Colton Haynes at the 2014 MuchMusic Video Awards

Posted on June 17, 2014

This isn’t working for us. Yes, it’s true. Sometimes even the prettiest of boys fails to impress us. We’re harsh and cruel bitches.

Colton-Haynes-2014-Much-Music-Video-Awards-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (1)“Arrow” actor Colton Haynes attends the 2014 MuchMusic Video Awards in Toronto, Canada.

Colton-Haynes-2014-Much-Music-Video-Awards-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (2)

Colton-Haynes-2014-Much-Music-Video-Awards-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (3)

Colton-Haynes-2014-Much-Music-Video-Awards-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (4)

 

No, not even that smile can make up for this gay Thurston Howell getup. We’re not inclined to love double-breasted blazers; finding them to be very body-specific in their needs. In order for them to look good, a perfect storm of height, waist and shoulder proportions need to be achieved. He’s too slim for the look. We really don’t like the unbuttoned shirt underneath; especially the shade of minty green, which doesn’t even go with the tan of the suit. Kudos on the shoes, though. Love those. And we can’t fault him for lack of effort. An excellent try, but we’re just not loving the overall result.

 

 

 

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

    • RussellH88

      Plus, it’s not even a polished look. There’s a lot of it that just seems kinda sloppy and messy.

    • WendyD

      He tweeted that he had a wardrobe malfunction before the event. I wonder what it was.
      But that smile and that jawline: they make up for a million fashion problems.

      • Kitten Mittons

        My thinking is he stained his jacket sleeve, so he shoved them up, took off the bowtie, and voila.

        • zenobar

          My first reading of your comment was “…so he shoved them up, took off the bowtie, and vodka.”

          I feel like it would be fun to end a variety of sentences with “and vodka” by way of explanation. “I’m so sorry I’m running late this morning…I’ve been trying to get the living room packed and labeled but it’s so overwhelming, and vodka.”

          • Kitten Mittons

            Fun AND honest.

      • Grumpy Girl

        I was thinking it was a missing button, but nope, those are both there.

      • FibonacciSequins

        If I were on his team, I’d tell him to stop doing the raised eyebrows/wrinkled forehead thing, and smile all the time.

    • frannyprof

      “Gay Thurston Howell getup…” Dying. Love his smile. He should deploy it more often.

      • Capt. Renault

        I would totally watch that reboot.

      • Alyssa

        That smile is captivating!

      • Rhonda Shore

        loved that reference and recently i read about a dog named Thurston Howl…

      • stephbellard

        Agree with T Lo, this isn’t working. So he should take it all off…slowly….

    • @Biting Panda

      He always looks so “fresh from the package”, I just can’t with him. A sad case of too much perfection.

      • teensmom99

        No idea who he is but fresh from the package sums it up perfectly.

      • CB

        Agreed. He’s clearly objectively attractive but I just can’t get on board with this situation.

      • Kent Roby

        That IS a good way to put it; I was thinking “too boy-band”.

    • teensmom99

      I know this is a weird criticism but the suit almost looks too fresh off the hanger . . .like no one actually owns this. I guess I like chinos crisp but a little more lived in.

      • MilaXX

        More like fresh from the dry cleaners where it’s been pressed within an inch of life.

        • teensmom99

          You’re right but somehow it just looks too sterile. Not that I expect the ladies to look like they are wearing used clothes but this is a bridge too far.

          • FibonacciSequins

            I think it’s the fabric – it’s just not right for a suit.

            • teensmom99

              My dad had an amazing chino suit when I was a teen.

            • FibonacciSequins

              I don’t mean chino isn’t right for suiting fabric – it’s just this particular chino fabric. Something about it looks off to me.

            • teensmom99

              You are right, Fibonacci.

    • kimmeister

      The shoes are cool, but way too focus-pulling for this look.

      • demidaemon

        Definitely. They also make him look like he has clown feet.

    • TinyDynamo

      There’s a fine line between “clean and well groomed” and “creepily plastic and fake”, and that line is about 300 miles behind him.

      • shirab

        Agreed. The eyebrows in particular look so very Done that you can practically see where the wax was applied.

        • joything

          Agree. When I saw the thumbnail on the TLo home page, I noticed the rouging under his eyebrows.

    • Sarah

      Ha – I was thinking “What is this reminding me of? Ricky Schroeder on Silver Spoons? Richie Rich? Mr. Drummond?” and then I read down. OF COURSE it’s Gay Thurston Howell. TLo, you rock.

      • Capt. Renault

        “Gay Thurston Howell” — perhaps we should switch the ‘u’ and the ‘r’?

        (I’m sorry. (No, I’m not.))

        • Sarah

          Sure, and change it to “in” apostrophe. You know, THRUSTIN’ HOWELL. :)

          • Capt. Renault

            Ladies and Gentlemen, my assistant Sarah. Big round of applause, everyone!

            • demidaemon

              *STANDING OVATION*

    • Glam Dixie

      The Bieber face, that’s all I see with this one.

      • Linda LaPaz

        Me too. I’d like to slap the smug right off his face.

    • Jessica Freeman

      This would have been much better without the jacket. The bunched up sleeves bugs.

      • Wink

        He needs to immediately stop channeling Don Johnson with the bunched up sleeves!

    • NMMagpie

      An attempt at Pitting, I believe.

      • Thomas

        Too much effort for Pitting.

        • Imasewsure

          Exactly. He’s probably the opposite of Pitting. He really does put in an effort every time so we should commend him for that… but not the result this time for sure.

          • Thomas

            Yes, I like that he tries different things too. He always wears pretty cool shoes and different colors/patterns, etc.

    • Bad Idea Jeans

      The shoes are great, but not with this outfit, because they are giving his feet SIDESHOW BOB REALNESS.
      I think this would actually work just fine if he was wearing a non focus-pulling pair of shoes.
      He does look a little douche-bro-y, though.

    • MilaXX

      Thurston Howard III was exactly what came to mind. Aldo his groom incus a little too neat. Ease up on the brow grooming hun.

      • Thomas

        I always get gay vibes from him. I hope he plays for my team and that it’s not just wishful thinking. There are photos of him kissing another guy for a magazine when he was younger, but he’s a model and models have to do stuff like that sometimes, so idk.

    • Wink

      Swap the mint green shirt for one in blue, white or the right shade of pink. Love the shoes, but they seem ‘heavy’ with this suit.

    • zenobar

      Oh my God, the suit looks like it was made out of a cheap Fingerhut raincoat. And the cut of the thing is giving me an awful case of leisure-suit-induced hives.

      I’m itching all over.

    • sugarkane105

      I am a self-declared Fan of Forearms, but pushing up the sleeves on a suit jacket just does not flatter.

    • Thomas

      I love that he always puts in the effort though. And I love mint green and the shoes.

    • Anna

      So this is what happened to Morty Seinfeld’s “Executive” raincoats.

      Great smile though, love the green on him.

      • Sam Smith

        I like the green too.

    • JauntyJohn

      While in this case unfortunately the whole is NOT greater than the sum of its parts, I still give this a lot of kudos:
      Real, true style effort in play, well tailored pants, great colors and grooming, excellent shoes. This gentleman was (as usual) all about looking sharp. The fabric worked against him is the biggest issue here. It’s kind of a “tropical” vibe, so the sleeves pushed up suit the story, if not everyone’s taste.
      Frankly, I greatly prefer this swing-and-a-miss to a lot of the disheveled, pouty, couldn’t-be-bothered we see.

      • FibonacciSequins

        I always prefer a swing and a miss. I’m sure he’ll sort it out eventually and be a red carpet fashion plate.

        • Thomas

          He’s looked pretty good before actually. He just has some misses sometimes. So glad he doesn’t dress douchey like Justin Bieber and show up in sneakers and dropped crotch pants that are falling down.

    • LadyVimes

      Khaki double breast at that. No. And the pushed up sleeves aren’t helping.

    • caroline

      He looks like he got a women’s jacket from the Gap and paired it with matching khakis. I don’t know if this would be my thing on anyone.

    • Ashleigh

      god he’s pretty!

    • FibonacciSequins

      “gay Thurston Howell getup”

      Your snark is set on genius level.

      Bless his heart, he’s trying. Great shoes.

    • Audrey Lee

      Ugh. I don’t get this guy’s appeal at all. Everything about this outfit is offputting. If you’re gonna juzjh the sleeves, LEAVE THEM that way, otherwise you look like a wrinkly mess. The pockets at the bottom of the jacket are fug, and he just looks disheveled and lazy. Someone said Pitting it, and I totally agree.

      Also, maybe this is my ignorance showing, but with three buttoned suits, aren’t two of the buttons supposed to be buttoned? I might be completely wrong.

    • Imasewsure

      Keep the shoes Lovey… and ditch the rest…
      This boy isn’t as pretty as he thinks he is….

      • Thomas

        I think he’s gorgeous, but to each their own.

      • boweryboy

        I think he’s reached the point where he’s so good looking he’s not good looking.

        • demidaemon

          He does occasionally cross that line. This outfit just emphasizes that fact.

    • http://smalltownbigwardrobe.com/ Catherine

      Am I the only one who has no idea who he is?

      I feel out of touch.

      • conniemd

        He is on “Arrow” on the CW, populated with the hunkiest bunch of men, not to mention Stephen Amell who plays “Arrow” Yummy.

    • KayEmWhy

      I don’t like the “Hilter” haircut either, please make this trend stop.

    • http://www.luxperdiem.com/ Paige @ LPD

      I think the fabric of the suit is what bothers me the most.

    • julnyes

      Before I found him “Meh”, but he has officially moved into the “off putting” category. I’m sure he’ll be weeping into his sheets tonight.

    • Kristin

      Double-breasted suits will always remind me of my slimy uncle who smelled of Polo and ogled my female cousin while she was growing up. (He did not ogle me, as I was always too chubby. Blessing?)

      I am sure Colton will be nursing his wounds over my disapproval. I will say that minty shirt color plays off his eyes nicely.

    • suzq

      Double breasted suits are the height of formality. They call for sleeves that are unzhugged and A TIE. At the very, very least, an ascot. If my grandfather were alive, he’d weep.
      I don’t mind the mint shirt. I do mind the shoes. They are too dark. No, they don’t pick up on the color of the buttons, they simply draw the eye down and give one the impression that Colton is trying too hard. Esquivel makes a lighter tan spectator that would compliment the suit perfectly. He’s not the only one. I’m sure other manufacturers do, too.

    • boweryboy

      Is his hand glued into his pocket? Or is he happy to see himself?

    • Shelby

      I like it, despite the double-breasted jacket. Or maybe I’ve been so saddened by men who can’t even be bothered to shave that I’ll like any boy who is stylish, put together, and groomed.

    • Denise Rambo

      Something about him creeps me out.

    • Denise Alden

      Oh-oh: I unabashedly love this. Gay Thurston Howell III and all.

    • YourBaloneyDontGotNoSecondName

      God. International Male and Banana Republic got gay married and gay adopted that jacket. And his waxer needs to understand that there is a difference between “I don’t want a unibrow” and “I am on the next season of RuPaul’s Drag Race.”

    • Kimberlini

      The epitome of try-hard is a definite turn-off.

    • marlie

      This dude does absolutely nothing to get my motor running. He’s pretty, but he’s the male equivalent of the “fembot.” Oh – as for the clothes, nope, don’t like double breasted on anyone younger than 60, and even then…

      • demidaemon

        We need a word for the male equivalent of “fembot” that isn’t “Ken Doll,” because I’m sure that fembots come with all the equipment included, if you get my drift.

    • demidaemon

      I don’t like any of this together. It’s a fail, but a fail with effort.

    • msdamselfly

      I think he looks fantastic except for the shoes

    • FridaStaire

      Way too much foundation!

    • traceyishere

      DB suit, needs a tie.

    • TwiddlyStun

      Are his brows styled to be thick in the middle and sparse on the edges?

    • BigWhiteGrannyPanties

      Gay Xerox Salesman.

    • Sofia

      i don’t know who he is, but that smile lights up the room. holy mother!

    • Matthew Davie

      Sorry I prefer something that looks human. He looks like he was made in a lab somewhere. Or in Photoshop.

      • icm

        So right! This guy has always had a mannequin ,ventriloquists dummy vibe about him. His face has never appeared real to me.

    • ankali

      The shoes are terrific, but they look wrong without a tie.

    • Jacob Bowen

      When he smiles he is HUMAN otherwise it is RBF.

    • sleepycat

      While I am not going to say that I love the plastic realness route, I am incredibly turned on. I would kill for the hair, facial structure, perfect skin, smile, and body structure. Also he is gay, I just know it.

    • ScarlettHarlot

      The fabric, I think, is what bothers me most. It makes the whole look a little too Brian Fellows for me.

    • Cathy S

      I like the color of the shirt. It doesn’t go with anything, and the suit is horrible, but I like the shirt color anyway. Too bad he wasn’t wearing anything to go with it.

    • lalahartma

      Love the shoes, and the attempt.

    • ThaliaMenninger

      More the boytoy of Mrs. Thurston Howell, I think. Sweetie, can you get me the shuffleboard equipment and a Mai Tai on the Lido deck?

    • smayper

      I actually don’t like that smile. It looks like a grimace. Too much muscle going into it!

    • asherlev1

      That suit is awful. He should take it off.

    • John11581

      Is this from the Jack Hanna collection?

    • Kirstin McAulay

      Def should have come as he was dressed in the Arrow posters…. still yummy though (Arrow starts filming in 3 weeks – Mr Amell is posting his workouts on facebook – this is a VERY GOOD THING!!)

    • Chuck Barthelme

      I agree on the jacket. For some reason khaki and double breasted just don’t go together for me. If this had been a two button, and he’d had the shirt buttoned properly I’d have been good. That, plus the little things like taking his hand out of his pocket, not having his sleeve pushed up would have also helped. But I disagree on the shirt color- I like it. I think it just doesn’t work because it’s unbuttoned.

    • fananafanafophalec

      Hopefully by the time he’s forty he’ll be out and FABULOUS. like the next matt bomer

    • JynxTheCat

      This one is so damn good looking he coule EASILY and understandably pull a Jolie (no one likes a showoff) but he consistently gives it such effort and usually pulls it off. I dont even HATE this! I mean I nearly do but i sure do appreciate his sensibility and effort.