Tyra Banks, Heidi Klum and Mel B Go to the Mat at the “America’s Got Talent” Live Finale

Posted on September 21, 2017

Time once again to judge the tackiest trio of judges in reality television, darlings! For weeks now, these ladies have been silently going to war – a war for your attention. Heidi, the one with the appearance of fashion bona fides (“THE APPEARANCE OF”), has wisely – and suprisingly – chosen a relatively demure and low-key (“RELATIVELY”) approach, while Miss Tyra, Mistress of Self-Promotion, has largely relied on her smizing skills and inherent shame deficit to see her through. Mel B just dresses cray.



Tyra Banks

This is pretty horribly Kardashia-adjacent, for which we should be yelling at her. But as a ridiculous bit of self-promotion and attention-whoring, we can’t really say she’s doing it wrong. It’s sort of like the Halle Berry situation yesterday: if she can pull it off, maybe we should just respect her abilities and sit down. It’s not chic. It’s not stylish. It’s not anything but tacky-ass. But it’s Totally Tyra.


Heidi Klum in Redemption

Why Frau Teitenscheine*, when did you take your vows?

Loath as we may be to admit it, this is actually pretty good hostess-wear. It’s too “themey” and coordinated for a real-world ensemble (not to mention tacky), but as a form of televisual stagewear and Klum-specific branding, you can’t beat it.


*Hat tip to the Bitter Kitten who came up with that spelling.


Mel B

She’s a lingerie superheroine. She probably thought that sounded cool, but it really doesn’t.



[Photo Credit: INSTARimages.com, Trae Patton/NBC]

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