Girl, That’s Not Your Dress: Jennifer Lopez in Michael Kors at “American Idol” Studios

Posted on May 02, 2014

Jenny honey, you should know by now that the danger of working a diva look is that it can so easily tip over into unintentional parody.

Jennifer-Lopez-Michel-Kors-American-Idol-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (1)Jennifer Lopez is seen arriving at the studios of “American Idol” in Hollywood, California in a Michael Kors cross zip dress paired with Casadei gold pumps.

Jennifer-Lopez-Michel-Kors-American-Idol-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (2)Michael Kors Cross Zip Dress

Jennifer-Lopez-Michel-Kors-American-Idol-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (3)

Jennifer-Lopez-Michel-Kors-American-Idol-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (4)

Jennifer-Lopez-Michel-Kors-American-Idol-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (5)

Jennifer-Lopez-Michel-Kors-American-Idol-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (6)

Jennifer-Lopez-Michel-Kors-American-Idol-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (7)

You’re right on the line, darling.

We have no doubt Michael Kors was thrilled she wore this dress, but raising the hem and wearing it a size too small doesn’t exactly help the look. We’re all for her sexy glam style, but we don’t think this was quite the dress for it, even with the lacing. You can tell by the dressform shot how the dress is supposed to fit.  This called for a cool, chic, minimal-makeup/no jewelry Paltrow kind of take. Skin tight, hoochie skirt, gold stilettoes and ten pounds of jewelry were not the styling choices to make.

Girl, that’s just not your dress.

And just so you know, there’s another line you’re skating right up to; the one that separates makeup from special effects makeup. You might want to change the settings on your airbrush, dear.



[Photo Credit: Premiere/CPR/FAMEFLYNET PICTURES, Juan Sharma/Bruja/PacificCoastNews,]

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  • shirab

    Where is the line for extensions? I feel that one has been crossed as well.

  • Caitlin Bauer

    Is it just me, or does she look rather like a Kardashian in the last two pictures?

    • largishbearishAtlish

      I presume you mean that not in a ‘good way’? :)

      • Mrs. C

        Is there ever a “good way” to look like a Kardashian? Inquiring minds want to know.

        • demidaemon


        • Mothra

          No. there is no “good way.”

    • bitchybitchybitchy

      JLo is emitting a Kardashian vibe, and that ain’t good.

    • paginatrix

      She looks like a Kardashian, impersonating Cher, singing “Half Breed.”

  • @Biting Panda

    Over the line! Am I the only one here who gives a shit about the rules?

    • jilly_d

      Chill out, Walter. This isn’t ‘Nam.

  • lexilexi

    Everything about this is horrific… the hair! Barf.

  • FibonacciSequins

    I was going to make a joke about her being an extra in an Austin Powers movie, but then I noticed her face. What has she done to herself? I barely recognize her.

    • Kent Roby

      This makeup was not airbrushed; someone troweled that shit on.

  • 3boysful

    “A” size too small?? You gentlemen are as usual correct about the styling needing Paltrow simplification.

    • ecallaw1977

      I was scrolling down to type the EXACT same first sentence.

  • Jacqueline Wessel

    Her booty is barely covered, her arms are busting out of those sleeves, she looks horribly uncomfortable. Get a bigger tunic, girl, and put on some pants.

  • JauntyJohn

    Ren Faire hooker.

    • Luee_T

      I was going to say “Slutty Elf,” but that about sums it up too.

    • marlie

      I just snorted. Thank you for that.

  • Danielle

    The whole thing reeks of Lea Michele.

  • Erica

    Hola, that looks like a kinda cute little basic white dress. But just wait until I stuff MY T & A in it and add in some 10 foot long extensions and stripper shoes. I’ll show YOU basic, lovers.

  • Guest


  • MilaXX

    Agree on all points. In fact, I could see Megan Draper wearing this with a either white go go boots or a fringe-y pair of muk luks. JLo Mariah Carey’d this dress and it’s not a good look.

    • DTLAFamilies

      Mariah Carey’d = awesome verbing

    • mjude

      I loved my go go boots when I was a wee lass. what about you?

      • demidaemon

        “My boots were made for walking…”

    • decormaven

      Mariah Carey was the first thing that popped in my mind when I saw these. Like minds…

  • barbarienne

    Well past the line. There’s hot, then sexy, Russian mail-order bride, trashy, Kardashian, a couple of miles past Jupiter, and then this look.

    • AnotherG

      At first I read that as “Russian Doll,” which works, but, like, in reverse. With someone trying to put the much larger one inside one of the smaller ones.

      I love her curves, but this was not a way to show affection for them.

      • Judih1

        I laughed outloud about the Russian Doll in reverse!

  • International Model

    That’s Sharon Tite, not Sharon Tate.

    • Imasewsure

      Now that is some clever referencing

  • Ginmaru

    Tensile strength of the fabric under severe gravitational pull in 3, 2, 1……kablam!

  • Anna

    This isn’t so much Girl, that’s not your dress as it is Girl, you NEED a new dress. “Love Don’t Cost a Thing” was 13 years ago (she’s even recycled her Grammys Versace in her new video).

    • MoHub

      Or, “Girl, that’s not your size.”

      • Anna

        That too!

  • kim bunchalastnames

    sometimes, less is more desperate.

    • Judih1


  • B_C_J

    The hair extensions & the deployment of this dress are all wrong. However her legs are spectacular.

  • Kitten Mittons

    I think we need to start a group to raise awareness for clothes that are being tortured.

    Fawns for the Ethical Treatment of Clothes, Honey.

    We can totally make this happen, y’all.

    • Qitkat

      Girlfriend’s not too comfortable either, look at her clearly gritting her teeth.

      • Kitten Mittons

        She consciously chose to be uncomfortable. The clothes, poor dears, had no choice in the matter. Someone needs to take a stand.

        (But JLo’s faces in pictures 1-3 are pretty priceless)

        • bitchybitchybitchy

          JLo looks as if she’s mentally taking names, doesn’t she?

          • Kitten Mittons


          • bitchybitchybitchy

            Imagine the terror that look could strike in the JLo minions.I’d be quaking in my imitation Jimmy Choos, for sure.

    • Kristin

      I see what you did there. :)

      Stop trying to make “fetch” happen.

      • Qitkat

        But her timing is so perfect!

        • Kitten Mittons

          I couldn’t help myself.

  • Ypsi

    I could even see Kate Middleton in that dress (as it was originally intended to be worn) in, say, India or Indonesia.

  • muelonil

    Slutty Pocahontas costume. Is nothing scared?

    • housefulofboys

      I’m scared. *just joking*

      • muelonil

        bahahaha! I was confused until I realized my typo…fixing it, thank you :)

  • boweryboy

    Everything her body touches immediately turns into hoochie.

  • Jacob Bowen

    For this dress the zipper NEEDED the lace up to help it stay closed, because TLo is SO right, it is WAY too small. When JLo’s body doesn’t look flattered by her schtick she has gone too far.

    • Qitkat

      Possibly if the zipper were pulled all the way up, someone would be administering CPR.

      • demidaemon

        True. I also think, in any size, her bodacious body just would not allow it to be fully laced up. GTNYD.

  • MishaFoomin

    The guy in the background of the second picture knows where I live and says to stay away from the J-Lo.

  • KateShouldBeWorking

    Something something taste issues.

  • bookish

    She seriously looks like a mannequin in the last two photos and it’s freaking me out.

  • housefulofboys

    Too short, too tight, too trashy. The diva trifecta.

    • Vtg Fashion Library

      Maybe that mean’s it’s Frau Klum’s dress.

  • spooki

    Slutty peasant stripper, as Kors would say.

  • Bert Keeter

    Metal zipper AND chain lacing? Non Non Non…….

  • Betsy

    Even though that dress probably cost a fortune , she looks cheap.

    • CPK1

      in a cheap way

  • CPK1

    Wait, and there’s more! Are those GOLD nails?

  • kduffin7

    That is no one’s dress. Except perhaps Errol Flynn’s.

  • ashtangajunkie

    I tend to think that this is exactly how JLo might interpret a cool, chic, minimal makeup and jewelry kind of look.

  • BlairBear

    That dress is a head scratcher for me. It’s a big ole nothing with tacky gold lacing

  • WendyD

    One of the things I can’t figure about these looks for Idol is the fact that the judges come out and walk around on stage where there are all these audience members/teens in the pit around the stage that are looking directly up at them. How they are all not looking right up her “dresses” I have absolutely no idea.

  • venusvelvet

    Why so tight?! If I were a stylist, my mantra to clients would be “leave something to the imagination.”

  • bunnydiet

    So unflattering!

  • GillianHolroyd

    Hey, I had this dress, the sleeveless version anyway, but it was definitely looser, so more the “cool, chic, minimal-makeup/no jewelry Paltrow kind”, pre-Paltrow.

    Also, silent clap for being able to walk in those heels.

  • d4divine

    Too much of everything, then too much of that

  • largishbearishAtlish

    I keep hearing Cher singing ‘half-breed’ in that ‘outfit…maybe some feathers? (and anyone else laugh at the back side view?)

  • dash1211

    When she had trouble getting her upper arms into those sleeves, she should have taken the hint.

  • princessricky

    i dont know… given JLos usual street fare, i feel like that is EXACTLY her dress 😉

  • PastryGoddess

    Jenny just remember: Just because you CAN, doesn’t mean you SHOULD.

    You know what I’m talking about

  • kimmeister

    Her makeup gun has been set to cray-cray many times in her AI appearances this season. There was one week recently, I want to say it was the 80’s theme week, when the eyelids were absolutely terrifying. Her brows also appear to have multiple personalities and are totally different every week.

  • Nathan

    My first thought here was figure skate laces.

  • StillGary

    Michelle WIlliams, laced almost all the way up and much looser fit — that’s who it was intended for

  • Boop

    She’s looking a little rough there. I know she’s Jenny from the block, but she hasn’t been on the block for a while.

  • Milos Mom

    Her legs look great though… Look at those gams!

  • Constant Reader

    Jen, I’ve got the 8os on line 1…

  • Jenna621

    Tacky tacky tacky. Does she realize she can still be hot without showing off all the goods every single time she goes out?

    • Lori

      Nope. She has no clue and I don’t expect she’ll ever realize that she doesn’t need to show all the goods all the time. I fully expect her to be dressed like a hoochie when she moves into Leisure World.

  • elemspbee

    h’crap. that second photo sums it up. Scare me! Love the shoes though. Indeed, this look is all kinds of precarious. It’s like watching a figure skating routine and waiting for the inevitable fall on the ass.

    But hey, way to keep up the suspense and hold tension.

  • cocohall

    She is quickly becoming the Mariah Carey of this year’s Idol panel (last year Mariah could barely move for fear of splitting a seam and spoke mostly in word salad). JLo is a performer, but not really a musician, and both Harry and Keith are often talking over/around/through her about the contestants. Dressing like this is about the only way she can divert attention back to where it so rightfully belongs: on Jenny from the Block. I think the producers have also encouraged the judges to take more center stage (borrowing from the judging shenanigans on The Voice) and this look is, no doubt, producer approved.

  • Cheryl

    When I saw the photos, all I could think was tacky, tacky, tacky, but thank you TLo, for pointing out how that dress could be worn and actually work. The hair is especially hideous.

  • KT

    Weirdly this is reminding me of late 90s / early 2000s JLo. This is her dress, it’s just that we’ve already seen it before, and now I’m bored. JLo has never been boring before, and I think that’s what’s so unsettling about this.

    I think this is the only somewhat coherent thought I’ve had in the past three hours by the way, and I can’t believe my brain is even working on a Friday at 6pm NEED A DRINK AND A COUCH ASAP AGHLSADJFL

  • LesYeuxHiboux

    She looks ready to chew someone’s face off. This is a look for a Bratz doll, not a human being.

  • MaggieMae

    I was thinking two sizes too small, after seeing how it was supposed to drape.

  • Pablo

    Love the dress on the model, but it’s definetely wrong on Jennifer

  • marlie

    The dress form shot has nipples. That’s all I keep seeing. Yes, I know ladystars have nipples, but it cracks me up that the form does.

    As for JLo? Too much tacky.

  • Ashleigh Taylor Davis

    I can’t stop wishing Tilda would wear this (with it’s original design).

  • Dagney

    Love her. Love the dress. Love the bod. Love the overall effect.

  • Josefina Madariaga Suárez

    She looks so pleased with herself, bless.

  • Linderella

    I think she looks pissed off. Like, “Who talked me into this gaudy mess?!” Heads have probably already rolled.

  • unbornfawn

    Porn star!

  • AutumnInNY

    TLo nails it again. Hideous. She looks so…thick.

  • Imasewsure

    This would be great on the Goop or one of her ilk but sorry I’m not hating this on Ms Jen. She loves her tight and tacky and I’m fine with it

  • demidaemon

    At this length, it really needs to be fully laced up, and JLo’s (admittedly fabulous) bust would never allow that. Textbook example of GTNYD.

  • Tee

    Girl, that’s not your dress SIZE . . .

  • alliekat9090

    She has taken MK and made it look like something from the Miss Tina line at Walmart.

  • Judih1

    You are so right, this is Gwneth’s Dress. JLo turned this bohemian look into Skankville.

  • Clash D

    She looks like a female version of Predator.
    Who by the way, borrowed Mimi’s dress.

  • AlisonS

    Bitch needs a bump-it.

  • johnny sudeste

    she better not take a sip off the coke glasses in the judge’s table…one sip and that dress will rip.

  • Elizabeth Phillips

    “A size too small?” Just one? I’d say at least two.

  • Allison Stokes

    When did JLo start shopping at bebe?

  • Mayborn7

    It’s not a bad look. Just a basic one.

  • GorgeousThings

    And let’s not forget the gold talons – er – nails!

  • Mr. J.

    Renaissance Faire for hookers, darling….can she even breathe in that thing? Can her skin breathe?

  • understateddiva

    in the proper size, it has potential – she’d look really cute in a little A-line sixties style mini with a bold detail like a lace up. So mod.

  • BrooklynBomber

    You’re right on the line, darling.

    She’s crossed it. She does herself up as a parody of herself.

    Jennifer: STOP IT. You’re still beautiful. So just, just. . . stop it!

  • Alexis Wenceslao

    It IS her dress and it’s a WERQ.

  • SpcilK

    You’re not in your 20’s!! Stop it.

  • JynxTheCat

    what the?! how ro ruin a cute dress…and she looks like Predator WHAT THE?