Darlings, we’re officially mid-week and the news outside our walls has not been comforting. But for now, it doesn’t matter. Inside these gorgeously appointed virtual walls, problems don’t exist, stresses don’t matter, and the lighting is always incredibly flattering. Pull up a velvet chair and waste some time on our Menu of Distractions for today:
You can’t fault anyone for trying. The libido isn’t just persevering in quarantine; it’s loudly insisting. Even our health officials know that in times of trouble people stay horny, and the question “But can I still have sex?” is top of mind. On March 21, the New York Department of Health released guidelines for sex during the COVID-19 crisis. Rimming and kissing are two ways the disease could be transmitted, the pamphlet instructs. It grants permission to have sex with someone you live with but otherwise suggests taking a break from in-person dates and even launches a poster-worthy slogan reminding us that “YOU are your safest sex partner.” Following the guidelines, I considered a new dildo, but Amazon deems it a nonessential item. It wouldn’t arrive until May. I did download the audio-erotica app Dipsea.
People are still leading meetings, hosting presentations, and joining panel discussions. So though it may be a bedroom instead of a boardroom, we’ve got new stages to share our messages—and we need new ways to effectively communicate them, too.
Pick & print for no-fuss kid entertainment while you’re working from home. Search for a coloring page by category.
— ITV Wales News (@ITVWales) March 31, 2020
We keep waiting for the opera-singing from balconies and magical wandering goats to appear, but so far, it’s just dreary reality happening at our neck of the woods. How are you holding up? Managing to work? School your kids? Cook? Bake? Knit? Exercise? All of the above? Because we’re here to tell you right now, as plainly as possible: FUCK ALL THAT if it’s too much for you. Eat cookies. Read trashy novels. Do whatever it is you need to do to make it to tomorrow. We’ll do our best to keep you distracted until then.
P.S.: You could always download or listen to our book if you’re bored, darlings!
[Photo Credit: Simon Brown/Courtesy of Sketch]