At this point, after 16 years of recapping it, it’s nearly impossible for us to make it through a Drag Race recap without some version of the phrase “As we’ve mentioned before…,” so let’s get that out of the way first, shall we?
As we’ve mentioned before, this season cast a particularly fun group of rag-tag queens, which has helped to reassert something most of us knew to be true to begin with: a successful season of reality television is all about the cast. Even tired or ill-conceived challenges are more entertaining when the people doing them are fun to watch.
Fortunately, the Lip Sync Lalaparuza rates among the most fun of any season’s challenges because it’s so uncomplicated and, unlike things like, say, monologues about personal growth or product launches, it’s essential to the art of drag. It also serves as a form of reunion episode, as the queens all reunite to unpack the responses to their work and behavior. The faces were just a little more polished and at least one queen came to do a little image rehab work. Arietty was smart to take Onya aside on camera but it seems kind of notable that she and Jewels seemed to have little to say to each other. Still, our favorite part of any lip sync smackdown is watching the queens support each other without any sniping or shade. Just queens watching queens doing what queens do best.
The final girls all looked gorgeous, especially Jewels and Lexi, but we’re not feeling whatever Onya was trying to accomplish with that skirt and that may be the dowdiest thing Sam’s worn all season.
Do we all know the rules? We don’t need to recap them. Suffice it to say… Bruno.
The first queen chosen got to pick either the song or her opponent.
Hormona chose “Liza with a Z” and Bruno gently held Lydia’s ball, which meant the first face off of the night was an odd one — and also that Suzie was dying a little inside. We’re not entirely sure why Hormona chose a song she didn’t seem all that interested in interpreting. She just walked around doing a bunch of reveals and flubbing the words. Lydia was clear, consistent, and fun to watch, in a hilarious costume that wasn’t a mess, for once.
Suzie chose Joella as her opponent, who then went on to pick “Training Season.” Suzie mopped the floor with her. She’s just a better all-around performer and she had the benefit of a killer look. After trashing her makeup and half of her costumes this season, we have to say, we loved Suzie’s whole look. She stuck to her aesthetic to a certain extent, but the makeup was much prettier and the reveals brought out whole new sides to her. Joella didn’t stand a chance.
Bruno chose one of Lucky’s balls, Lucky went on to pick “Step by Step,” and Bruno pulled Acacia’s ball out of the hopper. Lucky did nicely for herself, helped tremendously by her costume, which she used to its full effect. She just interpreted the song much better than Acacia, although the latter’s slow-motion dip was pretty funny Her costume was ugly, though.
Arietty got her ball picked next, she picked “Blow Me” and Kori’s ball came flying at her. We’re surprised she picked this song. Arietty looked amazing but she wasn’t all that suited to the song and Kori just took over the stage through sheer force of will. Still, it was THE epic lip sync of the night and a total joy to watch. This could have gone either way and truth be told, we’re leaning the other way.
Lana and Crystal were the only queens left standing and Lana chose “You Make Me Feel,” figuring it wasn’t in Crystal’s repertoire. She was right. Crystal did surprisingly well, but her New Jersey Real Housewife look just wasn’t as conducive to the song as Lana’s Fashion Bitch take.
In the semi-finals, Suzie faced off against Lucky with “We Found Love,” and again, she showed herself to be the superior performer, even when the material doesn’t suit her or interest her.
We say this every year (another variation on the phrase), but a 3-way lip sync in the middle of a bunch of 2-person face-offs is blatantly unfair, but as we ALSO say every year (multiple times), it’s not exactly a legit competition. We were ready to say that Lana was the clear winner here, but after rewatching it an unhealthy number of times, we have to give it to Kori. She dominated the stage. Lydia did really well for herself and might have had more of a chance in a 2-way.
We honestly never would have predicted that it was going to come down to these two. Sure, Suzie’s redemption was written in the stars, but we figured Arietty’s was as well. It made for a genuinely interesting matchup, but once again, Suzie aced it by showing the one thing she had the most trouble with during her time in the competition: versatility. A week ago, if you told us she’d be lip syncing to Rosé, we’d have figured there’d be saluting and tap-dancing involved, but she got in touch with her inner baddie. Sure, it probably doesn’t come easy to her, but that’s exactly why she won.
We would never claim to be the authority on how to win at Drag Race, but we have been writing about the show longer than anybody and one of our most-repeated observations was at play here: the judges like it when you show that you listened. Suzie gets to walk away with $50,000 and her head held high, but it’s a genuine shame she didn’t learn this lesson earlier. She’d still be a frontrunner if she had. There’s always one queen who thinks she’s going to teach the judges how to love her drag and no, baby, that’s not it. Let us help you out here. Write this down, future queens:
You’re not supposed to teach them your drag; you’re supposed to show them that you can do their drag.
Legendary Children: The First Decade of RuPaul’s Drag Race and the Last Century of Queer Life, a New York Times “New and Notable” pick, praised by The Washington Post “because the world needs authenticity in its stories,” and chosen as one of the Best Books of The Year by NPR is on sale wherever fine books are sold! It’s also available in Italian and Spanish language editions, darlings! Because we’re fabulous on an INTERNATIONAL level.
[Photo Credit: MTV via Tom and Lorenzo]
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