Darlings, a salute! A salute to mediocrity and going the amateur’s route when it’s a night for the pros to shine! And by “salute” we mean a rapid-fire series of snarky judgments because these half-assed prom dresses and best man tuxedos don’t deserve more than that.
Also, there are so many of these generic looks that we actually had to break them up over two posts, to give us all a chance to breathe through the crushing basicness of it all.
Amanda Seyfried in Prada
It’s some sort of weird Belle cosplay. Pretty enough, but a bit too Disney for the venue.
Ansel Elgort in Ralph Lauren Purple Label
Brooke Shields in Zac Posen
Come now, Brooke. We expected better of you. No one here was required to come dressed like the pope or anything but a little more style and richness than a basic socialite gown was called for, surely.
Cindy Crawford in Versace
Take your Pepsi commercial outta here, lady. This is the Met Gala.
Claire Danes in Marni
Answering the question “What if Audrey Hepburn had horrifying accessorizing skills?”
Daniel Kaluuya in Prada
He looks good. It’s not exciting, but we won’t take the fineness away from him.
Issa Rae in Michael Kors Collection
MAJOR disappointment. On another night, we’d consider this a perfectly stylish look. It’s got some gilded grandeur to it, but it’s still a bit standard in shape and style.
Justin Theroux in Louis Vuitton
To be fair, the leather lapels are a sharp touch that really suit him. Other than that, it’s basic. And it may be time to start dialing back on the dye.
Karlie Kloss in Brandon Maxwell
You’re a supermodel. This is the Met Gala. Tsk.
Kendall Jenner in Off-White
People pretend you’re a model. This is the Met Gala. Get back in your limo.
Scarlett Johansson in Marchesa
It’s certainly notable that she’s wearing Marchesa, the first celebrity to do so since the Harvey Weinstein scandal wave broke. Weinstein’s soon-to-be ex-wife Georgina Chapman is one of the co-founders of the brand and there were stories that actresses were more or less forced to wear the brand while promoting Weinstein Company projects. It’s no small thing for her to make this statement, nor is it beside the point to note that she is currently the highest paid actress in the world, which gives her a level of clout almost no other celebrity women have. Why? Who knows? It could be that she thought Georgina and her partner Keren Craig shouldn’t lose their company because of a man’s crimes and misbehavior or it could be part of a rebranding campaign.
Anyway, this is much longer than we intended, especially since the frock is no great shakes to look at.
Selena Gomez in Coach
Regardless of the theme, the Met Gala is NEVER a time to wear pale, washed-out nightgowns. Not even if the theme IS “Pale, Washed-Out Nightgowns.”
Tom Brady and Gisele Budchen in Versace
Heterosexual Liberace and his showgirl wife. These folks are tacky.
Uma Thurman in Gabriela Hearst
Frankly, we’re offended.
Yara Shahidi in Chanel
This one really hurts. It’s a pretty look. A little unique and stylish, even. But considering how amazing her red carpetry has been over the last year or so, this is a terribly disappointing turn.
More disappointing turns to come!
[Photo Credit: INSTARImages]