RUPAUL’S DRAG RACE ALL STARS: Property Queens

Posted on June 09, 2024

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The formula for this season of Drag Race All Stars is very simple: Kiki in the Werk Room for a while and then put one of the dresses your brough and wait to be told if you won or not. Your enjoyment of the season comes down to how high or low your expectations are. In other words, if you’re fine with just watching drag queens be drag queens, then we imagine this is all working out great for you. If you were hoping for some sickening drag performances or challenge efforts, well…

 

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… there’s always the Teletubbies.

 

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This was a completely bizarre fever dream of a moment that had absolutely no point to it – and it was our favorite part of the episode. See? We’re fine with just watching drag queens be silly and stupid. We’re not total bitter bitches. Speaking of bitter bitches, everyone’s getting extremely touchy about alliances and snips and badges, so the season isn’t totally without drama. It’s just that none of these things really matter.

 

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After the Teletubbies were executed in the parking lot left, the queens were tasked with writing their own comedy bits in a challenge where they had to shoot local realtor advertisements. It was a cute idea that called for props, costumes, silly accents and green screen backdrops; a true old school Drag Race challenge. And it was nice to see at least a little bit of the preparations and shooting of the videos, since this season has been extremely light on showing the work. As for the efforts…

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They were okay. We’re not going to argue that an actual competition with stakes would have made all of these videos funnier, although we think someone like Shannel, who’s the only one who hasn’t won a badge at this point, might have been a bit more focused and intense in her efforts if there were anything on the line. Having said that, these two were the most polished of the lot.

 

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But Roxxxy and Plastique were the funniest. The judges love when a glamour queen gets stupid in a challenge, so Plastique’s gurning helped them a lot, but we thought Roxxxy had a much better handle on the material. The looks weren’t great. We think there are better and more fun ways to drag up a basic country bumpkin look, although the Tina Turner wig was an inspired choice.

 

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Just total duds. We wouldn’t credit Gottmik with being all that much of a comedy queen, but she does strike us as the kind of queen who comes prepared, which is why the low-energy effort was such a surprise to us.

 

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They were funny and we thought their take on this type of character was a bit more on point than Roxxxy and Plastique’s Yeehaw queens. Plastic tote bags, tube tops and fried hair are way more accurate than flannels and blacked-out teeth.

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We love ourselves a good drag reveal, but unforch, some of these were less of the “stunning transformation” variety and more of the “get undressed on stage” variety.

 

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Nina is coming on too hard with all of the political slogans emblazoned across her drag. It’s getting gimmicky and honestly, a little on the preachy side. It’s not the message, it’s the way she insists on delivering it. Her final look is cute, but we’re getting tired of seeing her in Hairspray-style bouffant wigs. We feel a little bad for Shannel, who always delivers pretty, femme, showgirl drag but can’t seem to get the judges to notice her efforts.

 

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Gottmik’s half-and-half drag was very hot, although we wouldn’t call it a reveal. Jorgeous’ was cute, but as Michelle pointed out, it certainly wasn’t a day-to-night ensemble. We think it somewhat notable that these two came in for the gentlest and most minor of critiques, which caused Jorgeous to burst into tears. They really are being treated like little hothouse flowers and we truly miss the days when Ru would pound her desk and yell at them that she didn’t want to hear any goddamn excuses from them.

 

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Angeria’s reveal was impressive, but we weren’t in love with the final look. So much of her drag puts thirty years onto her instantly. We’d like to see her in something a little more modern. Vanjie’s Pretty Woman homage wasn’t exactly of the moment either, but both looks were perfectly executed.

 

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Each of Plastique’s two costumes were stunning, but that wasn’t a reveal. That was just someone wearing one costume over another. Roxxxy’s drag is also a little too much of the “middle aged lady” variety, but this outfit was genuinely impressive. The gloves were a bad choice, though.

 

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Roxxxy and Plastique won the challenge and faced off in a pretty hot lip sync. Plastique brought the moves, but Roxxxy was better suited to the song and never let go of the spotlight for a second. We hated her costume, but she won this one easily.

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The snip is getting more dramatic each week and we’re just not sure why these bitches keep torturing themselves over it, although it was genuinely funny when Roxxxy almost accidentally gave it to Angeria again.

 

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Instead she snipped Gottmik, which was a smart choice that she really shouldn’t have agonized over. People need to lay off Angeria, but otherwise, it makes sense to keep the frontrunners snipped.

 

Legendary Children: The First Decade of RuPaul’s Drag Race and the Last Century of Queer Life, a New York Times “New and Notable” pick, praised by The Washington Post “because the world needs authenticity in its stories,” and chosen as one of the Best Books of The Year by NPR is on sale wherever fine books are sold!   It’s also available in Italian and Spanish language editions, darlings! Because we’re fabulous on an INTERNATIONAL level.

ALSO: We will be doing a talk and Q&A at the National Arts Club in New York during Pride, where the topic will be drag queens, Drag Race, and queer cultural heroes of history. The details are here. See you there!

 

[Photo Credit: Paramount Plus via Tom and Lorenzo, World of Wonder Productions, Inc./Paramount+]

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