Miss Universe National Costumes 2017 Part 4: The LOW-EFFORT LADIES

Posted on November 29, 2017

In Part ONE of this year’s drag revue review, we paid tribute to the gals in the competition with the most impressive core strength. In Part TWO, we gently chided those ladies who relied too much on their props. In Part THREE, we scratched our heads at the weirdos and oddballs. But one thing all those women had in common? They TRIED. The following ladies look like about ten minutes of prep went into their costumes, including the 90 seconds or so it apparently took to conceptualize it.

Lazy ladies? Take it away.

 

Miss Portugal

“This dress was designed by someone who hates me. Really hoping the thing on my head pulls a lot of focus.”

 

 

Miss Lebanon

“Excellent idea, Portugal! Unfortunately, you did not also add fringe to dazzle the judges away from your mediocrity!”

 

 

Miss Slovak Republic

“Gaudy sparkle is for dockworker’s wives. Every Slovak girl knows that the only way to make a plain dress look good is to plant a small garden in your hair.”

 

 

Miss Bulgaria

“Great advice! IF YOU’RE SO DUMB YOU’RE NOT EVEN GOING TO CARRY A FLAG AROUND BEHIND YOU.”

 

 

Miss Slovenia

“I don’t have a flag. I did nets. Are nets bad? I think I don’t have enough flowers.”

 

 

Miss Albania

“Albania couldn’t give two shits.”

 

 

Miss Guam

“One big honkin’ flower and a banana sticker is all a girl from Guam needs. Trust.”

 

 

Miss Czech Republic

“HAHA. So tragic! My head-garden is a floral spray provided by teleflora.com and my skirt is sheer so you can see my legs, unlike all those other girls who wear grave flowers and skirts to hide their elephant knees!”

 

 

Miss Finland

“My grandmother got married in this so you all can fuck right off with your wiseass comments.”

 

 

Miss Croatia

“Big deal. My grandmother got buried in this.”

 

 

Miss Romania

“Romania produces 78% of the slutty costume aisle at your CVS every Halloween!”

 

 

Miss Germany

“Uh… no, bitch. Germany is the world’s #1 producer of cheap, sexualized costumes of popular female characters. Get it right.”

 

 

Miss Netherlands

“Shut your amateur mouths, ya bunch of bookkeepers. For hardcore, coke-tinged, rocker chick badassedness, The Netherlands is your girl.

I HAVEN’T SLEPT IN WEEKS. PEACE, MOTHERFUCKERS.”

 

 

Miss Poland

“Meh. I just wanna get married. Not in this thing, though.”

 

 

Miss Ethiopia

“Ethiopia prides itself on its long history of badly chosen accessories!”

 

 

 

Miss Georgia

“Did you get the shots? Great. I’m going to bed. I’ve got an early flight.”

 

 

 

[Photo Credit: Patrick Prather/Miss Universe, Frank L Szelwach/Miss Universe]

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