Solange Knowles at the Jimmy Choo’s CHOO.08 Launch Party

Posted on April 16, 2014

No, girl.

No.

 

Solange-Knowles-Jimmy-Choo-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (1)Solange Knowles attends the Jimmy Choo’s CHOO.08 Launch Party in Beverly Hills, California wearing Jimmy Choo ‘Damsen’ sandals.

Solange-Knowles-Jimmy-Choo-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (3)Jimmy ChooDamsen’ Neon Matte-leather Sandals

Solange-Knowles-Jimmy-Choo-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (2)

Solange-Knowles-Jimmy-Choo-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (4)

Everything here is wrong with everything else. Go home.

No, really. That’s the critique: go home. There’s no saving this one. Best to minimize the damage now before too many pictures get taken. And when you get home? Throw that skirt into the fireplace and slap the queens who did that to your head. Keep the shoes, definitely. The jacket? We’ll let you know. Just get a good night’s sleep and we’ll start fresh in the morning. We’re calling your car now, darling.

 

 

 

[Photo Credit: Getty Images, net-a-porter.com]

    • fiddlecub

      My real regret is that she didn’t wear a green wig and fully own the carrot look.

      • crash1212

        OK. Your comment made me laugh out loud, thus breaking the spell of a really crap day at work! Thank you!

      • http://www.youtube.com/user/TheOctocornNetwork International Model

        Fact: When discussing marriage, I told my husband that I wanted an engagement ring but nothing extravagant or over $200. He took a part in a student film playing a large carrot that paid exactly $200. My damn ring is chipped but we also got to keep the costume. We sometimes put a cowboy hat on it.

        • SugarSnap108

          I wish to see this film that required a man-size carrot.

          • YoungSally

            Is that a carrot in your pocket or……..

          • http://www.youtube.com/user/TheOctocornNetwork International Model

            The picture I have on my desk at work is the best one, but you can see him wreaking havoc in our old kitchen and our roommates by going to Youtube and search for “A Festive Christmas Carol Sung by Carrot Man”. Turn the volume down.

            • EveEve

              After watching the video, I now see why you fell in love with him! That’s a Keeper Carrot right there.

            • http://www.youtube.com/user/TheOctocornNetwork International Model

              I will pass that on and immediately be asked, “Blow job?”

            • Lucía Gavello

              That was hilarious, I wanna get an onion costume and start a band.

            • SugarSnap108

              If he weren’t already taken, I’d propose to that carrot.

        • Nicole C

          That is one of the most romantic engagement stories ever (I’m not being sarcastic!). Everyone going crazy over wedding blogs need to know what real-life love looks like :)

          • http://www.youtube.com/user/TheOctocornNetwork International Model

            Thanks! :D

    • Janet B

      Those shoes deserve better.

    • RussellH88

      That looks like a meaty labia knot.

      • fiddlecub

        Oh God. Oh God.

        OH GOD.

      • sugarkane105

        My vagina just shivered.

        • YoungSally

          There’s magic hot flash cream for that.

      • Jacob Bowen

        Joslyn Fox’s sister.

        • demidaemon

          Unfortunately, they obviously weren’t separated at birth.

      • VictoriaDiNardo

        Gives new meaning to”pussy bow”…

        oooh, should have read down…. I mean….. never mind….

    • http://www.youtube.com/user/TheOctocornNetwork International Model

      What rhymes with Solange?

      • alyce1213

        The word with which nothing rhymes, except in French.

      • Saturnine

        From the Old french word meaning orange: Orange.

        See also: Blancmange. Boulange. Bricolage. (and that’s just the Bs)

      • http://armchairauthor.wordpress.com/ LesYeuxHiboux

        étrange

    • KT

      Is she sporting… white face??

      Agree that she should keep the shoes, and I like the jacket too. But her head has never looked worse. Honestly, she’s looking kind of like zombie Michael Jackson…… yikes

    • ojosazules

      Her lips never left the house. They are in hiding.

    • j_am

      The color is lovely, though. Really!

    • andi56

      She looks like she’s fresh off the set of a 70s blaxploitation movie. Oy vey.

      • Vee

        Don’t mess with the blaxploitation movies. Some of those stylings were very fierce and an afro can be worn fantastically. I like the hair not the make-up. Speak of what you know. Foxy Brown? Damn fine styling right there.

        • andi56

          Oh, no, girl; I loved those movies! A few of them filmed in DC, and my sister and I were extras!

          • Vee

            That’s is so cool! As for ms. thang here, she keeps getting upset when folk talk about her hair, but she is obvious about making it all about her hair. I am working on my ‘fro, seeing how far I can take it at work.

            • andi56

              That’s right! You can’t put it way out there, and not think people are gong to talk about it. Because you’re putting it out there for a reason! My brother and I used to sport Jew-fros, but it’s just not the same.

      • Trent

        A 70s blaxploitation movie starring Rosanne Rosannadanna’s flashier Uptown sister.

    • tallgirl1204

      Oh dear. My only thought is that she is channeling some sort of Yoko Ono from-the-late-sixties-no-makeup look? Which was not good the first time.

    • BluesD

      Who on earth would design a skirt in a cheap-looking fabric with a butt cape AND and a badly done tie in the front??

    • http://reneshiro.tumblr.com/ kingderella

      I actually don’t mind the uni-colour look. I just think this skirt with this jacket makes it look like she hastily knotted a scarf around her hips to hide her shame, when she suddenly realized that she forgot to put on a bottom (and it wasn’t a dream this time.)

      The only really bad thing here is the horrendous make-up, particularly the lip.
      Ok, and the back of the jacket.

    • Synnae

      She can keep the hair too, just get rid of that skirt.

      • Daisy Walker

        Yep. Hair is fierce, shoes are great–EVERYTHING in between needs to go.

    • Jaeda Laurez

      The hair is great- LOVE the hair. Love the shoes. It’s everything in between that’s problematic.

    • Kerri

      Replace that weird skirt with black (gray?) cigarette pants or super slim dark wash jeans and the jacket and shoes could work. The skirt ruins everything.

      • Evan

        Gray or Navy Blue. Black would be too Halloween.

    • ashtangajunkie

      Whoa.

    • warontara

      Oh no….I was planning on buying those shoes for my birthday and now they might be ruined for me! Love her hair, though.

    • TonyGo

      Well, TLo, it just goes to show you, it’s always something! If it’s not one thing, it’s another!

      • Lori

        I see what you did there. :)

    • decormaven

      Yes to the shoes, no to the rest. A rare misstep for her.

    • Alloy Jane

      The hair doesn’t bother me. It puts me in mind of one of those 1000 calorie muffins you buy from the convenience store when you’re in college, but I can dig it. The makeup though. Holy shit she looks like she’s been primered for clown face. As for the look overall, I like it when a celebrity looks so ridiculous I actually laugh out loud. Hell, this whole get-up reads clown, including those shoes. Not a fan of the shoes but I guess we are going for fancy lady clown, yes?

      • Allison Angier

        Primer. Yes, that’s exactly what it looks like.

    • Evan

      That color is fabulous on her though. And I kind of like the hair.

      • demidaemon

        It’s one of the two parts of the look I can completely approve.

        • Evan

          The only things I dislike are the skirt and the makeup. The shoes are fab and the blazer is great, albeit maybe a little big.

          • demidaemon

            I’m pro hair and shoes. The jacket I am undecided on. I like it, but I’m afraid I am being mislead by the skirt’s obvious wrongness. I’d like to see it with something less glaringly wrong so I can properly judge it on its own merits.

    • 25or6to4

      Well, that’s one type of pussy bow…

      • demidaemon

        I was waiting for someone to say that….

    • quiltrx

      Ugh. Unflattering clothes, horrible hair and makeup. I can’t help thinking those shoes would have looked great with something electric blue.

    • Sophie

      The jacket looks good from the front, and I like the hair and the shoes. As to the rest…

    • Tigerfly

      Wow, an actual pussy bow. Oy.

    • Karen Belgrad

      Pussy bows should never be literal…

    • schadenfreudelicious

      When i was in junior high (a thousand years ago,) occasionally one of us would require the service of a hastily knotted sweater or sweatshirt around our bottom halves so we could make our way to the ladies room to deal with an unfortunate accident that had occurred…the effort pretty much resembled this..

      • PastryGoddess

        Sometimes this still happens…I’m just sayin’

        • schadenfreudelicious

          indeed it does!

      • cocohall

        Exactly where my mind went as well.

      • snarkykitten

        oh lordy you’re right

    • Dany

      The hair looks great, and the jacket would be salvageable if she hadn’t paired it with that twisted vagina skirt or the Michael Jackson lite makeup. Girl, no. You’re fun, gorgeous, and stylish. Fire whoever made you wear that evil skirt.

    • DagnyReardon

      She got caught in the gift wrap department at Macy’s

    • jilly_d

      Worst Makeup Of All Time

      • kimmeister

        The orange eyeshadow and the lack of lips, goodness gracious!

    • Danielle

      Living for the hair, but that bow. Oh my.

    • Wendi126

      So Lange farewell Auf Wiedersehen, goodnight

    • sagecreek

      OMG. The jacket wasn’t too bad, albeit three sizes too big, but what’s with the bow skirt?

    • Cheryl

      Oh what the hell happened??? I usually think of Solange as Beyonce’s much cooler, smarter sister, but certainly not here. That lipstick, HORRID!!!! And I was kind of digging the jacket until I saw the back.

    • Imasewsure

      I like the shoes and probably the jacket (unless that flap is part of the jacket not part of the unfortunate skirt/diaper)

    • bitchybitchybitchy

      Nothing is working, nothing. Whoever let Solange go out like this should be quaking in their Jimmy Choos.

    • MilaXX

      I like the jacket & the shoe. That skirt needs to be saved for trips to the beach as a cover up.

    • SugarSnap108

      I actually think the makeup is the worst part. Who did that to her?

    • Amykl

      The skirt is very Pinterest “make a skirt out of a scarf!”

    • d4divine

      That Rosanna Rosanna Danna hairdo…why??!!!!!

    • AmeliaEve

      I do like the pale blue nails with the bright orange. That’s about it.

      • conniemd

        Colors of the New York Mets baseball team. Ugh.

    • judybrowni

      Nooooooooooooooooo to the jacket as well.

      The Jacket that Ate the ’80s is too big for humans.

    • Qitkat

      I wish I could type the noise I made when I saw that skirt. pbbggh

    • cocohall

      Solange, takes one for the team, in that regardless of any misgivings any other lady star attending the event may have had about her look, she could say with confidence, “at least I look better than Solange over there in her traffic cone-colored disaster.”

      • demidaemon

        It was so nice of her to be the sacrificial lamb.

    • marlie

      What in the holy hell did they do to her makeup? Her hair doesn’t bother me that much, but that makeup is horrendously unflattering. She’s wearing a (flammable) scarf as a skirt, and a weird reverse-mullet jacket. That’s a world of no right there.

    • LadyVimes

      I physically recoiled from my computer screen as I scrolled down and discovered the crotch knot.

    • Bonnie Blue

      It looks as if she spilled something on her regular skirt at dinner and tied the tablecloth around herself to create a makeshirt skirt. The lipstick isn’t doing her any favors.

    • titaness25

      Anyone who wears a shiny orange dhoti with matching jacket and a luxurious ‘fro is totally fine by me.

    • Jacob Bowen

      Reverse mullet hem!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Melanie

      Why do her teeth look gray? Is that due to the sad make up job?

    • amaranth16

      Oh nooooo. Death makeup + crotch knot + loathesome shoes. Solange, I love you, why are you doing me so, so wrong?

    • Fred Vaughn

      I love the hair… The knot down by her womanplace, OTOH, is unacceptable.

    • http://armchairauthor.wordpress.com/ LesYeuxHiboux

      At first I was all, what’s the big deal? Big bold jacket with her big bold hair, expected to see it paired with some slim orange or patterned pants…then I scrolled down. And had to scroll right back up in shock.Good. Lord. Orange satin loincloth disaster. The shoes are killa, but the fact they are coral to the rest of the ensemble’s orange is giving me a migraine. Her makeup can only be described as consumptive.

    • demidaemon

      Yeah, a big knot at the crotch level only works for drag queens, and then only rarely.

    • Vtg Fashion Library

      Sad pylon.

    • MartyBellerMask

      This is like the opposite of the Hendricks look, in that Christina appears to have gotten dressed and ready and grabbed/ was forced into the accessories as an afterthought.
      Solange here looks like she was given the shoes and built the whole outfit around them. Which I can appreciate. She looks ridiculous, but I can dig the commitment.

    • Beardslee

      I used cloth diapers on my children and when I saw that saggy knotted skirt I had a visceral flashback to those days. She needs to be repinned or changed.

    • MzzPants

      Giving new life to the phrase ‘pussy bow’.

      • Shawn EH

        Well, it looks … expensive? Not good, but pricey!

    • SewSophie

      She looks like a member of the Holograms.

    • Joanna

      I think the most offensive part of the whole ensemble is what her make-up gays did to her face – did they even show up for work that day?

    • JP

      OMG, it just got worse the more I scrolled down.

      “Yikes!”
      “OMG!”
      “What IS that?”
      “Who hates her so much to dress her in this?”
      “My EYES!”

    • Constant Reader

      I’m living for the hair and shoes. The rest of the look is killing me.

    • Sissy

      she’s like a creamsicle #youdoyou

    • BrooklynBomber

      She has perfected the art of the scroll down fug. At this point, anything else would be shocking.

    • http://www.readbarbara.com/ ReadBarbara

      Head and feet are fab. in between is just…weird, especially that tourniquet skirt that puts me in mind of very bad feminine hygiene products. Just say no to the crotch bow.

    • ThaliaMenninger

      She looks like a very specific kind of patient with trusses and braces to hold up and hold in whatever it is that’s wrong with her. And there is a lot wrong with her.

    • MaggieMae

      She is driving the train off the tracks. How I used to swoon when I’d see a picture of her! I’m breaking up.

    • FridaStaire

      No, just take the skirt off and pretend you’re carrot Liza at the KitKat Klub!

    • Wink

      There’s cutting edge fashion, then there’s fashion – like this – that should just be ‘cut up.’ Also, no one should wear that much orange… unless going to a Halloween party as a pumpkin.