Darlings, it’s time for that annual tradition where The Teens speak up and make their choices known! Because they’re so quiet and unassuming the other 51 weeks of the year! Anyway, the Teen Choice Awards is usually an arena begging for super-cray fashion expression – and to be fair, there was a decent amount of it to be had this year. But there was also a distressing trend toward generic looks and conformity, which we, as beloved mentors to The Teens and Teen-Adjacents, are duty bound to denounce.
For instance, is this the choice of teens? It’s hard to say. On the one hand, it’s kind of dull. On the other hand, it’s a little weird. Speaking on behalf of the non-Teens, we find it a bit meh, you’ll pardon the use of technical jargon.
Camila Mendes in Fendi
Is this the choice of teens? God, we hope not. It looks like a cross between a 1950s prom gown and foundation garments.
Chloë Grace Moretz in Louis Vuitton
We feel safe in declaring that it is NOT the choice of teens to sport an outfit that makes you look like you have … we’ll just be adults here and call it a sequined loincloth.
Cole Sprouse in Saint Laurent
Is is the choice of teens to do Thurston Howell III Goes Country cosplay? Doubtful, since most of them have no idea who that is.
His boring geek-dad schtick got old years back. Some may be charmed by this but we always thought it came off way too curated with him.
Joey King in LeiLou
Do The Teens make the choice to sport ballerina hair, a generic cocktail dress and clunky shoes? Because these non-Teens find it to be a somewhat unbalanced look from a visual perpective.
Katherine Langford in Alberta Ferretti
We think there’s a segment of The Teens who would definitely make the choice for high-fashion Goth-Lite expression. And she’s particularly well suited for it.
Katherine McNamara in Emporio Armani
And of course there will always be that portion of The Teens who choose to support stepping out in total Pretty Woman cosplay. Who are we to tut-tut any young lady who wants to combine the cray with the sexy? We don’t love the shorts or the top, but the idea of the look us fun and the coat and boots do a lot to make it work.
And we suppose there might be a portion of The Teens who love the idea of dressing like a mechanic in an ’80s pop (or porn) video. We’ll give him credit for the choice, but we hate the color.
Lili Reinhart in Monique Lhuillier
Do The Teens support generic Barbie gowns with mismatched shoes?
Lucy Hale in Mary Katrantzou
Do The Teens choose strong prints with unresolved skirt designs?
Madelaine Petsch in Giambattista Valli
We don’t know if The Teens would make the choice to support a look like this, but as with practically everything Madelaine wears, we urge them to give it a shot. This is the time to pull the really wacky shit out and turn a few heads in disapproval. You’ll regret it if you don’t, kids. We’re just saying.
But yes, this is hideous.
Maia Mitchell in Mario Dice
Another iteration of Candy Goth that we think The Teens might get behind. This is cutely weird.
This is lame as hell.
Nina Dobrev in Calvin Klein
And this is NOT the choice of The Teens, Miss Nina. Chic it may be, but it reeks of Chaperone.
Olivia Holt in Daniele Carlotta
Dull and forgettable. Teens, don’t choose this.
Storm Reid in Coach
Cute, well suited to her and fantastically styled. We don’t think the booties really go with the dress, but for some reason, it sort of works.
Troye Sivan in Saint Laurent
Working some classic BabyQueer/Twink realness. He knows what he’s doing.
This is sad and generic at the same time.
[Photo Credit: INSTARImages]