    Sharon Stone was standing in an unfortunate position when that photo was taken. She’s got a weird ray coming out of her head! Or into it. Perhaps she needs a tin foil helmet.

  • Danielle

    Conchita Wurst and Laverne Cox need to lunch, the kittens would explode.

  • I really don’t like Aishwarya’s illusion netting.

  • Conchita and Dita are my favorites.

  • Miss wks

    Jesus in Sequins….

  • Conchita has a killer voice, almost beyond skill and more like a gift.

  • Please tell me that my eyes aren’t playing tricks on me and Conchita’s dress actually has a cape!

    Nothing else is too exciting except Rosario Dawson for whom I am developing sympathy pains.

  • FibonacciSequins

    Brilliant as usual, uncles. I could read your red carpet rundowns all day.

    I’m fascinated by Sharon Stone. What’s going on in her midsection? Illusion netting? skin? And why do that? Whatever is peeking out from those cutouts, it looks oddly hard.

    Her unfortunate placement against the backdrop makes it look like she’s about to be beamed up somewhere, or maybe is transferring intel from her brain to someone/something in outer space.

  • saintebeuve

    Does Rosie HW’s dress have… pelvic cut-outs? Below the waist (or whatever one should call the waist rod)? Does my monitor deceive?

  • BLauD

    I can not stop staring at Sharon Stone. What the heck is happening there? Please, someone, anyone, explain this to me. I am so baffled.

  • Pterodactyl111

    Milla looks SO pleased with herself, and I don’t blame her?

    Who is Conchita Wurst?? Needless to say, I am intrigued.

    • Lori

      Conchita Wurst won Eurovision this year on what is generally agreed was a combination of genuine talent and the deep desire of a lot of folks to make the heads of Vladimir Putin and his homophobic toadies explode.

      • demidaemon

        And they exploded wondrously!

        • Lori

          “Ugh. Ghay cooties. If you’re going to be so gross we’ll have our own, totally straight, Eurovision. Just like it used to be before the gay agenda!!!eleventy”

          And the crowd laughed until they peed a little at the total lack of clue.

          • demidaemon

            And Putin wasn’t even the worst of the bunch. Although Belarus’ reaction also fit the bill.

    • bitchybitchybitchy

      Milla is selling her dress for all she’s worth, but those sleeves are looking like couture swiffers to me.

  • LadyVimes

    Conchita and Dita win. Hands down.

  • The invitation must have said “Please come to our Amfar event and show us your boobs.”

    • ShaoLinKitten


      • There’s also a “these are my +2s” joke in there somewhere, but I can’t quite find it.

        • ShaoLinKitten

          How about, “I amfAR too well-endowed for this dress!” ::rimshot:: I’ll be here all week, folks!

  • Lori

    Kylie’s dress is not only too shiney and the wrong color, it’s giving her serious titscrepancy. That’s not right.

  • numenah

    Madame X is Jessica’s wheelhouse, and she’s serving it up gorgeously here.

  • Can we start to have a conversation about how she looks like like a prettier version of Kim Kardashian? Except with a marketable job skill?

  • teensmom99

    When I saw Sharon Stone’s dress all I said to myself was “what?” and then I scrolled down and saw that that is what T Lo said.

  • marlie

    I’d like Jane Fonda’s dress better in a different color. Sharon Stone’s dress is interesting… I sort of like it. I think Jessica Chastain wins this round for me. Marion Cotillard needs to go home and start again; we can’t even blame Dior for this one.

    • ShaoLinKitten

      Marion Cotillard is making me sad these days. She’s one of my girl crushes, and she’s been looking so bad lately.

  • Paula Pertile

    Is Sharon carrying her Day Planner?

    • dmkava

      Isn’t Shazza the auctioneer?

  • dmkava

    Dear Courteney Act, you have been served. Love, Conchita

    • I was thinking that! Even with a beard she’s a girlier girl than Courtney.

  • Jessie Melcher Brown

    At 76 years old Jane likely needs a little illusion netting to minimize age damage to her skin. Plus at least she made sure it actually matched her skin tone. Sadly Sharon Stone has resorted to dressing stupid just to get attention.

    • J. Preposterice

      I agree that’s probably why she’s using it, but I always wish it fit better (the wrinkly illusion is not a great look) and that she didn’t pick dresses with fungal outgrowths from the illusion.

  • random_poster

    Marion makes me sad now. Whomever is dressing her needs to re-think everything they’ve done to her. I want my glamorous Marion back!

    • Carleenml

      oui, oui, and oui. This falls into the category of “things we know we stress about that we shouldn’t” but for realzutalors, mon amie.

    • misstressofsylar

      The last time Marion had a really bad streak, she was pregnant. I’m on baby bump watch now.

  • CPK1

    “Can we start to have a conversation about how she looks like like a prettier version of Kim Kardashian? Except with a marketable job skill?”

    Thank you boys for getting my weekend off to the right start.

  • I’d really love to see a close-up of Jessica Chastain’s beautiful necklace.

  • And look at Paz Vega’s boobies and then the Merc logo. They kinda work together.

  • vahtel

    When Heidi Klum dresses like that, all I can see is Vanna White.

  • MerBearStare

    Pretty sure Paris Hilton wore Sharon Stone’s dress back in 2004.

  • kimmeister

    Jessica’s necklace is to die for. Made up for the rather boring dress.
    Oh Aishwarya, you disappoint me. Red lips and aqua eyeshadow don’t go together.
    The weird tassels on Rosario’s dress look like they would raise the sleeves up if you yanked on them.
    Marion needs an intervention. She’s gone bonkers.
    Jane’s dress looks like the Chrysler building in an alternate Barbie Universe.
    I guess Sharon Stone has been watching Death Becomes Her?

  • a_liking

    oh, Dita’s dress is TO DIE. love it. also love Marion’s dress, but it doesn’t seem very red carpet appropriate.

  • John11581

    I think my long week finally caught up with me because here I was thinking Sharon wasn’t looking so bad, aside from that really unfortunate belt. I know. I’m hanging my head in shame as I type.

    • FibonacciSequins

      It’s Friday. Pick up your head and have a drink!

      • John11581

        And to celebrate the start of the long weekend, I shall have (at least) 2!

    • The Counselor

      IS it a belt? I thought those were cut-outs, and then I was wondering where her belly button was… (so, basically, I had the same reaction as TLo)

      • John11581

        Hence the head hanging in shame. I didn’t realize the unfortunate belt was really even more unfortunate cut-outs until I was educated by some fellow BK’s comments.

        • The Counselor

          I didn’t get that far in the comments 🙂 A testament to how mystifying that part of the dress is, that you could really believe it was either.

  • PastryGoddess

    It’s an interesting day when Jane Fonda looks better than Heidi Klum in Versace

  • Jean Beaton Leavitt

    Conchita Wurst blows my mind! …and that is a good thing! She is infinitely more talented than a Kardashian!

  • Zuber

    Love Dita Dont Tease!!

  • MilaXX

    This list started out pretty good even with Rose serving curtain realness. Somewhere around Rosario it all went a little wrong and boob-a-licious. Conchita tried to rally but sadly it all ended badly with Sharon, her droopy boobs and weird cut outs.

  • snarkykitten

    I’m on the fence about Conchita Wurst. Allegedly she is actually pretty transphobic.

    • MilaXX

      What? How? Am I missing something here? I thought she was trangender.

      • lundibleu

        She’s not trans, but also is not transphobic. Conchita was created to show you can do anything no matter who you are / what you look like, and in part was inspired by Tom’s experiences of coming out in a small Austrian village as a teenager.

        • MilaXX

          Thanks. I didn’t read up on her. I just watched the youtubes of the Eurovision

          • lundibleu

            She does have a fantastic voice. I suspect that Tom wouldn’t have won Eurovision, but Conchita had the voice and the story. A shame that 16 years after Dana International won that a lot of people still see trans or drag as a ‘novelty’ though.

        • snarkykitten

          I only ever heard in passing and hadn’t had a chance to google for sure. Glad to know I was wrong!

    • bluefish

      Am happy to have just found out about the Conchita Wurst-Tom N. story. And cool that she won the International Song Festival. And great as performance art and a political statement. As a look, not crazy about it but not my call. Good for her.

  • It must have been hot. Everyone’s face looks shiny.

  • lundibleu

    Kim Kardashian just wishes her beard looked that good.

    Jessica Chastain is gorgeous as usual, but that bust line is getting awfy close to mouse ears.

    Aishwarya… if that had been in a jewel tone, I think she’d have won this lineup.

    • bitchybitchybitchy

      I’m picturing Aishwarya in that gown, but in a gorgeous garnet, sapphire or deep emerald.

  • Stacy Koons

    Sharon Stone: skin wrestling champion.

  • frannyprof

    Sharon Stone: worst cut outs ever.

  • bitchybitchybitchy

    Dita brought it, and I would expect no less. Heidi defautled to her normal cleavage and slit. Jane looks pretty damn fabulous in my book.

  • DagnyReardon

    Jessica and Rosie but I tend to lean to the classics.

  • quiltrx

    I think my husband said it best about Ms. Stone: “She looks like a hooker AND a wrestler.” (an aside: I’m disturbed not just by the cutouts, but by the fact it looks like the center one is eating the bottom of the dress)
    I feel sorry for Jessica Chastain–she looks terrific, but there’s so much weirdness here to distract us from her! And I hate that Milla’s makeup is so harsh–she usually brings it on the RC and that dress is great.
    And I actually kind of love Ms. Fonda’s dress if we can REMOVE the illusion and make those actual straps. I like the pattern of the embellishments, very graphic and flattering to the body.

    • bluefish

      Hooker and wrestler — classic.

  • quiltrx

    P.S. I found and watched Conchita’s winning performance (I had heard about it but not seen it)–amazing, and that is a JAMES BOND SONG if I ever heard one! it will be interesting to see where her career goes from here.

  • Imasewsure

    Sharon Stone… what happened???? WTF how could she think that looked good????? Wow just wow

  • Valdri8

    I am so out of the loop. I have no idea who Conchita is, and I had to make someone else look at the photo because I thought Jesus was trying to communicate with me and I got freaked out. It could have also been the vodka martini, but I am so confused.

    • t bell

      This comment made me spew my vodka martini all over my t shirt and boxers. I only know about Conchita because I have an Austrian friend.

    • somebody blonde

      Conchita Wurst just won Eurovision for Austria.

    • bluefish

      LOL! I mean, really, LOL.

      • Valdri8

        Honestly, as someone who spent a good part of my teenage years and young adulthood trying to get rid of my facial hair while wearing a dress, I find myself completely flummoxed.

  • e jerry powell

    No shade, but hasn’t Dita worn that dress to some other event before?

    Also, I’d swear that the Versace that Heidi’s in was from, like, 1998 or something.

  • Judih1

    Jane looks like she is trying to hard – unlike Dame Helen who looks so effortlessly. Jane looks stiff, pulled too tight and way to much wig for my tastes.

    Who is the Conchita person?

    • the_valkyrie

      She won Eurovision

  • Closet Crisis

    Sharon’s dress is my scolldown-fug of the month. All but Conchita and Dita, please take a good long look in the mirror before leaving the house next time!!!

  • livesarah

    Jane Fonda’s illusion netting makes her look like she has wrinkles on parts of her body that aren’t actually wrinkled. Very unfortunate.

  • MannahattaMamma

    Sharon unfortunately is posed in front of something that makes it look like she’s got a Vegas showgirl plume on her head. As for the rest? All that money, all that time, all those stylists, and … phtooey.

  • decormaven

    Sharon’s dress reminds me of the aquariums at Weeki Wachi. Keep watching- a beautiful mermaid will swim by.

  • AnneElliot

    Marion Cotillard is just tragic.

  • Conchita wins by a landslide.

  • smayper

    The Wedding Day 1972 comment killed me. Oh my god, so true. What has HAPPENED to Marion?

    • EEKstl

      I know, I nearly choked on my lunch I was chortling so. An Olivia Newton-John medley spontaneously erupted in my head. In addition to a bridal vibe, the floppy hat would serve up some Stepford Wife Realness.

  • bluefish

    What is going on with Marion lately? Dita for the win, with Jessica nipping at her heels in her John Singer Sargent. Heidi looks ridiculous — and oily. Sharon Stone needs to step away from the Cavalli. Cannes felt like it went on for months — I’m ready to give most of this crew a nice long rest. Jane Fonda, when she goes on and on about it, begins to cloy.

  • AnnaleighBelle

    Lady Jayne Seymour Fonda, man….any nearly-80-year-old woman who can essentially bare her upper arms like that and look enviable can wear whatever she wants – and I like that dress for her. I seriously want her “dermatologist” – and would love to be able to afford him/her. She always seems to avoid that plastic look.

    • bluefish

      True that. Silly to carp when she continues to amaze. I’d like to see more Klute and less Hello Dolly. But then I’ve never cared for the Versace vibe. Jane has been doing her thing for decades and I know I like and admire her very much for that. This dress with that hair, eh. And illusion netting with straps and three tiers of faux bracelets? Cosi fan tutti. She stills looks way way better that most of the women featured here. The Sharon Stone business is alarming!

  • Izzy_Gremlin

    Spot on all the way down. Conchita is slaying it, Dita is… being Dita, and curse you for pointing out the curtain-rods. Cannot unsee!

    FWIW, I don’t mind Milla’s makeup, but really wish she’d done something – anything – with that hair. Totally Bjorking the rest of the outfit, and if anyone can actually make that work, it’s her.

  • lilazander

    I love Dita VT’s dress so much, I really have a desire to have it, which usually doesn’t happen to me, even if I live a ceratin dress on a star(let).

  • MissusBee

    Konchita! The Lost Kardashian, will be sweeping the Tonys in 2015.

  • anotherkate

    My mother got married in 1974 (so, close) in a Gunne Sax dress that makes Marion’s couture look like shite. And there was no choking lace collar, either. Shame on Dior.

  • Andrea Lentz

    I feel like Heidi Klum is the biggest “of course” i’ve ever seen. I just don’t think she has ever dressed well enough to be able to judge other people. I roll my eyes every time I see her.

  • Ashleigh

    “wait, what?” is PERFECT. That is u g l y

  • Jacquelyn

    Heidi is wearing tight, shiny, booby, and leggy.
    What the actual hell is Sharon Stone wearing?