RUPAUL’S DRAG RACE ALL STARS: The Supermarket Ball

We would like to extend our personal heartfelt thanks to whoever makes these decisions, but if Paramount + is going to be dropping these episodes at the hellaciously inconvenient time of Friday mornings, we are very grateful that our Saturday morning is turned over to recapping the easiest episode of any Drag Race season: the Ball challenge. It couldn’t be more straightforward (you’ll pardon the term). The theme was “Supermarket Ball” and the categories were Legendairy Queen, Fruity Patootie, and Supermarket Supermodel, the last of which had to be made from unconventional materials found in the average supermarket and the queens were advised to think “Naomi Campbell’s Soup or Claudia Swiffer.” Got it? Divas, GO. But first…

And there you have it. Our point for this diversion should need no explaining.

As for the rest of this recap, while we wouldn’t complain about Werk Room scenes of the queens chatting and strategizing and fretting over their chances, at this point, with these gals, it’s just a pleasant way to spend the time before we get to the real business of serving world-class drag. So we’ll say it one more time: Divas, GO.

JIMBO

Jimbo seemed to determined to prove that she’s not “just” a clown queen and that she can deliver high-fashion realness when she wants to. We think she got her point across nicely. The dairy look is cute and mod, although we think it suffered a bit from the same problem several of the looks in this category had: it needed an explanation. If she had a straw sticking out of her head it would have worked better. The second look is fun and gorgeous, but there was some blatant ass-kissing going on. Her final look was well executed, but felt a bit unambitious and basic.

KAHANNA MONTRESE

Kahanna was the first, but by no means the only queen to serve cow in the first category. This is sexy and fun, but those shoes don’t say drag to us. Her banana look was great. We love how it tries to make a ripening banana look glamorous. Her final look was a little rough. If it works at all it’s because of the wig and the boots. It also completely bypassed the whole “Supermarket” theme.

JAYMES MANSFIELD

Given the backlash to Jimbo’s boobtacular body suit for his entrance look in the first episode, it was kind of interesting to note just how much a set of massive ta-tas has become de rigueur among the queens this season. We’re not prudish or huffy about their use at all, but we do think the Supermarket Supermodel look, which was surprisingly good, would have benefitted from a slightly less distracting rack. The Legendairy look was confusing and surreal, which isn’t a crime for a costume, but we don’t think it landed quite the way she wanted it to. The Fruity costume was surprisingly messy.

KANDY MUSE

The looks are all WAY too similar, for which she would have gotten raked over the coals back in the day when the judges were allowed to say shit to the queens, but we can’t blame her for sticking with something that clearly works for her. The Legendairy look was one of our faves. The Fruity look could have benefitted from a skirt, but it’s cute and sexy. The Supermodel look is not a disaster, but it’s mostly saved by the wig.

ALEXIS MICHELLE

The Legendairy look was kind of Spirit Halloween. It looked cheap and store-bought. The blueberry look is gorgeous, but we think she could have played up the fruit theme a little harder. We think a hat would have worked nicely here. The Supermodel look is pure crap. A paper bag fringe skirt is a Girl Scout project. Come on now.

LALA RI

LaLa cow look was pure stunning, but we thought her candy apple look was only so-so and we REALLY didn’t understand the praise for her Supermodel look. She’s working the hell out of it, but the design is extremely basic.

DARIENNE LAKE

We think these three rather disappointing entries are a pretty good illustration for the argument that Darienne hasn’t quite figured out her look, post-200-pound weight loss. The Legendairy is kind of dreary and a little too low-key. The bodysuit look was cute, we’ll give her that one. But the Supermodel look was an absolute MESS.

JESSICA WILD

Jessica Wild hit that main stage runway with her pussy aflame. Her Legendairy look was fabulous. Absolutely our favorite in the category, but it needed a spoon. Her acai look was a cute reference to her own history on the show. Like Jimbo’s, her supermodel look was just stuff glued to a bodysuit, but it was cohesively and creatively applied, creating a real character. The styling for it was perfect.

MRS. KASHA DAVIS

Bless her heart, Mrs. Kasha Davis seems like a wonderful person and a real hoot as a performer, but like a lot of good local drag queens, she’s not cut out for this competition. The sour cream look was just… nothing. About as generic as a drag look could possibly get and it was nearly impossible to figure out the reference. Her banana look is an indication of just how good her drag can be. This is gorgeously old-school glam, but we wish the hem hit the floor. The proportions are off. And speaking of proportions, her supermodel look was a disaster in that, and every other, area.

HEIDI N CLOSET

Do you hear that, darlings? That is the sound of a pussy being stepped up. Miss Heidi is in it to win it and she’s got the costume trunk to prove it. She looked gorgeous in the Legendairy look – our second-fave in the category – and she managed a sort of high-fashion camp with the Fruity look. Those pants are hilarious and brilliant. The wig choice is perfect. As for the Supermodel look… it was neither the best nor the worst on the runway, but it probably ruined her chances for a win.

That honor went to Jessica Wild and we see no reason to question it. She had the most consistent collection of looks and her final look was the best of its category.

Darienne and MKD were in the bottom, which is also a decision that doesn’t bother us. At best, they each scored one out of three in the competition.

Rajah O’Hara came back for the lip sync and we half-wonder if she didn’t want to be the bitch that denied a queen a $30,000 bonus, because her performance seemed distinctly low key. Then again, given how the judges were reacting to Jessica’s tit performance, she might have figured the effort wasn’t worth it.

Having secured her bag, Jessica sent Mrs. Kasha Davis home. Another decision to which we cannot offer any argument. Her heartfelt “There’s always time for kindness” was genuinely one of the loveliest goodbyes in the show’s history.

Legendary Children: The First Decade of RuPaul’s Drag Race and the Last Century of Queer Life, a New York Times “New and Notable” pick, praised by The Washington Post “because the world needs authenticity in its stories,” and chosen as one of the Best Books of 2020 by NPR is on sale wherever fine books are sold!

[Photo Credit: Paramount Plus via Tom and Lorenzo]

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