All right, ladies. Line up for judging. Please refrain from trying to influence the judges in any way or you will be removed from the red carpet in as embarrassing a manner as we can devise.
Number 1, please step into the judging circle.
Jessica Chastain in Givenchy Couture
Pretty.
Aishwaryia Rai in Armani Privé
Love the shape, but not the color for her.
Rosie Huntington-Whiteley in Emilio Pucci
Striking as hell, but once you see the curtain rod, you can’t unsee it.
Booby.
Kylie Minogue in Juan Carlos Obando
Too shiny and AWFUL color.
Serving up some Joan Holloway Harris realness.
Marion Cotillard in Alexander McQueen
Put some flowers in her hair or a big floppy hat on her and it’s Wedding Day, 1972.
Milla Jovovich in Chanel Couture
It’s a shame about the horrifying Joker-face makeup, because this is kind of drag-fabulous.
Slaying everyone else.
Can we start to have a conversation about how she looks like like a prettier version of Kim Kardashian? Except with a marketable job skill?
Don’t like the shape.
Oh, Heidi. Never change.
Michele Rodriguez in Elisabetta Franchi
More weird clown makeup. What’s that all about. The dress is her usual.
Jane just lives for illusion netting lately, doesn’t she?
We don’t love this, but we can’t fault her for flaunting the fact that she can wear it.
Sharon Stone in Roberto Cavalli
…
Wait, what?
[Photo Credit: Getty Images, INFphoto.com]
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