Darlings, as we wrap up this, the second-busiest red carpet week of the year, let us not judge the following too harshly.
JUST KIDDING. Of course we’re gonna judge the shit out of them. It’s just that we feel they can’t really be blamed for not getting more of the spotlight in a week when Rihanna came out dressed like the Lady Pope. The Met Gala tends to suck up all the attention, so in a way, maybe we should salute these folks for doing the work anyway.
Naah. Let’s judge them.
We cycled through about a dozen really awful money-based puns. You should thank us for rejecting them all, even the “million bucks” one. The point is, 50 Cent looks good and T Lo refrained from DadJokes. It’s a win all around.
Although his tie, pocket square, and shoes don’t really have much to do with each other, do they?
Alexandra Daddario in Giambattista Valli
We tend to find these sorts of painterly florals to be too bedsheety to be fabulous, but this is quite pretty, and the dress has an appealing modesty to it. As a change of pace for the red carpet, we mean. It’s pretty, demure, and looks crazy-comfy.
Alison Brie in Ulla Johnson
We “Newp”ed on out when we got to the hem. The rest of it’s cute, but that final ruffle was our breaking point.
Amber Heard in Brock Collection
That’s just weird.
Seen it a million times.
Fan Bingbing in Ralph & Russo Couture
It’s pretty and shimmery, but the look could’ve used some color or contrast. This borders on fantasy costume.
Joe Manganiello and Sofia Vergara (in Oscar de la Renta)
They are so married and so unconcerned with making anyone’s pants move anymore. It’s actually kind of cute. Not that they look bad. Granted, he could use a haircut, but her dress is pretty cute. It’s just that the days of cootchie-coo dresses and tight shirts seem to be well behind them.
Julianne Moore in Givenchy
Lots of ice princess looks coming out of Cannes this week. What’s that all about? This is okay, but as always, she could use some color.
Krysten Ritter in Julien Macdonald
Miss Krysten, on the other hand, is a gal who can work a silver. We kind of like the slinky, geometric qualities of the dress, but the hem could use a few inches taken off and the footwear could’ve offered some contrast.
Laura Dern in Ronald van der Kemp
Pretty. Church clothes.
Léa Seydoux in Louis Vuitton
Yet another frosty gal at Cannes. We’d like this more if the skirt wasn’t see-through.
Luke Evans in Bottega Veneta
Not even you can make those Pop-Pop pants work, Luke. Did you hit your head or something?
Paris Jackson in Gucci
Her never-ending style evolution – which we love watching unfold – has now entered the “Punky Brewster” phase. It will likely be one of her shorter ones.
Penélope Cruz (in Chanel Couture) and Javier Bardem
This might sound dismissive, since they both look pretty damn hot, but this is get-the-job-done style, like a lot of their joint red carpetry.
Penélope Cruz in Chanel Couture
This is pretty fun, though. This is also the second pair of pleated pants we’ve seen this week and we don’t think we’re gonna love it if it becomes a trend.
Saoirse Ronan in Cushnie et Ochs
Yuck. Sorry, girl. The fit in the bust and the shape of the pants are doing us in.
Storm Reid in Diane von Furstenberg
Cute, but the sandals really don’t go.
Acceptable, especially for the venue, but borderline mumsy.
[Photo Credit: INSTARImages]