Joaquin Phoenix, Rooney Mara and Chiwetel Ejiofor at the “Mary Magdalene” National Gallery Screening

Posted on February 28, 2018

Jesus is a hot mess and Mary Magdalene’s wearing pants, you guys!

 

 

Joaquin Phoenix

Come the fuck on, dude.

 

 

Rooney Mara in Givenchy

We get the sense that she’s trying to tone down her usual edgy, broken-robot style of dress for something serious and low-key. It’s fine, but it’s really just a jumpsuit with a bunch of lace stapled to the middle of it. She looks like she’s being attacked by a giant moth.

 

Chiwetel Ejiofor

We have too many ’90s memories to fully embrace the three-button suit again at this time. Perhaps if more men stepped out looking as good in it as Chiwetel does, we’ll come around. But it’s really only a look for men with both a long torso and long legs. If you don’t have that combo, you can’t really make a three-button suit work; just like if your shoulders aren’t naturally twice as wide as your waist, you’re not going to be able to work a double-breasted suit. Sorry, guys. We’re here to spew the hard truths at you. Chiwetel gets a pass, though.

We actually don’t mind the brown shoes here but we suspect they’ve set off quite a round of eyelid-twitching among the kittens.

 

 

 

 

 

 

It amazes us that they’re still making “Blue-Eyed Jesus” films in 2018.

 

 

Style Credits:
Givenchy Black Ensemble Featuring Strapless Top with Lace Detailing and Black Trousers

Styled by Ryan Hastings

[Photo Credit: INSTARImages – Video Credit: Universal Studios UK via YouTube.com]

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