Kittens, it’s been an unusually fertile week in the lands of red carpetry, leaving us with an especially strong platter of leftovers to pick through. Which isn’t to say this is all chic and boring. Don’t you worry, dolls. There’s plenty on which to sharpen your claws. Come with us, on a journey of bitchery where we all do as God intended for us: vent our weekly frustrations on random celebrities.
Adam Rippon and Gus Kenworthy
We love you boys, but we’ve gotta say no to Gus’s stoner slippers and a HARD no to Adam’s entire look from the waist down. We realize he’s got unusually muscled legs and that conventional fit requires extra work, but it would help his look considerably if he stopped going for the skinny pants. Not with a formal look, dear.
Claire Danes and Hugh Dancy
They look like a cute, pretentious couple who can name dozens of cheeses and have a closet full of PBS pledge drive tote bags. Tell us we’re wrong.
You’re lucky you’re cute and talented, mister. We don’t mind the lower half, but practically anything other than a sweatshirt would’ve been appreciated.
Elizabeth Olsen in Altuzarra
This isn’t a standing-on-grass kind of dress. This is more of a hotel rooftop party deal. It’s a little goofy, but we appreciate the hard geometric quality of it.
Emmy Rossum in Paule Ka
Holland Roden in Elisabetta Franchi
She’s being overwhelmed by the print, especially since it’s a busier, louder version of her own coloring. We think it could work with a lot less dress. Something shorter and sleeveless, without the massive pockets.
Jada Pinkett Smith
Simple, but a hell of a lot more chic than her thigh-highs-and-sequins getup.
We’re shocked at how this all ended. We’d have never figured her for the type to wear pants that clearly need a couple inches taken off the hem. She looks like she’s melting.
Aggressively bland, with one ugly detail to differentiate from being generic.
We are in awe of her suit-wearing skills. They’re not just beautiful suits and shirts; they’re also fitted impeccably while not really having a “feminine” cut to them. She wears suits so well it feels like she’s opening up the possibilities for women’s suiting singlehandedly.
We love you, Miss Lady, and firmly believe that you are better than this.
Sara Bareilles in Temperley London
We might’ve considered that pattern a bit overwhelming, but she’s just right for it. This looks great on her.
Sienna Miller in Sonia Rykiel
We’d have loved this if the sleeve situation wasn’t so annoying.
Oof. GURL. Did you lose a bet or something?
Storm Reid in Caroline Constas
Adorable. Wouldn’t change a thing.
This is so her that we feel like any complaints would sound silly. She likes weird dresses with hard-to-work details. Go for it, we say. Even if you do look like a Butterick pattern that got fucked up somewhere along the way.
Not sure about the sandals, but the dress is really cute.
Zoey Deutch in Delpozo
Trying to figure out the parameters of these garments is making our brains hurt. It doesn’t matter anyway because this is hideous, dear. Great makeup, though.
[Photo Credit: INSTARImages]