Met Gala 2017: Shaming all the Normcores

Posted on May 03, 2017

Warning: there will be heavy, prolonged harrumphing in this post.  These ladies snagged an invite to the hottest fashion ticket of the year, paying tribute to one of the greatest avant garde designers of all time, and they all showed up dressed for the Golden Globes. Darlings, it is to “Feh” in disgust.

We’ve taken some of the men to task for their boring prom tuxes and lazy style efforts, but to be fair, the options for interesting ways to interpret menswear are extraordinarily limited for most of them, especially if they’re attending on the invite of a traditional designer or a designer who specializes more in womenswear. We figure if you’re a lady sporting Prada, Miu Miu, Erdem and Marc Jacobs, among others, you had some options to go wild.

Line up, normies.

 

Diane Kruger in Prada

This woman regularly hits the red carpet wearing the nuttiest, weirdest stuff and tonight she shows up in Jackie Kennedy drag. Diane Kruger, we thought we couldn’t be more disappointed with you when you dumped Pacey for the hair grease model, but you’ve outdone yourself here.

 

 

Elle Fanning in Miu Miu

Go home, Cinderella. You’re at the wrong ball.

 

 

Emily Ratajkowski in Marc Jacobs

This is, admittedly, a spectacular dress. Even so, save it for Fyre Fest, sweetheart. This is the Met Gala.

 

 

Emma Roberts in Diane von Furstenberg

We figure your options on fashion-forward choices are extremely limited if you’re there as a guest of Diane von Furstenberg, but this looks a little too Gypsy Rose Lee, which is a reference we’re fairly certain she wouldn’t get.

 

 

Felicity Jones in Erdem

Erdem has been spewing crazy shit in all directions this year and you show up looking like the schoolmarm in Walnut Grove on her wedding day? Have all the seats.

 

 

Gwyneth Paltrow in Calvin Klein Collection

Here’s another one who swore she’d never go to this filthy little shindig ever again, but here she is, her mouth metaphorically attached to Anna Wintour’s ass because she’s got a new magazine coming out. To celebrate the occasion, she pulled something out of the walk-in closet in her house labeled “Plain-As-Fuck Pink Dresses That Fit Bad.”

 

Jessica Chastain in Prada

 

Get your Nixon daughter cosplay off this red carpet. Rei Kawakubo is on it.

 

 

Katie Holmes in Zac Posen

Honey, if it looks like one of Sofia Vergara’s castoffs, you’ve got no right to be so smug at the Met Gala.

 

 

Laura Dern in Gabriela Hearst

We love you and we always will, but this is your SAG Awards dress, dear.

 

 

Leslie Mann in Chanel Couture

Honestly, security should have stopped her before she got this far.

 

 

Lupita Nyong’o in Prada

This is the cruelest cut of all.

We are bereft.

 

 

Michelle Monaghan in Paco Rabanne

Yeah, okay. It’s got some drama to it. It’s really the styling that’s the problem here. Look what Cara Delevingne did with a metallic pantsuit. This could’ve really gone somewhere with bold hair, makeup and jewelry choices.

 

 

Mindy Kaling in Prabal Gurung

People’s Choice Awards.

That’s right. We said it.

 

 

Rose Byrne in Ralph Lauren

To be fair, this is kind of dramatic, but we’ve seen this exact level of edge from her on conventional movie premiere red carpets. Step it up.

 

 

Salma Hayek in Balenciaga

Fine. We’ll give her the boots. We can’t say she’s pulling them off, but the idea is kind of fierce.

 

 

Selena Gomez in Coach

This wouldn’t even rate best-dressed at a junior prom.

 

 

[Photo Credit: Doug Peters/PA Images/INSTARimages.com, Aurore Marechal/ABACA USA/INSTARimages.com, Getty Images]

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